Little Acons – No. 61
33 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 61”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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https://us.123rf.com/450wm/shutswis/shutswis1308/shutswis130803736/21822412-collision-balls-close-up-isolated-on-white-background.jpg?ver=6
Also I would sware when we talked on the phone every night at the same time always scheduled and once at 3:30 because I worked nights and that’s when I woke up and once at 9:30 because that’s when His 4 yr old went to bed. And we would talk for hours like 3 or 4. In the back ground every single time we talked I would hear this clicking sound always always. It was very duffle and kind of relaxing so I never questioned it. When I think back now I would always picture he had a set of these collision balls by where he talked to me. Because that is the sound I always heard. Weird thing is when I look back on it now he was using a cell phone. So I’m order for me to always hear that same noise every time we talked he would have had to sit or lay in the same place everyone we talked. Weird. Not to be paranoid but with all I have learned about narcissist lately…hypnosis and mind control type things. Really make me wonder if I wasn’t put into some kind of trance and also hypnotized at some point. Ok getting Sci Fi but sometimes reality is stranger than fiction!
I know this is random but one way I know my memories of the Narc are dulling down a lot is that songs I use to associate with us or him do not affect me much when I hear them or think of them.
RealitySetsIn
Ever presence is fading, that is a good sign.
K
Thank god for good signs. This man has been more like a plague in my life then anything else. The plague of my mind for 3 years now and it’s finally starting to fade well into the background and for that I am ever greatful. Yeah the intensity and freshness of the loss is gone. It’s is all growing very stale. I can’t believe it took this long. I don’t even feel that I know or love him anymore. It’s like he’s dead. I’m not complaining. I’m just making my observations of my current state concerning him. This is off subject but for some reason is on my mind. I had this dream about to spider webs 🕷 and they were pretty big and one was over my bed where I sleep and the other was over my friends couch where she sleep a lot. There was a big black spider in the web over my bed and a little brown spider over hers. Now normally I would lose it as I am or have been in my life scared to death of 🕷 anyways I didn’t get scared or lose it I just told my friend her name is Cindy that we have to get rid of these webs and spiders. So I calmly took a broom and collected the spider onto it and put the spider outside. Ok so this is where the dream gets sci fi…so the spider is on the ground and he looks up at me like a helpless kitten and starts crying and following me begging me to take it back in. Lol….however I told the spider no! You have to stay out here…you cannot come in. I then got it a bowl of food. Lol then I woke up. How’s that for weird lol. Also I rememberer in the dream caring about the spider. I did not want to kill it just because I feared it. I realized that it has a life too and it can’t help it it’s a spider. Who am I to take its life. Spiders are not evil they are actually kinda cute if you look at them closely they have cute eyes and they do amazing things. I just don’t want them to be on my person lol! Close up they are all fuzzy and those little eyes. Anyways I’m done. As I get older I find it harder to kill things I could kill with ease in the past. Such as spiders or insects. I mean I will kill them if I have to but if I can safely avoid it I don’t anymore. They are seemingly insignificant but who am I to make that decision.
RealiySetsIn
I don’t think you are complaining at all and I understand these sentences very well: “I don’t even feel that I know or love him anymore. It’s like he’s dead.”
I feel like my MMRN was a ghost that just disappeared into the ether.
I googled your dream and look at what came up:
“To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. … The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior.
If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck.”
“A web may also symbolize entanglements in relationships and situations or a web of lies.’
Yes, all eight of those fuzzy-wuzzy black eyes are so cute! I don’t kill them unless they are black widows or brown recluses. Spiders really are amazing and they build such spectacular webs.
Since I am learning how to think like a narc, I am storing your fear of spiders in my “narc vault of information”. (I am just being playful; I won’t really use it against you)
P.S. fear of a spider may represent instinctual fear.
K
Hahaha! Well I’m so greatful I didn’t kill that little creature. Haha. Don’t need anymore bad luck or misfortune. Interesting google search. Thanks for sharing that with me. Yes all those eight little eyes can you imagine how scary we look to them!? Lol
My pleasure, RealitySetsIn
The dream translation was pretty cool, and the last thing you need is bad luck or misfortune! Better to be entangled with a spider, in your dreams, than a narcissist.
