The Rules of Ex Club – No. 32

A DISENGAGED EXIS A DELETED EX

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 32”

  1. WiserNow Thank You! Yes Im still thinking its a dream sequence but the more I read and learn the stronger I feel. This past year has been the worst for me ever except the year my Dad passed. I have been wracking my brain and torturing myself trying to ‘fix’ me and trying to understand. Is it true that he could not know he is a narc? I have known this man for 30 years and the 18 year old me was much smarter than the 47 year old me. He really conned me. Thats how I feel. The thing is anyone that knows him would think I was crazy to call him that. So many layers of deceit and trauma to heal from. It truly is abuse of the worst kind.

    Thank you for the encouraging words and advice. It really helps me to read that I am not the crazy emotional one and that others unfortunately can relate.

    Bless all of you and you HG. I know the reason why you are doing this site. At least I read your reason, but still thank you. God turns the devils work into HIS purpose!!!! Love it!!!

  2. I found an email from him tonight. It was sent 7 days ago telling me he hates himself for destroying my life and breaking my heart blah blah. I ALMOST fell into the trap of responding. Almost, and he was filtered through gmail just a weird coincidence that I found it. I am never responding and actually how I found it was I had a gut feeling about him contacting me so I went into my email to block and friends we have in common. I also did that with my phone. This game has been going on for 30 years. I was so in love with him I never saw it until the last piece of the puzzle arrived and I looked up behavior and this site popped up. It has opened my eyes to another world. Thank you! Oh and get this he admits to when I would push away he would pull me back yet he kept me at arms length for whatever stupid lie he created. Of course he starts out the letter with ‘Im so sorry i broke your heart. I hate myself for it. We had such a toxic and tumultuous relationship blah blah’ Please tell me I am not crazy but WHO DOES THIS… and ps. I’m not a meme.

    1. HG
      This reminds me…have you done a poll on what word or words were used to search that lead people here? I dont know if I have just thought about it before or of you have already done so.

      1. Perhaps something in the field of ‘how does a person dump you like trash and/or not even care.’ I think that is what I googled that lead me here.

    2. Edie
      You are not crazy nor are you a meme. HG meant that this post was a meme and not an article.

      Q. WHO DOES THIS
      A. A narcissist

      The email is a hoover and that apology is false contrition. The narcissistic relationship is forever, so keep up your no contact and ride it out, hopefully he will find another fuel source. Read as much as you can so you can replace your emotional thinking with logical thinking. That will help you make sense of it all.

      1. Sorry HG for that ‘meme’ comment and thank you K! I feel like I am getting ahead of him by learning his behavior. The Art of War correct? Know your enemies. I cant explain how I did not even see what was going on but knowing all that I do now I see the patterns over 30 years. I am so thankful God lifted the veil for me to see him for who he is and thank you all so much for all the support and info. Knowledge helps me to feel stronger in this sick game. This has been a world wind realizing I have been emotionally and mentally conned. Im still learning my way around this site so I appologize for any missteps. I hope my no contact does the trick. I even blocked all mutual friends on phone and email. It really messes with your head and heart. I never want to go through this poison again.

      2. My pleasure, Edie
        Yes, it really is the Art of War. Know your enemy (the narc). It takes a bit of time to navigate the blog and you are doing just fine so you don’t have to apologize for that. By replacing your ET with LT, you will never be poisoned again. Keep reading.

      3. K Thank you so much! This site helps me to breathe again. Thats the only way I can explain it.Thank you for all of your advice and input! You all and this site helps me regain strength, a feeling of self again and that I am not the crazy one… Thank you!

      4. My pleasure, Edie! You are not crazy and it certainly does feel nice to breathe again.

      5. Hi K… In his email he even states that he would keep me at arms length and when I would get too close he would push me away and then when I would walk away he would bring me closer and he calls ME toxic? I want to email and point all of this out but am I correct in thinking any type of email good or bad and the hoover worked? Thanks so much for your input.

