A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 8

A LETTER TO THENARCISSIST -ILHGT'S LETTER

Dear Lesser Narcissist,

Remember how wonderful it used to be? How much we were in love. How you treated me like a princess. The romance, flowers, jewelry, and making love. Oh wait you don’t remember. Oh that’s right, none of that ever happened. What really happened?

Let me refresh your memory.

Remember when I was only 13 and you got me pregnant you told me to have an abortion because I was only 5ft2 and 90 pounds and that having a baby would kill me? So I had the abortion. And then I lied to my parents about it.

I felt shame.

Remember when you grabbed me by my neck and choked me unconscious?

Remember when you pointed the gun to my face and then went outside and fired it off?

Remember when you kicked me in the side of the face?

Remember when you would punch holes in the wall?

I felt scared.

Remember when you had sex with me while I was passed out drunk?

I felt violated.

Remember when you were driving and you said “Do you want to die?” And I leaned over and slammed my foot on the gas pedal and jerked the wheel and I said “We are all going to die.” You said “You are fucking crazy.”

Remember when I slashed the tires on my own car?

Remember when I was driving down the street and you kept running your mouth? You kept calling me a sore loser over and over and you wouldn’t stop. So I slammed on the brakes and punched you in the face. You said “Ouch! Have you been working out?” I was laughing and crying.

Remember when I smashed my car into your car? Good Times!

I felt like a crazy person.

Remember when you ripped off those guys and they whipped your ass with a fan belt? I had never seen you cry before.

I felt sorry for you.

Remember when you shared me with your friend because you owed him money?

Remember how we always watched porn?

Remember how tiny your dick was? I do.

Remember when you would tell your friends they could have sex with me if they paid you $20 dollars  then you would get mad at them for saying yes?

Remember how you always accused me of wanting to have sex with other guys, just because I was talking to them?

Remember when I cheated on you? I slept with your brother. Well I have a confession. I slept with both of your brothers.

I felt nothing.

Remember how you still live at home with your mommy?

Remember when I finally left you?

Remember when you try to scare my new boyfriend away and he kicked your ass? So I married him.

Remember when you told me not to push my religious beliefs onto to you? And I said don’t worry because when I die and go to heaven you are the last person I want to see there. I meant it.

Remember how you didn’t want to pay child support, so we had custody battles until our daughter turned 18?

Do you remember?

Well it doesn’t matter anyway. There is no reason to bring up the past.

If I send this it will just cause a hoover and give you fuel. You see I have read some of HG Tudor’s books and he taught me about narcissist. Oh never mind you wouldn’t understand. It is really unfortunate that you became what you are. I forgive you. Don’t think that I am being soft or that I give a crap about you.

I am crazy remember.

Feeling content.

So where is the delete button?

Sincerely,

Narcis…. I mean Empath

 

Deleted.

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34 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 8”

  1. I also wanted to say directly to you ILHGT, that I think this is a very well constructed piece of writing. It depicts a courageous soul and spirit that I think we could all aspire to be. I do not see a victim in this story, I see a survivor. Keep going, you got this.. xx

  2. The coments on this post are enlightening and some entertaining, you lovely ladies really are helping me shape my future decisions. Thank you raising my awareness to the true situation. Your all fab. X

  3. I normally do not comment on such conversations.
    For my own reasons.
    But, I will this time.

    I did not interpret EmPress comment the same way.
    It seems more to me that she was being protective Of I ❤️HGT
    And the abuse she suffered as a child.
    Only EmP can explain what she meant.
    Otherwise.
    The rest of us are merely assuming and hypothesizing.

    Also, she may not have seen this letter when it was originally posted last year.
    I think how I ❤️HGT feels is most important.
    As she is the writer of the letter.

    I Am glad that she has received support for her letter.
    That is validating.
    I had previously commented last year when posted.
    Though different from my experience.
    And hard to read for emotional reasons,
    it is also part of her healing process and is vital to share and release.

    As readers we need to be open to the content of each letter
    try to be accepting.
    Ask questions, if need be.
    Subjectively, this did not feel like an attack on the writer.
    I have read others which are more blatantly judgemental.
    This seems more of a condemnation for HG.

    EMPress, the writer would have given HG permission to publish her letter On the blog.
    She chose the words and the situation of her relationship that she chose to share publicly.
    Otherwise she would never have written what she did to be posted.

    For any who make others feel less for the way they work their way
    through their narcissistic relationships:
    There is no shame in honesty and wishing to heal.
    Writing it out this way,
    allows the abuse to no longer be hidden or feel a burden to the writer.
    This exercise is cathartic.
    The details of such abuse are never easy to read.
    But far worse to have lived.
    Judge, not.

    I wish no letter writers would feel shamed,
    mocked, ridiculed, condemned for their personal experiences.
    No one knows what another feels inside
    and how such comments can impede recovery.
    Or the desire to speak freely without fear.

    1. Thank you Analise 13. Looking for more comments like yours.
      I would add that this blog is NOT a best empath contest. There is no competition – no prize at the end for being the best writer, the best advice givers, the best offender, the most liked, the greater HG’s fan, the sweetest, the best provocator etc
      We all have one thing in common – having suffered or still suffering from a relation with a Narc. That’s it.
      That suffering has alter our life for the worst and eventually for the better.
      There is no competion or judgement neither for the worst , neither for the better.

