Lonely

lonely

 

I like it when you are lonely. That is my favourite place for you. When we first meet if you make mention of feeling lonely, or send a self-pitying tweet decrying your loneliness then I am straight on to you. You may as well have taken a knife to your chest, slit it open and shouted, “Come and get me.” Those in a state of loneliness are massively susceptible to my overtures when I decide to engulf you in my bombardment of flattery and zealous appreciation. Those who have tired of their single status and wallowing in solitary confinement seize on this interest of mine. The red flags may be fluttering but you never see them or if you do, you think “how pretty”.

I may make you feel wanted and special but all I am doing is moving you. I am transporting you from loneliness in the real world to isolated splendour in my false reality. Once I have positioned you there I shall busy myself cutting you off from family, friends and acquaintances. You will readily go along with my fabricated denigrations of people you once held dear and who you saw regularly. You want more of the sugar that I am pouring on you. To do that you need to spend more time with me and thus less with anyone else. It is hardly a sacrifice though is it? Any dissenting voices are marginalised by cleverly constructed smear campaigns against these people (watch out – that campaign will be used against you in the not too distant future). You are an eager co-conspirator happy to discard these people (how can you be so callous?) with the repeated promise and reward of more of my intoxicating attention.

Once all those ties have been cut you are mine. You are dependent on me for everything. You have nobody to turn to and thus your focus will always be on me. As you try harder to please me, the realisation of your isolation becomes all the more apparent. You can feel the tendrils of loneliness wrapping around you once again. I know you will feel this and I know you will do all the more to cling onto me, your life raft, your beacon of hope in the wilderness. Anything to avoid being left alone. I am afraid it is too late. Your isolation was sealed the moment you listened to me. You are so alone nobody can hear you scream.

17 thoughts on “Lonely

  1. mollyb5 says:

    I’m an introvert …I am not lonely . I gain energy from being alone away from those persons that drain me. Some humans do not understand an introvert. …Or some introverts don’t understand themselves . I am spiritually content to be with my own thoughts and not the problems of others …I get so much energy from being alone with my thoughts I can appear to be an extrovert ….dancing and laughing , happy to be alive …so much that some people believe Iam A party girl when in the public eye but …I chose who gets my time and energy . I am drained being in the public place too long …so I believe many empaths feel this and it’s not just narcs …it’s most humans drain introverted empaths.
    But I suppose a narc may sense aloneness and nobody will inter fear with his abusive behavior if we seem all …alone .

  2. Spiritual Warrior says:

    HG….Someone did NOT like my choose of word of The Narcissist goes after the weak….Well They go after our weakness….AS They are hunters of looking for that weak link in us, To where they find a way into us….YOUR INTENTIONS ARE TO get supply of fuel as you are a junkie drug addict of human beings…YES??? The drug of how we praise you, fight over you, have these madness mind fuck games of mental abuse over you, YOU know how to groom us to your ways, Sometimes a challenge is like you got a big fish tying to pull us in. HOW do we get this fuel…I will find a way in the narc thinks…WE are victims UNTIL we become Warriors of fighting to take yourself back from being sired to a Narcissist..Thoughts for today. ……

  3. Sanna paterson says:

    No mate. I know who I am . You haven’t a clue who you are.

  4. WhoCares says:

    Some of the comments (on the narcissist’s loneliness) reminded me of a children’s movie: We’re Back: a Dinosaur’s Story…where the antagonist – Professor ScrewEye, who runs a circus based on fear – utters these last words:

    “When I am alone, when I have no one to scare… I get very frightened myself. The crows could …”

    (As his crow companions turn and descend upon him.)

  5. WhoCares says:

    /iroll,

    “the servant is the real King of society because they understand social discourse so well that they have transcended the need for pomp and glory that others are still dependent on.”

    I quite enjoy this saying. Thank-you for drawing attention to it.

  6. Lilly says:

    This was a big red flag for me while I was involved with the latest narc. He miscalculated big on this one with me, as he often tried to fish out of me if I was lonely. At times even suggesting or tried to make me believe that I was indeed lonely. I found this very strange and odd, because in reality I was not lonely at all as I have a huge social network, admittedly this is not a guarantee that you cannot feel lonely. But in my case within that social network I have true loving and loyal friends and family members who stick with me no matter what. At that time I did not know he was a narc, but I recognised that he was trying to manipulate me in some way. So I upped my game and told him in length about my social activities like: going out partying, attending concerts/football matches, having lunches /dinners with friends, traveling, having family gatherings etc. I knew he would crack eventually and show he’s jealousy and he did. Oh how he did, exploding in rage and blame shifting, how he thought I was different and a loner like him, wtf I never told him I was a loner, projecting much? It shows that some narcs no matter how much they are skilled at reading people, their interpretations can mismatch with the reality. He is an MMN and that shows he’s shortcomings I guess.

    1. Chihuahuamum says:

      Hi lilly…it sounds like he was hoping hed find you were lonely and even tried molding you into what he wanted lol the joke was on him bc he misjudged who you were. You werent victim material.

      I remember a couple times when id try to end the relationship my narc would say but youll be alone in your marriage again. I look back and see he was trying to scare me and test my level of dependancy on him. I called his bluff and said i dealt with it before you i can deal with it after you. Im sure that got to him bc its that clinch in the armor he depends on. I know i could survive without him but it does scare me of course id never tell him that but im sure he knows based on the fact im still with him.

      1. Lilly says:

        Hi CM,

        I think you are correct that he was trying to mold me into something which I was not. He did that a lot on other aspects as well. Also first applauding and admiring that I had such and such traits, but then hating me for those same traits, very bewildering behaviour. I often felt like he had an certain image of me and wanted me to be this crazy/imaginary creation of he’s. But that did not work on me, although I am extremely empathetic and look kind of sweet, which people often mistake for innocent but underneath lays another character and he definitely did not count on that.

