I Use Words Purely To Control


The words that our kind use are the instruments of our dark profession.

Words are advantageous because they are so easy to say. There is little effort involved in uttering a sudden profane insult or a sentence designed to bring about submission. A barked injunction or a passionate phrase are readily conjured up and sent in your direction. Of course, there are times when the more skilled practitioners amongst our brethren use them to create a stunning tapestry of woven wonder for you to look upon in a lengthy letter. A seemingly heartfelt declaration of love that needs to be requited, an apparent mea culpa, no a mea maxima culpa for our wrongdoings arising from our tortured behaviour or the mercy-seeking begging missive seeking absolution and forgiveness.

Whilst there are of course plenty of actions in the dynamic between you and I, it is the words which are everywhere. From those spoken, to the text messages, the e-mails, the social media announcements, the invitations, the letters written in beautiful copper plate handwriting (always a winner), the one word daubed in paint on the side of your house, the insult scratched into your car’s wing and the bloodied threat daubed on a note and wrapped around a brick hurled through your window. Those words are absolutely everywhere. Easy to use, quick to appear and with them such import and impact on those listening and of course, the empathic individual is invariably an excellent listener who drinks in what we have to say or write.

From weasel words to roaring rhetoric, we deploy phrases and sentences to bring about compliance, to secure sympathy, to tug at your emotions and evoke responses. Instinct allows us to mirror and conjure up those tantalising expressions which go straight to your core, coiling about your heart and either dragging it towards us or tearing it to shreds, dependent on where you happen to be on the narcissistic rollercoaster.

I have repeatedly explained that we prefer to conserve our energy. We do not want to have to do more than is necessary because our energy is required for the purposes of establishing the seduction of our primary source and the maintenance of our fuel lines through our growing fuel network. We do not want to be rushing around doing things, it is far more effective to tell you how we supposedly feel about you, write it in one text message to send to five different recipients to cast the net wider and see what can be caught and to rely on the images created by our words. By conserving this energy, we are able to achieve more. We can target more people, seduce with greater effectiveness and devalue with increased impact.

The Lesser Narcissist is not an especially skilled wordsmith albeit the Upper Lesser will have his or her moments. This lack of delicious prose or flowery compliments does not however hinder his use of words as a method of control. He will channel it in into the use of a pet name (which is seemingly special) and use that with regularity. His based vulgarities which are texted when he is roping in a target are often aimed at those who are operating on a similar language and literary level to him.

Take for example the 419 frauds (also known as advance fee frauds). You will know about those e-mails (usually hailing from Nigeria where the e-mails are contrary to s419 of their criminal code, hence the name) where Crown Prince Umbongo explains how as a trusted advisor or improbable relative you can help him move $ 49 million dollars from an account and he will cut you in for twenty per cent. These e-mails are usually written in pidgin English or a poor version of it which marks the writer out as someone who has English as a second language. That is actually not the case. The writer is invariably someone with an excellent command of English BUT the e-mail is written in a manner which is poor English. This is deliberate. It is done because it is specifically seeking out people who are dim-witted enough to respond and provide cash to the fraudsters.

People often wonder how people fall for these scams, but they do and that is why the fraudsters keep going. Just in the way that we as love frauds specifically target people and use words to do so, the financial frauds (which will include members of our brethren too) ensure the content of these e-mails is such that the most gullible respond in order to maximise the prospects for success. The ploy is deliberate to remove the false positives and leave only those who are the most susceptible.

In the same way, the less proficient use of words by the Lesser means that he will attract those who are more likely to fall for his particular manipulations. It is of little use for the Lesser to attract someone who seems like a useful prospect only for them to prove to be a false positive and break off the seduction. Just like the financial scammers, the Lesser needs to weed out those who are most susceptible to his less articulate overtures and more rudimentary manipulative styles.

