Forever on the Fake

 

FOREVER ONTHE FAKE

Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?

Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.

Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?

Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.

From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.

I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.

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83 thoughts on “Forever on the Fake”

  1. Bubbles 💖 yes I had my consult with HG ! Thank you!!! He’s the best!!! I learned a lot!

    1. Dearst T,
      Ohhhhhh myyyyyy ….. lovely T ….. I’m sooooooo ecstatic for you
      I’m sooooo happy and glad you could

      Are you ok now?
      Lots of luv
      Bubbles xx

  2. Sorry HG, I disagree on the part: “Louis Vuitton…feels the same and looks the same”. No it does not. Maybe a really well made fake one can look ok from the distance and only for a short time. But if you look closely, you will see that it is fake! It certainly does not feel, smell and age the same way as the original one. Maybe when you purchased it you temporarily benefited because of the price that you paid for, but it will be a waste as you will throw it away eventually. I would say make a wise investment in the real deal, it will benefit you greatly. Just like narc relationship, fakery can never be the real deal in the long run, on that I agree with you.

  3. Dearest Windstorm,

    Interesting you should mention sports…. the weasel barracked for 3 football teams (not just one as normal people do) so his stakes were higher for all the accolades and back patting …. sickening …. as his name and photo would get mentioned in our newsletter about his team winning (I did question him on this in the beginning, as I thought it very strange and weird, his answer was “I just do”

    Our other friend (greater) only bragged when his team won and rubbed it in big time (he also likes to be seen at all the “in” sports especially horse racing …. the sickening part is he can pick winners (he never tells us who he’s picked) ….. he’s very secretive (typical narc…..😱)

    You’d never hear from them when their team/s or horse lost ……ever

    Yet ….when I think back I don’t ever recall seeing one ounce of sincere emotion from these narcs about their games or wins .. mainly smirks or attempted “yaaaays” ….. fake fake fake …. (our family goes completely nuts with excitement)

    My how perceptive we’ve now become …. haha
    Luv
    Bubbles xx

    1. Bubbles,
      Your comment made me think of another anomaly in my son in law and his family. They are all sports nuts! Extreme fans who dress up and cheer, boo and yell when they watch games on tv. This completely shocked me. I had never witnessed anything like it. It almost seems like an insanity. And they are truly devastated when their team loses.

      But maybe you have explained it to me. He and all his family are normals or empaths, whereas my family has always been narc heavy. My narcs all have favorite teams and may wager on games, but they are rarely emotional when they watch a game and show no emotion when their team loses. The only time they seem to get excited is when someone in the game makes a mistake or blunder, then they’re on it like sharks – smiling and laughing! They want their team to win, but they don’t really CARE.

      I’d never made a connection between this difference in attitude and narcissism. Interesting.
      Thanks, Bubbles!

      1. Dearest Windstorm,
        You’re right … CARE is the magic word …. they just don’t! It seems they want just to be “seen” or associated with whats on trend. I’m forever getting piccies by text from the greater of their team’s song or the game in play, when they’re team is winning …. haha
        Our daughter goes to the football and will sit in the pouring rain to support her team …. the greater and his wife will not attend if it rains and now I’m getting piccies of their new enclosed members box sipping champers n nibbles (they just got free tickets) haha

        The weasel on the other hand (mid ranger) would pay the basic rate to get in to the odd game, stand on the mound and leave before the game ended …. then brag …look at me I went to the football, hey I’m a fan. I actually gave him a scarf for one of his teams and found out it’s the only piece of “support” he has out of all his teams (same with the greater, one scarf) whereas we have bags jackets hats ponchos ….you name it …. with the teams logo on it. We decorate our lounge with balloons in our teams colours … win or lose (especially a grand final) and then discuss all the performances of the players in both teams

