Sex and the Narcissist

No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

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Also available in paperback on Amazon

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77 thoughts on “Sex and the Narcissist

  1. Sarah says:

    Hi HG!

    What would a female friend be to a female narcissist who she had 2 threesomes with be? SS or IPSS?

    They are both straight but the female narc would ask the female friend to have a threesome with her and her bf. In the past, they had 2 threesomes. One with her and her ex b/f and the other with her and a guy friend.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      IPSS – Shelf.

      1. Sarah says:

        Ok. Thanks, HG!

  2. DUTG says:

    Until the last narc, I’d never met someone so intent on sending me pictures of his privates before. He’s British, asked me repeatedly if I wanted to see his ‘British…’. Told me I had the ability to command his ‘British…’ virtually. He even wanted to ‘live wank’ for me.

    Maybe it was his Britishness and accent that euphemized the request for pictures of my ‘boobies’. Maybe I’ve been out of the dating game for too long and this is what it’s come down to these days. I bought HG’s ‘Sex’ book awhile ago but haven’t started it yet. I will say this narc sure did ‘enlighten’ me on this ‘new’? way of ‘dating’.

    DUTG’s too old for this shit lol. What happened to coffee dates?

    1. Julie says:

      Narcissists like coffee too. I have tried that. Fail

      1. HG Tudor says:

        This one doesn’t really.

        1. Julie says:

          For you how about a nice earl grey latte.. muwah

      2. narc affair says:

        My narc drinks coffee only on sundays.

        1. Julie says:

          You have got to be kidding me.. lol

    2. Mary says:

      DUTG, no shit! I recall coffee dates too. LOLOLOL

      My online narc and I had some amazing sexting. I never understood why though, it turned him on so much for me to watch him jerk off on Skype. He would push me to take his Skype call, knowing my hub was home and it was risky. The second I finally answered, he came.

      HG, was that because he was that excited at the prospect of being watched? Or was it such a turn on knowing he had talked me into taking a risk for him?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Ah the good old danger wank. It was all about the fuel – he gained Thought Fuel from contemplating your response (and that of your husband if he found out) and also proximate fuel from seeing/hearing your reaction.

      2. Mary says:

        HG, thank you for the explanation. OMG, I feel like such a fool for EVER EVER EVER getting involved with that fuck head! I went places sexually with him that I never would have with anyone else (online). He had a way of talking me into so much degrading shit! I did not enjoy being degraded, or being ordered to say degrading things about our spouses (which turned him on), but I enjoyed the freedom that came with him completely steamrolling over my boundaries.

      3. narc affair says:

        He probably got off too bc he was breaking your boundaries and disrespecting your hubby. Narcs love being in control and controlling you while youre there with your hubby is a power high for him im sure.

      4. /iroll says:

        Asking you to watch in real time is exhibitionism and that’s really boring.

        Narcy takes countless pics of his face and fashion sense but rarely sends them, you can see them on his social media and phone profiles – sending pics is beneath him. If i send him pics he will either totally ignore or demand what is on display – “sell it or get out!” As i have a history of disappointing him by not being at beck and call.

        He sent one private selfie of his back where he’s doing the Red Dragon pose and ones where he put my underwear in a jar, like my soul was prisoner!

      5. Spiritual Warrior says:

        Mary I asked HG of the topic Grooming, They groom us into doing things, believing things in such a way, like putting a spell on us to trust them so recklessly. Pedophiles of all kinds do that to their targets. THIS makes my stomach so sick…Our logic and wisdom goes out the door. I said to myself, how did I end up being like that for him, catering to his wants and needs. It is mind fuck rape brain washing. AS from Hitler on though life, these sick creators know how to do this so well. Like hypnotizing us. So what we all had to do was break the spell, like an addiction to them. Cut the cords that bind us to them. AS I swear for a year I did everything I have come to learn in my life of ending relationships,BUT this was very different. as They are Aliens of a different type.

      6. Mary says:

        Narc Affair: Very good point. I’m sure that was bonus fuel, knowing hub was being disrespected. It sickens me that I went there with him at all, and also that I was such a reliable and easy fuel source for him. Why did I indulge in things that made me feel shittier about who I am? Ugh.

    3. NarcAngel says:

      DUTG
      Well thanks for the picture in my head of his British stiffy waving at you while wearing a tall furry hat and a chin strap. What grown man says boobies? Red flag right there. Also, a coffee date is just a formality where you support the local barista, make awkward conversation about how you both ended up here, and then go home to skype each other your British and boobies.

      1. Julie says:

        NA..lmfao!

      2. DUTG says:

        Narc Angel, you have me cracking up over here with that visual! Also, don’t you think most words sound better with a British accent, ‘Boobies’ included?

