A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 33

“FUCKING IDIOT!!!!” can you remember sending me that text? All because I allowed my son’s Dad to tweak times.
Do you still think I’m a “fucking idiot”?
You were part right of course. You must have thought you’d hit the jackpot when I explained how private I am and how I hated confrontation. Perfect.
You broke me. You shattered every element of my being into a million pieces.
You knew what you were doing when you slit your wrists because I tried to leave you.
You knew I would be, from that moment on, emotionally hostage to you. You kidnapped my soul. You had me trapped but did you realise from that moment on I despised you? You repulsed me. Nausea engulfed me whenever you touched my crawling skin.
Not quite the God you believed yourself to be, were you?
Something you should know though – when you break a person’s spirit until they don’t know who they are anymore that person changes. That person starts from scratch. That person can be who they want to be. I could almost thank you for being the catalyst in making me who I am today. Almost.
You underestimated my love for my son. Back then you could’ve, and did do anything you wanted to me but you shouldn’t have messed with my son….
So, what did you think when I walked in the coffee house you were sat in? Did you think I’d run in fear? Of course you did because you’re a bully. But instead I sat at a table behind you and I have to say, I was amused with your squirming and obvious attempts at looking comfortable. Putting your feet up on the sofa and laying yourself fully out on it as if you were at home was pretty hilarious to me. You won’t have noticed other customers nudging each other at your lack of social etiquette as you were you busy pretending to be relaxed and unintimidated. Didn’t fool me though. Yes, the tables have turned.
Did you know I’ve seen your mental health diagnosis and care plan? Of course you don’t know. Again, you underestimated what I was capable of.
BPD hey?  Hmmm. Nice try. Wonder if they’ve seen through the self harming victim mask yet? Wonder if they’ve challenged you about your behaviours? That’s when the diagnoses will change. Others you can control but you lack that same ability in controlling yourself.
 I look forward to my next report….
I feel nothing for you now. And when I say nothing I mean it literally. Neither love nor hate. Neither a dream nor a nightmare. You are neither alive nor dead.
I have no desire for you to read this. This is merely a reflection of a memory.
I don’t chase revenge. I don’t want to hurt you. I have no anger not pity toward you.  I have nothing for You.
You don’t exist.
Best wishes
The fucking idiot

6 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 33”

  1. T – “You underestimated my love for my son” –

    that’s when the power shifted, isn’t it? That’s when the 180 degree turn happened, right? you could no longer unsee or explain away how unsafe and toxic things had become. It was getting too close.

    When it was just me, non-confrontational me, I thought I could handle it. Because, of course, I was used to it (thx a lot, Personality Disordered Mother) and I “knew” if I could just love this damaged, hurt man long enough…he would come out the other side and all would be well & beautiful & healed. I had such faith in that idea of holding out long enough to see the 180 degree turn in “the love of my life”. It fueled me to stand firm and get up when I was emotionally knocked for a loop because I was on a mission to love him through it.

    But they didn’t account for how much we love our sons, did they?
    And they don’t get how attuned & protective an empathic mother can be. Checkmate.

    I know… I am truly sorry a narcissist doesn’t know and have that kind of attachment woven into the fabric of their being. I grieve for their loss – they didn’t deserve that. If we could fix it….

    We’re empaths who love our sons and loving them as we do, likely (definitely, in my case) saved us from hurtling ourselves any nearer the narcissists’ asshole – oops, ahem, black hole.

    Yeah, so, we’re badasses and we’re taking no prisoners. Get used to it.

  2. I can so relate to some of this letter. What’s with the lacking in any social graces? tHiNg was like that. Embarrassingly so.

  3. I was a fucking idiot because I went back knowing what he was, but not accepting what he is. It’s still hard to fully accept. But none the less I either accept it or die trying.

  4. You were right about us all having a limit – even those of us who are very private and hate confrontation. If we’re pushed hard enough something changes inside us. Probably some survival instinct and we do remake ourselves into different people, tougher people, people who can and will deal with our narcs and the situations we’re in.

    And it’s a permanent change. We will never be that easily walked over person again. We will never again tolerate the abuse we may have taken for years previously. We are new people, tougher, stronger, smarter people and the narcs have no choice but to deal with it.