Sometimes I ask myself if I’m controlling when I ask him not to eat ice cream in winter because he gets a cold or worse (he has a sensitive throat). In summer I have nothing against as the immunity is up and he is not going to school. Giving him antibiotics is far worse than keeping him away from cold food/drinks. Still, I remember I wasn’t allowed ice cream. I was so sad in summer, seeing all people around me eating it…
HG, I do not know, where to put it, therefore I do it here. Did your parents or anyone else try to teach you something about a conscience? As far as I know, your mother taught you not to have a conscience, but what about your father? Or do you find him so weak, that his opinion is of no worth for you, because he could not win at all? I know that he did not treat you the way he should have done it. He did not protect you. I count one and one together. He tried to teach you something about a conscience, but it was a distorted conscience. You should support your mother and you should forget her dark traits concerning you. A distorted conscience. What a strange word combination. Is there some force in my last interpretation?
He sought to teach me the distinction between right and wrong. He succeeded in part. I recognise the distinction that is made in society between right and wrong, however he could not teach me to care about the distinction. It was not in vain however, he enabled me to “fit in” yet I remained unconstrained, thus I gained the best of both worlds.
In my opinion, gaining the best of both worlds means giving good people empathy and good thoughts and be able to treat bad people the way they deserve (keep them at a distance, knowing you’re no “victim” material), but again…different perceptions ours.
He could not persuade you. No wonder, because you saw each day, that the world functions without a conscience too and better/easier.
I often do not follow rules too, in which I see no sense. And it does not matter, whether the society has another opinion about it. If I see no sense in it, I do not follow, although there might be some punishment by society. The difference- I have a very different belief system, which includes that I do not hurt people intentionally or steal their money.(for example). There we are again: what is a conscience?
In my case, I can say, it changed over the years. I hurt people, when I was young. And I did not feel any responsibility about it. Later I recognised that it was wrong. I am of the opinion that a conscience is a construct of our belief systems. We are not born with a conscience. And it has nothing to do with punishment.
This is how I picture you.
http://digitalspyuk.cdnds.net/17/38/980×490/landscape-1505731747-pennywise-teeth-it-movie.jpg
https://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/142946/4998342-3910020810-Angel.jpg
But, I bet you don’t really look like either, do you.
Oddly enough, no I don’t.
Awe…. I don’t picture HG looking like that.
Of course you are nothing like those two, your appearance has to inspire reliability, not fear.
Who would approach those two?
For sure, not your kind of women/targets…
Yikes! 😬😱
Dear Mr Tudor,
Ironic this post coincides with Easter .. 😂
Happy Easter to all you lovelies (you too Mr Tudor) and I hope the Easter bunny is good to you all.
🐰🐣🐇🐾
💜
Hi HG ….did you hear about depeche mode theyre breaking up 🙁 This will be their last tour. Very sad to see an 80s band go. You probably knew but it surprised me.
I guess someone didnt like my april fools day joke 😄
I liked your April Fools’ Day joke, narc affair.
Ty k…i always love playing practical jokes lol
Nice try for April Fools Day.
I tried 😋
HG
Do you like Depeche Mode? Just curious.
I’ve been known to attend a concert or thirty of theirs, yes.
Lol I’m so jealous! You do live in Europe so easier access….
HG
You articulate very well and, without much thought, I translate your words into feelings.
Ex Machina = The Machine, it is relentless
Attachment is the Seat of Misery = emptiness and the void
Knowing Everything Yet Nothing = you feel nothing
I Want = malice
Jealous of Your Contentment = jealousy and envy
Outrage = fury
Love is a Taught Construct = betrayal
A Sense of Guilt = that article speaks for itself
The Relational Tower = I know you want to enter my inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. (correct)
K,
I would like to have a wander inside HG’s inner sanctum. But I’d only venture inside there wearing a full-body protective spacesuit and helmet. Plus I’d want three burly security guards… one on each side and one covering our backs, just in case 😉
I definitely wouldn’t want any run-ins with the creature that lives there. It sounds terrifying 😲
WiserNow
Ha ha ha….I don’t blame you one bit. You might want to consider a hazmat suit, as well, all that smearing can get very dirty. I tried to enter my MMRN’s inner sanctum, twice, but he wouldn’t let me.
The elusive creature hides in his shadows within the tower; it is both terrifying and inconceivable when you think about it.
Wherever did you find this image…
…reminds me of Canada.
oh no not the 🇨🇦 subject againnnn…..lol
That’s really good one HG….I totally have experienced that one for sure. Spoiling your fun. Yep. I always wondered why this would happen. Yeah it’s control and like you said seeing them content while you are not.