    4. Quasi says:

      I was offered a dick pic from the narcissist that I entangled with. I will never understand why men believe that this is an attractive appendage to be photographing and sending to people. I may be the only one that thinks this….

      He did seem a little deflated after he was unceremoniously told “no thanks”.

      1. /iroll says:

        I mean, there are good dick pics out there but they’re rare, timing is also important.

        1. Julie says:

          Iroll… i agree. A girl has to know what shes getting herself into at times .

      2. DUTG says:

        Quasi, exactly! You are not alone. To divert, I’d ask him to send me pictures of other body parts, and I’d do the same. So it would be a foot, a knee, a shoulder. Never showing the face. One time I got him to photograph his naked ass. You could tell he had to get in a really awkward position to snap it. I’d be on my end (no pun) of the world having a jolly good laugh, he’d be on his end of the world thinking this is foreplay.

      3. Julie says:

        At least yours asked if you wanted to it. Id be sitting at work and get them. I do revel in the knowledge that after an internal investigation at the police dept i work at and they saw the pics on my phone… everyone in the dept has now seen his little pecker .. especially his now uncle, the top man! (Insert evil grin)

      4. narc affair says:

        Lol quasi! I agree getting a dick pic is unflattering especially when you arent expecting it.
        If youre in a relationship its a bit different if youre both on the same page. My narc sends me dick pics. Mostly when we cant be together or leading up to meeting. What bothers me is when ive been shelved and its been a span of time weve not been intimate and out of the blue he sends me a dick pic and says hes horny. This is so awkward and upsetting. Talk about mixed messages. I do see it is completely normal to him bc he feels he can pick and choose when were intimate. Very unatural and not normal.

      5. /iroll says:

        Julie, previews are helpful. The funniest one i got came with the line “every princess needs her throne”.

        Also – another myth buster: you don’t have to give blowjobs on early dates. casual BJs are so 90s.

        1. Julie says:

          Lmao… let me adjust my crown

      6. Quasi says:

        Narc affair, I’m not sure what to say lovely. My gut response was one of sadness for you, and the thought process of trying to imagine how I would feel in your situation, this still just made me upset for you.
        I know we have all been making light of this, but it can be incredibly upsetting if this is a form of communication used.

        I’m new to the blog so I don’t know enough of the dynamics, I can see that you are very insightful and aware of your situation with your narcissist and the role you have for him.

        I can only advocate that outside of that time with him, when it is just you, that you do things for you. What you enjoy, what makes you smile, tell yourself daily affirmations if you feel comfortable to. For example – I am important, I have value, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am kind. – you get the gist..

        Self esteem is a huge factor in vulnerabilities to others who would take advantage of this and try to crumble it further.
        im sure you know all of this, I just felt the sad undertone of your comment and would love for you to see your worth.
        Please know that my intent is from a good place, and I hope you can work through this in the best way for you in your situation.

        Your right that may be the narcissist way but that does not make it ok..

      7. narc affair says:

        Hi (((quasi)))…ty for your kind post! It reminds me what narcissism has given me and thats beautiful ppl like yourself that understand and are gifts to others. If it wasnt for the narcissists in my life i dont think i wouldve come across ppl like yourself. Thats been a benefit of going thru this. Im learning and im meeting wonderful ppl in the process.
        Im trying to build myself up more with affirmations.
        I made a joke about this in relation to HG’s comments about himself lol its true tho its unbalanced. I need a bit more of this building up of oneself. Not in a conceited way but in a way i start to believe in myself again and boost myself.
        Ty for bringing this up along with your other points they help a lot! 🤗

      8. Quasi says:

        Narc affair , in this context it is not conceited, it’s essential.

        There is a huge difference between valuing yourself and building up your own opinion of yourself, your power and confidence and a route of over self valuation. You are important and deserve to believe this inside also. You can do this, and I have faith that you will …. just start with trying to bring your focus back to you…. xx

      9. Meaghan says:

        HG, you crack me up . . . LMFAO. Im American and never heard ‘danger yank’ before. Thanks for the laugh!

    5. DUTG says:

      Laughing out loud over here at all of the replies! When it first came up (no pun), I started asking the mighty Google things like, ‘why do men like to send pics…’ Sometimes I just love how Google completes sentences for you. Obviously I was not the first to type in that question. I wasn’t fully satisfied with the psychology articles on the matter. They didn’t fit, this guy was so insistent, like a child. Then I discover HG and all of you and learn it’s just the good ol’ standby danger wank. Plus the future wank, wankbombing, silent wank, Hoover wank, everwank…

      1. Quasi says:

        😂 Ah so many wanks, infinite possibilities of one man and his hand… I really hope that someone has written a book with that title, it could be a companion to one man and his dog..

      2. Mary says:

        DUTG: You do realize we are all going to hit google immediately to see what appears in the search bar.