    1. Dearest Windstorm,
      Absolutely….I totally 100% agree with your every word
      Thank you lovely lady
      Luv Bubbles Xx 😘

  5. Here’s my letter:
    You are a parasite, Lori. I see that clearly now. You never loved me. You are incapable of truly loving and being loved. You are a monster who has allowed her victim mentality to entice her to abuse others emotionally. You never took the responsibility to heal from what happened to you as a child, which I now doubt anyway because I have proven that you are a liar from cross-checking references. The very first thing you ever did upon meeting me was to lie about your relationship with Steve, and how long it had been going on. You wanted him as your next victim, but then I appeared and was even more ripe for the taking. Shame on me for giving you my whole heart and soul! And you are a bitch for taking it! You are an energetic vampire who feeds on those who actually have light and love in their hearts. I pity the next man you victimize, and I would warn him if I could, if you weren’t so careful to cover your tracks and remain invisible, lest your new victim find out the truth about you. Child of hell, you are. And I banish you back to hell from whence you came. There is no redemption for you, lover of lies. You are of the darkness. Your “love” is venom. Your heart is stone. I can’t believe I ever let you in. I can’t believe I succumbed when you said, on the night of our engagement, “Oh, fuck me! Fuck your wife!” Yes, you are physically beautiful, but you have the ugliest heart I have ever seen in my life, and you are now filthy and ugly to me. My sisters were right about you. You are pure evil. You were so hurt when they saw through your façade and called you out, but then you proved them right by your actions for the following 5 years. Lori, you are something called a “vulnerable narcissist” and you played me as your latest victim. Fuck you for that! I only ever loved you with my whole heart and soul! I wept with joy the first time we made love and you sat dry-eyed telling me, “My dam hasn’t broken yet.” At least you cared enough about me to tell me that night that you had genital herpes. That was far better than you ever did for Corey, waiting an entire year to mention it to him. Shame on you, Lori! And shame on me for ever thinking I loved you. You are not my Twin Flame, or anything of the sort. You are a fake and a phony – a decoy I fell for. You have no life of your own and seek only to suck the life out of everyone around you. That is why you never keep friends for very long. Once they are used up, you simply discard them. You are the biggest coward I have ever known in my life. You lie and run from any confrontation or disagreement – just like you always did in our relationship. You are a compulsive liar, Lori! And worst of all is that you lie to yourself! You actually believe your own lies. That’s what makes you convincing to others. You are manipulative and sociopathic. I don’t care if your mental health professionals have ever formally diagnosed you as such. They only knew what you selectively told them, but I know what you actually DID, time after time! Fuck you, Lori! I disdain the day I met you. You did nothing but bring turmoil and pain into my life, and still I always loved you and proved my love through my ACTIONS. You don’t deserve me, and you never did. And I think you knew it too. You know it even now. Hang your head in shame for what you did to me, and may your soul be eternally tormented for your treachery. You are beyond redemption, Lori. You are a child of hell who loves lies and hates the truth. No one can save you, although God knows I tried everything possible to help you – just like Corey did. I know because he has told me all about it. How many more men will you try to victimize? I wish I could warn them all, but again, you are too careful about covering your tracks and isolating your next victim from those you have victimized in the past. Go back to hell, Lori! Burn, I say! Burn you will until you finally admit the truth and embrace the truth. Oh yes, you WILL burn! And you will burn most of all because you have lost me eternally. My love for you is the greatest you will ever know in any lifetime, and this will haunt you and torment you even beyond the grave. You took sacred covenants and vows with me on the night of our marriage, January 18, 2011. And all you ever did was shit on all of that. But blood oaths have consequences, Lori. You are opening yourself to the torment of your own Higher Self for doing what you have done in light of those covenants and vows. May you be fully tormented in body, in mind, and in soul for what you have done to me. You richly deserve every bit of pain you have, and increasingly will have, until the end of your days in this incarnation. I vomit you out, Lori. I vomit you out and every loving feeling I ever had for you. I leave you in the abject darkness in which I originally found you. Child of the abyss. May your very existence be blotted out by the Most High God! Goodbye and good riddance.

Vent Your Spleen!

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