To Have and To Hold

 to-have-and

We marry. Sometimes we keep dangling the carrot of matrimony for the purposes of future-faking and keeping a primary source interested and working hard to keep our favour. Other times it happens quickly in that whirlwind of the narcissistic seduction for the purposes of ensuring that you are bound to us as tightly and quickly as possible so we have the comfort and satisfaction that you, as our wonderful new primary source, are firmly embedded and attached to us. A swift engagement with the wedding following hard on the heels. It is customary move of our kind to enter into a marriage. We give the appearance of being utterly devoted to you, smitten and with our love bombing and repeated protestations of love and desire it is little wonder that the victim readily says “yes” and has the engagement ring slipped on her finger and the planning for the wedding itself happens minutes later. Marriage is important to the narcissist. Not the actual institution, although we will make a great show of emphasising just how important it is, what it means to us and how we could not wait to get married. All good material for ensnaring the victim and maintaining the façade.

When that day comes, what goes through the mind of the narcissist when he or she is stood before the altar, in a registry office or atop a cliff overlooking the sea in a civil ceremony? What is the narcissist thinking about as the priest or registrar conducts the ceremony? What thoughts percolate through the mind of our kind with the guests all stood behind us, staring in rapt attention and admiration, smiles plastered across faces and the occasional tear trickling from the eye of the emotional onlooker? What are we considering as the hymns are sung, the readings are read and the service proceeds? I shall endeavour to tell you, from the perspective of a male narcissist by reference to a traditional ceremony. Bride and groom are stood side by side, excited smiles exchanged and eventually the vows are reached.

“I HG Tudor, take you Victoria Tim, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

I chose her. I chose her above all of the others. She looks amazing but then so she should, for me. I knew she would look so beautiful and all these people gathered here will be looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks and how lucky I am to have married her. There was no luck involved of course. I planned this and it made perfect sense to marry so she is bound to me now. I don’t mind them all looking because although they might be looking at her, I chose her, so their admiration of her, is actually admiration of me. I am looking forward to walking down the aisle with her. So many faces and all looking at us. I can barely keep still as it is now, knowing that so many hundred pairs of eyes are fixed on my back, watching us. This is brilliant. I should get married every week. The whole day is about us, but I know it is all down to me. I chose her. I drew her to me. I am the one that created this wonderful union and I get to spend the entire day basking in the glorious attention and well-wishes of the congregation and wedding guests. Even more of them will turn up for the evening reception. So many guests, but that is what comes of being so popular. I wonder if the Predecessor Primary Source, what was her name again, Wendy, that’s it, I wonder if she turned up. She accepted the invitation. Not that Victoria knows she is a former girlfriend but the pained look and frozen smile that I am expecting from Wendy will give me an extra special boost.

“to have to hold”

Oh she is mine alright and I want to make her happy because then she will make me happy. I do think I have got it right this time. Everything seems so right about her. She lies everything that I like. She is so helpful and caring, I picked very carefully after the disappointment of the others, like Wendy and so on. I should have invited some of the others actually. That would have been very entertaining to see their faces when I walked down the aisle with my beautiful wife. My wife. Mine. She belongs to me alright and this time it is going to work. I am sure I have selected the right one. I have her and I will have her time and time again. I know how to delight her and she responds magnificently to my touch. Well, to be honest, they all usually do, but this one, more so than the others. Another reason I chose her. Yes, she is mine to have and I am always going to hold on to her. I treat her well. I really do. That’s because I adore her. There are so many reasons why I do. She is clever, she is witty, she is beautiful, she looks after me, she understands what I need. I know that to be the case. This is why I chose her and this is why I married her. You don’t let someone this good wriggle free, so I will indeed have her and hold her Mr Priest, I will hold on to her very tightly indeed.

“from this day forward, for better, for worse”