        Second, this thread alone is enough to make me get a WP account just to be able to like all these posts!!! Happy Friday, everyone.

      3. Julie says:

        Wanks & more wanks.. wanks wanks everywhere! I can appreciate a good wank pic from time to time but no need to constantly send them i would agree with that. I may be some kind of nympho or been sexually comditioned by the ex narc im some way cuz I dont get bothered by that too much in fact if im in a relationship ill have him going for broke just about every day of the week. But i wasnt like that til the N . I think its more of what i became used to with the Narc than anything. Free willy!

    6. Quasi says:

      DUTG- you have quite literally made my day with this thread of conversation… Its a good job it’s my day off work… I would be very unproductive as reading the blog. I fear that I have lead a very sheltered life …. im finding the insight especially into internet / dating exchanges very amusing…. especially the imagery of your narcissist trying to work out how to get a selfie of his butt!! I imagine that he this took some time to achieve and involved some chin scratching and contemplation of his best angle…..
      I haven’t been offered a dick pic before or since the narcissist….

      1. Mary says:

        Quasi, while you’re at it, I almost forgot. My narc out of the blue sent me a video of him using a penis-sized object on himself. I asked him if he borrowed one of his wife’s vibrators. “Nope. It’s my kids’ Wii toy. But don’t worry, they don’t play with it anymore.” I was horrified but could not stop laughing. He does not know I laughed. I sometimes wish he knew.

        HG, if he had seen that hysterical laughter, would it have wounded him? Pretty sure he’s a mid-ranger or upper-mid.

      2. Meaghan says:

        I know it isnt ladylike . . . But I’ve always liked potty humor. I can remember as a child growing up with older brothers how naughty they were. And they would make me laugh. My ex narc had no sense of humor about anything. None. Zip. Boring.

        Maybe its being of Scaninavian descent, but my nuclear family had no hang ups with just walking around in skivies or just a towel. I’m a nudist in my home with no one around. TMI, huh?

        My point, the sex drive is the second most powerful instinct/innate drive humans have. It is the repression of these instincts and feelings that causes neurosis, sick porn, etc., in my opinion and the opinion of the priest who told me this.

        Before we were intimate, a girlfriend had taken pics of me nude coming out of a jacuzzi. She’s the one who introduced me to the narc, but she didnt know what he was, diagnosed NPD. She sent him a pic. Now that was intrusive and I wasnt happy about it. But it was during the love bomb stage. He actually said something nice to me (shocker) which was to some it would be porn but to him it was art. Now I know it was just more of his love bomb BS.

        Personally, I dont think its a lack of self esteem to love oneself or be comfortable in loving ones body.

        However, at the start of the devaluation stage, my ex asked me to send him pics of my body parts . . . and he wanted to know if I wanted a pic of his junk. I said no and he never asked again.

        Then near the end he wanted to stick his duck where I personally dont think it belongs . . . to each his/her own and requesting me to have sex with a stranger while he watched. I dont want th as t as part of an intimate relationship. I like to play but I dont play that. His true colors started to surface . . . .

        1. Julie says:

          Meaghan..funny you mention the lack of humor. I am like you, I have a raunchy sense of humor and the ex N had NO sense of humor. Even if he did laugh at something you could tell it was fake.
          Im sure it has something to do with why they choose you type thing. They lack humor and you have it.

    7. analise13 says:

      I do not think any accent can save ignorant or debased conversation.
      Especially if emotional thinking is in check.

      A narcissist can use their accent to manipulate our emotional thinking
      Where we can fall prey and into bed, more readily.

      I think I have immunity to accents,
      As I do not feel any of that when I listen to HGs
      YouTube videos.
      I only hear content.

      DUTG
      I had a man send me such a picture once, I reported him.
      Too crude,
      For my liking.
      I agree coffee dates and a movie.

      Narc Angel
      Too funny.
      Laughter really is the best medicine.