The Lesser has fewer problems when it comes to the controlling aspect of his use of words during devaluing. He can hurl the insults with ease, relying on profanities, vulgarity and harsh words to wound and upset his ensnared victim. He can unleash a volley of nastiness from his twisted mouth. His roar of disapproval, the reliance on bellowing and shouting over the actual complexity of this sentences, is entirely effective at cowing, controlling and brow-beating the victims which he will stand the greatest chance of effectiveness delivery of the Prime Aims with.

As for the Mid-Range Narcissist, he has some charm and with the increased cognitive function comes a pleasant and desirable seduction where sweet, caring messages are used. He will spend much of his seduction stealing the phrases and verses of famous authors and poets. He knows where to find these texts and will either plagiarise them wholesale or add his own twist to the existing works. The Mid-Range will control through a sugary sweet seduction and can engage in extensive text campaigns as part of his luring of the victim.

He is also perfectly capable of hurling the insults if really required but the Mid-Ranger’s use of words to control his victims is evidenced most in two ways. Back-handed compliments ( see Seven Back-Handed Provocations ) and Pity Plays. The Mid-Ranger is an expert at the passive aggressive barbed comment and can issue those which have you at first smiling and then reacting as you realise the import of what has just been said to you. The Mid-Ranger’s true proficiency lies in his ability to control you through the use of Pity Plays which he will roll out through his long involved explanations of hardship, misery, difficulty and adversity. Whether he wants money from you, to con you into thinking he will engage in some kind of treatment for his confusing behaviours, to stop you leaving him and removing his main source of fuel or to take him back after you have escaped or he has dis-engaged, the Mid-Ranger knows all the choice speeches to tug at your heart strings. He will present persuasive phrases to convey how truly sorry he is and that his life really is worth nothing without you. Verbose apologies and explanations will clog up your inboxes as he goes overboard about how devastated he is to have treated someone so wonderful as you this way, how he realises that he has done so many wrong things and needs to make amends and of course it is always someone else’s fault/something else’s fault why he did as he did. Notice that these controlling words of the Mid-Ranger sound good and appear to show contrition and remorse but they do not. There is recognition but no ownership.

“I know I upset you when I go missing BUT I just need some time to myself because I am under pressure.”

“I can see why you might get angry when I talk to other women BUT I cannot help it if people like me, can I?”

The Mid-Ranger will use words extensively to seduce but it is in the application of words during devaluation where the Mid-Ranger exhibits particular expertise. Do not think that the mode du jour of the Mid-Ranger, the Silent Treatment, is some kind of aberration for such a prolix individual – he is of course courting somebody else with his sweet sentences whilst you are given a dose of cold fury.

As for the Greater, well, our mouths and tongues are the ultimate weapons. From composing eloquent and seductive proclamations of our love through to the motivating and endearing speeches as to why you and I belong together, the Greater is at the top of the pyramid when it comes to using words to control. Possessing an uncanny knack of knowing exactly the right thing to say and the right time, the Greater can use verbose announcements to awe a target into submission or deploy a short sentence to devastating effect.

Just like his Lesser and Mid-Range counterparts, the Greater can unleash the heated fury of a tirade should he deem it necessary. He does however always prefer to rely on his charm and the associated words with such charm for the purposes of manipulation and control. Whether it is seducing you, seducing someone else to triangulate with you, to manipulate you into feeling that you are the problem, deflecting your suspicions or stopping you leaving through a scintillating Preventative Hoover, the Greater will turn to charm first. Those delicious words, so brilliantly delivered, the evocative sentences and tempting turns of phrase are all deployed in order to ensure that you submit and obey. If charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch, then the Greater will use his words to threaten and intimidate. Nobody else is able to convey his imaginative plans for how you will suffer if you do not do what he wants. A few sentences describing what fate awaits you and with no raised voice or bellowed indignation has a most unsettling effect on the victim. The Greater will not opt for Pity Plays, they are beneath him. His words are a source of pride to him and through charm and intimidation he exerts control.

