Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?
If you want to understand what is absolutely central to the behaviour of the narcissist and your role in this, you must read this work.
10 thoughts on “Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?”
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Sir, you told me to read Fuel. It arrived today. Can you suggest the order in which I should read the rest of your books? Thank you
It depends on what you are looking to address IDN.
Certainly this book is one of the pillars to understand how the narcissist functions. I have read it actually several times going back to it as reference finding specially interesting the chapters : “ Form of delivery points value” and “ Proximity of the source points value”.
Of special interest is as well the chapter “ Why stop”.
After some time participating on this blog and having read the posts and books I just had to make an analysis so far:
1. Fuel is any emotional response provoked in a person either positive(i.ex. love, admiration, validation etc) or * negative ( i.ex. anger, frustration,sadness, tears anxiety etc.)
2. Fuel is required to:
– repair the narcissistic wound ( as a consequence of criticism direct( with words) or indirect( ignoring)
-fill up the void that could be the consequence of family environment during childhood where the lack of real love, admiration, validation was present ( abandonment from caregivers) and / or submitted to “direct” abuse ( verbal and /or physical) where the child learned that he/she was never enough. Filling up this void temporarily by obtaining temporarily a feeling of power.
(I am leaving the genetic factors aside because that goes beyond my knowledge.)
3. Obtaining fuel could be seen as the need to fill up this void temporarily by obtaining temporarily a feeling of power. It can’t be filled any other way because the child never learned to love or care for someone.
( As a parenthesis this inability to love, care or lack of empathy may be as well genetic that subsists even in the case where there was no abuse or abandonment during childhood) .
The following questions came up:
1. Is there a fuel storage? Is it the status of the fuel matrix?
2. Since the consumption of fuel requires high maintenance ( on a frequent basis) and if there is a “fuel” storage :
Does that mean that depending on the fuel storage /status of fuel matrix something that one day may be perceived as a criticism that same thing is not perceived as such another day? So it is very hard even for the narcissist to predict what causes a criticism?
3. Is the high maintenance of this cycle of consumption- re-fillment of fuel the reason why the narcissist seems restless/bored sometimes?
4.As far as I understand, the narcissist hates everybody.
Does the narcissist hate himself/herself as well because of the fact that even though he/she does not like a person he has to say or do certain things he does not want to just to obtain fuel?
5.Does this explain the fact that (as of own experience) the narcissist does not do happy…as a matter of fact they seem to be “angry”, irritated, troubled ,restless most of the time? As I could experience myself: they can smile with their mouths but not with the rest of their face and body.
just adding as if my analysis was not long enough:
*the need for negative fuel ( which is more potent than positive because it is harder to provoke on an empath) is a projection of the narcissist into the person they are interacting with as a defence mechanism to avoid experiencing themselves again the feelings given by their caregivers of being insignificant, not enough, worthless unimportant as children .
Certainly this book is one of the pillars to understand how the narcissist functions. I have read it actually several times going back auite often to it as reference finding specially interesting the chapters : “ Form of delivery points value” and “ Proximity of the source points value”.
Of special interest is as well the chapter “ Why stop”.
After some time participating on this blog and having read the posts and books I just had to make an analysis so far:
1. Fuel is any emotional response provoked in a person either positive(i.ex. love, admiration, validation etc) or negative ( i.ex. anger, frustration,sadness, tears anxiety etc.)
2. Fuel is required to:
– repair the narcissistic wound ( as a consequence of criticism direct( with words) or indirect( ignoring)
-fill up the void that could be the consequence of family environment during childhood where the lack of real love, admiration, validation was present ( abandonment from caregivers) and / or submitted to “direct” abuse ( verbal and /or physical) where the child learned that he/she was never enough. Filling up this void temporarily by obtaining temporarily a feeling of power.
(I am leaving the genetic factors aside because that goes beyond my knowledge.)
3. Obtaining fuel could be seen as the need to fill up this void temporarily by obtaining temporarily a feeling of power. It can’t be filled any other way because the child never learned to love or care for someone.
( As a parenthesis this inability to love, care or lack of empathy may be as well genetic that subsists even in the case where there was no abuse or abandonment during childhood) .
The following questions came up:
1. Is there a fuel storage? Is it the status of the fuel matrix?
2. Since the consumption of fuel requires high maintenance ( on a frequent basis) and if there is a “fuel” storage :
Does that mean that depending on the fuel storage /status of fuel matrix something that one day may be perceived as a criticism that same thing is not perceived as such another day? So it is very hard even for the narcissist to predict what causes a criticism?
3. Is the high maintenance of this cycle of consumption- re-fillment of fuel the reason why the narcissist seems restless/bored sometimes?
4.As far as I understand, the narcissist hates everybody.
Does the narcissist hate himself/herself as well because of the fact that even though he/she does not like a person he has to say or do certain things he does not want to just to obtain fuel?
5.Does this explain the fact that (as of own experience) the narcissist does not do happy…as a matter of fact they seem to be “angry”, irritated, troubled ,restless most of the time? As I could experience myself: they can smile with their mouths but not with the rest of their face and body.
If you don’t read but one, make it this one!
MB
I do agree, this was the first book I read. It answered many questions.
MB, I only have two of the books, fuel and fury. I am only halfway way through fury, and fuel is waiting for me… I’m not sure If I’m reading them out of sequence. I take it from your recommendation above that fuel is going to be just as good. Thank you
Quasi
Fuel and Fury are the foundation and it doesn’t matter which you read first. Sitting Target is third. They are ALL good! I love the confessions series. His earlier work is different. I’m reading The Devils Tool Kit now. It explains the salami slicing and so much more, and so many good metaphors using tools. I know I’m fawning, but HGs work is genius. You will learn no matter what you read. The cool thing too is that the same material is repeated and interwoven into multiple works so the really important points are driven into your brain.
Thank you MB, that’s incredibly helpful of you, and I really appreciate your advise. I will order sitting target next!
bathing in the blood of small urban mammals?