Further Confessions of a Narcissist

Further Confessions SolidFurther confessions from the dark-hearted narcissist.

Learn more about the world of HG Tudor and his background.

Why does he exhibit his attitude to money? What is his response to the question of your needs? Did he ever actually love you? What was that which he showed you during your dance with him? How does he know so quickly who will provide him with the most potent fuel? These questions and many others are answered in this unforgettable foray into the mind and behaviours of a narcissist.

 

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27 thoughts on “Further Confessions of a Narcissist

  1. WhoCares says:

    I have been thinking more about ‘achievement’ since my reading of the same chapter in Further Confessions…

    When I see greatness or great achievement in others (in relation to my personal pursuits and otherwise) I recognize it but I am not envious of it. I reflect on it but I have no wish to denigrate it, nor use it to my advantage, nor even copy it – why would I? It has been done already.

    In fact, I admire it; I hold it up to the light and examine it from different angles and say yes: ‘This is an achievement. I can clearly see the time, skill and dedication invested in it. For me it then has an inspirational factor where I am inspired to perfect my own pursuits – or at least push them to their limits. It is not a race to the top however but more a partnership (not necessarily acknowledged or conscious) where there are definite benefits if only as means to gage one’s progress.

    For me, where the envy comes in is where/how that individual must have been free to fully engage that pursuit. When I see, on the surface, someone who has it ‘all together’ and  seeming overall success (in general societal terms); I wonder how is that possible?

    No one is that good – that…balanced. Something, SOMEWHERE, has had to suffer or be sacrificed. (This dynamic between empath/narcissist has shed some light on this for me, thank-you.)

    So then, my curiousity (and in some instances this can/does turn to envy but it is ameliorated by reaching understanding) turns to what choices/sacrifices did that person make to give the time, energy and dedication to reaching that goal?

    Or what things were present that allowed them the ease or single-minded focus to pursue that goal? And then, is the goal as sweet if one didn’t have to struggle to reach it?

    I’m rambling now…but we all make choices along the way. Some of us make attachments along the way, remain there and that is enough. (It is matter of perception and judgement whether or not that is a valuable goal.) Some of us use those attachments to move ourselves forward at the expense of those attachments. That is not to say either attaching or not attaching is good or bad – but is it the level of consciousness of the choice in our decision making?

  2. WhoCares says:

    HG,
    I’m in the middle of Further Confessions of a Narcissist – very interesting read, by the way – and was struck by the section ‘Rise and Fall of an Empire’ and how it reminds me of my fascination with the Festival of Las Fallas in Valencia, Spain.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falles

    I’ve always been enamored with the investment of time, attention to detail and the craftsmanship dedicated to designing the beautiful, elaborate sculptures – that they then burn the end of the festival.

    THEY BURN THEM!
    The thought horrifies me – but then I do know, should I ever have the chance to see such an event myself – that in my horror I would still be transfixed by the spectacle.

    The Valencians usually create these works of art around a theme and events happening in the past year. And then in the burning of these creations it is like saying goodbye to those events. I like this line in Wikipedia: “The burning symbolized liberation from living in servitude to the memory of these events…”

    Your chapter on the illusions that the narcissist creates – and then *destroys* – is to me an in-your-face backlash to the fact that natural cycles of increase/decrease, succor/hardship are, for the most part, no longer acknowledged. We don’t want natural rhythms; we want everything to be buoyant, happy, passionate and progressive…none of which is a reality all the time, nor is it healthy all the time – in the end.

    Both empaths and narcissists have their part or role in maintaining the facade…only when *you* build and create it is from nothing, with nothing…again and again…and then in the end you have ‘nothing.’ *We*, on the other hand can lose everything – hit rock bottom – and still, with almost nothing, start to rebuild something tangible and lasting – if only we could stop feeding into a fake reality.

    No wonder we are horrified by you; and no wonder you despise us.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Valid observations.

      1. WhoCares says:

        Thank-you.

        And what you are building here is definitely not nothing.

      2. WhoCares says:

        HG,

        I have reread these words of mine from around when I first found your blog. I had lost this train of thought (for quite some while), but picked it up again and now meld my current thinking and revelations with these earlier musings.
        So many times I have found myself talking *around* the truth – not knowing how close I was…not being able to put my finger on it.

        I am so thankful for your work – and to the coronavirus (ironically) – for giving me the space to piece this together.

        You are a fascinating man and an excellent, excellent instructor.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          WC, your words “So many times I have found myself talking *around* the truth – not knowing how close I was…not being able to put my finger on it” – I had that too, for a long time before I found my way to KTN blog….

          “I am so thankful for your work – and to the coronavirus (ironically) – for giving me the space to piece this together” – totally agree with you on this one. I am luckier than some since I did not have any ‘distractions’ from my ‘therapy’ (ie no kids, no family, no interference from other people) during the whole time I have been on KTN blog. Yet, at the same time, the Covid ‘isolation’ was also a curse.

