Flies On The Windscreen


You know how much I like to drive my car. It is an impressive vehicle. It is fast, attractive and demonstrates to the world beyond just how superior I am to other road users as I surge past them with just the slightest pressure on the accelerator. Cocooned inside this metal shell I race from place to place in order to carry out my engagements. Gathering fuel in this place, ensuring a devaluation is doled out in that place and dropping by at the other place to open the passenger door and tempt you to clamber back in to the passenger seat with a winning smile and a reassurance that last time was a mistake. You remember last time don’t you? When I took you along the motorway and then dumped you there leaving you with a long walk back. How could you forget? You still have the blisters and the aching legs haven’t you? Well, climb in and allow me to ease your suffering. I promise I won’t leave you in the middle of the motorway again, distraught and facing a lengthy walk home. No, I am sorry about that. Why did I do that? Let’s not get into all that now, there is plenty to see andI would rather show you how good I can be than go over that old ground again. That was in the past and we both need to move on if we are going to make this work. I pat the leather seat invitingly as you hover by the passenger door. You look at it with a mixture of longing and wariness.

“You need to hurry up if you are getting in, there are plenty of others who want to sit there,”I observe as I look over your shoulder. You spin around and see several people, mainly women but some men, advancing towards you along the motorway. They are running and as they get nearer you can hear them shouting as they plead for me to wait. You stand for an instant and watch the nearing mob, limbs flailing as they hurtle towards us.

“They will soon be on you and they will trample you into the ground in order to get into here,” I warn.

This jolts you into action and you get into the car, slamming the door closed and pressing the lock button.

“Go, go!” you urge as the admiring mob gets ever closer. I smile to myself as I press down on the accelerator and we drive away leaving the disappointed mob stood in a cloud of dust and exhaust fumes as they watch you and I race away across the empty motorway ahead of us. I turn and look at you and already I can see that you feel comfortable as you sink into the luxury of the passenger seat. You have slipped your worn down and scuffed shoes off allowing your sore and blistered feet to sink into the thick carpet which lines your side of the car. I hear you give a little sigh of contentment as your tilt your head back.

“Always feels good to get back in this car doesn’t it?” I ask.

You nod and reach out a hand towards me touching me on the arm.

“It is a beautiful day,” I remark as I nod my head towards the windscreen. You give a little gasp as the clouded horizon which existed only a few moments ago has somehow vanished and you are staring at the bright blue sky and a golden, blazing sun.

“Where did that come from?” you wonder aloud and look at me. I say nothing but let you reach your own conclusion about how everything is always better when you are with me.

“Are you thirsty? You look parched,” I comment and motion to a drink held in one of the cup holders next to you. You pick it up and suck the cool, delicious liquid through the straw as I continue to hurtle along the motorway. You gaze out of the window as the embankments which normally grip the motorway and hide your view of what is beyond have now disappeared. Instead, you are afforded a breathtaking view of the undulating countryside which rolls away to the snow-topped hills in the distance. The land is kissed by golden light, full trees dotted here and there, the whole scene idyllic and just as you always imagine the countryside to look. It is as if I can read your thoughts and show you what you want to see. You have always thought that. I appear to have some sixth sense which enables me to create the very scene or environment that delights you the most and accords with what you want to see. You missed that when you were trudging along that bleak and grey motorway beneath the leaden firmament.

You continue to gaze through the windscreen, marvelling at the scenery outside, the beauty and the serenity breath taking, along with the absence of anyone else. Your eyes are wide looking at the vast scene that unfolds beyond the windscreen as you enjoy the comfort of my ride. So transfixed are you by what you see outside of my car you fail to notice the dots and specks which are forming on the windscreen. You are oblivious to the flies that smash against the glass, their insignificant lives obliterated in an instant by my driving forward at such speed and with such intent. The insects never saw me coming, flying along, blissfully unaware of what was hurtling towards them and would wipe them out in an instant. More and more bloody smears coat the windscreen and you still do not see them as they begin to mount up. I keep glancing at you but you are so transfixed by the beauty outside that the increasing death toll under your nose is going unnoticed. I do not activate the windscreen wash nor the wipers preferring to keep this carnage in full view, yet this obvious massacre is not countenanced by you. I allow myself a little smile as my test confirms what I knew would be the case. Just like a fly on the windscreen you have little idea just how close you are to such danger, how your existence hangs in the balance and how it is all down to me.

9 thoughts on “Flies On The Windscreen

  1. Jess says:

    I had quite a few physical altercations in vehicles with my ULN. Once, after my birthday dinner, he started an argument with me. I was drunk and didn’t have any patience for it. He punched me in the face. Bleeding, I waited until he turned the car off and hit him back as hard as I could, breaking his nose also. The next morning, the car was covered with blood. It was horrifying.