      The reality is that yesterday there was a big Narc trap in front of me – one article I had read a few weeks ago came to mind – that article saved me from big troubles and who knows tomorrow what will help me to either escape, goso, enhance my LT capabilities who knows ?

      So I found this letter hard to read – but I am sure that going through it was excruciating and I have respect for people who can share those type of stories – one day – it might help someone goso or avoid a big Narc trap.

      1. That’s so true, Journey…

        Reading what HG gives us here is so healthy. I’ve had the same experiences… like just when my ER knock me around some, I can (literally) see paragraphs of one of HG’s articles, and I’ll go dig it up. It’s truth. We need to keep absorbing the truths. But it takes time, at least for me…

        I can usually *do* what needs to be done much easier than I can *fully* absorb/*fully* accept the truths of why I need to (yes, backward). I guess, for me, it comes in stages, like the stages of grief. That’s because it really is like the death of a person I thought was there. It’s sad, truly, for all of us who have loved… and to realize the person we loved couldn’t actually plug into that love. It wasn’t real. Smoke and mirrors. That’s shocking! I’m still shocked. So I need to keep reading, until I get to full acceptance.

        The other thing that’s immensely helpful here the graphics! I never thought those would stick in my mind, but they do — and then I often remember key points of the articles… so it ties things together for any misfiring neurons that sometimes need a lasting connection in my brain:-).

        I’m glad you found something that helped you when you felt the narcissist take up more space in your mind… I’m still amazed at how difficult it is to fully absorb the reality that is the narcissist. Like they don’t care about you. What?? You are the same as anyone else to them. What?? They won’t care (or feel guilty) if they hurt you. What?? I believe it, but I kinda don’t. I believe it enough to be legitimately on guard in my own situation. So somewhere, it’s reaching me. Unless you’ve had a relationship with these master chameleons, all this would be impossible to understand.

        Keep it up, Journey. You’re doing great! You’re working so hard to learn and grow. It’s showing… think of it as you driving — there will be those curves in the road sometimes when you may feel a bit lost, but you’ll keep your sense about you (LT), and you’ll get there, bit by bit… or maybe you’ll get a flat tire on another day, but you’ll be equipped with what you need to fix it. And if thoughts of the narcissist get too overwhelming so you feel like you’re going to crash — pull over, get out of that car and run until you get to that big, flaming heart road sign that says EVIL.

        And ironically, you’ll find shelter. 🙂

        XO.

      2. Caroline you speak the truth !! I can see myself in what you wrote 100%.

        That morning , I knew there was an article that I had read that spoke about a similar situation and I just acted accordingly – thinking that is the right thing to do in those circumstances.

        Funny I had a consult that day with HG and he talked about the article – and I knew this is what had led me to walk in the right direction.

        I know it is hard to say .. what he does not care ? No he does not etc I love those you wrote because they are kind of basic guidelines when your ET ramps up.

        Thank you again for your kind words and a big hug to you ! ( just notice there is a U missing in HG’s name ) lol lol !!!

      3. Hey, friend!… thank you so much for your gracious note back. Oh, I noticed I put ER in my post, instead of ET. Hmmm… I *have* been under a lot of stress lately, so maybe the ER is where I am headed next, lol.

        I’m humbly glad if anything I wrote pinged for you. You are so dutiful about doing everything possible to be in the most healthy place for you. It is impressive! I’m proud of you~XO.

        Haha… the “U” missing from HG’s name. And he’s such the hugger! ;-)It’s great that you keep doing consults with him. That’s admirable. I would, but he told me there was no need, because he believes I need to figure out the narcissist on my own. I was shocked that he discouraged my using his expertise! He even wrote out a list of reasons why it was unnecessary. Wow, ok, HG…

        (ROTFL)

        I’m being so very bad the past few days, Journey. 🙁 I will be good again. 🙂

      4. I am glad OMJ,
        HGs work and words helped save you from a bad situation.
        That your emotional thinking was in control for you
        to remove yourself safely.
        Well done.

        Yes, one never knows what may save another when read.
        I agree there is no contest or competition. Well said, OMJ.

    2. analise13,

      Hello and thank you. Your post has also give voice to my own thoughts, especially that last paragraph. I’ve always enjoyed your thoughts and perspective. You are a kind soul.

      1. Hello Merripen,
        It is nice to have you back on blog commenting.
        You are an eloquent writer
        Who gives thoughtful and respectful advice.

        I tend to steer away from confrontation,
        I find it purposeless.
        I often want to say something.
        But, choose not to.
        So many strong personalities,
        Differing opinions.
        I never wish mine to make it worse,
        With my interjection.
        I find for the most part now,
        Everyone tries to be understanding
        of others situation and opinion.
        There is a lot of emotion whirling
        Within these walls /blog.

  4. I wasn’t going to say anything but I feel like I need to.

    I am healthy or healthier now than I was back then.

    By writing that letter it released a lot of built-up feelings.