There will be plenty of better because that is what she and I are about. We fit together so perfectly. My soulmate. I deserve her and she is delighted to have me as her new husband, I know because she has talked of little else since the engagement. It was quick but so what, you snooze, you lose as the saying goes. Yes, lots of better, we are so fortunate to have what we have, more than most people, but then we are not the ordinary people. I know I have elevated her, but she has accepted that with good grace and enthusiasm, just as I thought she would. She will do as she is told. I was pleased she didn’t go in for that modern rubbish of excluding her vow to honour and obey. If she had resisted that, well, there would have been a problem. I know some couples both say it to one another but I am traditionalist. I wear the trousers. Of course I will honour her, she knows that, but I do not need to say it, besides, I decide what I do, not some vows. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to stick to them, but if something happens, well, I have to do what is right for me. I am hoping she keeps giving me what I need and that day does not come, but if she does mess up, I don’t think she will, but let’s just say for the sake of discussion and argument that she does mess up, well I will ensure I have other options. I mean, she will be a grade A idiot if she does that, after all, she is getting a great deal with me, but you can’t be a fool and rule it out. Not after what I have seen with the other ones. I do think she is different so fingers-crossed we will not have to go down that route. So, yes I intend to honour her. Obey? You can fuck that sky high! I do what I want. I am the doer, not the done too. Obey? Seriously? That one is for her and believe me she had better fucking comply with it or there will serious repercussions, but hey, I am getting ahead of myself here, I know she will, that is why I chose her. It is important that she does obey me because that way we stand the best chance of happiness and success. If she obeys me, which I know she will, I will keep her happy and not have to do what I have done with the others. Still, let’s not think about that on a day such as this. I don’t have to obey. She will. That is all that matters.

“for richer,”

No problems there El Vicaro, I have wedge and so has she. That box is well and truly ticked. How much longer will this go on for? I think I will have a cheeky peek over my shoulder. That bridesmaid is rather tasty; Natasha isn’t it? Victoria’s friend from university. She is totally wanting some of me. There we are again, that little grin and the bite of the bottom lip. Oh yes. Well too bad Natasha, this isn’t your gig but if it does go tits up, not that it will, I will look you up, of that you can be assured.

“for poorer”

Not going to happen so no concerns about that. Easy to agree with that one man of the cloth. Come on, when are we getting finished, I want to show off the vintage champagne that I bought. That will impress her old man. He loves that kind of thing. There he is, proud as punch that his girl has been chosen by HG here. Let’s give him a wink. He liked that, winked back. You wouldn’t be winking at me like that if you know what I am going to be doing to your daughter tonight. Hell yeah. Must have laughed then, I am getting a sideways glance from the soon-to-be Mrs HG, give her the smile. There we go, melting straight away. Easy.

“in sickness and in health

Bollocks to that matey boy, who do you think I am? Some kind of fucking nursemaid? She gets ill she deals with it and anyway she can go and see the quacks, that’s why I pay private health insurance. Don’t expect me to be arsing around looking after her though, I have other things to get on with. Of course, it is a different proposition for me. I am in rude health, strong as an ox, fine mind and so on. I don’t get ill. Being ill is for the saps and the weaklings, but if I am hurt, I daresay with me it will be something pretty serious if it going to slow me down, then I know she will run around after me. After all, who wouldn’t. I am worth it.

“until death do us part.”

Absolutely right daddio. That’s the only way she is getting away from me, when either her or me shuffles off this mortal coil. This is for life.

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46 thoughts on “To Have and To Hold”

  1. Pingback: AVERE E TENERE
  2. SG You are too kind on the drugs. They’ll come in the nick of time too, am out!

    Nikki Barelli – Consulting HG would be a good idea. But am going to give you a spot of advice. To get the most from the session, grab a bit of paper and think about the top three things that you wish to consult him on which are having the biggest impact in your life. Then write them down, the first being the greatest issue.

    Keep the sentences as small as you can to give as much detail in as little time as possible.

    Then think of maybe a couple more which are less significant and write those down too.

    Hope that helps.

    P.S Pose the question then breathe. Do let HG have time to talk.

  3. I think this article is describing every bride’s worst nightmare. Marrying the wolf with the red roses..it’s awful.
    As much as I like this site, because of the detailed information and your writing style, I also feel like avoiding it, because I’m afraid I’ll lose trust in everyone. If most narcissists are good at mirroring, acting, picking the right mask to wear, how do we ever know if someone is sincere or not?
    In my case, things didn’t last very long, because I was turned off by the lack of warmth and intimacy. He couldn’t even fake it. But to think that some women have been married for decades, only to discover it wasn’t real. It is a nigtmare, it really is.