    The ULN knew that one of my greatest fears was being in a vehicle that submerges underwater. Whenever we were going over a bridge he would start a fight and threaten to drive the car over the edge if I didn’t relent. Once, our daughter was in the car… Nice huh?

    My Narc mom would threaten to leave me on the side of the road if I didn’t agree with her. We drove from Ny to Florida and just as we were about to arrive she started a fight with me. She made me pull over and got out of the car prolonging the trip further….ugh. I left her. Jess 1 Narc mom 1000

  2. Becoming Observant says:

    Do normal people ever respond to questions with narcissistic injury? Once I’ve seen it, is that my cue to run?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No they do not. Read Fury.

  3. /iroll says:

    Why wouldn’t someone notice carnage of insects? I thought empaths were supposed to be caring.

    I’m not going to share car horror stories, but the last time it happened i was in my early 20s – had to get up in the middle of traffic – and the police got involved.

    Apparently he also used to drive me round the block to sleep. So there was kindness as well as torture and taking an actual risk on my life.

  4. Carrie Khaddour says:

    Honey Badger Doesn’t Care _to some of us just living and surviving is not the main objective we exist for other more unspoken and not easily discernible reasons _As for me as an individual It is not to just show the Narc I am superior or to hurt him as a retaliation for his actions of merciless and utter humiliation of me , or I would not even dare to think to write it on a social media . It is something Deeper more valuable than existence on earth _It is not because how dare you do this to Me! who the heck am I after I am after all just another grain of sand fleck of dust of no more right or importance than any other I just am as is everyone else in that respect but nothing special in terms of privilege I have an internal core that must stand up for what I believe or it is meaningless to live at all or believe what I doIf I can not defend that which I believe should Adversity Challenge those beliefs. I am not in some way here to put you or your kind in their place call them out and taunt them in a showdown sorts to expose their dirt in the eyes of the world The Particular Narc that is getting it from me CHOSE THAT I did not seek him out or beg him to involve himself in my life he targeted me with a hidden agenda and it is no longer hidden nor is anything that was going on not one thing is not exposed its disgusting and deplorable wicked in fact now he is getting the result plain and simple I would expect to meet adversity if I did one of the actions he perpetrated behind my back and I would have quit with that at my worst and a lesson to serve me well_It was continual if the mans mouth opens lies falll out like a pasta machine coniving false this and that he lied about everything down to the shirt on his back as you could expect What next Is this I assumes His words were Lies so he lies I told Him I wasn’t going to tolerate Lying before he came here Oh Well He too Hated Lying No he Htes the Truth and that is his problem not mine he purposely chose to experience what he is getting and Now I Don’t Care if it is good bad in between or all of the above I have seen behind the mask and No Thankyou I am not running from what he did and That is that. I am not About That and he Knew that And took his choices fine I can accept that even if I couldn’t thats my problem. I have Choices too and accept that or not tough I do not have to live like that Unless I allow it the result is the same anyway _Sorry yes I am Sorry I believed he was better than that he did not deserve to be trusted because he is not worthy of trust mine or anyone elses He is Just Sorry he got caught in every last bit of it because my trust ended after his 3rd lie and dissolved completely before he thought I was On to Him I gathered the Truth right behind him as he scattered his lies I was Confused was Clearly Not He picked excuse Arguments and pictured himself as a pitiful thing He is but not for the reasons he had others believing That is their choice it does not alter mine nor am I concerned by those persons choice to believe someones smear campaign without out ever even meeting Me But I will tell you this I too see through their False Christianity they would believe the devil by his charm and flattery of them they would not Challenge the devil if this happened to their Mother they are afraid of standing up to adversity they need a popularity vote I do not as I said before I say again I am not afraid to Stand up for the Truth even if I stand Alone and that is highly likely these days TRUTH is not dependant on a majority consensusThink what each May Does not Change my route say whatever they like but I don’t want to hear it when it enters their homes They invited it There were a Brief Few that acted in courage and principle I know who they are and I respect them for it and One Day they will find that God honored them for doing the right thing many others call themselves good while they support and rally the opposite passing on and re telling the lies they wanted to believe because they were flattered for it_LIES are EVIL and All manner of evil is connected with PRIDE and A LIE I don’t Support Lies Advocate for them or Run from them If my life is threatened for that SO WHAT better to go down for the right reason then Extend Your days by number for the wrong reasons_sooner or later it all comes to the light no matter how deep you bury it Everything But TRUTH is dust and is limited in its existence enjoy it if you must but at your own expense I prefer to go the other way and I know the Cost All to well for exposing Narc I will Do what is is necessary regardless of the recoil_Not because I am Cruel Like The ones who brought this on But