Raising The Hoover Bar




The hoover. It is one of the most discussed periods of the narcissistic entanglement. I am referring to it in the traditional sense, namely the three post-discard/escape hoovers, although as you will be aware from my works, there are other hoovers throughout the interaction between us and you.

There are most likely two reasons for the post discard/escape hoover being a prime topic of discussion. First, by the time you have worked out what you are dealing with you will have already experienced the seduction, devaluation and discard/escape. The post discard/escape hoover is what is occupying you now because it may have happened recently, is ongoing, or you anticipate it happening. The second reason is that the possibility of ongoing interaction with us continues to fascinate you and thus the post discard/escape hoover becomes the focus of much of your attention.

I have explained previously that if the Initial Grand Hoover has taken place and failed (this hoover being caused by your escape) then you will face follow-up hoovers thereafter, of a benign and/or malign nature. Their catalyst is whether you enter our spheres of influence through something you have done (spheres one to five) or the fact you have just entered out mind for some reason (sphere six). If you have entered a sphere of influence, we always consider (though dependent on the nature of your type of narcissist the degree of consideration varies considerably) whether a hoover could be effected. There are certain hurdles which will either prevent that hoover from taking place or reduce the likelihood of it taking place. These hurdles may well raise the bar so it is less likely that the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, meaning it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle. Knowing what these factors are and how we regard them is crucial in formulating your defences to maintain No Contact.  What, then,  are those hurdles?

  1. Your Whereabouts

If we do not know where to find you so that we can appear face to face and look to garner some excellent Proximate Fuel by turning up at your home, your work or somewhere else you frequent this naturally poses a considerable problem to us. A Greater Narcissist will apply some effort to ascertaining your whereabouts, a Lesser is unlikely to do much at all. Accordingly, as part of building your defences the necessity of changing where you can be physically found not only pays dividends in commencing No Contact but affecting the likelihood of a later hoover.

  1. Your Accessibility

In a similar vein we need to be able to contact you. If we do not have a physical place to either attend, drive past, leave or note or send a gift, then we will look to access you through electronic means. If we know your telephone number, we are far more likely to hoover or if we have a means of contacting you through an app or on social media. If you have effected a media blackout and managed to sustain it, the prospects of a hoover happening are vastly reduced.

  1. Gullibility of Friends and Family

We may have a lieutenant in your ranks already. If so, the prospects of being hoovered are increased as we will have them lined-up to leak to us where we can find you and how we can contact you. Even if there is no lieutenant, if there is the prospect for a hoover we (or one of our lieutenants) will approach people in your camp to gather this information. It is often done under a separate auspice – there may be an emergency, some post has arrived we need to pass on, there is something confidential to relay to you – and if your family and friends are trusted with contact information their susceptibility to releasing this information is important. Bear in mind several months may have passed and if a lieutenant approaches your parents or a friend, they may not be alert to the danger. If those who might have your contact information remain impregnable then the hoover prospects are diminished.

  1. Happy and Contented

If you are demonstrating (to the outside world at least) that you are happy and contented, then this will affect the hoover prospects. Generally speaking we expect you to still be pining for us and miserable. This is regarded as a condition which is fertile ground for a successful hoover. If we are aware that you are moving forward, you rarely mention us, you appear generally happy and content then the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind will be less likely to attempt a hoover. This is because they may be easily rebuffed and even though you may do so in a pleasant way, the fuel gained will be minimal. You should be aware however that a Greater will regard you as a prospect to break and therefore will not be dissuaded by seeing you happy and content alone.

  1. A New Interest

If you happen to have moved on to somebody new, which of course is dependent on the passage of time and other factors, then again a Lesser or a Mid-Range is less likely to hoover. The prospect of being rebuffed and thus wounded through criticism will prove too great a risk to them. They will feel criticised already by knowing you are with someone new when you should be holding a torch and pining for them and they are likely to regard the hoover as too risky, with the prospect for no fuel and further wounding. This will not apply to the Greater Narcissist. We are more likely to apply a malign follow-up hoover and lash out at you and your new partner to get a double fuel strike.