        The greater and his wife are always sending us piccies of all the new places where they are dining, drinking or eventing … woo hoo ..(they have no friends) Our greater friend even scrounged war medals from his family just to be seen drinking with us on Veterans Day … the greater was jealous of Mr Bubbles. Whatever we do, they try to “see us and raise us one” then send piccies and brag
        It’s all fake show for them
        When you finally know what they are …. at least they’re good for a laugh 😂
        Luv Bubbles xx

  4. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Thankyou for this excellent piece of red flag advice, unfortunately your performance is so good, we all believed it to be real and genuine ….. until you forget your lines and get them mixed up then your fakery is exposed and the performance was totally ruined. Sadly we paid a high price at the box office. I want a refund! Haha

    Excellent Mr Tudor … thank you

      1. Dearest T
        Good girl …. I’m so proud of you and glad you did
        💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. I’ve been able to keep the dark thoughts in check. Whooo!!! It ain’t easy,lol!
        You’re awesome, Bubbles!!!

  5. T, is is withdrawal from a powerful addiction. Try to break the endless loop highlight reel of “best of” moments starring Narchole. Distract yourself. Say over and over, he hurts me, he does not love me, he is toxic, there is no need for him in my life. If you find your mind wandering to a “good” memory, shut that shit down and replace it with a bad one until you no longer allow him ANY space at all in your mind rent free.

      1. T, I’m so sorry. My heart is breaking. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve had enough beatings without doing it to yourself. You’ve got this.

    1. MB, thank you.
      It’s a bitch of an addiction. Then struggling with a drug addiction on top of it all. I feel stupid and melodramatic. I don’t know why, but I’m scared to be with him and without him.
      It’s hard to think.

      1. You are not stupid or melodramatic T! I’m glad you came back here. Read, reach out, build your logic defenses. You’ve been through hell, be good to yourself. Your emotional thinking has got a hold on you. It is powerful! Tell it: shut that shit up. It’s telling you that you are scared to be without him. Logic tells you, he hurt you, he has no place in your life. He spilled your blood T! He doesn’t have your best interest at heart, he has no heart, he does not love you.

        As an empathic person that has a hard time loving herself, I find it easier to talk to myself in the third person. Talk to T like you’re talking to your best friend. Give her your loving advice. Show her kindness. She will thank you for it later. x

      2. MB, yes you’re right. And thank you. It’s hard when you’re in the throws of the bullshit of the mind.
        Just decided to take my ladder and go to sleep. Even this early to get my head quiet.

      3. T
        Dont let words like stupid and shame set in. You are not stupid. What you are is in pain and struggling. We here have all felt that and I know you would not call us stupid, so please afford yourself the same courtesy you would us (keeping in mind that I have done plenty of stupid shit lol). Please stay in contact here and let us know how we can help. If you just want to vent or get things off your chest just write vent at the beginning and we’ll know not to respond and then you can “vent your spleen” as HG would say lol. If you want input ask for it. Whatever you need to get through, there are people here for you that understand. Sleep if that helps and limit your exposure to people who want to “help” you in the ways that you know are bad for you. You can do this kid. I want to know the real T. and you do too. I promise you she is lovely.

        NA

      4. NA, thanks, and big hugs to you!!!
        Sorry, I want to say more, but feeling out of it.

  6. What about when drinking? In another blog, sorry I can’t remember the title, it talked of drinking being a possible time a masks comes off. Are the truths found in the words during this time?

      1. Thank you! Makes me realize why drinking never equaled drunk: control to keep the mask on and potentially to prevent the possibility of truth to come out.

    1. Hi Bubbles, I’m still here. In full missing him mode. Wondering why things have to be as they are.
      And it sucks because I started my self destruction mode with amphetamines.
      I feel so much shame. I’m still doing no contact.
      I’ll be okay. I can beat this.

