The Last Word


I often reinforce how the key to understanding who you have been entangled with and therefore maximising your own prospects of moving on is to comprehend that we operate from a different perspective from you. That is why so much of what we say and do appears odd, irrational and downright perverse to you, yet completely normal and understandable to us. One of those ways in which the perspective affects the dynamic between my kind and your kind is the fact that we always want the final word. Now, of course, it may have occurred to you that since we regard the Narcissistic Relationship as one which lasts forever, how can there really be a last word? Once again, this does not matter to us and this highlights the contradictory nature of the way by which we behave. We are the ones in control and we must always exert that state of affairs. Therefore, within the Formal Relationship we want the last word in any discussion or argument. We want the last word when issuing our opinion about something. We want the last word when the Formal Relationship has been brought to conclusion. Indeed, even if you end the Formal Relationship and escape us we will still maintain that we had the last word and we ended it. We will skew the situation to maintain our control and sense of power, irrespective of what might actually have happened. This causes confusion, frustration and astonishment for you, which of course is all good fuel to us.

The need for the last word is also a device which is designed to set us on a collision course with your kind. You also want to have the last word. You want to be able to say your piece. You feel that it is only right that you are heard. You believe it to be a fundamental part of any relationship that you are heard and because you find yourself so annoyed, upset and frustrated with the way that we operate, this desire to have the last word, set us straight and assert your position becomes all the more important to you. If the Formal Relationship has ended, you also want to have the last say. You want to let us know what you really think of us. You want to make some last plea to the normalcy you believe still lurks somewhere inside of us. You want to make us hear you, listen and somehow accept that we are wrong and you are right. This desire of yours to say the last word is considerable and flies in the face of our own desire which of course leads to conflict, drama and opposition, all of which creates fuel which is what we want. You are left infuriated if you cannot have your say. You are furious if you have been denied the chance to articulate how you feel. You are upset that your desire to say what you want to say has been ignored, disregarded and treated in a roughshod manner. You want finality. You want some kind of closure and having the last say as we both stare at one another across the smoking ruins of our Formal Relationship is something which matters to you tremendously. We know this. This is why we make it so damn difficult for you to achieve, either talking over you, shouting you down, walking away or just disappearing. You feel cut-off, denied, unfulfilled and this gives us both Thought Fuel and Proximate Fuel if we stay to witness the reaction.

The need to have the last word also leads to you being susceptible to being hoovered because you feel that there are loose ends which need tying up. We know this and rely on it to keep you hooked and providing fuel to us without ever allowing you to tie up those loose ends correctly. It is all part of the way we continue to manipulate you. No doubt you have found yourself in such a situation. You may now have moved on and know that the last thing you ought to do is engage with us in this way, no matter how tempting it might be. You have learned it will only result in fuel, if handled incorrectly and at worse you might even succumb to our charm once again and be sucked into the Formal Relationship again. Yet the desire to say those things you wish you had been able to say all that time ago or even more recently remains strong and powerful. Of course what you might say now would perhaps differ from what you might have said back then, when you did not know better than what you know now. You did not know what you had been entangled with, nor how you had been manipulated and thus your words would take on a different form compared to if you said them now, armed with knowledge and understanding.

Think back, when the need to say those last words arose, if you could have said them, at the time, what would they have been?

37 thoughts on “The Last Word

  1. Chudzinka says:

    May happiness be with you

  2. omj says:

    If I would have to have the last word… It would be a normal morning, when nothing special has happened in the past day , I am painted white, I would just text with a word that does not exist a created word that has no sense like : iwoyui or natapolurcain or qporteui and would GOSO forever.

    I word that does not exist, an illusion of word, as my last text, same as what they are … an illusion.

    1. shesaw says:

      Haha, loooove your idea omj!

  3. Merripen says:

    T, I also used to think about the heavy gravity between the narcissist & the empath as some kind of sick joke. The universe slaps its knee and laughs. Both parties experience suffering, but the difference is that the empath has an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. The universe has presented us with a challenge, by showing us this vulnerability in our character. The narcissist was just the messenger. We empaths can choose to accept the challenge presented and begin a new journey of self-awareness, growth and healing. We can achieve a balance and peace; rise above, by embracing ourselves as the creatures of fullness and light that we inherently are. The narcissist does not have that choice, because they are unable (unwilling?) to attempt escape from the stressful, worrisome cycle of securing fuel. The daily injuries they suffer, the dreadful emptying feeling they forever run from, the rage, the fear – all of this and none of the pleasant emotions. The more my pain fades, the less I see it as a joke on both of us. The heavy gravity is owned by the narcissist, alone. It makes them a black hole.

