The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 7

I USEWORDSPURELY TO CONTROL

The words that our kind use are the instruments of our dark profession.

Words are advantageous because they are so easy to say. There is little effort involved in uttering a sudden profane insult or a sentence designed to bring about submission. A barked injunction or a passionate phrase are readily conjured up and sent in your direction. Of course, there are times when the more skilled practitioners amongst our brethren use them to create a stunning tapestry of woven wonder for you to look upon in a lengthy letter. A seemingly heartfelt declaration of love that needs to be requited, an apparent mea culpa, no a mea maxima culpa for our wrongdoings arising from our tortured behaviour or the mercy-seeking begging missive seeking absolution and forgiveness.

Whilst there are of course plenty of actions in the dynamic between you and I, it is the words which are everywhere. From those spoken, to the text messages, the e-mails, the social media announcements, the invitations, the letters written in beautiful copper plate handwriting (always a winner), the one word daubed in paint on the side of your house, the insult scratched into your car’s wing and the bloodied threat daubed on a note and wrapped around a brick hurled through your window. Those words are absolutely everywhere. Easy to use, quick to appear and with them such import and impact on those listening and of course, the empathic individual is invariably an excellent listener who drinks in what we have to say or write.

From weasel words to roaring rhetoric, we deploy phrases and sentences to bring about compliance, to secure sympathy, to tug at your emotions and evoke responses. Instinct allows us to mirror and conjure up those tantalising expressions which go straight to your core, coiling about your heart and either dragging it towards us or tearing it to shreds, dependent on where you happen to be on the narcissistic rollercoaster.

I have repeatedly explained that we prefer to conserve our energy. We do not want to have to do more than is necessary because our energy is required for the purposes of establishing the seduction of our primary source and the maintenance of our fuel lines through our growing fuel network. We do not want to be rushing around doing things, it is far more effective to tell you how we supposedly feel about you, write it in one text message to send to five different recipients to cast the net wider and see what can be caught and to rely on the images created by our words. By conserving this energy, we are able to achieve more. We can target more people, seduce with greater effectiveness and devalue with increased impact.

The Lesser Narcissist is not an especially skilled wordsmith albeit the Upper Lesser will have his or her moments. This lack of delicious prose or flowery compliments does not however hinder his use of words as a method of control. He will channel it in into the use of a pet name (which is seemingly special) and use that with regularity. His based vulgarities which are texted when he is roping in a target are often aimed at those who are operating on a similar language and literary level to him.

Take for example the 419 frauds (also known as advance fee frauds). You will know about those e-mails (usually hailing from Nigeria where the e-mails are contrary to s419 of their criminal code, hence the name) where Crown Prince Umbongo explains how as a trusted advisor or improbable relative you can help him move $ 49 million dollars from an account and he will cut you in for twenty per cent. These e-mails are usually written in pidgin English or a poor version of it which marks the writer out as someone who has English as a second language. That is actually not the case. The writer is invariably someone with an excellent command of English BUT the e-mail is written in a manner which is poor English. This is deliberate. It is done because it is specifically seeking out people who are dim-witted enough to respond and provide cash to the fraudsters.

People often wonder how people fall for these scams, but they do and that is why the fraudsters keep going. Just in the way that we as love frauds specifically target people and use words to do so, the financial frauds (which will include members of our brethren too) ensure the content of these e-mails is such that the most gullible respond in order to maximise the prospects for success. The ploy is deliberate to remove the false positives and leave only those who are the most susceptible.

In the same way, the less proficient use of words by the Lesser means that he will attract those who are more likely to fall for his particular manipulations. It is of little use for the Lesser to attract someone who seems like a useful prospect only for them to prove to be a false positive and break off the seduction. Just like the financial scammers, the Lesser needs to weed out those who are most susceptible to his less articulate overtures and more rudimentary manipulative styles.