  3. Spiritual Warrior says:

    Narcissist having sex with their victims is a way of putting a spell on them. Not all are the best, but in many stories of the victims, you hear IT WAS MIND BLOWING SEX, LIKE WE FIT TOGETHER. I have CUM to believe they are gigolos and ladies of the night. They hear all of your fantasy and the texting helps them to do their homework of finding out what you like..Are you an Angel but a sex god or goddess in between the sheets. I had the greatest sex. THEN I found out he was sexing it up with many of us at the same time. OMG, then I found out he had a long term GF. I contacted her after a lot of what was told to me seemed very off. HE said they had an open relationship. I asked are you looking for a 3rd to join you? Are you testing me out. OMG he went along with my wondering mind. I told him I have never done that before. Are we to meet and see if we all get alone?? What was the plan. He told me THERE HAS TO BE RULES. Anyways, it was all sounding like bullshit. So I finally contacted the GF. I am about 8 years younger then the Narc. and his beloved accessory to his abuse to women. She told me, I was just a fling. He did it one other time. I believed all of the bullshit that came from her then him and I was a mental mess for a year. WHY because I did not want to give him up or the sex. WELL Then I put an add up where we met on a dating site and put questions. I just had his photo. NO Name or Information. In 3 months 22 women wrote me and 90% of my questions all match each other including me. SO I FELT DIRTY SICK DISVALUED LOW SELF ESTEEM EXPLOITED RAPED. That fucker used all the same words and moves with us as possible. So Sex with a Narcissist is like Sex with a Gigolo The End. You are not paying cash, YOU are paying for a life of mental mind fuck rape.

    1. Spiritual Warrior says:

      HG any thing on GROOMING Victims???

      1. HG Tudor says:

        See Sitting Target.

    2. Julie says:

      Warrior.. i understand. Same with me. The sex was incredible and It was like a drug and he was my dealer. I think he was secretly taking viagra although when I asked him he said no. I dont know of many guys that go for 4-5hrs and add a few bottles of wine to boot. Im convinced it was viagra. Not gonna lie… god i miss it

  4. Nuit Étoilée says:

    I recommend this book to everyone. Stunning, eye-opening, incredibly enlightening. Many of my friends who have now read you, Hg, agree that this one is a must-read – no one else explains the perspective & motivations of a narc like you – and the sex is so often referenced, unforgettable.

    Thank you for seducing us.
    The only narc experience I don’t regret.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  5. lexiconlover says:

    Sex and the Narcissist, sounds interesting. Sex and HG Tudor sounds like an even better read. Please, write your memoir ✏️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are in hand.

      1. lexiconlover says:

        Oh…..to get my hand(s) on that,
        Delicious

      2. Clarece says:

        Will that be combined in your “Asylum of the Grotesque”? 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The Asylum focusses on the IPPSs so that would form part of my past, but not all of it.

          1. Clarece says:

            Understood. Have you decided on your topic for the WNAAD Telesummit on June 1st? I saw you on the official guest speaker list!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I have indeed Clarece, my topic will be “Why I am so brilliant.”

          3. Clarece says:

            I mean why isn’t there a Global Holiday recognized yet in honor of HG Tudor. Like Earth Day?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Damn right.

          5. NarcAngel says:

            HG

            Finally! A challenge I can issue that you will have to concede is impossible for you to do:

            Explain why you are so brilliant in 45 minutes.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            I would only need a few seconds really NA.

          7. Julie says:

            Boom..! Lol

          8. NarcAngel says:

            Typical narc reply. If I’d have said he could do it in seconds he would say 45 minutes was not enough.

          9. Julie says:

            NA.. Im not poking the bear anymore. Dont think he was happy. Im very shell shocked with greaters. I don’t even know him and he frightens me 👀 i’ll be over here —-> lol

          10. NarcAngel says:

            HG
            Well lets have it then. How brilliant you are in seconds. I’m intrigued.

          11. HG Tudor says:

            I am brilliant.

            Thank you and good night.

          12. Narc Angel says:

            HG
            Haha. Well done. I stand corrected (although it was meant as a compliment from the get go).

      3. Hairy Little Empath says:

        I bet Mr Tudor often sings “I am brilliant and I know it” to himself.
        I just wish I could see his snake hips in action when he does it.

    2. Julie says:

      I second that.

      1. DUTG says:

        Wow! I just googled WNAAD Telesummit. Wow!

        1. Julie says:

          I had no idea there was such a day. This is wonderful!

          1. Mary says:

            I so wish I was going to this!!!

          2. Julie says:

            Me too. Maybe next year. Looks very interesting.

          3. Clarece says:

            It is a telesummit. No need to be anywhere but in your own house. Register and the interviews get emailed to you over a week period.
            Enjoy!

  6. Tara says:

    HG do you still make money off your books if people get them for free from kindle unlimited? I was going to tell my friend to get kindle unlimited so she can read all your books but if you don’t get paid then I will tell her to buy them instead so you get paid for your work.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I receive a far smaller royalty through Kindle Unlimited. Thank you for your consideration.

  7. Julie says:

    Bought this one the other day lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for doing so.

      1. Julie says:

        Noooo thank YOU. These books are so much better than the run of the mill books that are a dime a dozen. Im intrigued. Keep up the fine works.

    2. Mary says:

      Julie, it’s a really fascinating and eye opening read.

      1. Julie says:

        Absoutely. Im not done reading it just yet . HG, it is like a steamy porno in parts… oh my i like it lolll (teasing you ) its very good in all seriousness. I got the gilded book too. Cant put them down

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