  1. Your Fuel Potential

You will have been an excellent source of fuel at some point, that is why you were chosen and ensnared, but that changed. The reason hoover fuel is so potent is that you will have recovered to some extent from what has happened to you, you will want to see us or be relieved that we have come back for you (not always but often) and most of all the fact that we have abused you and yet we can still entice you either to start the Formal Relationship again or even to provide fuel shows how powerful we are and thus adds to the potency of the fuel. If you are a super empath or a co-dependent you will be a prime prospect for hoovering. However, if we regard you as still badly crippled by what we did to you so that you have been in effect numbed so that your emotional output is muted or deadened, this will affect whether a hoover will take place. In such circumstances a proxy hoover may take place so a lieutenant can scope you out. Or you may (if circumstances allow) receive a paving the way message which is not a hoover in itself but rather a way of seeing how the land lies to then decide whether a hoover attempt should be made.

  1. Your Knowledge

If we are aware that you know what we are or have information which could be damaging to us in the form of amounting to a serious criticism this will lessen the likelihood of a hoover. Whilst a Lesser has no awareness of what he or she is, if you do know and you keep making mention of it and adapting your behaviour accordingly, he or she will at least sense there is little fuel to be gained and/or the risk of criticism. Similarly, a Mid-Range will realise that there is something “off” with the situation and think very carefully before being exposed to less fuel and/or criticism. The Greater is not concerned by your knowledge of what he is. He will deny it and look to manipulate the situation to his advantage to draw further fuel, but he will be concerned by anything that could cause criticism.

  1. The Façade

This carefully constructed and maintained device which we use to repeated effect against you is important. Not only do we use it against you but it will be used against other victims and those who help create the façade provide us with fuel. We do not want this to be damaged or fractured in anyway. If we ascertain that there is a risk of this happening if we hoover you (for instance you have damning evidence of our behaviour which could be circulated if we engage with you) then we will not want the façade damaged by such exposure and accordingly the prospect of a hoover happening will be diminished.

  1. Energy levels

If you enter our sphere of influence when energy levels are lower as a consequence of lower fuel provision, then the hoover may be regarded as not worth the effort. If, however there is easy accessibility and the prospective fuel gain is considered to be significant then even low energy levels would not be a dissuading factor but if there are other factors as above in place which would prove difficult then when we have low energy levels this makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover. This situation may arise where we are still embedding a new primary source after your escape or we may not have one yet and we are reliant on fuel from primary sources. If the hoover is perceived as having hurdles and energy levels are low, even though you may have entered a sphere of influence, we may look elsewhere for fuel and not engage in a hoover.

  1. The Type of Narcissist


The particular type we are has a bearing also. The Lesser will be looking for easy gains, low-hanging fruit and immediate results. The immediacy is important. Lacking the calculation of the Mid-Range and Greater, he will be inclined to hoover if you are in near reach even if there are other hoovers because he is unable to control his thirst for hoover fuel. He will however risk being rebuffed and this will in turn ignite his fury causing him to lash out at you with potential repercussions. If the Lesser does not see an immediate opportunity he will move on. He is akin to an opportunist burglar. The Mid-Range will put a little more effort and planning in but will be cautious in his approach, mindful of the potential repercussions and therefore a few hurdles will put him off. He may apply a little effort to consideration but it does not take too much to cause him to move on. The Greater will need considerable hurdles to prevent a hoover happening when a sphere of influence has been penetrated. If he knows there is very potent hoover fuel he will apply considerable effort, like a well-planned heist, to get those jewels.

These factors need to be taken in consideration with one another to determine the likelihood or not of a hoover happening once the sphere of influence has been penetrated.

10 thoughts on “Raising The Hoover Bar

  1. Ed says:

    A question, if I May. Ex BPD/NPD GF of 6.5 years, classic PD, textbook. Ended it 5 months ago due to her PD issues, insane and senseless. My phone accidently dialed her number (yes, a real accident). Several weeks later a box (hand delivered) lands on my front steps, returned items books/tapes of no value. Hoover?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. MB says:

    “low energy levels makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover”.