The Lesser has fewer problems when it comes to the controlling aspect of his use of words during devaluing. He can hurl the insults with ease, relying on profanities, vulgarity and harsh words to wound and upset his ensnared victim. He can unleash a volley of nastiness from his twisted mouth. His roar of disapproval, the reliance on bellowing and shouting over the actual complexity of this sentences, is entirely effective at cowing, controlling and brow-beating the victims which he will stand the greatest chance of effectiveness delivery of the Prime Aims with.

As for the Mid-Range Narcissist, he has some charm and with the increased cognitive function comes a pleasant and desirable seduction where sweet, caring messages are used. He will spend much of his seduction stealing the phrases and verses of famous authors and poets. He knows where to find these texts and will either plagiarise them wholesale or add his own twist to the existing works. The Mid-Range will control through a sugary sweet seduction and can engage in extensive text campaigns as part of his luring of the victim.

He is also perfectly capable of hurling the insults if really required but the Mid-Ranger’s use of words to control his victims is evidenced most in two ways. Back-handed compliments ( see Seven Back-Handed Provocations ) and Pity Plays. The Mid-Ranger is an expert at the passive aggressive barbed comment and can issue those which have you at first smiling and then reacting as you realise the import of what has just been said to you. The Mid-Ranger’s true proficiency lies in his ability to control you through the use of Pity Plays which he will roll out through his long involved explanations of hardship, misery, difficulty and adversity. Whether he wants money from you, to con you into thinking he will engage in some kind of treatment for his confusing behaviours, to stop you leaving him and removing his main source of fuel or to take him back after you have escaped or he has dis-engaged, the Mid-Ranger knows all the choice speeches to tug at your heart strings. He will present persuasive phrases to convey how truly sorry he is and that his life really is worth nothing without you. Verbose apologies and explanations will clog up your inboxes as he goes overboard about how devastated he is to have treated someone so wonderful as you this way, how he realises that he has done so many wrong things and needs to make amends and of course it is always someone else’s fault/something else’s fault why he did as he did. Notice that these controlling words of the Mid-Ranger sound good and appear to show contrition and remorse but they do not. There is recognition but no ownership.

“I know I upset you when I go missing BUT I just need some time to myself because I am under pressure.”

“I can see why you might get angry when I talk to other women BUT I cannot help it if people like me, can I?”

The Mid-Ranger will use words extensively to seduce but it is in the application of words during devaluation where the Mid-Ranger exhibits particular expertise. Do not think that the mode du jour of the Mid-Ranger, the Silent Treatment, is some kind of aberration for such a prolix individual – he is of course courting somebody else with his sweet sentences whilst you are given a dose of cold fury.

As for the Greater, well, our mouths and tongues are the ultimate weapons. From composing eloquent and seductive proclamations of our love through to the motivating and endearing speeches as to why you and I belong together, the Greater is at the top of the pyramid when it comes to using words to control. Possessing an uncanny knack of knowing exactly the right thing to say and the right time, the Greater can use verbose announcements to awe a target into submission or deploy a short sentence to devastating effect.

Just like his Lesser and Mid-Range counterparts, the Greater can unleash the heated fury of a tirade should he deem it necessary. He does however always prefer to rely on his charm and the associated words with such charm for the purposes of manipulation and control. Whether it is seducing you, seducing someone else to triangulate with you, to manipulate you into feeling that you are the problem, deflecting your suspicions or stopping you leaving through a scintillating Preventative Hoover, the Greater will turn to charm first. Those delicious words, so brilliantly delivered, the evocative sentences and tempting turns of phrase are all deployed in order to ensure that you submit and obey. If charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch, then the Greater will use his words to threaten and intimidate. Nobody else is able to convey his imaginative plans for how you will suffer if you do not do what he wants. A few sentences describing what fate awaits you and with no raised voice or bellowed indignation has a most unsettling effect on the victim. The Greater will not opt for Pity Plays, they are beneath him. His words are a source of pride to him and through charm and intimidation he exerts control.

