One More Chance

one-more-chance-2

 

What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?

You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.

I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.

You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?

I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concerns. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.

So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.

Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.

Just say yes.

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57 thoughts on “One More Chance”

  1. Silly me! I gave him one more chance 3 times! He quit drinking because this is what caused him to be unfaithful! Wrong, it just got him busted easier when intoxicated! He thought I did not love him anymore is why he was tricked by the evil seductress! How could I leave him when he needs me most, after everything we’ve been through!

    I see the specific new services you have been offering HG. Narc Detector. Date Defender.

    And my favorite of all, The Way To GOSO!

    Wonderful! I hope you are ready to change careers. I see a lot of business coming your way!

    I’d give you a big hug, and a kiss if i thought you’d like it. Instead I’ll just say you’ve got your niche and exclusivity, you are the best (only) source in this market, and it’s growing exponentially. Congrats on these ventures! (I’d wish you luck, but we both know it’s all you, no luck to it!)
    I wish you could have helped me then, but you’ve given me so much since I found narcsite, and I’m happy you are here now for those who need your expertise. I have been VERY happy with my consult! I expect to have more questions lined up for another consult soon.

    High 5, HG!

    Perse

  2. Hello HG, one of the main things that kept me coming back was tattoos. The narc would tattoo my name on him when we would break up or sometimes when we were together. My name was written 7 times on his body.

    He displayed almost all of the behaviors I have read. The arguments over nothing, the silent treatment, the golden stage, he cheated, he lied about things big and small. Your stories have given me much insight into his actiosn and I thank you very much for the tremdous relief that comes with understanding at least some of what transcribed.

    Why would he tattoo my name on him if it would prevent future sources of supply from wanting him? If I saw another woman’s name on a man’s body 7 times, I would run for the hills. I would think that I could never mean as much to him as her. I am extremely empathetic, but I also enjoy the idea of being obsessed with someone, as long as it is reciprocal and monogamous. Not sure how healthy that is.

    Thank you

    1. You might run for the hills, but not everybody would. He would use your name on his body to triangulate to his favour (to begin with by calling it a huge mistake and how badly he was treated by you when he is seducing someone else and then to use it to devalue that same person by pointing to your name and saying how special you are/were and how he misses you). Of course he may decide to seduce people with the same name as you!

      1. Nobody could invent that response HG! That is so brilliant 🙂 questions for you ?
        1- how did you learn about the other type of narcs so deeply ? The greater – I understand but the 2 other types how did you get to go so deep into their mechanics?
        2- is this knowledge emerged after starting therapy only ? What has sparked that interest for other kind of narcs than greater ?

      2. I know them from family, work and friends.
        No, I had an awareness beforehand.

      3. Still fascinated me … I guess will find out more in your biography 🙂 HG The Greater – the upper hand !
        Could be a nice title 🙂

      4. I definitely concur with HG. My name is tattooed very clearly on the narc’s hip and has been there for 15 years (among other places). It is used for the purpose of triangulation. His mum said it best when we recounted the number of exes who have tried to contact me on social media looking for answers over the years…”I am not surprised they have all contacted you, he places you up on a pedastool with them. It’s the way it has always been – he is just giving them something to aim for”. It is clearly just a manipulation but it seems to work well for him and feeds their obsession with being “the one”.

  3. Oh no! Never Again! Everything which was built is destroyed. Nothing is left.

    Well written anyway! 🙂

  4. I’m reading ‘The Handmaids Tale’. This quote was a punch in the gut! (No spoilers, I haven’t finished it yet!)

    “the pigeons, trained to peck a button that made a grain of corn appear. Three groups of them: the first got one grain per peck, the second one grain every other peck, the third was random. When the man in charge cut off the grain, the first group gave up quite soon, the second group a little later. The third group never gave up. They’d peck themselves to death, rather than quit.”

    I’m not sure if this was a real psychology experiment or not but oh how applicable it is to the dynamic of ensnarement by a narcissist. By not allowing any consistency between what we do and how they behave, they totally fuck up the reward/punishment system in our brains so that we will never give up! How very clever of them.

