To Have Not To Hold
You can have our kind but you cannot hold on to us. We will not permit it. We are the archetypal individuals who you can experience, you can love, enjoy, cherish and so many other things but the one thing you may not do is hold on to us.
We allow you to have us because what we give you is constructed and comes at no great cost to us. Instead it allows us to gain. By being generous with our supposed love, passionate with our words, highly desirable with our sexual prowess, charming, flattering and everything else which you associate with out love bombing of you, we want you to have it all. We want you to have all of our charm, our magnetism, our illusion. We want you to drown in it, become engulfed by the blazoning lights and soothing sounds, swamped by the seductive desire that we sweep across you like a tsunami. You can have it all because the more we give you, the more likely you will be carried away by this tidal wave of false love. The more sugar we pour over you, the sweeter the golden period and the greater your addiction to us becomes. Naturally,the extent of how much you can have of us is governed by our energy levels and our capacity for control, so that the experience is all the more fuller should you be ensnared by a Mid Ranger than a Lesser and many times more intense should you fall prey to a Greater.
You can have all of our time because it serves our purposes. All of our focus is yours, you get our near undivided attention as we pull out all the stops to seduce and conquer. You can have our financial resources as we spend money on you (even when we may not have the money to spend on you – incurring debt or using someone else’s resources) , take you to places, book interesting days out, tempting nights out and utilise financial muscle, whether ours or borrowed from bank or devalued victim, in order to let you have the full on magical experience that is being seduced by us.
We will grant you access to our friends, which of course is just allowing the façade to wrap around you and convince you of our bona fides, our supportive and attractive coterie all so giving of their time to you, praising us and welcoming you.
We will allow you to have a route to all of our favourite things, although of course this is manufactured in order to actually allow you to attach to your favourite things as we mirror your likes, your desires and your hopes back at you, but it is still giving of us.
The Somatic and Elite cadres will allow you to have us physically as the weapon of mass seduction that is sex, is rolled our to delight you. You are apparently given access to our most intimate of levels, in a series of steamy and orgasmic encounters as we utilise our well-practised sexual skills in conjunction with the whole orchestrated seduction of you to create an intense and mesmerising experience.
We may move you in, a supposedly generous act as we allow you to have closeness and regular time with us, all engineered of course to maintain our façade of pleasantry and reliability as you are bound closer to us. In some instances we perhaps allow you to have what could be considered the ultimate act of ‘having’ as we give you our seed or our womb for the purposes of the creation of new life.
Yes, by allowing you to have so much of us, we create the image of someone who gives, someone who sacrifices, who thinks of you before we think of ourselves and thus you, understandably, fall for this and truly believe you have us. You do have us but it is for, in the scheme of things, a fleeting instance. A mere moment in vastness of time and for all of its wonder and brilliance, you are allowed to have us but you cannot hold us.
We cannot allow this to happen because we will turn matters around, in order to ensure that our hunger for fuel is addressed, in order to cater for our slavish devotion to the maintenance of superiority and in order to assert our right to do as we please, when we please, how we please and with whom we please.
You cannot hold us. You cannot keep us. We regard ourselves as that omnipotent force that is not beholden to boundaries, constraints and bondage. You have no say over what we do. You are not there to impose your rules on us, keep us in check or prevent us from seeking out what we need in order to maintain our existence. Indeed, the prevention of you keeping us is material in ensuring that the threat of our departure is something that keeps you working hard to please us,to provide that fuel, be it positive or negative and to allow us to keep you just where we want you. We can keep a hold of you of course, that is the nature of the narcissistic covenant, but as usual, what applies to you will not apply to us and vice versa.
We make the decisions. We choose. We execute and operate. We are not there to be bound to one person and especially one which will invariably fail us. We consider ourselves as beyond such things and therefore the notions of faithfulness, fidelity and monogamy are cast out as evicted tenants from the House of Narc.
We want you to try to hold on to us, that is part of our game playing. We want you to strive to keep us, to exert your every waking moment to clinging on to us but it can never happen. We are programmed to reject that desire to keep us as you want us to be. There is no hope for it to happen, but we will give you that false hope, through the respite periods and the periodic resumption of the golden period. You are led to believe that you have managed to keep us, that you can continue to have us and to hold us, but it will not last and it cannot last because the concept of being beholden to you and just you will ultimately run contrary to our needs and as you are well-acquainted with the idea now, our needs must always come first.
We decide when we come back, we decide when the false love is shown to you again, we decide when you get to see us, get to speak to us and receive our attention, seduction, fury or disdain. We must behave this way to shore up our idea of being the one who calls the shots, who makes the decisions and pulls the strings because we dare not contemplate for too long what would happen if we allowed you to take hold of matters.
We will always let you have us, but you will never be allowed to hold us.
12 thoughts on “To Have Not To Hold”
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I love this picture HG. You put a lot of thought into the pictures you choose.
The thing that came to my mind when I looked at this, (I guess a different perspective if you like), this must be what it feels like for you with fuel, to maintain the construct, as its passing through your hands as it were, quickly, and so much so you have to keep grabbing more and more handfuls of sand, before the final grains fall through. Maybe the more wetter sand (empaths) would stay within the hands longer. But would within a certain amount of time would dry and also start to fall through. However you rely on the tide to come in for that. The tide being…. love.