    Wow! I thought just the opposite. Logically, the taste of hoover fuel seems like it would be most tempting when the fuel tank is low.

    Interesting what I pick up on when re-reading these articles.

  3. Rose says:

    Would looking up when my ex fiance’s law school gets out for summer be something worth doing? As much as I don’t want to think about him I also think it would be smart to know what days he will have much more freetime to try to reach out.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see that act alone as a sensible step.

  4. RJ says:

    I will portray a scenario relating to the type of narcissist. Three years after breaking up with the ex Midrange narc her so called best friend took an interest in me. At first I declined but like a desperate idiot I gave in. It lasted for about three weeks or so of going out and the like. Then it started to happen. The evasiveness, lies and attempted manipulation. This one looking back is definitely a lesser. She showed her colors. I recall vividly after a night of experiencing negativity and just odd behaviour I took her home. As she walked down the driveway I yelled ” what the hell do you girls want anyways?”. She trotted along ignoring me. Continued down her driveway skipping along, twirling and humming some song. Real odd behaviour for a 20 year old. I thought what the F**k was that as I drove off. Short story long, a few weeks after with no talking or contact we so happened to end up at the same community dance. She approached me and I totally ignored the hell out of her. Had no interest. Moments later I feel this repeated fast tapping behind me in my lower right back. I’m like who the f**k is that carrying on. I turn around and its her attempting to afflict pain punching me in the kidney. All I could do was laugh. That made her more mad and she hit a little harder which made me laugh harder. With the absence of the reaction I recon she was expecting she muttered something and stormed off. I laughed my ass off! That weirdo never bothered me again. I think she was partially trying to get me to react with her like I did with my ex, her so called best friend. I had less time invested in her so I was not that put out. You just can not make this shit up!

  5. Dragonfly says:

    I have a lieutenant trying to own me. He was a friend of my ex . . . until they had a falling out . . .

    Due to a business venture, I see him or have the opportunity to see him several times a week.
    I am a narc magnet . . . I guess he thinks he’s going to have his turn . . . not happening . . .
    I have many examples of what’s going on, HG, thanks to your generous support. I find myself playing with fire. Like I recognize the gestures, body language, eye contact, controlling as if he all ready thinks he owns me.
    I was at a social function last night. He walked in late. He sat near me, didn’t look at me, had his back to me. I met a beautiful young girl from the same part of the USA as I’m from thus we became instant friends. When she left, I left shortly after. IT was waiting for me outside. “How r u doing?” he asks. I’m vague. I’m thinking my ex contacted him despite their falling out (which I believe was over them wanting the same woman–she escaped them both).
    IT is married. I inquire about his wife whom by the way, was a gorgeous English woman . . . I say WAS becuz after 5 years with him she looks haggard and angry.
    As I’m driving home, I get a text message from IT and it was sexual in nature.
    I would love to show it to his wife but from what I learned from you, HG, this would please IT as he would gain mega fuel. Am I correct?
    How do I get rid of this guy?? Help! Once this project is announced he and I r going to be working side by side filming fir months. Ugg

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct. Showing it, however tempting would only continue your engagement.

      How do you get rid of him? A start would be ensuring he cannot text you.

      1. Dragonfly says:

        TX HG for advice I needed . . . unfortunately, I am connected through a business venture so he has to be able to communicate with me as I do with him. Small town.

        I texted him back the next day and said “Imperative we remain professional at ALL times.”

        There is a dinner business meeting tonight which I have chosen not to attend because of him and I was briefed yesterday so there is really no reason I have to be there. I will miss out, but . . . I will wait for his reaction IF ANY tomorrow. This guy is midrange in my humble opinion. This a-hole is aggressive. He’s inserted himself into all aspects of this project . . . becuz he’s always right and is smarter than the rest of us, ya know???

        You know I love the rare Greater. My fantasy . . . sad it cannot work between narc and empath. I love the challenge and stimulation. Never a dull moment. Love isn’t necessary for me. I had it once.

  6. person says:

    Oh yeah…. that picture works.

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