Everything we say is designed to control you. Our words are there to make you fall in love with us, like us, be drawn to us and to be loyal to us. Our sentences seduce. Our words wound. What we say to you must make you do what we want, provide us with fuel, give us your resources, carry out our instructions, obey our commands. Our words, be they spoken or written are not there for your benefit, they are to serve us and ensure that you are brought and remain under our control.

You are excellent listeners but when you are first ensnared by us, you do not hear what we are actually saying to you.

Now you will.

27 thoughts on “I Use Words Purely To Control

  1. Jen says:

    Is it typical for a narcissist to use questions to control you? My ex would ask me unlimited questions about everything, even innocent things like talking to a coworker, to the point where I would avoid an activity (or avoid talking about it, and be called a liar later) just to escape the dozens of questions. He said he asked questions about everything, that it wasn’t just me. But it felt abusive, and would be mentally exhaustive for me to try to answer properly to make it stop. If I could’ve give “correct” answers, the questions kept coming, even when I asked him to stop because I answered as best I could, as many times as he’d asked. Sometimes the questions would stop, only to come up again much later, he’d never let go (and God help me if I deviated slightly from the last time I answered simply because of a time lapse between the event and the questions). Eventually when I’d get mad and tell him he couldn’t stop me from doing something (because obviously he didn’t want me to do it, or why would he question it so much?) he’d say he “never told me not to”. And he was right – he would never tell me I couldn’t do something, but I’d be so uncomfortable and upset about the questions, I’d stop. Is this a narcissist control tactic?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. Supernova DE says:

    I have always interpreted the mid-ranger pity plays to mean they want sympathy for something done to them or sympathy for a situation which is unfortunate. ie. getting demoted at work, having bad day at work, wife accruing credit card debt, wife not giving enough sex….

    But now I think that admitting a weakness/mistake in order to gain a reaction would also apply. ie. “I feel I haven’t supported my wife enough through her illness.” “I haven’t been as involved with my kids as I should be.” “I’ve stopped drinking again, you know I can’t just have a few once I start.” “Well, I just really don’t have my life figured out.”

    Is that correct HG? A greater wouldn’t admit any weakness except in very rare circumstances, and a lesser wouldn’t even see the weaknesses in himself?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Entirely correct.

      1. Supernova DE says:

        Thank you. And now I entirely agree with MMRN as this was the constant stream of hooks he put out to get attention.
        I suppose a MMRN loooooves a Saviour Empath?

  3. MB says:

    “letters written in beautiful copper plate handwriting (always a winner)”

    HG, did you learn it on your own or was it a Matrinarc diktat?

    Are you left handed? (I think I read that somewhere.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Diktat. I am ambidextrous.

      1. MB says:

        Of course you are! That’s how you write so prolifically.

      2. Renarde says:

        That’s intresting! I know another one that is as well!

  4. Presque Vu says:

    Mid-Ranger passive aggressiveness and silent treatment ughh.
    But he could write beautifully, I can’t take that away from him. Everywhere he went he had his notebook and pen, I adored that about him until he turned it against me.

  5. /iroll says:

    My lesser somatic wrote to me after his phonecall attempt, to call me “a piece of nothingness” and a whore.

    So angry, 24/7

  6. Spiritual Warrior says:

    Yes, Mine gave the same stories pet names ways of making you feel beautiful and his everything, TO ALL OF US maybe up to 20 at a time. Some of his victims where the main supply, the usually of the current year. Then the once in awhile AND the new shinny object of the new victim. He told me up front. He was a loner, sex was important to him. During- I don’t trust women they want to own me. The end- I hurt those that care and love me. I am not the monster you think I am. Then the poor me stories to have us hooked or let it go he flaked again. Or bla bla bla….HG it is so great that you all have the gift of gab, the issue is once victims find other victims it is the gift of mimicking and telling the same story over and over. At least when you re-write your work, it has fresh ideas and thoughts and knowledge in it. PLEASE WRITE ON HOW YOU @@Groom Your Victims@@ of us doing things to be and give our all to you. How you are a fight that we will win you over. We will prove our love to you. Then US sad…Why not me. What does she have that I do not…The mental mind fuck rape…WE lost our minds. Thank God a lot of us got them back and more In-tuned to con people evil hurtful people. Or that we connect to people more as an Empath, People are very open to me, I am really present and caring even if it is a moment, but that gift is also a curse. So now I do not share myself my body with no one. I am perfectly fine with no romance or partnership, AS I will never be used by anyone again in that manor, of my past evil being who is still doing this and alive. That is the hardest for me to know.. MY ABUSER IS STILL OUT THERE DOING THIS TO OTHERS.

