No Contact No Nos


No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.

Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.

1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and

2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.

As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.

No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.

This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.

Obtain it here

16 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos

  1. Twilight says:

    This has nothing to do with a close relationship

    Who ever came up with “The Customer is always right” needs to be taken down to the firing range and shot!!

  2. Irish says:

    Wonderful insight HG. How does a lesser/Lower mid respond to being left for someone else?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please see How No Contact Feels – Parts One and Two

  3. sarabella says:

    I signed off many times. But during those times, it was not getting alot of things, not just about him, but about myself as well. So it was never fully meant, full of CD, and so much hurt. But by the time I was done though, I signed off with as equal a mountain of discards as he delivered to me. My weakness in all of it, was to deny when he first hurt me again. That was my downfall. A few more happened after that, but by the time I was ready to stand by how badly he had hurt me, I held not a thing back in my final ‘sign off’.

    Question though, HG, when the Super Nova Crazed Empath dishes out as much as the narc, does anyone ever get the last sign off? Who decides who leaves with the most power in the Narc Dance of Hell when it has gone totally nuclear?

    If its true, that only some empaths do and can go so Super Nova, because they have narc traits that for the most part, remain dormant for lack of a better word, but they are fully activated by the narc, and I in the end took my own level of fuel from his wounded reactions, from my controlling him by attacking and denigrating him and discarding him and being glad that I could actually hurt him (wound, cause rage, bitterness) and affect him, too, but in the end, we were almost mirroring each narcisissm, where does it really stand? Not from the point of view of Hoover Risks, but where does it stand when we fought an insane psychological duel and I know we both left our marks in each other in terms of wounding and we both got off on it in our sick ways but I am not left pinning (the empath part of me) and he doesn’t and didn’t ever give a shit.

    The only one who would get any kind of fuel now would be the one who reaches out. I reach out, he wins, he gets the fuel by ignoring me and leaving it like that. He reaches out and I do the same, given above and what I know. I think he knows this and I know this. We are at a silent, stand down and nothing more than that and whoever breaks this loses and gives the other the win. I can only say this is the reality because of what I said and did at the end. But during many other points in the dance, much earlier, much in your post applied because I wasn’t getting it but once the red button was pushed and nuclear warfare started, it all shifted.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Nobody decides. The victim may escape, the narcissist will hoover, the hoover may succeed, the hoover may not succeed, on and on it will go, on and off, dancing around and around.

      1. sarabella says:

        Ok. I get it sort of. I always knew he was never done with me. I took it all wrong though. I thought it was because he really really cared. I need help now then because I am slowly giving up. Giving in. He wins. But he can’t. So I know we talked before about me talking to you, but I could never focus it. Him? My effed mother? So it’s slowly focusing on what I would say with a consult. I feel him more and more lately, and its getting louder. Am I making this up? If I am, then that is what I need help on. I need to know why I create something that is not even there.

  4. Ajo says:

    Hopped on here hoping to hear your insights on Bill Cosby!! Narcissist??
    Reading this reminds me that my ex mid ranger definitely has a malice obsession with me. And what’s hilarious is that I know it’s because I beat him at his game and didn’t roll over like the other woman.
    I know him so very well. I understand that his malice stems from my ultimate rejection of him and exposure of who he is. That is his greatest fear. People figuring out who he really is, because then his fuel is gone.
    Ultimately, narcissists create the ultimate cognitive dissonance for us empaths. I struggle even hearing about Bill Cosby. It’s hard for us to face that people can be so twisted and evil. It’s so foreign to our kind, truthful ways.
    But I encourage you all that it does get better! Men with narcissist traits now make me cringe. I am utterly repulsed and I used to be so attracted to those traits! However, the tough part is believing their are normals out there. When all you’ve experienced are narc men, it’s a battle to trust. I do believe in red flags though, and I run at their first sign now, thanks to H. G.’s insights!

