A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 10


You have been outed by H.G. Tudor.  Yes, you fooled me for 42 years.  I thought most of your behavior was caused by the fact that you are a recovering alcoholic even though you have not had a drink in over 30 years.  At times, I thought you were also a sex addict, but now I know you are an alcoholic narcissist.

HG has opened my eyes.  I could not understand why you would devalue me to be with a “recovering” bipolar drug addict that has used heroin, meth, and any other form of mood altering drug available.  She has also had sex, according to you, with quite a few other men even though she is married and has two teenage children.  I understand the attraction since she is very attractive and 40 years younger than yourself, but I guess you were just desperate since your older IPSS had died suddenly one month before you found your druggie girlfriend.  (I am sure you were seeing the older IPSS before you ever met me.  That is why you wanted to keep the fact that we were getting married quiet until after the ceremony. And I doubt you ever stopped seeing her even after she brought a gun to our house after our daughter found nude pictures of her in your work shed.)

When I met you, you had 3 ex-wives, a car, a child, and a child support payment.  At least you did have a job.  You probably kept the job because all of the little people working under you who gave you fuel.

What I do not understand is how you were able to be tolerable for almost 40 years before you met your newest IPSS?  This woman may also be a lesser narcissist based on some of the behavior you have described.  Maybe you have met your match, as you seem to jump when she says “jump”.  I understand that you do not want your friends in your 12 step program to know what you and your druggie have been doing for the past 2.5 years.  You would not want them to know about the nude pictures she sends you or what you really do when you meet to “discuss the 12 step program”.

I am your “constant”, and I doubt you will leave.  My current goals are to keep my sanity, be able to sleep at night, protect my assets, and outlive you so I can have my life back.

Yes, I have made a few good decisions.  The first one was to keep my finances separate from yours when you were still drinking.  You hate that, I know, because you complain about it often.  The second good decision was to only have one child, even though you wanted more.  I put that child through college by myself.  I know, you say I could not have done it if you had not helped pay part of the expenses like health insurance, but I have paid more than my share over the years.

Now I know you wanted children for all the wrong reasons.  Too bad you have so little interest in them, but you have plenty of time to message and talk on the phone with your druggie girlfriend.

You should be ashamed  for using a 12 step program as an excuse to be involved with this person.    I am sure there have been others, like one of your former employees who “talks trash” about you and transferred out of your department after you “helped her get sober”.  You also were asked to leave you job because your last secretary accused you of “sexual harassment” after you tried to “help her get sober” even though she did not want to stop drinking.  While I was working two jobs, you were driving around with her and hiding Viagra under your car seat.

Now, I understand why you kept going to your first wife’s house even though you could not stand her.

I know you lie to me all of the time.  Do you think I would lie to you to survive?

4 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 10

  1. Quasi says:

    This is a powerful piece of writing, thank you Che for deciding to do this and sharing your story in this way. I like your counter attack at the end… x

  2. Lisa says:

    BAM!! Thumbs up to this one. Thanks Che.

  3. Caroline says:

    I had to read this several times to absorb it… the letter says a lot about your inner strength, that you can write so clear-eyed about your experiences. Usually I think of survivors as those who get away from the narcissist. But I have to consider that you tell the story of a survivor as well… you’ve decided how you will handle what is. You’re living your survival mode.

    I didn’t have this type of experience with the narcissist, but for a period of time I had to survive a different type of harrowing ordeal, so I can understand the essence of your letter… this way of making peace with something so beyond you, to do what needs to be done, to summon strength to go another day — having the most simple goals to secure for yourself: some sleep, basic protections, strength of mind. You whisper to your innermost being: “I will survive.” And you do… until such time that you’re truly free.

    Thank you for sharing.

  4. narc affair says:

    Hi che….wow it sounds like youve been thru a lot and im sorry youve had to live a life full of lies and deception. I am curious why you feel you have to stay with your narc? When you say lie to survive do you mean put up a front to stay in the marriage while protecting yourself? Are you afraid to leave for some reason? By the sounds of it youre more than capable and would be better off living without this loser.
    From what ive read narcissists get worse with age and the fact hes now got a much younger secondary source id guess hes going thru a midlife crisis and is hanging on to this source for dear life bc he knows his days of younger women are numbered. Thats why he jumps when she says jump but every relationship with a narc has a shelf best before date and it too will fizzle out.
    You must be very unhappy enduring the cheating and all the deception. I hope youre able to escape and live a much happier life. Thx for sharing and all the best to you in the future 🤗

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