          Totally agree with what you say about HG too.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp – Covid has truly been both a blessing and a curse. Glad you have been able to indulge your learning here wholeheartedly.
            It is more than learning; it is survival. So many answers to be found here…

          2. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, ….. “survival”…. absolutely spot on. Sometimes I still look back to just before I started my ‘learning’ and think, fkg hell…. that is some journey. Thank God for HG.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,
            “Sometimes I still look back to just before I started my ‘learning’ and think, fkg hell…. that is some journey”

            More like a detour from hell.

        2. Z - zwartbolleke says:

          WhoCares!
          How are you?

          Do you remember our conversations (almost a year ago, shock!), about trains, rail spikes, derailment, train tracks etc, ?

          Take a deep breath: I found it!!

          But I assume I am not permitted to elaborate about it, even not on the forum.
          The problem is, it is a direct link leading to Mr Tudors’ identity.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Hi Z!

            I’m well. How are you?
            I have been checking in on the forum a bit lately, waiting to see if you have posted anything, or if anyone else has.

            “Do you remember our conversations (almost a year ago, shock!), about trains, rail spikes, derailment, train tracks etc, ?”

            Of course!
            My curiosity is definitely peaked!
            You could always post it and see what happens..?

            I am of a mind, lately, to possibly start working my way back through the KHG forum with a fresh perspective and some new insights.

            Do you have recent posts there awaiting moderation?

          2. njfilly says:

            No!! That’s amazing! You’re the female Sherlock Holmes!

          3. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Hello WhoCares,

            I am also fine, thank you. Glad to hear you are ok! I will not ask further about the things you told me in the forum as I don’t know if you are comfortable that it is mentioned on the blog.

            Well as you know I am still working and searching very intense on 2 tracks at the same time: 1) the incident and 2) Mr Tudor’s actual family. While I was doing that, I happened to discover an interesting fact about the genealogy of the twins, something that the clue hunters all will want to read! (Yes and I will post it!)

            I have my work on the incident more or less finished, it is written but I have not yet send it to Mr Tudor because I am so damn demanding and I need to be sure there are no flaws, or no flaws that I can prevent.

            But…I have something for all of you ready for the forum!
            I announced it a month ago to MB and I said: well first I have to check some small things and then I will post it… oh my god…
            How I regret this! This is the most insane thing I ever did in my life!!
            The thing is, I am searching for a comment from Mr Tudor that is crucial for my theory. I am ABSOLUTELY sure the comment was made, and it was made in a blog article in 2019. In the totality of 385 000 comments that Mr Tudor moderated, if ever there was one comment, THE one comment that is the game changer, the one comment that will uncover a big secret.
            And I can’t find it back!! 😩
            I remember vividly where I was when I read it, I was sat in my living room and working on my big screen iMac.
            So…what am I doing now you think? I decided to go back in my browser history in the iMac, page by page, 855 pages so far, until I find it back.

            That is dedication 💪🏻!

            There are nights that I feel: yes, luck is on my side tonight, tonight is the night that I find it back, and than I push myself through my moments of weariness and work all night, click click click… opening the pages back in time again, typing the command F order with the words “HG Tudor” or “malignnarc” and reading every comment of every thread again, page by page going back… sometimes the birds start singing and they announce sunrise and I am still busy, and I urge myself: come on, complete one more day, I feel I will find it in this day, it has to be in here don’t stop now, hahahahaha, but still nothing…

            Currently after 855 pages reading back, I am arrived at May 3 2020 (so that is almost a year back) and I still have not found it… it breaks my head!
            I will do 2 more months and after that, I have to conclude that the comment is deleted.

            Argh!

            How sweet the feeling should I find the comment back… I keep my fingers crossed it happens within the next 3 days!

            I have gathered enough evidence anyway, so I promise I will post my comment in the forum. Soon! Either it is with or without the crucial comment made by Mr Tudor somewhere in 2019, haha!

            This will be a revelation!

            I predict the first line of the narcissistic defence will be denial, and that is why I need this comment from 2019 so passionately, because I want to block every escape route with both logic and with evidence!

            Mwuhaha!

            What you said about working your way back in the forum, that is what I did last week in the effort of finding our conversation back about the trains and spikes. I could have done that faster with command F, but I used the opportunity to read back from the last comment back until our train conversation. It’s time consuming but interesting to read again after some months…
            I like it now that it is quite in the forum, same as in the golden archives, it is less hectic, you can take your time to read and think about things and digest matters better. And no new comments popping in to come and take your attention away!