      1. Dearest T,
        Thank you precious for replying. I’m so relieved you’re back. I can offer support if it helps ….. we are here for you sweetheart, don’t despair …. there are wonderful amazing people here who can relate and we want to see you back on your feet and happy …
        baby steps sweet pea ….. you can and will beat this…… there is always always light at the end of the tunnel
        We truly care
        Heartfelt hugs lovely lady 💜
        Luv
        Bubbles xx

  7. This is the hardest thing to understand. Is it right, then, to say that the narcissist does not feel enjoyment, pleasure, admiration, etc., except in terms of his own satisfaction at gaining fuel – that he is but a simulacrum of other people’s beliefs, joys, accomplishments? Does he appreciate beauty, love, exhileration, humour, or peace, or is this all pretend? Is it all – all of it – a means to attain fuel and not geniune in the slightest?

      1. But, HG, you once said you were going to watch a football match. I cannot imagine watching the final innings of test cricket without the excitement and anticipation. What would be the point if you don’t feel anything? How do you explain this?
        as always, thank you for your invaluable insight

      2. HG, I am very curious, and am sure others here would like to know, that is the narcissist fakes everything, especially feelings that to us are innate, why does he do sports and does he fel any of the exhileration of the sports he engages in, even extreme sports like windsurfing or kitesurfing – what are these things for the narcisssist?

      3. Yes, true, but aren’t these also outlets for staying active physically or mentally since it is impossible to absorb fuel 24/7?
        Everyone has to find their talents and their strengths and also what they don’t enjoy doing.
        You took piano as a child (I’m thinking encouraged by your Father who played the Trombone). Then also you played football when you were older. Were both of these chosen for you? Or did you find contentment with one or both that carries thru to the present?
        I’m just wondering if because you can get bored and restless easy and you are fearless to take chances, that can lead some narcissists to gravitate towards high adrenaline sports. There is that rush of endorphins released that would give you a rush maybe simulating that power rush from fuel?

      4. Yes there are other benefits to such activities, as you point out, physical and mental stimulation.
        The piano was chosen for me as was football. It was not problematic as I excelled at both.

      5. I see. Piano and football were enforced on you. Yet you learned to excel at both. Does that give you a sense of pride for having accomplished that, which would be a good, positive feeling having been earned? Or, does it fall under superiority, as in, duh, of course I would excel in anything? (I’m asking to understand how positive accomplishments can allow you to be completely hollow. I still struggle with that, HG).
        Was there an activity you really wanted to try that was just immediately shut down and you felt disappointed and stripped of your individuality over?

      6. Superiority, Clarece, although I am also proud of my achievements.
        There isn’t anything which springs to mind re your second query.

      7. HG,
        When it seems like a narc is enjoying participating in a sport or activity – even a solo one like hiking or paragliding, or even just being a fan of a sports team – is the appeal to the narc thought fuel? Imagining how participating in this activity will make other envious or impressed, or how he can later laud it over others how HIS team won? It doesn’t matter even if he was alone when he did it, because he’s thinking of his superiority and how it will empress others? That’s how it’s always seemed to me.

      8. Thank you, HG.

        My son in law has been quietly working out and preparing for the last several months to climb a mountain in July. It’s a major life achievement for him. I know this only because of my daughter telling me.

        They were recently in Kentucky and he never once mentioned his upcoming climb to any of the family. This seemed almost surreal and totally confused me until I realized – he is not a narcissist, so he doesn’t need anyone else to know! Lol!

  8. YES IT IS CALLED MENTAL MIND FUCK RAPE…WE GOT RAPED OVER AND OVER….THEY ARE LYING TO GET LAID

  9. HG do you like sex with your victims. or is it mechanical YES appliances. DO you like our bodies, our Smell ? Do you get into your victim and feel any connection to them? IF NOOOOOO !! HOW do you fake it so well?? ARE you like a gigolo?? WHEN are you ever REAL ?? When mine told me I am not the monster YOU think I am…YES he was worse. I hurt those that care about me. I don’t like mushy heart things….The truth of lies of truth conversions.. Thank you for your reply

  10. I so want to contact him right now. I’m missing him.
    I must not.
    No contact, repeat 10 million times.

    1. Hi T
      Glad to see you and that you came here instead. No, you must not. There is nothing in that move but despair, destruction, and starting all over again when you have come this far. This is when your mind -lays tricks on you.
      What is it you are feeling? Numb? Boredom? Is your mind only bringing forward good memories and blocking out the bad? Can you identify what it is?

