A Stolen Love


Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

27 thoughts on “A Stolen Love

  1. Tanaya says:

    Is it possible that two narcissists are attracted to and want to be with each other? What happens in that case? My ex is a classic example mid-range narc (he’s bit aware of it) and as I only recently discovered I definately have narcissistic traits although his are worse… But I am far from an empath and still he chose me and I can say I chose him because I felt I finally found someone on my level of charm. We were extremly attracted to each other and broke up because he was in a relationship with another girl and got mad when I befriended her (to gather information ofc). We still keep contact because we’re hoovering each other, not sure what we’re trying to achieve. For me it’s like he’s so bad for me and he hurts my ego by trying to manipulate me but I don’t wont him out of my life as I planned of being with him longer and I still want him… Can it potentially be even more dangerous than classic narc-empath situations? He knows I’m not like his other girls and he always thought I dont love him and is not sure about my intentions, so he suspects something. I do belive I love him in my way as much as my narcissitic traits allow me and I try not to hurt him

  2. Freddy says:

    Hi HG, the minions, soldiers etc – are they generally empaths too? I see a mixed bag, the empaths they chase and the self-interested who chase them (at least initially, then they are recruited into the special ranks)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They can be recruited from all different types.

  3. On my journey says:

    @ Linda .. sad I was not the only one who heard that insane statement !!

    Thank you for the nice tirade about the sex … I will use it if he serves me the same sentence !!!! Lol

  4. Youdon'townme says:

    If you don’t know what love is, what is it your stealing?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your ability to love. We know what it is as a concept, we do not feel it.

      1. Linda says:

        HG, my ability to love has been take. That is exactly what happened. I am giving up my male friends that I have emotional relationships with. I just don’t trust anybody or trust in live . . . and my b.s. detector is broken . . . Temporarily.

  5. Jules says:

    Truth. πŸ’”

  6. Molly says:

    It seems to me that you absorb fuel like ….a real empath feels others feelings. Empaths can be psychic and have extra sensory perceptions. I wonder if being raised by a Narcissist can make empaths and/ or. …more narcs . Perhaps, it Depends on what brings true power to the survival of the child or how overpowering the parental / caregiver was over a child. Just like Sybil ….and the many ,many personalities that her mind split into for her survival.

    1. Violet says:

      Molly: good point on narcs potentially raising more empaths or on the flip side more narcs. I proposed a similar query on the ‘Greatest Narcissists’ thread, even questioning if the two apparent dichotomies were more alike in some senses (fragility, feeling other and experiencing emotions both in different ways that can be alienating,being able to read others, etc…) but I think I went on too long and wrote a mini blog of my own so it didnt go up. I was just curious if I had elements of both in me due to a narc mother and an absent father. I learned to mirror young, too, but to fit in, not to manipulate as I genuinely don’t enjoy hurting others.im fast at picking up on disingenuous users, too. But reading this site has made me wonder if I do possess some narc traits. I know lower level, benign ones can be normal or even healthy going on a scale from mild to Machiavellian. I just found your insight compelling and it mimicked elements of my own upbringing that I’m just now making sense of. like that I’ll never get validation or acknowledgement from my mom that she was an unfit parent who had me to seem normal, not bc she had any maternal instincts. I’ll leave it at that and spare you my bio, but sharp insight. I think you are right. my poor brother’s married to a female narc or borderline, so you know what they say about some folks marrying their parents? creepy. and sad, bc they have kids and he’s tried leaving her before and only went back so as not to lose them, his only bright spots/keep his life….literally.. anyway, liked your thought all.. take care! πŸ™‚

      1. Linda says:

        It is about the children now. Protect the children. Ascertain their needs are met. Your brother is a good man. Tx for sharing.

    2. Linda says:

      I am in the therapy now to heal. I know I need help to get my POWER back. I’m dealing with the reality of being raised by narcissistic parents, my mother the greater, who raised 3 narcissists and one empath (me) due to their chronic absence they damaged all of us. Briefly, every narc I’ve met and will meet has the key to the lock, which is my heart.
      I wait for the Greater to heal my damage, the emptiness, longing to be loved. My Greater brother met my needs as he was 10 years older . . . But left me to try to fill his fuel needs when he was 15 yrs old. I raised myself.
      I’m really just trying to say, I’m finished with the illusion of love. Thus my last narc did steal my love. I’m going to become a nun and Im not even Catholic!

