Muddy Hell
I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.
The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.
“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”
I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.
“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”
Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.
The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.
45 thoughts on “Muddy Hell”
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I hope you own a quality nail brush, HG.
I want to know if you could remember which lie…you told to who…and in detail not stopping to tell…another lie…to cover up that 1 ??
Yes
You are the exception to the rule HG on remembering your lies?
I’ve seen the bobbing and weaving when they’re caught in a lie and tell more to cover it up. I don’t call them out. I’m too embarrassed for them. Can you believe that? I’m so empathic, I pretend I don’t notice to protect their feelings. (Which they don’t have.) I remember though; and trust and respect are lost.
Their lies are their truth.
Example from yesterday. My BIL told a story of how he went to an event. My sis said, you told me you didn’t go to that! He said, well I ended up going, I was late though.
Surely, he doesn’t believe he went when he did not or vice verse. Either he went or he didn’t!
It was quite awkward to watch.
He went. He didn’t go. Whatever response is given, in that moment it is the Narcissist’ s truth.
Unbelievable. Maybe he should wear a body cam! The really interesting thing was that my sister just moved on in conversation like nothing happened. I guess she’s used to it after 20 plus years with him. Just regular conversation by now!
Do Ns assume we beleive their lies HG ?
So if for example we pretend to beleovr them when it’s pretty obvious it’s a lie, do they really think we’re that gullible, do they realise we’re being polite or do they just not care BecuSe they’re so wrapped up in ‘their own truth’?
The Lesser and Mid Range do not know they are lying so they expect you to believe what is their truth.
So calling them out on a lie rather than acting as if you believe it would be issuing challenge fuel?
Invariably yes because you will provide fuel as you do so.
Can it happen that nacs develop false memory based on their thoughts/plan that they have done something or went somewhere? (based on “that idea was there in their head”). Then only they can believe in their lies.
My ex believe that he was sent to Afghanistan 30 years ago (for a combat) for a short period, but there is no proof of it and his Family denies it also. He very much wanted to join army but he was sent away from the training session. Thus he may have developed such false memory.
The narcissism re-writes history so the memory or the denial of a memory is regarded as the truth by the narcissist.
My mother tried this periodically. I was her prime source as she took me away from my father and brothers at birth to develop into her personal creature, which I was, and she could play me like a Stradivarius. I had no friends, boyfriends, or relatives to tell me that what she was doing was not normal, but eventually something inside me said, “This is stupid” and I stopped reacting, though she found a way around that – they always do.
My question, HG, for you, is: is this behaviour the same for primary and secondary sources – what would the difference be?
As always, thank you for your insight.
No, smearing is more likely to be used against a primary source than a secondary and be of a greater intensity.
The holy narc did this for the last three years of our marriage… I always sensed that he was up to something because he was so happy to be downstairs when I was upstairs in bed sick or suffering. Thanks for the confirmation HG! I suffered from severe migraines and was absolutely exhausted almost daily…He reveled in taking care of me. He’d get almost giddy when I would agree to stay home from work… He’d be sure to take off to and there were many times when I could hear him talking on the phone downstairs —never would’ve guessed that this is what he was doing. Evil. PastorNarc would go to church and tell the congregation to pray for me but not contact me because I just “needed rest”… It wasn’t hard at all to convince his adoring fans that I had severe mental issues. He also encouraged me to see a therapist For what he called “my lack of focus and fatigue) I went for a few years… Of course he tried to say I was crazy in the divorce in order to secure full custody of our LO with me having only supervised visit (really?) unfortunately for him I wasn’t crazy enough to reveal to my therapist how unfocused, unsure, depressed and anxiety ridden I was 🙂 Instead, I spent my sessions discussing the difficulties in my marriage and the abuse I was suffering at the hands of my husband. Which played in my favor in the end when MH records were requested …Of course his manipulations didn’t work on everyone but I had to eliminate ALL of our mutual friends, many of our colleagues and his ENTIRE family. Thanks for this HG, a very enlightning & stimulating read – per usual🌹
Thank you.
Mr. Tudor – I certainly could Google this but I preferr to hear a straightforward no nonsense response so I’m asking your opinion😁. Were the migraines caused by all of the gaslighting, hoovering and other diabolical manipulations? All of that is gone now and has been for a few years including the weight gain (which I dillegently tried to gain to please him😳he said he wanted me to gain because “he liked a big leg girl“🙄 I’m completely back to normal now no headaches, no bouts of indecision and no more size 12’s! Have you written on this or have any videos I could watch regarding the psychological implications?