    1. Intermittent reinforcement, it’s a very powerful and often subtle form of conditioning- that is essentially what the narcissist does, he / she will condition you, train you…

      1. The primitive parts of our brains no more complex than that of a lab rat, Quasi. And their dark minds learn how to exploit our innate behaviors. Although cruel and manipulative, part of me is astounded by the narcissist’s resourcefulness at acquiring fuel.

      2. Yup, that’s one of the first things I found when I Googled hot/cold behavior, which no one had ever done to me before. Gosh how much I have learned the past few years…

      1. It’s the first book I’ve read not written by HG Tudor in almost 5 months!

      2. After I wrote the comment, I kept thinking about it. They say that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. But that’s exactly what happens, insanity! What you do today gets you a sit down feast at their table. You may do the same thing tomorrow and be lucky if you get to lick crumbs from under their chair. The same the next day and you’re ignored completely. You can’t play the game, much less win when you don’t know the rules and there are no rules. That only reinforces what HG teaches us. It’s all down to them, we have no say in how we are treated unless we GOSO and take our freedom and our power back.

    2. MB
      Ha ha ha…I went through a Tudor jag, too! Right now, I am half-way through A Column of Fire (Kingsbridge) by Ken Follett.

    3. MB
      This line reminded me of Hotel California: What you do today gets you a sit down feast at their table. That song is about NPD.

      And in the master’s chambers,
      They gathered for the feast
      They stab it with their steely knives,
      But they just can’t kill the beast

      1. OMG K! I think I might be in love with you now! See HG…you CAN be soul mates without stalking Facebook for clues! Hotel California is my favorite song! And the steely knives part that you quote is my favorite part! Along with “you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.” It’s about NPD!?!? No effing way! THE best version is from ‘When Hell Freezes Over’. It’s the ONLY song in my library that I will NEVER skip and always listen to the whole way through. Love the guitar solos.

        But the one thing I never can understand is why they haven’t had wine since 1969, but they have pink champagne on ice. (Any ideas ?)

        I guess NPD explains the whole “mirrors on the ceiling” thing! Ha ha

      2. There is no such thing as a soul mate, it is a fiction, designed to ensnare the unwary.

      3. I should’ve known better than to push the HG red hot button of inaccuracy so early on a Monday morning! I was being coy about soul mates and FB stalking. I really do love K, though. Coincidence that she knows my favorite song?…I think not!

      4. MB
        Ha ha ha…we are conditioned to think we have soul mates a.k.a. fuel mates. It is serendipitous that we both love Hotel California and The Eagles just so happens to be one of my favorite bands. BTW, I really love you, too!

      5. I never believed in soul mates K. As in that there is only one perfect person out there for everybody. Although I’m surprised I don’t. I remember my mother telling us when we were little girls, “if you find a man half as good as your father, you’ll be so lucky.” That caused me so much anxiety growing up. How would I know when I found the one? And how would I know he was at least half as good as my father? They divorced when I was 18 anyway! Some people certainly are more compatible than others, but that’s not the fairy tale “soul mates”.

      6. I never really believed in soul mates either, MB, but I do believe in compatibility.

      7. MB
        Ha ha ha…you are a riot! It is a great song, isn’t it. I have read that it is about excess, materialism, drugs and the dark underbelly of Hollywood. California is the Golden state-such a lovely place-think GP. The beast (the Creature), the mirrors, Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, shimmering light, pretty boys, that she calls friends (IPSSs), You can check out any time you like, But you can never leave! (ever presence, addiction)’

        From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

        In his Encyclopedia of Great Popular Song Recordings, Volume 1, Steve Sullivan theorizes that the “spirit” that the Hotel California hasn’t had since 1969 refers to the spirit of social activism of the 1960s, and how disco and the related pop music of the mid-1970s had turned away from it.[8]

        ‘When Hell Freezes Over’ is an excellent version, check out the cover by Passenger on YouTube.

      8. You are just a plethora of information K!

        So it’s official then…HGU convention to be held at the Hotel California. Pink champagne shall be served on ice, party favors will be steely knives. Some will dance to remember, some will dance to forget. A grand time will be had by all feasting in the Master’s chambers. Don’t forget to bring your alibis. Maybe the winner of HG Trivial Pursuit can go for a ride in the Mercedes Benz with the pretty pretty boy we call our friend!

