Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead



“I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“You’d better do it or you’re dead!”

“I wish you were dead!”

“You are going to die.”

You may well have heard such threats and declarations of intent from our kind. The savage Lesser who has erupted in a volcanic reaction of ignited fury who grabs the kitchen knife and thrusts it through the air towards his victim, the self-pitying Mid Ranger who in a tantrum of impotence and hatred expresses his wish that you were dead or the dread words delivered with the reptilian smile of the Greater ; each school has its own ways of issuing this threat.

Yet, is this just wishful thinking or a solid desire to see you dead? Are these words issued more for effect than the reality of murdering you, causing an ‘accident’ or hoping that some intervening act causes you to be wiped from this mortal coil?

The general position is that we do not actually want you dead in the sense of physically dead. There are notable exceptions, which we shall address below, but it is rare for those exceptions to occur. The fact is that numerous commentators believe that we want you dead and the truth is, we do not. That is another myth that is held about our kind, that it is our ultimate desire, our final expression of victory for us to kill you. It is largely incorrect and here is why :-

  1. A dead appliance is a useless appliance. Your purpose is threefold to us, whether you are a tertiary, secondary or primary source. You are to provide us with fuel, character traits and/or residual benefits and the more important the appliance in our fuel matrix, the more likely that you will provide all three and do so impressively. Accordingly, if you are providing us with the very things that we want and need it makes no sense at all to render you incapable of providing them. But, I hear you ask, what of the appliances that are no longer functioning in the way that we want? A valid question.

Firstly, when you stop functioning in terms of the provision of positive fuel (you do not provide enough/frequently enough/it runs stale) we switch to devaluation and even though we hate you and paint you black for your treachery in no longer fulfilling your specified role through the provision of positive fuel, you still have a role to play. You become the fountain of negative fuel.

Secondly, you still have a role to play with regard to the provision of character traits and residual benefits. You may be supporting us financially, taking care of us, running a household, caring for the children and other matters which not only benefit us day-to-day but support our all important façade.

Thirdly, you are required for the purposes of triangulation with our other appliances and maintaining the provision of fuel as we seek out your ultimate replacement.

Now you ask, what then when we choose to dis-engage, clearly we have no longer       any desire to interact with you at all, why not kill you then? These leads us on to the other reasons why we choose not to kill you.

2. Notwithstanding our contempt for rules, the law and regulations, the higher functioning of our kind are mindful of the adverse interference that comes from nosey law enforcement if we murder you. It brings unwanted scrutiny and the potential to fetter our right to do what we want and we are not so stupid as to act in a way that will blatantly jeopardise that.

3. We treat you as dead without the inconvenience of actually killing you. We effectively delete you when we concentrate on the new IPPS through the new golden period. Accordingly, by ignoring you, removing you from social media postings, blocking you, not answering your messages or calls, then we have ‘killed’ you and this provides us with a far more satisfactory outcome.

4. You are ‘kept alive’ for the inevitable hoover. Although wanting to see you, interact with you or indeed do anything with you at all is last on our list when we have dis-engaged from you, unconsciously there remains that advantage to be achieved by keeping you alive so we can hoover you for fuel (positive or negative) or achieve this as well as bring you back into the Formal Relationship to acquire the other aspects of the Prime Aims. Remember, there has been a considerable investment in you and whilst we ‘kill you’ by putting you from our minds during the golden period with the new IPPS, we will want to draw down on our investment in due course. Accordingly, there is no point physically killing you.

5. There are alternative methods where we can in effect murder you without the potential risk to liberty. The key ways that this is done are as follows :-

a. Character assassination – ( The Paranoia of Character Assassination )

b. Smearing – ( see Smear and Loathing )

c. Silent Treatments – ( The Smiling Assassin )  and ( 17 Salvos of Silence )

d. Devaluation as a whole

Thus whilst we do not physically kill you, we slay your character, your reputation, your self-worth, your sense of existence, your connection to us and still continue to draw fuel from you, something we could not do if you were physically dead.

5. Punishment. By you remaining alive, we are able to punish you. This asserts and maintains our sense of superiority, enables us to draw fuel and ensures that we feel a sense of achievement and retribution against you. It also means we can keep on punishing you, something that could not be done if we were to actually murder you.