I like this perspective tigerchelle 🙂
We decide when we come back, we decide when the false love is shown to you again, we decide when you get to see us, get to speak to us and receive our attention, seduction, fury or disdain. We must behave this way to shore up our idea of being the one who calls the shots, who makes the decisions and pulls the strings because we dare not contemplate for too long what would happen if we allowed you to take hold of matters.
Now that he is kind of back – he acts exactly like that. It is his inner dialogue / I am sure .
HG this writing seems to be a narc. having a relationship with the main supply. Yours NOT truly. THIS Long QUESTION is once again about HOW do you address Being alone of NO supply.
HG you are alone? YET there are so many of you Narc. BUT you can not even be with each other or like each other, like those going to a 12-step meeting to help support each other of healing. There is no healing YOU all live a life of solitude, of being alone, YET you do not want to be alone. YOU need supply to feed off and give you stimulation or TO NOT remember YOU are really alone.
WHAT is your belief system of life of spiritual or empathy working together. NO THERE IS NO PLACE IN YOUR BEING TO HAVE THAT. YOU are all about surviving and to feed your addiction of SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF US Human-beings. You do not have a purpose of Why am I here, what is my gift to the world. IT IS JUST SURVIVAL. true????? HG Sam Vaknin went to jail. Have you gone to jail? AS if you are in Solitude of not mingling with the other prisoners as I am sure you would figure out how to get supply in jail. BUT if you were in solitude confinement or on an island all by yourself.. HOW WOULD YOU FEED THE MONSTER IN YOU? And most of you describe your evil thing that is in you as a Monster. I am not being cruel here, just being real. YES you have feelings, BUT they are not the feeling of being connected to human-beings, it is purely to survive.BUT what for, I think of what you thing about, in your times of thinking of life. If I was like that I probably would not want to live, BUT it is because I know how it feels to be human, YOU do NOT have a reference for those feeling of missing them and depression I believe. True? So you can NOT miss what you never had. JUST my speculation here. Why did your treatment bring you to doing this,or you had to pick something to do, and exposing yourself to inform us, is what you choose. Thank you kindly for The ugly bad truth of what we need to know. Spiritual Warrior
Hi spiritual warrier…your post brought up great points. I think the best thing would be isolation for a period of time with good therapists that know their stuff when it comes to narcissism NOT therapists with issues of their own that could be bamboozled. Then and only then would a narcissist have to face their creature(what theyre avoiding… their core) and hopefully be able to rebuild and create a real self sustaining identity for themselves. The isolation wouldnt be a punishment but therapy with understanding and compassion but also no abundance of fuel. No technology whatsoever and thatd include tv, email, docial media not even snail mail 😄 Face your demons and fears and purge the evilness…hopefully. im not sure if this would work but itd definitely be worth trying. It would have to be for a good amount of time at least 6 mos to a year.
ChiMum
Haha. Im not sure any of us could pass that but I know what you meant.
Chihuahuamum
Ha, ha! I don’t see how anyone could talk a narcissist into isolation treatment for 6 months, with limited fuel and no technology. Even the mids and lessers would instinctively know to run from that! If someone cared enough about improving themselves to agree to that, I’d question their being a narc in the first place. I know none of mine would volunteer.
Today I am low on empathy.
I would put all my narcs into solitary confinement for months and laugh maniacally at their suffering before air dropping them into an active volcano… God, it feels so fucking good to be mean.
Oh to be able to post the Leo Decaprio meme from Great Gatsby raising “Cheers” to that one, K!
Clarece
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh! I am having a cranky moment and I really needed it.
I agree, but that would be the ultimate cold turkey experience.
I think maybe it would be better to decrease the fuel over time because like with a diet, those that eat nothing, and lose weight quickly, then when are faced with food choices can suddenly want everything there is to eat, and feast and on the weight goes again.
But a diet where you restrict your calorie in-take, over a few weeks to months, is more likely to not have that yo-yo affect, and last, and weight stay off.
I think also there would have to be something in place where they had some kind of one way help to deal with the trauma type feelings. Even medication to help them through. Obviously it would have to be through lowest possible potency of fuel, (written communication) and could only go one way…but just enough to stop them from completely being overwhelmed with all the childhood trauma and feelings associated with that, to help them through. They could quite well experience severe PTSD, along with panic attacks, clinical depression, paranoia, psychosis, and even feeling suicidal. That’s just the emotional and mental side effects.
Someone’s core is or can be extremely painful. We talk of it like he can just do this or that, but in reality we are talking about a very damaged individual who has never learnt to process or even knows how to feel all the feelings that we just take forgranted because we have always felt them.
What concerns me is that he has such a taste for fuel and power, that everything will eventually become dulled, and turn stale. There is nothing new any longer. It all becomes rather monotonous. Same repetition of cycles, but just different appliances. You are always striving for bigger and better things, fuel, etc but eventually there comes a point where you have desensitized your brain, and may well go that step further. (Not saying HG will but there is a possibility).
There are certain boundaries he has right now. However, it does not take much to overstep them, and become a fully fledged psychopath, where he takes someone’s life because nothing else gives him that same feeling of power, fuel, superiority. Its easy to go forward…..much harder to go back.
I think possibly this is why he needs a focus, because maybe that eventuality was there. To stop it from happening, he writes, and has a purpose, wants to create a legacy etc.
I’m sure he is afraid to tell most people what he really is and what he stops himself from doing.
Afraid that it would put them off. But many of us here know what we are dealing with, and are under no illusions.