To the exN,
I don’t want to get back together with you. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t trust you anymore. There is nothing to salvage. Our relationship is over. This is not a game. I don’t want you to try harder. I don’t want your empty promises of a lovely future together. I know you. I know that you’re incapable of truly loving anyone. More importantly, it would never work because I don’t feel the same way about you. What I felt for you is gone and I couldn’t get it back even if I wanted to. I know and understand too much now. Why would I ever go down that road with you again?
Yes, I broke my promise to you. I forgive myself for that. When I promised to always be there for you I thought you were someone else. I thought the things you said to me were true. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. That was before. Before the lies and cheating. Before the head games and manipulations. Before you crushed me and made me feel less than. Before HG.
In your mind I “screwed you over” by breaking this promise. You want me to “stop trying to think logically and get back to my emotional side”. What a joke. Seriously. I’ve always been logical as well as emotional. Once I learn something it can’t be unlearned. I won’t close my eyes to the truth, or give you my love again, so you can feel better about yourself.
Yes, I agree, it is comical how I was afraid of losing you for so long and now it’s you trying so hard to get me back. How I blamed myself for not being enough for you. How I tried so hard to make things right between us for years. How I believed that we were meant to be together because our love was so strong. I was asleep and dreaming a beautiful dream. That’s all it was.
Then I woke up. I broke up with you. The tables turned. You didn’t think I had it in me. You thought that I cared more about you than I do for myself. You thought I was weak. You were wrong.
I was ready for the Grand Hoover (that’s what it’s called when you did what you did, you know, calling and messaging over and over trying to save our relationship). What I wasn’t prepared for was the length of time you would continue to try after my silence. I really thought you would give up by now. HG calls it “fuel obsession” and I believe him. Once upon a time I would’ve believed this meant that you really loved me and that I was mistaken about you being a narc. Not anymore. I know better now. I know the truth.