    2. T

      Just breathe, you are doing great. It is natural to miss him and there is nothing wrong with this, keep in my it is only an emotional. In this moment it is crashing on you. Let it pass and not fight it. If you need to scream or just have one of those really messy cry’s do it, let it out. You will feel better and know you are not alone in this.

      Do you know why you miss him? Because you feel lonely? Because you were “use” to being with him? Sometimes finding the why you miss someone helps.

      1. Hello Windstorm and Twilight,

        I post my comment on different places.
        I understand both perspectives.
        Hoping that I am not being offensive to any of you ( I really have appreciated the comments from you both throughout the blog) .
        The comments on the “explosive” thread made me reflect about one thing :

        I feel somehow we are losing focus here.

        What is in question here?:
        The credibility of the author (as a person) or the credibility of the information (reliability of knowledge) given here by the author delivering it?

        I believe that the focus should be put on the latter and not the former as I believe is the main purpose of this site.
        I do believe that the information given here is true because it is based on the premise that is coming from facts and experiences from a true narcissist psychopath .Premise that I believe is true.

        What a person does or does not do on his/her private life does not affect the knowledge and expertise on a certain field and does not represent a hinder either for conveying it in an effective , reliable and accurate way.

        As an example: The surgeon that operated my ruptured shoulder was brilliant. I do not know anything about him in his private life:if he is a lier, a psychopath ,a narcissist or in general not trustworthy as a person but his knowledge with everything related to the shoulder and rotator-cuff anatomy was astonishing assuring a very successful outcome for me. I never doubt about the reliability of his knowledge. That what was important for me not how trustworthy was he as a person.
        What I mean is that what is going on privately does not affect the reliability of the knowledge given here.

        I know this detachment knowing what the author is , is difficult now but then again would we find the information given as reliable and accurate not knowing where is coming from?

        The explosive letter thread has been an invaluable example of how the emotional thinking can be triggered and how it can escalate in a foam – like explosion as a chain reaction.
        I think we should keep the focus where it should be and not anywhere else.
        Then again, this is just my point of view.
        Best regards to both of you!

      2. Hello Superxena

        Please never worry about being offensive to, your comments have always been respectful and insightful. I have reflected many times on the information you have brought here.

        The explosive thread, I let bother me in a way I never should have. I have never doubt HG, I also believe he would not deny such a thing IF it was true. In that regards my focus was redirected on to something that was irrelevant to the main focus of this blog.

        I agree with you what happens in a persons private life is just that, private and has no bearing on the accuracy of the information given here.

      3. Hello Twilight,

        I am not very active on the blog now but I felt your concern.
        There is always a lesson to be learned (that goes for me as well) and it is good if you can direct that lesson to what is best for you.
        Best wishes!

      4. Hello Twilight,

        I am not very active on the blog now but I felt your concern.
        There is always a lesson to be learned (that goes for me as well) and it is good if you can direct that lesson to what is best for you.
        Best wishes!

      5. Superxena
        I understand your analogy about the surgeon, but personally do not totally agree with it. If I found out that a surgeon – no matter how brilliant- had been dishonest with his hospital or his dealings with his nurses, it would affect my opinion of having him operate on me.

        To me that would be different than if he had lied and been dishonest in his personal life. I would feel the same about any professional. If I learned they were dishonest in their professional dealings, I would become distrustful and lose respect for them. That’s just me. Once someone loses my trust, it is gone and does not return. It may not be logical, but it is a mindset that has worked well for me.

        That said. This is all just academic discussion since in this instance I believe we all agree that HG has not been dishonest in his assertion that he has no personal relationship with any of us. I certainly in no way wish to detract from his work of spreading awareness of how narcissists think. This blog and the lessons and support it provides is a wonderful thing that helps many, many people, including me.

