I Second That Emotion

i-second-that

 

The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become jealous of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel. I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions. I am the ultimate recycler.

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35 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion”

  1. Pingback: CONDIVIDO QUELL’EMOZIONE
  2. Heehee… love bomber from a couple years ago and his “crying” pic online meant to convince female prey he was emotive, I found it put up not too long after I blew up at him. It seems like an intimate moment to share whatever pain caused such big sad shiny eyes. Though it does make for good proof. His love bombing tactics made me wary, the big mesmerizing eye contact on the other hand….

    I get nervous about narc traits in myself sometimes but then I remember how easily I cry during songs and commercials and news stories all the time and also realize I don’t feel the need to record it as evidence.

  3. If memories for the empath are made more potent with emotion, how does the emotion that the narcissist feels- hate, jealousy, anger, etc – mark memories more permanently for him – how does this effect his memories, and is this part of why he lies about things that happened or did not happen?

  4. Why, when, and how does a narcissist cry real tears and pathetic sobs? How can not feeling remorse or sadness accommodate real tears?

      1. When I was a child, my mother would cry over some things, but even though I did not know why at the time, I could tell there was something very strange about her tears, and they never elicited my true sympathy- and I felt guilty about that. Could your mother turn on the waterworks at will, HG, and what is happening when they do?
        Cheers

      2. I’m curious too though if your mother would easily cry yet raised you never to cry and show weakness?

      3. My mother couldn’t handle it if I cried for any reason. She met it with anger, derision, and contempt.

      4. This topic reminds me of a question that I meant to ask.
        Once, at the movie theater, my narc wept through (nearly) an entire movie. It was odd for him, even when I didn’t know that he was a narc, because culturally he was of the belief “that men don’t cry.” I couldn’t even say that it was attention seeking because that night the movie wasn’t well attended – so no one was close enough to witness except me. But even when I asked him if he was okay, he did not answer and I did not press the issue. He just quietly cried the whole time but like he didn’t want to draw attention to it but could not help himself. The movie was a long fantastical tale where the main character had a peculiar relationship to his mother. Sometime later, my narc purchased the DVD version but left it the wrapper, never watched it again in the many years we were together. It just sat amongst the other movies that we did rewatch at times. Often I meant to open it and watch it again and see if I could understand what it was that disturbed him. But I didn’t want to be the first one to do the remove the wrapper – it would have felt like I was intruding upon his grief – if that is indeed what he had felt. But you say that narc’s don’t feel grief.

        I don’t view this as him seeking a fueled response since we never even talked about it…and didn’t really disrupt the movie experience (I just quietly watched the movie and respected that hecmust have felt the need for tears.)

        Could he just have been crying for himself in this instance?

      5. Ah, self-pity, not the same as sympathy or empathy. I understand. Thank you so much HG, for making it so simply clear, as usual!

  5. Caroline sending you a mental hugs.

    I am dying laughing right now. Of course I would miss the fine print.

  6. Thank you NA that was good. I actually thought of you as I read the sign because I thought you might have fun with it. Considering it was down the street from the Gatsby house and across the street from the Dead Poets Society I assumed it was correct. Although the thought of taking a picture for evidentiary purposes crossed my mind 😉

  7. My Narc (Elite&Greater I would say) wasn’t that into kisses, and he admitted it – I was finding it strange, but now I am thinking whether it was just avoiding real intimacy? What do you think HG? Being a Greater (and Elite from my point of view) isn’t it strange since you explained how kisses could be a powerful weapon..

  8. HG, sometimes when I read your articles, you really remind me my ex narcissist. It is because you both love to use “big words” like EXCELLENT, PERFECT, OUTSTANDING… He wouldn’t say “what a nice view/this view is really nice, I like it”. He would say: What a FANTASTIC view, I am TOTALLY OFICIALLY ENCHANTED.

    Why is that? Is it just by chance? I do not know many “normals” who use so many grand terms in every sentence and when I met my narcissist (sorry) I thought this manner is a little bit cheap, fake and overly emotional.

    So is it typical for narcissists?

  9. The extent to which I would like to respond to this article is a little to vast for the comment section. So I will reflect on this separately. Although that being said I can still say this here –

    It’s freaking Amazing ….. and definitely in my “ fundamental/ key articles for understanding” list along with

    -Attachment is the seat of misery,
    -See saw
    -Scenting blood,
    – Why the narcissist wants to make you his extension,
    -Stolen love,
    -Love is a taught construct.

    They were key in my opinion as they Affected me, and their meaning was not just read but felt.

  10. I was driving through a college town today and they are building a new frat house. They are calling it Gaslight Avenue.

    Too bad the jackass moved away. He would have felt right at home here.

    I know this post isn’t relevant to your article, but the thought of a house full of Narcs living in Gaslight Avenue was amusing.

      1. Caroline a little bit of humor to relieve some stress. I’m glad you liked it.

    1. Wounded
      That seems unlikely. Are you sure that you weren’t travelling too fast and read it as Gaslight Avenue when it was really something else?

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