    1. T says:

      I’m glad you said what you said here.
      The first time I escaped his grips I believed my entanglement was meant to show me that I need to take better care of myself.
      I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I’m having a hard time getting back to that belief. I think it’s because my outlook has become so bitter. It’s hard to face that I’ve been abused and discarded. I don’t want to be a victim anymore.
      An old friend told me I need to be a bitch. And also told me I need to pour out the love I gave him, and pour it on myself. I get it, but it’s crazy that I would find that hard to do. I think doing for him masked looking at my own internal junk. And your right, Merripen that this is showing me where I need to heal!

      1. Merripen says:

        You have come to the right place to heal yourself. HG will repeat the lessons until we know them by wrote. He may not be huggy, but he is committed to imparting what he knows. To us. Breathe in the now and exhale out everything else. You are top-heavy with emotion, but the insight he gives is valuable building material. Use it to steady yourself. Use it to educate and protect yourself. And while you’re doing that, I’m also going to give you valuable advice from one empath to another. Something that has helped me a great deal is to practice letting go. We have been manipulated by the narcissist to hold on with a death grip, emotionally. We have come to doubt ourselves and our place in the universe. I believe part of our healing has to be learning to let go. We have to trust that the universe will give us what we need. We have to trust that we already HAVE what we need within us. The narcissist doesn’t trust anything of the sort and is compelled to control everything in their world. We need to do quite the opposite. If you relax and let go and get into the flow of directing your light at yourself, you’ll find that those damaged layers will come to fall away from you. Let go the death grip. Let go the pain, the bitterness, the humiliation. Let go the bitch, let go the victim. There is endless empowerment in letting to. To let go is to be filled. Who knew? It has become such an important part of my healing, that I had it tattooed on my left wrist, to keep it close at hand. let go

        1. T says:

          Wow, Merripen!!! Thank you!!!
          Much love and Aloha!!!

      2. sarabella says:

        A friend told me somethign similar, though she was contradictory herself. She actually called me bitch, but then said I needed to become more selfish, more of a bitsh. Who knows what I am in the end then. lol Yeah, I agree about the pouring out the love…. I pour it into my art now…. my ‘infatuation’ was a burden? then I will burden him never again. It wil l allgo into what I create with my life…

        1. T says:

          I agree. I love to write, and pouring out my energy in that.
          Cheers to us!

  4. Lilly says:

    Oh how much I fought back then to have the last word. When I would said my piece and hang up on him, he would beg me to get back on the phone and “resolve” (get more fuel) things. My last word now is silence, there is no greater power than that. You can say so much while not saying anything. Who has the last word now?

  5. Kate says:

    Here’s my last word – when my “father”, a.k.a. “the lump” dies – I will not shed a tear and will only attend the funeral if my mother survives him.

    1. Melinda says:

      Forgiveness, Kate. Learning to forgive. Very powerful–not easy–then u will be free of him.

      1. Kate says:

        Powerful for who???!!

      2. sarabella says:

        Forgiveness is so overated when it come to keeping up a shield against a narc.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Pffft…… forgiveness is what keeps/kept most entrapped and allows for future ensnarement.

      4. Lilly says:

        In my opinion there is only forgiveness for yourself if needed. As for other people, their choices/mistakes, nothing to do with me.

  6. O,,,, says:


  7. anm says:

    the Narcissist wasn’t the last word, then he wants to text you an hour later to tell you he had 6je last word, then he wants to remind you 4 years later again that he had the last word. #petty

    1. HG Tudor says:


  8. numb says:

    I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of hearing from me. Not even for the last word. I’ll have the last laugh.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s the approach.

      1. sarabella says:

        Sad. That is why I say my nacricisssm was learned. I can do it, learned it from my family, and I was told to do this with the narc, but it was at great cost to my own self. I didn’t want to be that way, again. Until, I was out of self-preservation. Too late, where he was concerned before too much damage was done, but better late than never.

  9. Madison says:

    Hehe . . . yes, my ex put on an elaborate show/display to anyone who would listen that I’m crazy and he had to let me go–big liar. He went to great lengths to keep up his facade.

    However, my escape was only half planned. I couldn’t wait to escape this I admit to desperation/near panic in order to escape. Lol, I caught him off his game, off-guard, unaware of its coming–less smear that way.

    How? My escape was in great part due to much help from HG, our consult and email, his sharp insight and infinite wisdom, straightforward style of informing us and his writings. Thank you HG.

