Ten Spoken Narc Grenades

10 SPOKEN NARC GRENADES

1. You never….

The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.

2. You always….

The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.

3. I’m sick of you controlling me.

Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.

4. My ex wouldn’t do this

A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.

5. My ex would do it

Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.

6. I love you but I don’t like you right now

This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”

7. If you loved me….

We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.

8. You are over reacting

A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.

9 I can’t deal with this right now

Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.

10 I don’t remember

The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.

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16 thoughts on “Ten Spoken Narc Grenades”

  1. Here’s one to add to the list “I dont know” designed to avoid any commitment and to keep you hanging on.

    This was used regarding any question regarding the termination of the relationship. If it was something that if he answered would be definitive and I could use it later the answer was “I don’t know” neither affirmative or negative and that just the way he liked it

  2. My mother uses every grenade you’ve listed. Instead of “my ex would/wouldn’t do it” she would replace “ex” with “your sister”. She did it to both of us. When I first found HG I believed that the ex-narc was the biggest inflictor of pain in my life. It’s my mom. It’s always been her.

  3. HG,
    Even though you may “claim” you do not remember…does your kind usually tend to have a good memory? Or do you tend to forget most things, details if you will, etc. about your former relationships?

    1. I have a formidable memory. You have to keep in mind that with Lesser and Mid-Range, the self-defence mechanism that is narcissism impacts on the memory as and when required. Thus it will prevent the remembering of certain events in one situation (so it appears that the narcissist has conveniently forgotten when he as not) and then lo and behold he remembers again the next day (because it serves the narcissism’s purpose to allow this event to now be remembered.)

      1. I find it utterly comical that he “forgot” my birthday yet he would randomly remember each and every favorite topping I would order on my burger (pickles, lettuce, tomato, blue cheese crumbles, bacon, avocado and a fried egg and garlic aioli) because it was all his favorite toppings too.

        But yeah reading your explanation…that explains him all right! Very interesting that this is also attributed to the defense mechanism too.

    2. Hi gabs…i hope you dont mind me adding to your post. My narc has the most incredible memory and its just like HG said its when it suits him like in maintaining facades with his sources. I still cant believe how he gets his lies straight but he is a sociopath. Yet he can be what seems terribly forgetful when it suits him to be insensitive and fake forgetting something.
      I know his memory is incredible. I thunk wjen youre the one in control and creating chaos then youre able to remember things better than being on the recieving end and being emotionally drained.

      1. Ahhhh Narc Affair….2 peas in a pod they are….reaffirmed again and again. He claims he has a terrible memory (for example forgetting my birthday AND everyone else’s not just me so you know I should not take it personally….LOL) but then he shows the opposite (recalling every single topping I like on my burger when the topping of dinner comes up). “When it suits them”….sounds about right! “Fake forgetting”….LOL. What a fucking paradox. I have thought of calling him out on his “fake forgetting” next time he remembers something but then you know that good old line of defense comes up and it would likely be met with “Enough of this please, I cannot tolerate anymore of this….”

      1. Challenge fuel – thats amazing- I got almost the same … if we argued or I was making a point and he produced word salad that wasn’t working he’d suddenly say “I can’t carry on this conversation my brain is shuttled by down”
        It so weird that these narcs are all so similar in their behaviour. So entrenched in certain phrases and patterns. How terrible to be stuck like that.

  4. All of thee above!
    Anytime I question like, “was he really?”, or memories tug at my heart, I’m always reminded different.
    He’s a narcissist, he will not change, and I can’t change or save him.

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