      6. Hello Windstorm,

        Yes, I always have regarded my discussions with you as academical and I find them very thought – provoking and giving.

        I guess we can agree on that disagreeing is healthy and insightful!

        I respect your point of view and it is not my intention to persuade you. I guess this has to do mainly to different moral codes and I respect yours.
        “ I would feel the same about any professional. If I learned they were dishonest in their professional dealings, I would become distrustful and lose respect for them. That’s just me. Once someone loses my trust, it is gone and does not return. It may not be logical, but it is a mindset that has worked well for me.”

        Would you be distrustful and lose respect for his brilliant knowledge as a surgeon or as a person?
        Perhaps I am being to logical (and selfish?) here but I would be able to detach him as a surgeon and as a person assuming that I have no personal interaction with him nor I am close to him.

        Of course , it would be very different having the surgeon close to me or being personally connected to him. In that case lying to me would automatically make me lose completely respect for him and make me distrustful as well.
        Best wishes!

      7. Superxena
        I always enjoy our discussions also!

        “Would you be distrustful and lose respect for his brilliant knowledge as a surgeon or as a person?”

        I would say neither. Obviously his knowledge remains the same and his personal life is not an issue. I would lose trust in his ethics as a surgeon and doctor if I found out that he had lied in his professional capacity. If he lies as a surgeon with some people, how can I trust him to be honest with me?

        Hope you are well. We are having a lovely thunderstorm here and I sat outside and watched the storm clouds build right up until the rain started!

      8. Not ethical meaning not being in accord with the standards of the profession?Do you believe that that would have a negative impact on the outcome of the surgical procedure?
        Now we are touching moral and ethics here…
        Yes, we are fine. Thank you for asking ,Lovely summer here with long bright days. Soon we are moving to a warmer country. I can’t wait. I love rain very much is calming and soothing if it is not a tough storm..

      9. Superxena
        It could impact on the surgery. Maybe he might lie that surgery is even necessary because it would benefit him to perform it. Or maybe he would add in unnecessary things to run up the cost. Maybe he would rush thru because he was in a hurry. There are many possibilities. My MIL was a surgical technician and she was always telling stories of surgeons showing up drunk and the techs ended up covering it up.

        The point is that if he is deceptive in his workplace then his work may not be trustworthy. Maybe it will be, but maybe not. My view is not to take that risk, if I have a choice. I realize that it is an extra-cautious view, but I’m a “better safe than sorry” kind of person. If I catch someone in a lie in a professional setting, I will assume that is only one lie of many he will tell me.

      10. Windstorm,

        Your answer though-provoking as ever made me reflect about the dynamic distrust- moral standards specifically applied to the narcissist.

        First, if I follow you correctly , your decision is not really dictated by your moral compass of being right or wrong to hire a distrustful person but it is more a way of protecting yourself and reduce your vulnerability?

        I want to share with you a short extract of a very interesting article based on a study made about: Distrust and the two-faced morality . This might explain the cause of the double-moral of the narcissist.
        How distrust may lead to a double standard morality.Distrust promotes divergent moral standards for the self versus others.This study came to the conclusion that ironically people who are distrustful of others’ intentions may assume double moral standards to protect themselves, evaluating their own immoral behaviours more leniently than those of other persons. These findings suggest that distrust can promote a dynamic that corrodes interpersonal relationships creating a vicious cycle where distrust and moral hypocrisy are the main ingredients.