  5. RJ says:

    Experienced it all with the exception of number 4 in the first five statements after being discarded. It is as if someone was watching a reality T.V show,observing the drama, taking notes, then dissecting it all and explaining it to me 25 years later. I just can’t get over how the narcissism is so prominent yet no one gets prepared or taught about it. Perhaps it is due to lack of awareness, narcissists in positions where they know they have the upper hand and keep it that way. At home, in educational facilities, the religions, work places, etc…. HG. Perhaps a T.V show or multi episode documentary on the subject. Narcissism is real. There are so many shows about E.Ts and U.F.O s on T.V these days. I have seen something in the sky before not sure what it was but not positive it was a U.F.O. Perhaps it was just an orange glowing weather balloon. I have seen a narcissist before though glowing in all their glory. 100% on that! Problem is that people think you are crazy if you talk about narcissism too. We need this cover up to be exposed. Such T.V series would probably cause the massive decline of society as we know it. Ever think of such an undertaking? Great article.

    1. DUTG says:

      RJ, my thoughts about educating others exactly. Like a Sirius satellite radio channel hosted by HG. Narc Angel has mentioned an All Narc Network (tv station) with, in addition to the serious stuff, lightens up and applies the learnings via new twists on traditional game shows: ‘The Narc is (Always) Right’, ‘Jeopardy’, ‘Who Wants to be an IPPS?’. How about HG appearing on Dr. Phil or some of those BBC radio spots that highlight subjects not talked about often (I heard one on loneliness just recently). I feel the need to help spread the word.

  6. Authenticity says:

    I am glad you consider us only tertiary supply because then you will not hurt us no matter how fuel-iffic we are.

  7. No more narc says:

    Oh, i guess it should be mentioned that i left him…and regrettably let him know (albeit calmly) what i thought about his disorder and from where i theorized it stemmed…

  8. No more narc says:

    I left my narcissist 6 weeks ago. His hoovering attempts have vascillated between grand/nostalgic/“kind” and awful/threatening/malignant. Throughout i maintained NC and he has contacted me in several different ways for the entire time. I’ve not heard from him for 7 days. I guess i am naively hoping he has found another IPPS (though i wishe that on NO ONE) and that he won’t contact me anymore…but i still have that underlying feeling of dread, like it is the calm before the storm.
    After reading these entries and posts, which have been invaluably educational in my own recovery, is it safe to say i am wrong in my naïveté and that i will be hearing from him again in the future?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello NMN, the answer to the question is it is not guaranteed you will, but neither is it guaranteed that you won’t. Unless you take steps to impose a rigid no contact it is highly likely you will be hoovered at some future points.

  9. 69 Revolver says:

    I escaped—while he was away on business. Heh

    THIS time I learned never to do any of the following:

    “Seeking to expose us to third parties;
    Telling us how terrible we are;
    Looking to hurt us in some way;
    Unleashing your anger on us;
    Telling us we need to change and seek help.”

    Instead, I inflicted the greatest wound I could, NC—learned from HG, of course. I removed all fuel. All positive, all negative, all everything. Without HG,I’d never have known about “fuel.” I would have repeated all of the above. So, I pretended that he was dead. Not a difficult feat.

    For anyone reading this blog for the first time & you happen upon this comment, please know that the information on here will be *invaluable* to you. All the other authors I read ‘validated’ me. Here, I’ve become a student of narcissism. Knowledge is power. And I finally feel like I’ve gotten mine back again.

    HG, I’d thank you again but feel I’m becoming redundant in that regard. Plus, I’m building up your fuel supply too much (even though I’m tertiary).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. Your appreciation is noted. Do not be concerned about the provision of fuel, it is just a dollop.

    2. Mary says:

      69 Revolver:

      Congrats on your progress and going NC! Not giving fuel and not giving a damn is the best way to wound him. Like you, I did not know about fuel until HG either. There is all kinds of information about “narcissistic supply” which I always assumed meant praising them. It’s through HG’s sharing about fuel, how negative fuel can be as delicious as positive, that I fully understood that some folks actually THRIVE off messing with others’ heads and causing them pain. I never understood that before coming to this site.

      Thank you, HG.

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