        I think the narc you are involved with, was also fishing what your fears/weaknesses are. That is in fact what they do, sometimes it works and at times it does not. Sometimes narcs remind of those so called mediums that you see on television:
        Medium: hmmm do you know someone with a letter T?
        Participants: no
        Medium: hmmm do you know someone with a letter B?
        Participant: yes, yes my great great grandfathers name begun with a B
        Medium: This person was an important person in your life, was it?
        Participant: no, he was actually an bastard and abandoned he’s wife and 4 children.
        Medium (slightly panicked): but there must be a deceased one who you were close to (we all have of course)
        Participant: yes I do (fills in who that was)…

        You get what I am saying right, these mediums (most are narcs IMO), fish till they get something just like narcs do with their victims. We all have vulnerabilities and when they finally know this, the dance begins.

        Good for you not showing that fear towards your narc, one less weapon he can use against you.

      2. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi lilly…your analogy of a medium had me laughing so on target!! They research and observe very closely to determine how pliable we will be.

  7. Chihuahuamum says:

    Lonely and a void to fill. Narcs love voids they can fill. Theyre the void fillers and we end up even more lost and isolated until we learn to fill our own voids thru therapy and understanding ourselves. They love people who fear being lonely bc it makes for a more dependant victim.

  8. DoForLuv says:

    Spot on

  9. Spiritual Warrior. says:

    HG……This is how fucking awful your kind is….what do you have to say…..What Is Your Crime ??????? YOU are a SICK PATHETIC FUCK OF A NONE HUMAN BEING….YOU GO AFTER THE WEAK !!!!!!! THAT IS YOUR DOWN FALL THE WEAK…NO CHALLENGE IS THERE????? You gain our trust and we open our wounds up to you.. You take them out….you then throw them on the ground…you jump and stamp on the wound till it is mush…then you take the wound and stick it it back in us…then you put a band-aid on it and act like nothing happened…..THAT IS HOW YOU MIND FUCK RAPEEEEEEE !!!!!! US…you look for the weak wounded human beings…that is YOUR FUCKING DOWN FALL……. Until you met a Super Nova Empath…that is me…after I found out the truth…no matter what kind of Fuel he and his main supple IHPP or whatever you call the main supply got from me, He wished he never met me…..I was his worse night mare…….Karma and God will GET evil in the end…Yes we the victims suffer, but The Narc. will eventually suffer, as when they get older, they have to lower their standers of what type of fuel they get. AS they loose their looks, they loose the way they charm people,THEY LOOSE IT ALL BECAUSE IT WAS ALL FAKE….HG at least you have this gig going on for your plan B and C and D….as most do not…Smarts for you….Later..

  10. Misty says:

    Coincidental that you would be posting about loneliness in empaths, after having watched five minutes ago, a one year old video of yours in which you are speaking of five narcissistic myths, one of which is that Narcissis can’t bear to be alone.

    That video surprised me. You’ve always seemed to be so very aware of your nature. Either you’re unaware of this particular trait (as you know, narcs have blind spots when it comes to their shortcomings), or you are simply displaying that narcissistic trait of gaslighting.

    Here’s the thing: people believe narcissists hate being alone.

    You conceded that due to social media, and even handwritten letters you are rarely truly alone; add to that the fulfillment of thought fuel.

    You proved the point you were trying to disprove when you said that if you didn’t have access to social media and went through a period of time without human contact, you (narcissists) couldn’t bear to be alone.

    (Certainly there are people who are not narcissistic who don’t like to be alone. But notice what I said: they don’t like to be alone.)

    Narcissists can’t bear to be alone and you pretty much proved that point. Not only did you prove the point, I’ve seen the result of a narc, low-to-un-fueled due to no-or-low human contact and it ain’t pretty, as you well know — Greater.

    By the way, I think your work is wonderful, I find your voice magnetic, and I find your telling of the truth about Narcissism a great public service. I wish you continued insight into your Narcissistic nature and hope that you continue to share those insights with us (“eaus” as my ear interprets your pronunciation).

    You certainly got me over my fascination and lust for my ex narc.Thank you for all that you do.

    💋

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for your kind comments and for sharing your observations.

      1. Spiritual Warrior. says:

        touché

    2. /iroll says:

      Some people, who are too broken to form intimate relationships, rely on the ‘kindness of strangers’ and providing kindness to strangers. Narcissists are social, but the question is, in what ways.

      Service, in its ideal form, can be an equalising social role – that doesn’t have to mean unskilled ‘slave’, when it is done artfully and appreciated. There is even the saying, the servant is the real King of society because they understand social discourse so well that they have transcended the need for pomp and glory that others are still dependent on. Maybe a narcissist is burdened by their narcissism and can channel their better selves through service? This is what is beautiful about tradition, not all tradition is about authoritative hierachies, it’s also about skill. In Japanese society there are very oppressive hierachies that are destructive, but on the good side, all skills whether high or low, are equal and admirable, because they are a life path.

      In liberal Western societies we think everything has to be personal and emotional, but sometimes we’re looking for ways of living that offer relief from interpersonal tensions, that are still social. It is a boundaried space of engagement, that can be used to influence the flows of discourse for the better.

      Ideally, we take what is best from the past when we are being progressive, progressives shouldn’t be the enemies of all that is traditional. In the current discourse of left-right polarity, the right is all about group tribalism and power monopolies, while the left is all about deconstructing oppressive forms of subjectivity in ways that don’t allow for any ambiguity – but this is the worst of both worlds, and it makes everyone self-obsessed.

      There are many therapists who have npd. Maybe it is destructive to be close to them, but beneficial to learn from their area of expertise.

      1. DoForLuv says:

        Good one.

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