The One and Only



I really do think the world of you, you know. I have not met anybody like you. No don’t shake your head. I know you are modest but you should accept a compliment when it is given, heaven knows you deserve it. I have to admit I have had a few relationships, but you know, we have all been there haven’t we? I used to think I knew what love was. I used to think that the person I was with was what I wanted, the answer to my prayers and that special someone. All of that was not the case. In fact, it is quite apparent to me that they were really just practice runs to allow me to perfect my love in readiness for your arrival. I know it may seem strange but I feel like that I have always known you and moreover that somehow that I always knew we would be together. I used to tell myself in previous relationships that this was it, this was the one, but something would go wrong. I guess I was not a very good judge of characters back then. I kept picking the wrong ones. Goodness me I could tell you some tales. I have hooked up with some real fruit loops in my time. I seem to attract them. I think it is because when I want to be with someone I give my absolute all to that person. I see no point in holding back, do you? It has to be everything or it is worth nothing. I can see you nodding, I thought you would agree. You and I are on the same wave length. I can sense it. I have an aptitude for it. A sixth sense. I have to admit I have not always been blessed with it and it has taken some time to fine tune it, I guess that is why I had to go through the rollercoaster ride with some of my exs. Still, although they did not treat me well, no it is okay, you don’t need to know about all of that. I want to talk about you and me, that is far more important. Yes, they did not treat me well at all but that’s for another story I do not want to spoil tonight talking about their jealous rages and violent tempers. Thank goodness you are not like that. No it is fine you do not have to persuade me of that being the case. I know you are not like them. I can tell you are a far better person. Do you know how I know? It is in the way that you move. Yes, it is. You move with a grace I have not seen before. That tells me that you are self-assured but not in a flamboyant manner. You know who you are and you move around with a grace and a presence which brings reassurance. I will let you into a little secret. Before I spoke to you I used to watch you. Not in a stalker kind of way, more as in an interested observer kind of way. I saw how people reacted to you, with warmth and delight whenever you spoke to them and I thought to myself when I saw how their faces lit up and how their eyes widened in pleasure that you were probably the kind of person who spends more time looking after other people than you do spend looking after yourself. I am right aren’t I? It is not good trying to hide and look at the floor I can see I am right. I usually am about people. It is something of a gift but one I am now able to use to avoid the people who would hurt me and believe me there have been a few of them and instead find someone who will respect and love me in the same way that I will love and respect them.

It is all about finding that mutuality isn’t it? I bet you and I have much in common. Well, I know from our last date we share similar tastes in music and travel destinations and that just proves my point. I should imagine that if we discussed politics, although I don’t intend to tonight, there will be plenty of time to do that in the future, we would have similar views. You see that I have been able to work out, after all the mishaps and the people that have let me down, who is right for me and who I am right for. I am a straight-forward kind of fellow. I will put you on a pedestal and worship you, yes I will, because somebody like you, someone so special and caring deserves that. Oh I know you modern independent ladies are all about equality and believe me I am one hundred percent behind that but I do know that once upon a time you used to pretend to be a princess and that never leaves you. How do I know that? I have a sister you see and I saw how she played and made-up games based around being a fairy or a princess, good characters who wanted that happy ever after. I know it has never left her and so by the same token I know that someone like you, a good and decent and honest people still has that desire to be treated properly and every once in a while reminded of that fact. I can tell by your smile that you agree with me and I am glad of that because I know how well I will treat you. I have much to give to you and you deserve to be treated right. You see, I sense, like me you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. You are hoping that nothing spoils what we have because it is showing such promise isn’t it? Yes, I thought you would agree. I can tell by the slightly guarded manner you have, but don’t be concerned, that is no bad thing given the way that some people behave, but I am not like them. You have no need to be concerned about me. I will only ever look after you and have your best interests at heart. That is why you and I have been brought together, two people who just want to love and be loved. It is not much to ask is it? That is why when I first met you I realised that you are the one.

You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.

27 thoughts on “The One and Only

  1. narc affair says:

    Im sure my narc does this to prospective prey hes conditioning with the golden period. When i think of him doing this it really pisses me off. I find anger is the best way to create a safe distance. I constantly need reminders bc he gaslights so well and i forget hes a narcissist.
    I remember on the one site we both frequented i knew hed joined as another identity. He wanted me to know bc he kept his age and where he was from originally. Hed also use phrases unique to the both of us. There was a lady he was flirting with and back then i followed him to see what he was doing. He was doing this same thing building her up and then started in on the scheduling bit….what times and days are you free to talk etc. I dont think they met bc shes not from here but im sure shes one in his doll collection.
    Thinking back to those days the anxiety hits me so hard then i get an intense anger where id like to punch him in the face and im not a physically aggressive person quite the opposite. This is the part of narcissism that disgusts me.

    1. Twilight says:

      Narc Affair

      Would you have known it was him if you did not have the visual cues telling you? Would you have sensed it was him?

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi twilight…ive always had a good gut instinct and trusted in that but i knew bc he used specific shared phrases between us. He also put his age and exact place hes from down to the area where he lived. He wanted me to know. The persona he took on the site was that of the narc. His mask was somewhat off but he still played the charming part. I know without a doubt it was him. It used to upset me so bad. I think ive stored that away or compartmentalized it to be able to stay with him. When i think about it it really angers me.