        “Distrust and Moral Hypocrisy
        When trusting others, we expect that they will act in our best interest and have good intentions. Distrust, on the contrary, alerts us to others’ potentially malevolent intentions. Positive expectations of another’s intentions and behavior entail the acceptance of vulnerability (Rousseau, Sitkin, Burt, & Camerer, 1998). In contrast, then, doubting another’s intentions should entail a state of mind characterized by attempts to minimize vulnerability, and an enhanced motivation to avoid exploitation by one’s interaction partners. Consequently, when conceiving of the risk that someone might betray their interests, individuals should become particularly motivated to protect their own self-interest and to restrain their counterpart, thereby counteracting any potential vulnerability (Lewicki, McAllister, & Bies, 1998). We therefore contend that the motivation to avoid exploitation associated with distrust will affect moral judgments of own versus others’ (potential) transgressions in diverging ways, and hence promote moral hypocrisy.” Two-Faced Morality: Distrust Promotes Divergent Moral Standards for the Self Versus Others Alexa Weiss, Pascal Burgmer, and Thomas Mussweiler

        What is interesting to read here is that they reflect on the following:
        “In fact, moral hypocrites are evaluated more negatively, and specifically less trustworthy, than liars who straightforwardly claim to behave morally when they do not (J. J. Jordan, Sommers, Bloom, & Rand, 2017)”

        Moral hypocrisy defined as the endorsement of different moral standards for the self versus others. People do not trust hypocrites, because they preach water, but drink wine.

        I think these topics about distrust and lying are very polemical and apt here specially considering that the narcissist is a lier and they do not trust anyone .It seems that distrust is the main cause of their double moral standards.

        Best wishes!

      11. Superxena
        “if I follow you correctly , your decision is not really dictated by your moral compass of being right or wrong to hire a distrustful person but it is more a way of protecting yourself and reduce your vulnerability?”

        This is definitely true from my perspective.

        “In fact, moral hypocrites are evaluated more negatively, and specifically less trustworthy, than liars who straightforwardly claim to behave morally when they do not”

        I’m not sure about this one. I don’t see me trusting either of these. Maybe if the liars claim to be liars and not trustworthy….

      12. Windstorm,

        Good, then I understood you correctly. We share the same perspective here.

        “I’m not sure about this one. I don’t see me trusting either of these. Maybe if the liars claim to be liars and not trustworthy….”

        Agreed. Strange conclusion they come to. I would regard both ( moral hypocrites and liars )negatively .I just wanted to bounce some ideas off you concerning this last statement.

        Otherwise I think the correlation they make between distrust and double moral standards is interesting.

      13. Superxena,
        Wow! I just had a chance to thoroughly read and think about your last comment. It showed me how we have been on two different wavelengths! It never occurred to me that you believed that I thought hiring deceitful liars was immoral. Lol!! What people do in their personal lives is their own business. I’m actually a very open-minded and tolerant person, probably because my own personal beliefs are so outside of the norm.

        I thought you didn’t think it was risky to hire someone who is deceitful in their business – whether they are a surgeon or a contractor to build a porch on your home. Yes! Definitely not hiring people who lie in their business dealings is a way of protecting yourself and reducing your vulnerability!

        Ha, ha! I hope you find our misunderstanding as humorous as I do!

        Have a great weekend!

      14. Windstorm,

        “Ha, ha! I hope you find our misunderstanding as humorous as I do!”

        Yes, I do. It was actually hilarious. Well ,at least I provided you with a long explanation (almost an essay) of morality and distrusted that I hope you found interesting .

        Well, now we can agree that we do not disagree this time! Back on track to the same wavelength.

        I wish you a lovely weekend as well!

    3. T
      Stay here and keep reading. Remember; he doesn’t love you, all he wants is your precious fuel and you are easily replaceable. Starve him!

    4. I know it feels like that, but you’re not missing him. It’s like falling for a character actor in a tv show. For years the man plays a great person on the show and we’re certain he’s a good man. Then suddenly we’re utterly shocked to hear that the actor did something horrid, (Bill Cosby). It’s virtually impossible to think that those wonderful times you had with your actor were just empty tv lines, spoken by the character in your personal show. Remember though, that all those humiliating degradations and false accusations were also simply meaningless lines that your actor delivered for the purpose of self gratification.

    1. T

      Hey lovely, f**king with our heads is a goal for them, to cause confusion, self doubt, and sorrow. For them to ingrain themselves we need to give them value.