Because I am The same as they if I don’t a Coward and a Fraud living Lie after Lie What Can that Be worth if you gain the whole Worlds approval gain every luxury on earth and own it are the wealthiest happiest person Illusion on earth if you Lose your Soul as a result in the end_ LIARS are punished by Believing The LIES they tell until its too late to admit the Truth and Change Themselves Time is a Test of choices free will is yours the narcississtic individual is sad that is not an excuse to destroy the one very type of person who sees and feels for what happened to you we understand with out being told We were there to help you asking really nothing of you but the truth and we were Loyal to you without needing applause or gifts We Loved you fiercely and would not have let you down . We Have Suffered as you in an manner we too did not understand or ask for.We Forgave you Time and Time again we were groomed for that as you were for Narcissism you Laughed at us and enlisted your coteries and legions of the little dressed up monkeys groveling for your acceptance biting the hands of passerby’s to kiss the Narcs ass doing tricks for trinkets and cursing your discards for treating you as you have treated us Don’t they Disgust you knowing They curse Your very Self to you in their despicable displays of loyalty boasting their shallow professions of unconditional Love We were Loyal While you made us their sport That is the worst Thing you did to us You betrayed us to these little costumed weaklings as they smiled in their boast in our tear stained faces they will never do to you as we have done is Right.you wrapped us in your reality disguised as us you stole our face we would have gave it to you had you asked they can’t hurt us Our yesterday is their tomorrow deserving as they are of that .they will scream at a broken false fingernail while we excused your behavior we know it is the truth that you could be what you pretend and more why don’t you believe you have the ability to be Great Really Really Great instead you flounder in these painful false faces as if you need them All of your Monkeys together lack the resilience to revive as we Burning Still as a zillion pieces that you broke us apart into far more than you they are pathetic and perhaps even more guilty the cowardly Spineless and needy little plastic marionettes dancing on a string for your flattery They need you to lift them onto their chairs and spoon feed them lies You at least know the TRUTH They would refuse it if you showed them_They have Less inside Than The Narcs nothing but glitter they will fall to the floor when they discover their prideful place is shared by 10 just like them neatly hanging in your closet pressed perfumed and waiting for your selection the seams of them will unravel in one thread with one harsh pull from your angry finger your anger would desolve if you knew how the world turned around your finger in our eyes you don’t have to manipulate We Loved You We Still Do But You did not want us Because We remind You of What you Have Repressed You see The events that built you in us but we do not feel the shame and humiliation as you We feel it from you as you throw us away as nothing we did not need attention we got it in your happiness we lose ourselves in helping you shine and we find ourselves in your eyes Our Best And enduring Memory of you was to wake and find you staring at us guarding us Perchance to sleep we thought .Sleeping in Your arms We could conquer the impossible to champion your cause never wearing out because we recover we break to pieces and renew But You would Not Believe us You abandoned us because you believed we would run when your mask revealed You When That is the person we really loved not the masks the others require them you really are them all but they did you no real justice what is beneath is so much more but you don’t realize that and now you hate us If we Have Made This Place You Know We are not Destroyed and we Appreciate The Closure You give us for all the Ones Who Don’t Won’t They Do not Care as You do not We will never Stop Inside But We will cannot Change who we are any easier than you can Once we Are in this mode it is impossible to put us back we must either burn ourselves up inside or Go on into a another form it is stronger than the one you thought you knew or that we thought too This is not our choosing this is an effect of what is in our being It Is Not In Our Control We maybe would Prefer To Let You destroy us Than leave you in our dust to repeating this again and again We Don’t want To Do this We prefer to be the others but we cannot be You Have Made this Happen and We Are Hurt We are Sad We Know You mean it and we do not matter nor did we ever we don’t need to matter You do!

  5. Em says:

    This is a scary analogy. I know when he looked at me he was thinking this type of thing. The smug look I mistook for his look of pleasure.

  6. Lori says:

    Truth right there. Everyone thinks they know “their” Narcissist. He wouldn’t do this or that. No they dont. They are capable of anything and everything just because I haven’t witnessed something doesn’t mean it isn’t possible and with Narcissists ANYTHING is possible even heinous things you have never thought of

    You can never “know” someone and what they are capable of when their personality is fluid and false and they are distracting you with love bombing or even devaluatoon. It’s about keeping you off balance. You cannot know someone who doesn’t even know themselves,

  7. Shelf Fuel says:

    Once again Sir Tudor, your words get under my skin and cause an allergic rash type of flare up.

    Right now I am walking on that empty motorway parched with thirst with my worn out shoes and tired aching feet waiting for that fucking car to eventually make its way back around as it plays that familiar piano tune…..


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