Everything we say is designed to control you. Our words are there to make you fall in love with us, like us, be drawn to us and to be loyal to us. Our sentences seduce. Our words wound. What we say to you must make you do what we want, provide us with fuel, give us your resources, carry out our instructions, obey our commands. Our words, be they spoken or written are not there for your benefit, they are to serve us and ensure that you are brought and remain under our control.

You are excellent listeners but when you are first ensnared by us, you do not hear what we are actually saying to you.

Now you will.

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12 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 7”

  1. HG, throughout this post, I see my ex Narc in the Mid Ranger AND the Greater. For example, he would *never* employ a pity party. It simply would be beneath him. HE is the one we all leaned on—he never needed any of us. His friends called him Copernicus. How’s that for fuel????

    The diction of his words were calculated and smooth. That’s how he always justified the use of stinging & intimidating words. “How can you accuse me of XYZ, I’ve never raised my voice to you.”

    His vocabulary was insane (I had to work to keep up with him) and I’ve never seen anyone think as quick on his feet as that Narc did. I fell in love with his brilliance and debonair charm.

    Conversely, he never stole my thunder. He brought me to everyone’s attention and was always proud to tout my achievements to anyone who would listen. He’s never once been retaliatory. But I have been. O_o

    Question: Is there such thing as a mixture of the two (MR & Greater)? I’ve never seen any of your posts allude to that.

    Thanks
    69

  2. Hi hg! 😊

    Why does the mmrn talk in memes? Why is he not able to come up with words of his own? Why does he need to memorize memes he reads on instagram and repeat them? Is it because he lacks empathy so he has forgotten the words that go with anything empathic or anything positive? But you seem to know what to say. You are a greater. Due to your cognitive ability, you observe what others say instead, which sounds more natural. Maybe the mmrn has lower fuel sources to do this and so, he is more reliant on written poetry etc? Am i on the right track? Thank you!

  3. Even when I knew I was dealing with a narcissist . He/She found a way to control me again (emotionally) they just switch from script to script . Too confusing to keep entertaining it as a person blessed with a Heart and understanding .

    Now its time to leave my narc past alone . I enjoyed reading every single article due my information addiction . Growth is key . So its time to close this chapter and go on with life .

    And I thank you so much . We all but It changed me personally I always did notice there are different types of Human beings operating differently but a glimpse off how the mind of your kind works or can work was very enjoyable and laughbale sometimes GoodBye stay blessed.

  4. Scams are why the elderly should be protected on the internet. This demographic here is also vulnerable.

    I’m a high functioning ‘geyser’ who was with a lesser, he’d never actually shout —always a pedantic sounding drawl, but it is all complete bullshit, porn insults and grandiosity with sour lemon faces. Passive aggressives do not appeal, and i’m not a fan of affluent conservatives. The tackiness of narcs always shines through.

    1. I wonder now if a poem I luv
      “Words for it” ~ Julia Cameron
      was written for a Narc….or for an empath….or both!

  5. That one bought the anxiety to the surface even reading it. HG, Once again, well written. 👏🏼

  6. This is exactly why I didn’t recognize this most recent narc as a narc.

    My first narc was a mid ranger full of sweet words and affection. Very much a Casanova. I love you rolled off his tongue with ease. He could be quite romantic.

    This recent Narc a middle lesser and was extremely uncomfortable with words of affection. Could not stand any discussion of feelings. Could barely even say the word love. He tried very hard during seduction but you could tell he was completely uncomfortable and awkward and was doing it to make me happy which translated into the seduction of me.

    These two couldn’t have been more opposite, but now kn hindsight I see how very much alike they are. I just didn’t see it initially. The stark contrast between their abilities to express emotion is what kept me from thinking Mr Lesser was a Narc. I kept thinking well there’s no way he could be a Narc because he is nothing like Number one but when you look beyond the surface he was exactly like him.

    It really is fascinating how each one can be so different yet the pathology plays out the same

  7. HG,
    You wrote sometime back that if someone says something like, ” I’ll only hurt you,” or says they’re mean and nasty, then they are telling the truth.
    Yes, I’m listening.

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