6. By stating our intent or desire to kill you, this simple form of threat carries with it the ability to gain fuel from provoking a reaction from you, but also allows the establishment of superiority. It is a simple sentence but one which carries significant power with it. This low usage of energy with maximum impact appeals hugely to our kind and therefore it makes far more sense for us to THREATEN than to EXECUTE. Yes, in that moment we do want to kill you or see you dead because you have done something which has mortally offended us and therefore our reaction in uttering those words is entirely in accordance with a desire to kill but we do not actually do so (and ultimately we do not want to do so) because it goes against our fundamental needs.

Thus for all of these reasons whilst we may say we want you dead or that we want to kill you, the reality is we do not and we will not.

Thus this is the general rule, however, as with all rules, there are exceptions. What are the exceptions when the desire to kill is acted on?

  1. The loss of control through ignited fury. Whilst the ignition of fury can potentially result in any school of narcissist entering a frenzy whereby there is the commission of physical violence, it is the Lesser who is most likely to murder as a consequence of the loss of control. This does not mean that all Lessers will kill, but rather, of all the schools, when there is a serious loss of control resulting in the ignition of fury, then the Lesser will want to kill and can and does kill. The fuel arising from the act, as he stabs, bludgeons, throttles or beats will be significant but not enough to heal the wound that has resulted in the ignition of fury and the loss of control, meaning the murderous act continues until the victim lies dead. Therein the fuel halts from the deceased victim. The narcissist may gain fuel from the reaction of witnesses also but ultimately that burst of fuel has gone with the demise of the victim. The murdering Lesser may use the fact of his killing to gain fuel in the future but as of now, he has lost a major appliance (if for instance he has murdered his IPPS) and therefore he will face a fuel crisis if he does not achieve fuel from alternative sources.
  2. Going, going gone. There are circumstances where the narcissist recognises that the major fuel provider is ‘on the way out’ and thus the fuel is going to be lost anyway. This is not the situation where the appliance is escaping or leaving – our narcissistic perspective of you always belonging to us means that your escape, leaving or departure is not something that will happen because we control you and we will bring you back under our control through a Initial Grand Hoover or through Follow-Up Hoovers. Thus, if someone is about to escape, move away etc, this is not applicable. The situation of Going, Going, Gone applies to where the appliance is at risk of dying. There are two clear situations where this arises ; terminal injury or illness and suicide. In respect of terminal injury or illness, the narcissist knows that the fuel source will not be around for much longer and therefore ‘helping’ this person on their way would appeal to particular narcissists. There also has to be a benefit associated with such an act, namely doing it as an act of revenge for wounding, punishing for railing against the narcissist’s control and such like.

With regard to suicide, if the narcissist recognises that the victim is at a very low ebb and therefore is likely to end their own life and thus deprive (in one final act of defiance) the narcissist of fuel etc, the narcissist will encourage that individual to take their life and push them over the edge. This is rare, but accords with a desire on the part of the narcissist to punish and gain revenge. This punishment and revenge goes beyond that normally experienced and would be as a consequence of a major exposure and/or major wounding. Thus if an individual is in a position whereby suicidal ideation occurs, the narcissist is aware of this and senses that it is likely to occur, the narcissist, in accordance with his or her god-like view of themselves and the need to exact punishing revenge will pressure, cajole, encourage and manipulate to push the victim over the edge so that he or she commits suicide.

3.  Malice. A Greater Narcissist wants you dead. There is no Going, Going Gone scenario which would be harnessed by any of the schools of narcissists. In this instance the malicious and calculating Greater has determined that your death is required. Again, this is rare and the Greater will have evaluated that the loss of a useful appliance is offset by the need to dis-incentivise this individual. There will be no clumsy rage-filled Lesser bludgeoning, or pillow-smothering Mid-Ranger with the dying cancer-ridden parent. Here the Greater sees you as a problem, an obstacle which must be removed. Usually it will be because the Greater recognises that you have access to information which will cause him or her considerable difficulty or that you have the ability to create a significant exposure problem. The Greater will not go down this route lightly, instead he or she will look to manipulate the situation in an alternative manner, but ultimately the Greater’s malicious core, their need for the maintenance of the status quo and their superiority means that sometimes, sometimes there is a need to remove an individual completely. It may be made to be an accident, it may be subtle, it may involve a contract killing, but certain individuals, on rare occasions, will be removed because they pose a threat to the Greater’s plans and control. The individual may be a romantic appliance, a business appliance or a familial appliance, but if the Greater deems their removal necessary and this outweighs the benefits of continued punishment, torture and fuel provision from this individual, then they will be dis-incentivised.

Thus, the prevailing circumstances are that we do not want you dead, no matter how many times it might be threatened, because an alive appliance is a very useful appliance. However, on rare occasions there will be exceptions.