      6. Hello Edie
        You are correct. Any type of response from you will effect a successful hoover. Do NOT respond. His push/pull behavior is an excellent example of the narcissist’s toxic logic. He wants to keep you confused so you stay in place and provide fuel.

        “he would push me away and then when I would walk away he would bring me closer and he calls ME toxic?”

        The ball is in your court and no matter how tempting it is to RSVP, try your best to keep it there. These two articles should prove helpful.

        https://narcsite.com/2016/10/24/toxic-logic/
        https://narcsite.com/2017/07/14/contrariwise-4/

        If you are having trouble with NC, just come here and read. Don’t stop until you feel like you are getting control of your ET.

  3. I cant read this article and Im not on FB but desperate for an answer. For some reason I had no idea of the type of relationship I was in for almost four years; as well as, knowing this man for 30. I was discarded 10 months ago and heard nothing. I couldnt figure it out what had happened, meanwhile I was beating myself up because of the reasons he broke up with me. My depression, My emotions, My this My that. I never even thought about a Narcissist until I finally got the truth from his friend three days ago and suddenly all the pieces fit into the puzzle. When I googled certain behaviors of his narc always came up. I started reading and realized he was a covert narcissist. His mother even told me how selfish he was and I didnt listen. Anyway, I of course had been replaced prior to the discard without knowing, hence no contact. After two months of no contact and in heartbreak hell I reached out appologizing to him and wanting to be friends. Of course he waited 5 days and then his response was ‘Sorry I was with a friend all weekend’.’ He knows my push buttons so I sent him a picture of the ‘friend’ I was with that weekend (trying to get over him but it didnt work) Feel horrible I called him and he promised he would talk to me, then later claimed he emailed me saying we are not going to talk, but I never recieved it. I called and called and he finally answered and said I am not going to be able to speak to you for a long time… and on and on about how I need to get my life together. Since then it has been nothing; however, when I found out about the other source I called him (no answer coward) so I texted him, calling him out on everything. Lying, deceit, everything.It was a well written text, of course Im sure he called me crazy, but at the end of it I told him that I do not listen (because as I was texting he said ‘i was going to call’) I do not listen to toxic people in my life especially someone so fucked up they project their shit outwardly. I then told him to never ever contact me again. My question is was this strong enough. I never want to speak with this man again. I am hoping it is what your article says disengaged ex means deleted ex. I have blocked him on all platforms and moved so there is no way he can find me.

      1. I appreciate your serious answer more than your “funny” one! I’m sure you’ll remember it…

    1. Hi edie…youre never deleted only temporary. He got bored of you as his toy and switched to another toy(the new source). He will be back to play with you so the strongest way to get rid of him is block him at every angle. Go solid no contact. You cant contact him and he cant contact you.
      Sorry this happened to you it hurts being dropped like that. Hes not worth your being upset. He sounds very immature.

    2. Hi Edie,

      I’m sorry you were involved in a relationship with a narcissist and I feel for you. If you found out only three days ago about this being a case of narcissism, then your emotional reaction to it is still very raw. It will take some time to become less emotional about the whole thing and to strengthen your logical thinking. In the meantime, please treat yourself as your own best friend. Take care of yourself and don’t blame yourself.

      It’s true that narcissists turn the tables and blame other people for everything. He’s telling you to get yourself together and you are thinking it’s “your depression, your emotions, your this, your that”.

      He has manipulated the situation to this point. He has created these emotional reactions that you are now dealing with.

      To recover from this toxic relationship, please keep reading and stay here to learn as much as you can from HG and other commenters. And of course, stay absolutely “no contact” with him. There is no way you can maintain the relationship and also feel better about the whole thing.

      Concentrate on you completely and forget about him. Do not go back over the conversations and analyse what he said. It won’t help. It’s a neverending, toxic cycle and you won’t get any clarity doing that.

      Just keep learning and gain a greater understanding so that you can eventually become more immune and protect yourself. These people can cause a lot of damage.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.