    And Hg ’s books and his consultations have given me understanding and closure.

    Each time I consult with HG I feel my confidence grow. I hope everyone takes advantage of the services HG offers.

    And I appreciate the support from the readers. I actually feel like I fit in and I learn from you as well.

    Empress1 I think I understand where you were coming from.

    I hope you are all having a wonderful day.

    1. Hi I ❤️HG Tudor,

      After I read your letter I felt compassion for what you went through. I was also amazed at your strength and resilience for coming through to the other side with a healthier mind and the ability to write a letter putting it all into words that make sense and can help others as well.

      I liked your letter very much. It shows how your experiences created a spiral of different emotions that took you from feeling shame, to feeling fear, to feeling violated to feeling crazy to feeling pity, to feeling nothing and ultimately to feeling content. This is exactly how the rollercoaster of emotions feels. In the end, narcissists use our emotions against us to make us feel crazy, even though we’re not.

      I feel happy for you that you are now in a better place.

      Best wishes to you and I hope you’re having a wonderful day too 🙂

    2. What an incredibly sweet comment, “IHeartHGTudor.”

      I think your letter is so brave… it takes a lot of vulnerability to write what you did, and even more humility to step up and claim this is part of your painful experiences. I’m so sorry you went through all you did.

      I wish you continued healing~~and much peace + joy.

  5. Someone once said the scars from our past are there to remind us just how real it was. This writer is a product of her past, but as horrific as some of the details are, she doesn’t seem to be a prisoner of that past. I like her. Just keep on your path, Honey, and walk toward the light that is your future.

  6. HG- you are better than this! This should have never been posted– this is proof of a rape of a minor— and sorry— she does not seem ‘healthy’ to me…..I personally think this should be redirected to somewhere else and not posted here….

    1. Whilst you may express your opinion, you do have to recognise that this subject brings with it some tough reading at time.

    2. Empress1

      It IS one of us, and turning your back on that reality for many only serves to perpetuate the silence and shame that surrounds that reality, and helps no one. She has been very brave to expose what has happened to her so that others may be warned of the depths and horror that face those entangled.

      1. Sins of the empath…Rejection of Negativity. I’m guilty of it too. It hurts me to hear her story as well; but looking the other way won’t erase what happened. HG is correct, very tough reading at times. It is necessary in order to bring about awareness of narcissistic abuse.

        “HG -you are better than this!” No, Empress1, he is the BEST at this. Sugar coating doesn’t do anybody any favors and I commend him for providing the facts, even though it hurts.

        I’m just glad it’s not always so depressing. We have a little fun here too. If we didn’t, my heart couldn’t take being here. I’d be jumping from the nearest bridge!

      2. Seriously, where are the like buttons went you want one?

        NarcAngel: like..like…LIKE.

      3. NarcAngel,

        You have worded this so well. Her letter was the emotional equivalent of falling backwards into our awaiting arms. I think we help each other (as victims & prior victims) dissipate the weight of our pain and horror when we acknowledge it, together. We owe it to each victim in each letter, to follow their narrative – no matter how far into the dark it goes. We only have each other, really.

      4. Merripen
        I agree. We must accept the good, the bad and the ugly no matter how dark it gets.

      5. It does bring so much of our dark and ugly side out. Sometimes I feel trapped into being the worst version of myself when I think of my relations with Narc .

        I do really become crazy. I do really lose it .
        It’s like if my brain explode.

        I just can’t live that life with the me with the Narc.

    3. I think the writer is brave to say things as they really are. The situation I experienced involved high levels of violence and I am still unable to express it freely. We all have different views on what healthy means: I think the fact that she expresses this with realism is much healthier than remembering the “good times” and asking to remain friends etc. Having said this, who are we to determine who is healthy or not? And nowhere di HG Tudor ask for healthy letters. I applaud the letter writer for saying things as they are for many, and applaud HG Tudor for publishing it.

    4. Empress1, when reading your comment I do not which is sadder: your judgemental / condemnatory comment without compassion for what she went through , the lack of recognition of her courage to openly write about it or the reality of what she went truth. All this combined is a sad but powerful reminder of the wickedness of human kind.

    5. Wow. Just wow. She doesn’t seem ‘healthy’ ????????????????????????????? Do any of us here seem healthy sometimes?

      She seems healthy in anger, bitterness, deep hurt, reclaiming her life and power, and coping with being profoundly victimized.

      And she is ALIVE!!!!

      That kind of shit makes addicts of people and sends them into OD land.

    6. I accept violence, hatred, rage, malice, anger, vengeance, control, fear, shame, greed, competitiveness, jealousy, envy and pride. I am not afraid; I am an empath.

  7. Wow. Powerful writing! So sorry you went through all that! Much Love and Prayers from Your Empath Sister

  8. What a story . You have been through a lot and it is clearly illustrated how we become crazy and act crazy with crazy people.

    I am speechless otherwise.

  9. Thank you for writing this letter. It shocks, but it’s familiar. I’m so glad you got out of this, that you made it out alive, that you have love, and that you can do what the hell you like with your life. Well done. Well done a thousand times.

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