  7. On my Journey says:

    He said to me once ” I have ruined your life”’….. I looked at him puzzled … Really ????? I don’t feel my life is ruined. I truly did not get it. Plus… I said to my self…” He is totally disconnected, my life is far from ruined…” Funny but sad that someone would feel good by telling someone that they have ruined their life.

    1. Linda says:

      On my journey, my ex told me that, too. I took it as, once again, his asshole swallowing up his overinflated egotistical sense of superiority. He also told me I would never have great sex again. I said, “what great sex . . . you? LOL. I’ve had much, much better.” Happy trails to you on your jouney!

  8. Patricia J says:

    This article always gets me the most. It is so true. My Ex GN point blank told me, he has NO regrets. His entire life…none. This is after I exposed him to what he was, an all the unbelievable things that his past held that I learned about.

    1. Kensey says:

      Patricia ~ warrior !!!

  9. Morning sun says:

    “Stealing” the notion of love that I used to have is by far the best thing the narc did for me. Seriously. I have come to realise that love is just a feeling that cannot be really shared. No feeling can really be shared, but we can influence each other’s feelings through our actions and behaviours. Thus it is not the love which ‘heals’, but the behaviour. Thus I don’t give a crap how intense someone’s emotions for me are, I only care about how they treat me. Consistently treat me well, with respect and place equal importance on my needs and wants as on your own? That’s love.

    The soul mate, heal-all crap can go bite my ass. Also, I have felt the most perfect love and while it was wonderful at the time, there’s nothing left of it now. So why chase after a transient feeling? I’ll rather strive for something more lasting, a relationship based on things other than love, where love is a by-product of that relationship.

  10. Lori says:

    Love fraud. Like I said some fraudsters steal money narc steal love. They steal it because they have nothing to offer so they have to steal it

    1. Kensey says:

      Lori~ brilliantly said!

    2. Linda says:

      Narcs steal money, too, cars, status, whatever fuels them.

  11. Caroline says:

    “The way that I loved you ruined you for all other men.”

    That’s what the narcissist said to me recently.

    He stole my love… but he didn’t ruin anything about me.

    1. Morning sun says:

      Ahahahaha they like to think that, don’t they!

    2. Violet says:

      @Caroline: Here here. Good on you. I grew up with a narc mother and an absentee father. I know they’ll never understand their responsibility or take accountability for the fact that I had to raise myself and left home at 14. We talk, but it’s superficial bc anything serious is a waste. Regarding your attitude, you’re on the right path. Don’t allow him the power to deprive you from finding a loving, healthy relationship. Instead, use what the relationship and his actions (or inactons) taught you so you can grow stronger and move on. You know what to avoid now, and he won’t be capable of depriving your heart the ability to open for the right person. I’ve met and lived with every kind of sociopath in the book, and I still an a highly sensitive person. Disgusting to a narc, I know, but to me, it means I (and you, from your post) are strong and not destroyed by others attempts to damaged us for their own parasitic gains. I’ve found my other half, we’ve been together almost 10 years – Keep your heart soft and your mind sharp and instincts highly tuned. You’ll be the one to find companionship and empathize. He’ll feed upon others until either his looks/charm run out or his supply of victims does/grows aware. He’s cursed to eternal emptiness. You have the guts to keep feeling and growing. You’re the winner because you’re still standing tall despite his best attempts otherwise. Bless you. πŸ™‚

      1. Caroline says:

        Thank you for your very loving comment, Violet.:-) (“Violet” is one of my most favorite names~so very pretty).

    3. Kensey says:

      I believe my ex Narc helped me to become
      a better woman for another man!

      1. Caroline says:

        Good for you, Kensey~~and may he always treat you very well! πŸ™‚

  12. Becky says:

    Dear Mr (You majestyπŸ˜‰) Tudor ( sorry can’t help myself as an arthistorian),

    I have been on forums to heal myself to stop getting caught by narcistic men and women too. My mother is a piece of work. I try to keep my humour because at times it does go from the ridiculous to the sublime and back… Do you feel any of this ?Does it work ? Maybe I haven’t healed enough…. do you feel the difference in women ? Victims? Not ? In between ?
    The other day he was flirting with a girl with no safety issues and all the charm did not work. I stood there watching an smiling to myself. He got uneasy as well. Of course turned around and started talking to someone else….Thanks for making me notice…

    Thank you for all your insight

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