      2. narc affair says:

        This actually was what had me googling and researching about people acting as many different people and sociopath came up. What amazes me is how he can keep his personas straight and remember all his lies.
        His persona was a soccer dad…he never been married and has no kids. He should be embarressed but i think hes proud he can pull it off and have people believe him.

      3. narc affair says:

        His persona was a tool to devalue and hurt me. Looking back it was insidious. Then he pretends to be so attentive and loving. Very twisted. Its the worst case of gaslighting.

    2. sarabella says:

      Me, too. I know of someone who came to his defense about 4 years ago when me and someone else went after him for what he had done to us. I went after him for my money back, and after him on her behalf for what he had done to her (massive smear campaign and drove her out of town). We helped each other. Some woman came to his defense and I thought they knew each other. Turns out, they only just reacently met IRL. And based on her naive posts, he told her to post a picture of the two of them because she was saying, “See, I posted it”. And she then mentions how he made her feel like a star and only just met. GAG And don’t they look good together? Thing is, he never cross posted it on his page. It was all FUEL. And likely, for the benefit of others who see it. And this is the part that makes me also feel incredibly violent. You want to tell them how they are being manipulated, but they like the feeling, so what good would it do. So instead, I used to just want to beat the shit out of him myself, punch him. Its infuriating that this “skill” will always guarantee a supply of victims and they are victims. Just like a street predator who lures in some runaway, they are operating on the same immoral level. And all with a seductive smile. Its evil, the devil at work.

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi sarabella…i feel your anger. He was conditioning her to be his flying monkey. She will feel like a fool one day for doing so.

    3. Lori says: Yes this is what they do. They love forums and then bring you into them so they can triangulate. And my god the fake profiles they love that too! I don’t k is how they keep up with it all

    4. H. says:

      Are you still with him? I tried to hang around for mine, I did have some good times, but he had rages of fury, I think he would of eventually knocked my head off.

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi H…yes i am but i had to quit the site bc it was really affecting my health the mind games. I shouldve quit him too. In some regards if i stayed it mightve been easier to leave than be around his mask all the time away from the site. I get physically sick thinking about going back. Its been about 3 years and its been a huge relief.

  2. Sara Jessica Snarker says:

    Fascinating. Hard and fast rule that all females need to be taught at mother’s knee: Anytime a man tells you he never met or loved anyone like you (particularly if you have only known him less than a week), immediately tell him to Bug off. Beat it. Get lost. Run away. Once you fall for that one, it’s going to be a long, hard slog out of the pit.

    1. narc affair says:

      Totally agree!! Its bait!

  3. H. says:

    My recently deceased ex narc….was engaged to 3 women at the same time. They all came the wood work after he died. One of them had given him 70 K over over 3 years. I asked her, when he didn’t move (she lived 9 hr car ride away) in and marry her, why she kept giving him money…she couldn’t answer. He made all of us feel special.

    1. narc affair says:

      Hi H….did he devalue you? He was doing some serious future faking there!

      1. H. says:

        He did everything…it was a vicious cycle. I don’t understand the future faking? Repeat golden periods, rages, and devaluation. Never did he ever disappear. Now he has.

      2. H. says:

        Yes he was the best! There is a tiny part of me that would like to believe he wanted to love…haha. But we know that’s not the case.

      3. narc affair says:

        Hi H…by future faking i mean he lead 3 women on to the point of engagement. That took a lot of lies and promises for a happily ever after he had zero intent on delivering.

  4. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    My narcissist must have borrowed from your playbook then, because these are incredibly similar to the lines he told me.

  5. SadderButWiser says:

    “But Grandmother…what big teeth you have!”

  6. T says:

    Thanks HG,
    Now I know it was all fake.
    Btw, pretty amazing.

  7. /iroll says:

    This also sounds homosexual? My narc is really macho and aggressive, but when it comes down to it, he’s a repressed androgenous lesbian. Their real selves are there, somewhere.

  8. Dragonfly says:

    Creepy HG. My ex used to watch me move about the house or actually wherever we were–all the time. One time, I looked at him watching me and he said I like to watch you . . . I always wondered what he was thinking . . . .

    1. Dragonfly says:

      Today I think of his watching me as him ingesting my qualities; or simply learning how to make a pot of coffee . . . spoiled brat . . . his nannies never taught him to care for himself so every woman that comes along has to take care of him. I hope he’s reading this.

  9. sarabella says:

    Sort of similar to, “And then someone like you comes along….” line?


    Yeah, thing is, I am special and unique and I really was “someone like you”… His loss.

    1. Nan says:

      Far more eloquent, but yep, exactly the tale that was spun for me. Ill never fall for it again. Probably never be in love again either, or be properly fucked, but im coming to terms with that. Thanks HG.

    2. narc affair says:

      Im gagging too!

    3. sarabella says:

      I am not sure how much I “fell” for it. The only way it worked for me is that on a deeply unsconsious level, it had told me he was over the reason (injury) he had rejected me before, 30 years ago. That was the ONLY place it mattered to me. Imagine how devastating it was to hear months later, what a horrible, awful, crazy, ugly person I was after all. I hope his tiny little non-member falls off for good one day and someone really beats the crap out of him one day, too.

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