      9. Those are the words! Besides, I may or may not have been talking about you, Sir. Did I offend?

      10. That’s twice today I’ve pressed HGs red hot button of inaccuracy! I would’ve thought pretty boy was a good thing. Guess I better get to googling again.

      11. A pretty boy is a good looking, vain man, however it was the “effeminate” part of the definition that was understandably offensive. Your testosterone levels and masculinity are quite evident in your distinguished voice, HG. I stand corrected and I am sorry for my transgression.

      12. MB
        There you go, apologizing again. Ha ha ha…you are a hoot and an empath.

      13. K, It wounds me terribly to be called down, doubled when it’s in front of other people, multiplied when it’s by an authority figure and exponential when it’s due to a misunderstanding. So yeah, I am VERY sorry, still.

      14. MB
        It’s ok; try not to take it to heart. I screwed up badly with SMH and respite periods. She is an IPSS and only IPPSs get respite periods in the context of the FR within the umbrella of Devaluation and HG helped me out, by clarifying my error, and that wasn’t my first time screwing up respite periods. I have read The Faces of Devaluation many times so I should know better by now.

        It is difficult to communicate context on a blog because sometimes the message gets lost in translation.

        Keep calm and be fearless!

      15. Thank you K! You help him out so much and with a 99.9% accuracy rate so don’t sweat it. And he has expressed his gratitude which is awesome.

        I know that nobody can MAKE me feel anything, it’s all internal. But there’s something about HG that bypasses my protective shell straight to my vulnerable gooey middle where the shame and guilt live. It’s hard to explain. Maybe it’s intimidation? Respect? I don’t know. I just know he would have me for breakfast like those poor soldiers of Windsor!

      16. My pleasure, MB!
        Thank you for your kind words, however, I am sure I will muck something up again in the future.

        When you have a chance, watch Game of Thrones and practice how to be ironborn like Asha Yara Greyjoy or be like Brienne of Tarth, warrior of House Tarth.

        Keep calm and lose the shame and guilt.

      17. I am finding this thread very funny, K and MB. I would love to head to The Hotel California with both of you, but aren’t we already there??

        I have the greatest respect for HG, though his curtness reminds me of my narc and triggers me. I stay because — can’t check out. It is my fate. Glad you are all here. No worries about mistakes, MB. We all make them otherwise we wouldn’t be stuck at THC with HG :-).

      18. Good SMH, I enjoy laughing with others. Humor was what I was going for. It was all fun and games until I took a misstep. Then I heard the needle scratch across the record and the music stopped abruptly. Party over. And yes, we can’t check out! I’m glad you’re here too! Wait, did you say THC?!? Ohhhh..you mean The Hotel California 😂

      19. And I hear you about the fun and the misstep. I said to narc, ‘this was just supposed to be a fling!’ He said ‘what made it not a fling?’ I said ‘you did!!’ I miss him today for the first time in months and I worry that he is fucking with my head by THINKING about me. Hahaha. Twilight Zone awaits if we ever get out of Hotel California…

      20. SMH
        Ha ha ha… this is a funny thread and we are livin’ it up at THC and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This blog is amazing and I am happy you are here with us. When you have a chance, go into the archives. HG is very, very busy now and has less time but he still interacts as much as possible.

        I know, right! We all made mistakes and got trapped in THC and HG is there waiting at checkout with the keys to freedom.

      21. I’m imaging HG upstairs watching the footie (football) while the rest of us hang out in the lounge at his virtual cocktail party. I’m glad there are a lot of ‘muricans here.

      22. Well, you can be pretty sure that most are not watching the World Cup, though I am and have noticed your absences!

      23. MB
        Ha ha ha… I would love to take credit for all the information but I just Google everything. However, I will have some Pink champagne on ice and I will definitely bring my alibis.

      24. HG

        Pretty boy….made me laugh more like ruggedly handsome with glacier blue eyes that can pierce deep into the soul.

        I know azure, yet I am sure you can give a look that is as cold as glacier ice and burn just as deep.

  5. I fell for it after the first time he failed to tell be about the IPPS.
    I gave him a chance.
    Low and behold he did it again and I blanked it until I couldn’t any longer 😕

  6. Give me a little chance and it won’t be the same , I promise …. it will just be worse !!! :)))

  7. Pingback: One More Chance — Knowing the Narcissist – Maritza S. Rivera

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