I am not a doctor so I cannot state with any conviction whether the migraines were linked to the manipulative behaviour experienced.
I would always have the worst killer migraines when my mother was around or would come visit! Not enough is said about the pure physiological reaction the narcissists cause their victims – the elevated heart rate, the stomach butterflies – not as easy to overcome with understanding!
Yes Stephanie! When I escaped (Unknowingly) by moving to another state for a job thinking that he was going to take a sabbatical and follow me… But instead files for divorce. The first thing I noticed was that I have no more headaches! And haven’t had one cents (it’s been two years). I figured it was just the stress of it all.
Stephanie I had terrible palpitations when he came near and it became a way of life, I had raised blood pressure, headaches and a kidney stone. I put them all down to him. It’s taken me a while to get fit again.
HG, how do you feel about the phones that unlock with the thumbprint. Have you been foiled?
I don’t use them
I meant if the IPPS has phone locked with thumbprint. No passcode like in this article. I thought it might throw a monkey wrench into your control tactics!
People go to sleep don’t they?
Not that asleep! Of course, there was the story of the little girl that unlocked her mother’s Amazon app with her thumbprint while she was sleeping and ordered a ton of Pokémon stuff. So, yeah, James Bond Tudor could easily pull it off!
Omg!
So you grab her finger while she sleeps to unlock her phone? You can’t mimic a fingerprint. What if she wakes up?
She won’t wake up.
Hmmm…I hug my tummy pillow. Anyone or anything that tries to disturb that while I’m sleeping gets a death blow. You wouldn’t be so lucky.
Haha, I often hug a small pillow too against my tummy Clarece….. Not sure why. Probably anxiety related.
Drugs Clarece? The end always justifies the means.
No drugs for Clarece, thank you. Try again.
No!!! I meant do you think he drugs them so they won’t wake up? I don’t like to think HG would do such a thing.
Hi MB, Honestly, I do not even want to go there in my mind. That is criminal behavior and if I thought someone had drugged me (i.e. like a Bill Cosby move), I would definitely press charges.
Yes ma’am.
MB, I’m pretty sure this is why my Father made me go to doctors as I was having panic attacks and very anxious, not eating etc…. And of course they gave me anti-depressants, which then he gave me at night, put me right out at night, then of course that was great for him. Wasn’t until my body started getting used to them, I then heard him coming in every night…. Can still feel that sickening dread and shock every time he was there!
Narcs will find a way by whatever means trust me!
I’m starting to like you EVEN MORE, HG! The irony of so called thumbprint “protected” phones/devices/documents deliver extremly detailed info about their owner. Those are not only graphic lines. hahaha! In an attempt to hide his data, the profan gets his thumbprint scanned and thus discloses much more about himself. The infrared scanner is able to detect every intra-molecular connection: viruses, bacteria, oncogenes, number of leucocytes….. u name it.
It is the same infrared technology that the company of Elisabeth Holmes used to get data about her clients health, DNA, blood sugar….
P.S. I am so well aware your moderation team would NEVER upload such an off-topic/conspiracy theory comment, but RESPECT ANYWAY! We are on the same page here.
Oh god ! I still have much to learn. An N who has been attempting to seduce me for some time was absolutely insistent I used my fingerprint for my phone.
He has never had access to my phone but now I feel really naive again.
A bit off topic but i have the retina scan on my samsung 8. Ive turned it off bc my eyes burned using my phone. Im not sure but ive wondered if it keeps scanning while you use the phone.
I used to have thumbprint but it never seemed to work. Much easier to type in the passcode.
Lol, my guy did this to me. And had one of my friends complete the smear. So I dropped everyone I knew. For my sanity I had to. I believe if people are meant to be in my life they will be.
Truth is I never considered I really had good friends, or friends period.
This is why I choose to go solo, no friend’s, no boyfriend’s or even casual sex. This is how it needs to be, because I realize I need to give myself the love I gave to other’s. And it’s really hard.
T, I’m with you!
T yes i agréé. It’s hard. I don’t trust people now. Even friends because most really don’t understand. Learning to love myself is the toughest bit. I know I’m looking forward to his hoovers as a means to avoid dealing with me. Deflection from what I have to do.