    My ex would be convinced he did the discard though I know the truth. It doesn’t matter to me what he was capable of convincing people of. I am at peace and he is gone . . . . doesn’t matter how it happened. Doesnt matter what the last words would have been. I have no answer to your last question in this article. I have a life to live. Last word.

  10. LYNN says:

    I’d say I have a wish that i wish you could grant me, that you could understand your condition and heal yourself and be your true gorgeous self
    because i know if your true self could be here with me he would be truly amazing and we could enjoy a wonderful life where the natural fuel of true love would always be there for us both, bathing us in perfect happiness and contentment.
    But he will never hear my words and never want to understand. he is of stone 😢

  11. W says:

    Oh yippee skippy just got to deal w baby daddy who I’m now realizing is likely a narc
    He walks like a narc, and he talks like a narc, but for some reason I can’t get it through my head that he is a narc. I swear I’ve seen real love and empathy for his kids and animals. But whatever he’s further along the, narc scale than he is the other end so that’s just how I’m going to have to deal with him
    I asked him for $20 towards his kids trip to visit his sister this weekend. He got really angry that this was last minute, try to claim that he doesn’t have the money to spare, and refused to understand that there’s more involved to raising a kid than having them at your house two nights week and just feeding them (takeout).
    He was really going off, but he gave me the $20.
    That he accused me of acting superior, having an attitude, challenging him, etc etc

    I do believe I got the last word today with him though – I just said “I don’t believe your reality anymore. I don’t believe you. ”

    He venomously told me to get lost and he walked away.

    I’m just going to go for child support. And if he wants to see his kid he can call him and invite him over. He’s toxic and I’ve done this for enough years the kids are 21 and 14. He has no relationship with the 21-year-old, because he makes no effort. I’m tired of facilitating this.

    I DONT believe his reality anymore. So those were pretty good last words.

    3 narc hoovers in 2 days.

    I’m exhausted but clear.

    Thank u HG -, for helping me see I don’t need any last words. I just NEED to GOSO

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  12. W says:

    I didn’t even HAVE any last words , and I was just hoovered by both narc’s within 24 hours.
    The first was so toxic it shook me. Leaving me open to running into the 2nd for the first time since NC – & his positivity (never ending golden, as DLS) , it was successful.
    For that day, anyhow. Now to reestablish NC w both.

    I still have no last words. It’s so insidious , this narc poison. If the first toxic malign Hoover hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have felt so ripped open and succeptable to the 2 nd, benign Hoover.

    Unreal. Friggin small towns.

    My last words now? : GOSO no matter what.
    No convo. Run, run. No dinners w their landlady, no dog walks, cut whtvr friends connect you. One narc can literally rip you open for the next one. I’m now wondering if it’s all one evil force that works thru different bodies.

    1. Insatiable Learner says:

      Completely agree with you, W. I got over the first narc by getting involved with the second narc. Needless to say, it only worked temporarily but caused more pain in the end. HG, is this a common scenario?

  13. Lori says:

    The last word is looking good, being successful, happy and indifferent to them. Nothing says to them you are nothing more than that.

    1. Kensey says:

      Lori – Agree!

  14. Amelia says:

    Yup. As you know, I attempted to escape, only to get a successful Preventative Hoover – not to hoover me back into the formal relationship, but to hoover me in just long enough so that he could perform the discard himself. Well done, Greater Elite.

  15. T says:

    Thank you, HG, for teaching me how to think a different way, consider things, and practice cool, hard, logic…until I get better at it.
    Then the words came from a very bad place.
    It’s like God, if there’s one, played a huge joke on the narcissist and empath, that they should be attracted to each other forever. Let’s make both have to live in hell on earth.
    Now the words come from a place of better understanding…that is in my heart and thoughts, definitely not in person.
    It’s odd, but in knowing he can’t help really how he is, or chooses to be, causes me to feel for him.
    But again, not in person. I really don’t want to see him again.

  16. SMH says:

    I am going to have the last word if it’s the last thing I do. I am going to have the last word if it’s the last thing I do. I am going to have the last word if it’s the last thing I do. Do I sound determined enough? Luckily, I found this site in time. It is helping me to deal much better than I have during previous escape attempts. This one will be successul, though I am not quite there yet. I anticipated this battle for the last word and I have one last trick up my sleeve…

    1. Madison says:

      SMH, praytell!!!

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi patricia….lol good video to send!

  17. Patricia J says:

    Go back to Hell…
    Would have been my final last words. Instead..I sent him the “Three Dog Night” U Tube Video”LIAR”.

    1. Fidelis says:

      The last word is allways to yourself.

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