15 thoughts on “Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead”

  1. My husband said once “I wish you would F…kng die. I do. If you died I would dance on your F….ing grave”.

    Horrible words.
    Love does not speak like that.

    Now I understand the true nature of narcissism I am free.
    I pity him still.
    Hated him once.

    He is dead to me.

  2. So you would push someone who was already suicidal over the edge huh HG?! That is sick indeed…..because yeah that’s something to be proud about isn’t it?

    And the way you talk about people just being “removed” is absolutely wrong on so many levels! You do not and should not have the authority or right to remove anyone just because they are a problem for you. If we all did That, there wouldn’t be many people left would there??

    You are not even people, you are just machines as you say…. incapable of love, incapable of healing yourselves. Incapable of being human. How your parents managed to make such awful offspring is beyond me!

    All you do is cause people misery, upset, abuse, pain, aswell as everything else and it’s all bad….and yet you can STILL…. live with yourself, and go to sleep at night?!

    There are words that come to my mind, but they are too bad for me to put them here….. or they simply fail me…..

    I’ve definately been well and truly put off…. so I’m glad I came here if only to see just how evil narcissists can be. And to have that veil so to speak taken away.

    If I stay…. it’s like I’m saying: “it’s ok for you and other narcs to do all this stuff” and…. IT IS NOT!

    Thanks for the info, … I’ll be on my way!

  3. Eye-opening article…. very scary knowing what the Greater is capable of when he risk something great and the other party has substantial evidence that would ruin them. I, personally, opt to escape without the Greater knowning my whereabouts!! And yes, I can see how the Greater would make it look like an accident-thus covering their tracks. Beyond scary… yes, knowledge is power; however, if someone falls under the exception rule-I say protect yourself—put up suvilliance cameras, and document everything. Then make sure several confidential people have it in a safe place.

  4. Am I allowed to leave a link? Well, I will try. I’ve been reading about this case and this popped up today. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/may/27/husband-emile-cilliers-who-wrecked-parachute-not-guilty-of-attempted-says-wife. The wife refuses to believe that the husband tried to kill her, even though he tried twice and was convicted. If you read about him, he has quite obvious narc traits. I can understand how she would be in denial but, well, horrible…so many women maimed or killed by their partners. Do you really think this is so rare, HG?

    1. Do I think the denial is rare? If you mean that, it will less rare than people think and is driven by emotional thinking – “Why would this person who loves me try to kill me, that doesn’t make sense.” It does if that person is a narcissist.

      1. Sorry I was not clearer. I meant to ask if you think it is rare that narcs kill their partners. You say in your post that it is exceptional because a dead appliance is of no use. But so many women are injured or killed by the partners…

        1. In terms of a percentage of relationships however the percentage killed by their partners is extremely low.

        2. I agree with you! More people are killed at the hands of their intimate partner, escpecially when they try to leave. Go on the domestic violence website.

    2. Victoria Cilliers says her husband changed around the time he met the new girlfriend while skiing. She says she wants her old husband back, she doesn’t recognize him now. She has yet to grasp that who he is now is who he has always been and that the early years were just love bombing and seduction to further his prime aims. I’ve been where she is at…thought my ex husband suffered a brain injury and/or PTSD from his military days causing his ‘change’. It takes a lot to fully grasp the reality that they never really loved or cared for you, that you are disposable. HG’s works are key. I hope someone can help that poor wife lose the ET and cross the emotional sea. My hunch is that she is still in contact with him and that he is emotionally manipulating her, triangulating her with her friends and family who are not suffering from the ET. He’s manipulating her even now to save his skin resulting in further isolation for her as she wants him to give her the answers….

      1. Yes, that makes sense that he would still be manipulating her. It is difficult to grasp the reality even for more minor offenses/injuries (emotional or otherwise) but it’s quite mind boggling that she denies that he tried to kill her twice even when he’s been convicted. I too hope she gets the proper help.

  5. Omg. It is horrible. Narcissists should be put in jail, alone. They do not deserve to live with others.

  6. He always used the I’m going to kill you statement. He would choke me until I passed out.
    I wanted to do a reverse execution and just shoot him in his face. That would make me feel good, then guilty. And going to prison is not on my bucket list.

  7. HG, how does a narc feel being with very independent easy-going woman who has many friends and many interests and goes out with them (without a narc) a few times a week? This person is fun to be with, is popular but narcissist knows he is not the center of her universe and probably if he dumps her she would move on quickly.

    Is it something that narcissist like and chase or is it hard for him because he likes when a woman jumps around him all the time?

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