            WhoCares about the topic of trains, tracks, spikes, it is my true estimation I will not be allowed to elaborate about my findings, and I have no intent to tell this to anyone, but you were indeed in the right direction! Also remember the short video that is supposed to contain a clue or clues? Same!
            It just fell on my lap, I didn’t even search for it. That’s what happens when you are digging as deep as I do, oh my god, hahaha!

            To answer your question: no at this moment of writing I have no comment in moderation in the forum. My aim is to post on April 13, that is the same date as last year when I posted my discovery about the twins. Fingers crossed, there is a lot of work to do until I am satisfied to publish it!

            On another note, are you also hooked on the YouTube story Seduction on the Ultra channel? Also I like the accompanying music to it. I am addicted!

          4. WhoCares says:

            Z!

            I am surprised that this comment made it through moderation (in the regular blog comments) given some things that you touched upon.

            I am certain you have stumbled on to some very interesting insights – but, Z, you are a crazy woman! (Although, I kind of understand, especially if you believe you are on to something, then I quite understand the drive to have validation or evidence.)

            “I cannot understand how I don’t see this comment again, it has to be….
            And I don’t think it was in my history from before February because the forum started only then…”

            I hope you find your comment. I know I have gone on similar searches before, but I inevitably found the comment that I needed.

            I am part way through Seduction…there are interesting little tidbits inserted in that story that relate to KHG.

            Incidentally, I have also (I believe) pieced together (rather than stumbled upon) “HG’s” origins. There is a lot to be found in the imagery that accompanies the blog posts Z! And we’ve spent a lot of time trying to make it connect to HG’s family story – but there is another way to view it.

          5. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            WhoCares,
            Update: 305 more pages searched back in time, arrived at February 20 2020, still no smoke….

            I cannot understand how I don’t see this comment again, it has to be….
            And I don’t think it was in my history from before February because the forum started only then…

            I will go outside and scream cursed words for an hour now!

            Do you know that I am crazy enough to search through all the pages all over again?
            I would do it if I doubted I did not work thoroughly, but I know I searched comment per comment in every thread, what more can I do…
            Aaaaaaaaargh 🤬

          6. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            WhoCares,

            “I am surprised that this comment made it through moderation (in the regular blog comments) given some things that you touched upon”

            Oh?
            Woopsie… 😬
            Did I really say too much? I thought I behaved considerate and careful.

            265 pages more finished in working back in history and I can now say I found it. Well, not the important comment, regrettably.
            But I found it.
            The walls in my house have eyes and ears.
            I thought it was the case, but I could only be absolutely and 100% sure about that by committing myself through ploughing through every comment and all the pages in my history back in time again.
            (Forgive me for grammar mistakes)

            I already covered camera and microphone some time ago, but that is not enough. From now on, work can only be done in my notebook. And I make pictures of the evidence I find.
            And copies on external hard drives.

            Remember when I told you about the websites (pages) disappearing?
            Everytime I find things and I am in the right direction, bingo, it disappears!
            Crap!
            And now this very important comment is deleted, damn damn damn, at the time I read it, I didn’t understand it’s importance…I have not saved it.

            No worries, I will post my comment on April 13 anyway!

          7. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            WhoCares,

            “Incidentally, I have also (I believe) pieced together (rather than stumbled upon) “HG’s” origins. There is a lot to be found in the imagery that accompanies the blog posts Z! And we’ve spent a lot of time trying to make it connect to HG’s family story – but there is another way to view it.”

            Wow!!! I Like that!

            You are the expert of the images, I look forward to how you will expand upon this in the forum. Do tell!

          8. WhoCares says:

            Z,

            I have replied to you in the forum!

        3. A Victor says:

          WhoCares,
          This is an interesting thread. Thank you for coming back to it and in so doing bringing it to my attention. I very recently said something similar to a part of what you wrote 3 years ago, we still have ourselves at the end, they still have nothing, something to that effect. But the biggest thing that hit me was your assertion that HG despises us. I thought he hated all equally, not anything special to empaths specifically. But, if he does, I suppose it is understandable, in the sense of envy. But, if that would be true, why would it be that he would not want to change? It all seems a bit confusing. Lastly, your statement “You are a fascinating man and an excellent, excellent instructor.” is something I have thought many times over these months.

          1. WhoCares says:

            AV,
            “the biggest thing that hit me was your assertion that HG despises us”

            Bear in mind that my ET was higher then and my learning had not yet taken hold. If I were to restate it again I would clarify by saying, *your kind* despise us and we (empaths) are horrified by you (narcissists).
            I think you are right about envy – they are, as HG has told us, envious of our contentment. And they do despise having to seek what they need and require from beings that they view as weak and beneath them. But I think it is the narcissism that requires them to perceive us in that light.

            ” “You are a fascinating man and an excellent, excellent instructor.” is something I have thought many times over these months.”

