Unbelievable (And What To Do About It)



My kind savage your heart. We pollute your mind. We ravage your soul. One of the all-pervasive elements of your entanglement with us is just how unbelievable it all is. This operates in two ways. You find it unbelievable at the time and you find it unbelievable afterwards, although often in a different way. This creates confusion, bewilderment, emotional overload and paralysis which are as you are now aware, are key components of exerting control over you. This unbelievable behaviour is found at every stage of your entanglement.

  1. Seduction

It is unbelievable just how amazing our love for you is when you are being love-bombed, it is unbelievable but you will not reject it because it feels so wonderful, so uplifting and so joyous. It is then unbelievable later that someone who loved you in such a way could suddenly stop doing so. Even later, you still find it unbelievable that it was fake. Surely we did love you? Surely we had those feelings for you? It is unbelievable that we could not have done. Do you see how this lack of believability can twist and turn, morphing into a new angle, yet remaining in place to confuse and puzzle you?

  1. Devaluation

It is unbelievable that somebody can turn to quickly from being loving to being awful. It is unbelievable that a person can behave in such a way towards somebody who they say that they love. It is unbelievable how long you put up with this behaviour for. It is unbelievable that this behaviour could last for as long as it did. It is unbelievable that this person cannot understand what they are doing and see what they are doing is wrong. It is unbelievable that they cannot be helped.

  1. Discard

It is unbelievable that someone can just vanish like that. It is unbelievable that someone can move on to someone else in the blink of an eye. It is unbelievable that the new target cannot see what is really happening. It is unbelievable that the new victim won’t accept what you tell them about us. It is unbelievable how we ignore you, refuse to speak to you and treat you like we never knew you after everything that has been said and done. It is unbelievable that you have been treated like this after everything that you did. It is unbelievable that he is saying so many lies and hurtful things to other people about you.

  1. The Post Discard Hoover

It is unbelievable that someone can just waltz back into your life like nothing has happened and carry on as normal. It is unbelievable how much you want that person to contact you even though you have suffered terribly. It is unbelievable just how much you miss this person. It is unbelievable how he has said all those horrible things to other people and then brushes it to one side.

It is unbelievable that you want this person so much. It is unbelievable that you cannot stop thinking about us.

So many unbelievable matters and what is the cumulative effect of all this? You are bewildered, unable to comprehend what has happened, unable to make sense of it all and you are left a whirlpool of emotions. You are dizzy, disorientated and unable to pick a path to stick to in order to reach safety. You can be picked off again with ease by our kind.

To add to the sheer unbelievable nature of what you have endured is the fact that so few people can actually understand what has happened either. They may have been brainwashed by us, they may just not want to get involved or they just cannot understand how somebody can behave like that and think you are either exaggerating or they are so stunned they cannot offer you any practical assistance. The power of this lack of believability and the effect of disbelief are substantial and they act as double hammer blows against your recovery.

How do you tackle the sheer scale of disbelief from both you and those around you?

  1. Understand what you have been entangled with. Really understand.
  2. Understand that our kind operate in a different reality to you.
  3. Avoid over analysis of our motives. Until you grasp points one and two, such analysis is futile and detrimental.
  4. Do you really need so many people to believe you? Are you not propounding the pain by repeatedly explaining it to people who are unwilling or unable to help? Don’t approach this in a scattergun manner.
  5. Don’t seek answers from us. You won’t get them. Ever.
  6. Do not expect everyone to understand. They have not experienced it.
  7. Identify promptly those who can be relied on and ensure they understand. Conserve your energy for these true supporters and do not waste it on lost causes.
  8. Read, read and read so you understand.
  9. Build your vessel of logic and understanding. You need it to get across the emotional sea which this disbelief is keeping you in.
  10. Use independent evidence, not just your say so, to support your position and break down disbelief.
  11. Accept some people will always be on our side. Don’t waste time trying to persuade them. You are not going to convince them.
  12. Don’t waste time trying to tell the world at large about how awful we are. You may want everyone to know but this is a futile exercise. We have already smeared you and you are just paying into our hands.
  13. Don’t bother attacking our façade unless you have the energy and credible independent exercise. You will use up valuable energy trying to tackle a wall that believes us and not you.
  14. Many people experience our kind but few people understand that they have done so. It is hard trying to persuade people that they have encountered a narcissist. We make it that way.
  15. Ultimately, it is you who matters most and has to shake the disbelief ahead of everybody else. Concentrate on that.

13 thoughts on “Unbelievable (And What To Do About It)”

  1. Thank you for this post HD. Once again- very well written, direct and info packed. Bonus- I’ve got something to work on (1 through 15) muchas gracias😍 I’m not quite ready for consultation, although most in this community (great group btw) are very complementary of your services) I’m a little gun shy and as you can imagine I have HUGE trust issues – but I’ll be buying another book tonight any suggestions? So far I’ve read no contact and fuel. What should i focus on next Mr. Tudor?

  2. The Narc. put a spell me. There was no other way of explaining it. HE was in a black cult to get others to help him and protect him. The biggest thing now for me is to have a Constant. Which is a person no matter what will tell me the truth and know me and my history and is a good solid foundation of me seeking a clarity in situations where I am not sure. In time of the 3 years of healing, I have found my warrior in me and know it is okay to believe that there is real evil in the world and those are the being you have to fight against. They need to be stopped. They are the bottom feeders of life. Feeding off of peoples low self esteem wounds hardships. They go after the vulnerable or look to see if they can get inside the vulnerable and capture them. Narcissist are bottom feeders, like of the ocean. They do not go after good clean fish, they go after the easy dirty waste of fish…


    1. @sharon
      I have spoken with HG several times, there is peace of mind to be found in these sessions if you open to it. Worth every penny.

      1. Glad to hear this @MIchael. After a handful of therapy and life coaching sessions, and feeling as if my experiences were being scrutinized, an open listener is a welcomed concept.

    2. Dear Sharon,

      It sounds like you have been dealing with a huge amount of challenges and obstacles. I can only imagine how overwhelming it all feels. Once we start to learn more about narcissism, it burdens our hearts in ways difficult to explain.

      The realization that fellow human beings can treat us in such ways becomes mind-boggling. I remember being engulfed with feelings of despair. It’s even more disheartening to accept that a narcissist will likely never change.

      But in that knowledge comes the power to heal. And you are there, Sharon… more so than you realize.

      Best wishes to you as you obtain more understanding from HG. And I wish you well as you prepare for another surgical procedure. May you soon gain a healthy hip and a healed heart. ❤

  4. It really is unbelievable until you have HG break it down. Without such, it is very difficult to grasp the true nature of the N. Nonetheless, if one continues to view the N through the lens of normality (whatever normal means… ) then one will stunt his or her learning and growth.

  5. I have known a truth regarding my sister’s true feelings for me, or should I clarify, lack there of, for probably my lifetime. In my 20s, I treated myself like the trash she believed me to be. I felt “less than” even as an innocent child, and will forever be “less than” even as a middle-aged woman living an honest, simple life. In 2014, in an attempt to mediate, yet, another orchestrated “situation”, my husband answered her phone call which I was expected to and “required” to answer. She stated to my husband that “he was new here” (we married in 2010) and that “he had no idea what we (the collective accusatory pronoun; i.e., her family, our siblings, our mother, the world’s population) had to put up with for the past 25 years!” Even after hearing her declaration of disdain for me and the dismissive language she extended towards my husband, my response was to engage an internal dialogue of “why, what did I do wrong?” rather than just accepting what is.

Vent Your Spleen!

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