      Moving forward from that you absolutely need to reduce his value in your mind, reduce the value of his opinion, the value of his words, if they are founded in a fabricated self, then everything that they represent is an illusion.

      We do so much damage to ourselves, up in our own heads, time to reverse that pattern of thinking.
      T, self care is so important right now, f**k him and his illusion, focus back to you –

      Imagine I’m with you on this one, we are on the beach G&T in hand, keeping it real, smiling in the knowledge that we can heal and move on ( no matter how hard it seems) we can look at that sunset, not only visually appreciating the beauty but “feeling” the beauty and the warmth, the joy, we can do that.
      He is stuck in his Groundhog Day, illusion rich, but without anything real or Authentic forever. A cycle…..

      I was thinking about music that may be supportive in conveying the the message of self care and love – I wanted to share these with you as two that automatically come to my mind…lyrically they are empowering- turn them up and believe your worth, your value, your importance.

      Take heart T, you are not alone … x

      https://youtu.be/t3MhH2WekcY

      https://youtu.be/LdINTPZVKJI

      ( I have only had one Langleys tonight so this message is brought to you from just me)

      1. Dearest Quasi,

        That was so lovely … in the moment … caring and heartfelt … I could feel it ..,💜

        Dearest T,
        Have you had a consult with Mr Tudor by any chance
        luv Bubbles xx

      2. Thank you bubbles,
        It is very kind of you to say so. What I said was meant, it always is. Qx

      3. Hi Bubbles and Quasi. I’m a bit of a mess right now.
        Right now I’m in self destruction mode. I’ll get through it.
        I wish I could afford to talk to HG, but broke, broken, and pathetic.

      4. I know HG will be of help with the emotional thinking, which I have to believe will help with the drugs and self destruction. I hate seeing you in so much pain. Hugs ❤️

      5. Quasi, you’re awesome and I hope you know that! I’m a mess right now, please forgive me for being that right now.

      6. Hey T, forgiveness is not in the equation here , and is certainly not a requirement.
        Beautiful T you are where you are, if it’s in a mess then express it, like others here, I’m here to hear you, and I feel that I will respond to you for as long as you don’t mind me doing so.
        Also know that this mess phase will also pass, life is not static, it will ebb and flow, the mess in your mind right now will untangle, you will make a little more sense of it, just give yourself time and allow yourself to feel and express. You will get there lovely… Qx

  11. Having read this article at different times over the last few years, it struck me…
    How long ago did you write this article? I’m guessing 5-6 years, having it ready for when the blog commenced. Which means you were probably seeing the doctors more then too.
    This obviously all applies to you too. Does it make you stop and pause to consider if all actions are disingenuous and lies, does it not make you feel hollow inside? Since you are aware. Since you have stated that with working with the doctors, you have attempted to curb some malicious behaviors.
    So…do you lie less now in your personal life? Have you crossed a line where you finally, possibly, seek more real substance with your personal relationships?

    1. I am hollow inside but the fuel, which of course I am highly proficient at gaining, removes that hollowness. The lies serve a purpose. Do I lie less in my private life, probably.

      1. Interesting observation that you note a decrease in lying in your personal life and can still garner the fuel you need. I wouldn’t say you are anywhere near being a gentler, kindee HG. (I know…insert HG shuddering). But less lying means lower manipulative behavior that is hurtful to others. So a big nod to your self control to pull back and make a different choice in those situations.

      2. I understand! I understand now! My mother was always jealous of people’s- and especially my – capacity for passion in life. Only I could see this because I was close to her. She could not feel, but only mimic and stare in perplexed awe at my ability to be moved by a Saint-Saëns piano concerto, an actor’s performance in a play, or the wonder of nature. She was desperate to experience these feelings herself but never could and was so jealous of those who did that she would immediately exert superiority over thrm by other means – putting them down, demonstrating her accomplishments, etc. I get it! It is all fake. Thank you, HG!

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