    1. Renarde says:

      Your experiences are stunningly similar to mine. I especially relate to the ‘mind rape’, I felt my mind was broken and would never heal.

      The concept that they are still out there, creating mayhem is also a difficult concept to get your head around.

      HG’s work helped me gain perspective and clarity. More importantly; healing.

      I hope you are healing Spiritual Warrior.

  7. Hi H.G.

    Never Mind on what I asked earlier . He already showed me it doesnt work that way with a narcissist he tries to add me on social media the same day .

  8. Jane hall says:

    Words 1-3 months before we split – for Good

    “Piss off, I cant wait till you do”
    “You are full of shit, I will do what ever I want”!
    “you kiss your brothers ass”
    “You are stupid, I don’t know even how you got to this moment”
    “Womans libber”
    “I hate them” about my sister and her family
    “You ugly, evil, wicked witch” (during a discussion about a house move and I said “OK” as I didn’t want to argue with kids in house.

    post split – 1 – 2 months via his text (now changed phone)

    “I am broken without you”
    “I will be like Queen Victoria, forever mourning her Albert”
    “There will be no one else for me, but you”
    “Call me —–please” ( I didn’t)
    “I know I was angry but so were you, I made mistakes and I am sorry, but so did you”
    “I am so much better now, my blood sugars improved and feel more able to cope”

    And so on and so on.
    I share this – because hopefully it will help some other empath see the similarity in the lies. Its laughable what they come out with.
    Once you see that every word they say is basically bull shit – you will be free.
    Thanks HG – So many people appreciate you.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Blood sugar is quite creative lol.

      1. Jane hall says:

        He is the King of bullshit.
        He has sent a text to his daughter this am saying he is going in to hospital to have surgery on a tooth.
        I guessed he would be heading to hospital next.
        It just aggravates my daughter – but she is smart. She used to be the Scapegoat. She said “He is hamming it up”.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Good and you are welcome.

  9. ImmortalOutlaw Goddess says:

    Hello H.G.

    I will be moving back to my old town where my recent ex lives too . I ‘ve never told on him or about us to anyone he knows this we been figthing privately and he tells me I can move on with my life and that he will leave me alone . But he did watch me “social media “ . Now I delete him from everything so I can go back on the terms we agreed on . To me this seems LEGIT . But Idk if the narcsissit world can work along ?

  10. Summer says:

    Why there is a need to provoke you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      For fuel and to control.

  11. Summer says:

    Hi ,is there any reasonable explanation why they tried to hurt you,even then when they have a new SS from months .
    Why is there a need for that?

  12. Chels says:

    Terrific article!

  13. There is nothing quite so alluring as someone with a good vocabulary and wit and can choose his words well. Who can add meaning and depth, passion and power, and still come across as polite, and a gentleman. It’s not really surprising that narcissists use them to control. They also use the lack of them for control too.

  14. horseyak says:

    Regarding these 419scams and the actually intelligent narcs behind them, I one day decided to reply back and simply wrote,” Mamasay, mamasah mamakusah.” The”dumb African” sent me a virus that cost me fifty bucks to get rid of.

    1. Clarece says:

      Maybe you should have tried Lionel Richie’s other song lyrics, “Hello…Is it me you’re looking for…?”

    2. Presque Vu says:

      I shouldn’t laugh but that was funny! It’s the way you told it lol.

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