            AV – I have recently identified a Mid-ranger, I was close to, in my life, and two further narcissists that have recently come up on the radar. A very new one, in my legal matter, and my son’s teacher (whose voice I get to hear regularly in my home thanks to Covid and remote learning) – and as I sense that they all want my fuel, etc., from me, in my head I hear myself say “Take a number and get in line!” – HG is first in that line, in my opinion.

          2. njfilly says:

            Hello A Victor:

            With regard to the following, “But the biggest thing that hit me was your assertion that HG despises us. I thought he hated all equally, not anything special to empaths specifically. But, if he does, I suppose it is understandable, in the sense of envy.

            Does he despise empaths more or hate us equally? I thought he has stated he hates everybody equally. Also, I think narcs feel envy toward many things so they envy everybody for anything.

            With regard to “But, if that would be true, why would it be that he would not want to change?” I understand your point. If he feels envy about something that usually means he wants that something for himself. So if he feels envy toward empaths for our contentment, our ability to rebuild having something lasting and tangible, etc. does that mean his envy is due to his desire to have those things for himself? If that is the case, why would he not want to change in order to gain that which he envies?

            I have thought about this, and wondered about the possibility that he believes he can’t change, so why want something that can’t happen. If the possibility of change existed maybe he would feel differently.

            Everywhere I see everybody says narcissists can’t change. I would say self-aware narcs have the best possibility to change since they are already aware of the issue which would be the first step. I believe the effort involved is what prevents them from trying, even if they claim they don’t want to, or don’t need to. That and/or possibly having to face the creature. What do you think?

          3. A Victor says:

            Njfilly,

            I agree 100%! I think you hit that right on the head! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this, very helpful.

          4. A Victor says:

            WhoCares,
            Your comment makes absolute sense, both parts.

            Not sure why I’m struggling lately with reply buttons and notifications of comments to me. Hope you get this. 🙂

        4. njfilly says:

          Great comments, WhoCares. Both the old and current ones. Very interesting.

          The Festival of Las Fallas in Valencia, Spain you spoke about. I never heard of it, but I am intrigued by it, and will do some reading about it now.

          “The burning symbolized liberation from living in servitude to the memory of these events…” I have always believed whole heartedly that we should not live in servitude to memories. I thought I was alone in my belief. Although this statement may offend some people, I particularly feel this way with regard to the 9/11 memorial ceremonies, and I wish they would stop. My opinion, briefly, is that is perpetuates a victim mentality within the country, or within certain people. The victims, being reminded of their victimization, need to reassert blame on the perpetrators and it prevents healing for anybody.

          I agree Mr. HG Tudor is a fascinating man and an excellent instructor.

          I have a question for Mr. HG Tudor, related to a different thread, which I will ask here (I forget which thread had the discussion). When you interact with us on the blog, who/what is interacting; the false self or the true self? Thank you for your response.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Njfilly,

            Regarding, “The Festival of Las Fallas in Valencia, Spain”
            I have always wanted go…there are many festivals I would love to see, most are in Europe, some in the US (Canada just doesn’t have such a rich choice of festivals and pageantry.)

            “My opinion, briefly, is that is perpetuates a victim mentality within the country, or within certain people. The victims, being reminded of their victimization, need to reassert blame on the perpetrators and it prevents healing for anybody.”

            I get what you mean by perpetuating a victim mentality and preventing healing. It is really what ‘no contact’ helps to achieve and goes hand in hand with HG’s perspective that humans spend too much time lingering over the past.

            Once having made sense of what happened, in an ensnarement, if an empath can truly leave the past in *the past* – not saying some wounds don’t leave a long term effect – but doing one’s best to leave it behind with a good “no contact” regime (so as not to unnecessarily poke at past hurts), it truly becomes clear that it’s actually the narcissist who cannot leave the past behind – because they must use it to provoke in the now.

  3. KW says:

    HG- there’s plenty of female narcissists out there too. I notice it’s always from a male point of view-which makes sense because you’re male..but I believe there are just as many female narc’s out there. I believe men just do not seek therapy and report on them, and men are conditioned early on to think women are ”a lot of work” and just don’t realize that crazy woman was a narcissistic disordered person.
    I also believe that the visible overtly and grandiose are more likely to be male than female due to the power structure of the world. Men rule – they physically dominate and they dominate the world.
    We have Trump as a prime example. Does he seem to be melting down? I saw him on TV clip the other night this past week and he looks totally like he’s insane. Like INTENSE negative energy and fury boiling up. Argg.. don’t get me started.
    Just thought this book description- i thought it was about you personally..because it says..’by HG Tudor’ then it says…why did HE do this and that….I was like..is this in particular about HG??? But I believe you’re meaning …’he’ the general N.. anyways.

  4. Lori says:

    And what about when it’s done to you? When we don’t fall for your calls for attention instead just opting to stay silent ? If you show up in group places we just leave. There is no blocking no antics nothing but silence as if we see you but don’t see you?

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