    1. What I have found is most effective for deflecting narcissist abusers is time. By limiting your emotional response and forcing extended courtship periods narcissist will in many cases go looking to ensnare and Hoover more Cooperative victims. also putting down your emotional thinking and being extremely logical in the beginning of the courtship and dating phase of a relationship is extremely helpful. Not concerning yourself with why someone is doing something that seems strange or passive aggressive or rude or overly exuberant and agitating. Simply consider the fact that they are doing it. you still will not completely prevent narcissists from attempting to seduce you especially if you are on the empathic Spectrum, however you will be able to prevent them from getting their hooks sunk into your life. The most difficult thing that I deal with now is that once I have deflected a narcissistic abuser I feel guilty and my trauma bonding has already kicked in. I’m already emotionally attached to the person and feel addicted. It is a work in progress

      1. Well yes, the addiction is tough. No contact has really helped me. And reading articles here is a great daily reminder to keep the doors closed. But it’s also a bit of a mindfuck. Sometimes I read HG’s comments, and almost forget that he’s a narcissist. It seems like he really wants to help, and cares. But than I read an article that scares the hell out of me. And I also read an article that made me tear up. (the one where he came home from school, happy with his results, and was denied a hug from matrinarc) What I mean is, that even here, in the territory of a narcissist, sometimes I like to think he can’t be that bad. Even if he is very open about his void, and makes no secret of his calculative thinking. Even if he openly admits hurting women, and not caring about that at all. If I’m that naive here, how can I trust myself not to fall for a facade in future?
        I saw the red flags from the start, but ignored them. And of course I gathered a lot of information here. But still. It makes me wonder.

    2. I think a lot of women don’t care. I asked my therapist how someone could stay married to someone like MRN for so long. She said a lot of women are also very superficial – just kind of skim the emotional surface – and aren’t reactive. That is why his IPPS seemed to care mostly about whether her friends knew about us. It’s the facade. She too wants the perception of a happy family life. We are truth seekers, which is how we ended up here.

      1. Agreed. The residual benefits for Es or even normals can be too high and they’ll just put up with it. Or find ways of dealing.

        I can never understand why some do this. We only get one life and it’s up to us to make ourselves happy. You can’t take it with you and I’d far rather have a life which is rich in memories.and experiences. There is also the impact on children who then witness that this is OK and go on to be fucked themselves. That is unforgivable.

        But everyone’s different, I guess.

      2. That is true about the kids too, Renarde. I told him he was clipping their wings because they know something is wrong and they feel like they have to be the glue that holds things together. They are all young adults now, all girls and extensions of IPPS. They take all the pictures and fill in when IPPS is not around. For instance, if she left early for the summer holidays, a kid stayed behind until daddy was ready to go. I would never have wanted to displace IPPS if for no other reason than those kids!! 🙂 I am sure they are perfectly nice but my what a nightmare that would have been. And he did not understand why I did not want to be IPPS. He can’t see how embedded he is from the outside (because that would mean he is controlled, right?) but I can see it.

      3. Agreed and that’s an utterly toxic situation for those children/young women who have essentially been groomed to perform the ‘Handmaid’ function around a male. They will go on to find partners who they can fulfill that role with because it feels natural and like home to them. That’s going to take years of therapy to sort out.

        Every man who has meant something special to me has qualities of PatriNarch in them. In fact, a key point is that if I accepted someone in (pre-weaponisation) is that they very quickly, almost immediately in fact, felt like ‘family’. Or him.

        He’s not embedded I don’t think. He is controlling just as much as she is. Or to put it another way as MatriNarc would say, ‘they have it between them’ Which is code for there is an unwritten contract where we do not question the moral judgement of the other parent. Utterly fucking toxic.

      4. I guess so, Renarde. I was surprised to find myself in this situation because I don’t have a family narc history. Maybe my mother somewhat but definitely not my father. He had other problems. It is not a pattern for me. MRN is a lot like my son in many ways, though my son is not a narc. They are both really chill, men of few words, and left brained. I thought that was why I could tolerate him. I still cannot figure it out except that MRN caught me at a vulnerable time. I knew I was vulnerable and that’s why I only wanted a fling. Of course that is not what happened since that was not enough fuel for MRN. Anyway, I do feel for his kids but I can finally say with conviction: not my circus, not my monkeys…

    3. If he is to be believed, however, she did kick him out once, probably because he was not discreet enough. I think it was a for a few years and I met him about 6 months before she wanted to reconcile. It did not change a thing for him. We carried on through their reconciliation and marital therapy. I know…

      1. Don’t beat yourself up. It happens. We are often ‘caught’ at very vulnerable times in our lives. If I were to examine my own relationships, when I am most beaten, most down, I pick up the Ls and the lower Ms.

        I have now identified this deficiency in me and have rapidly put a stop to it. This does present a problem. The Ls and Ms couldn’t get in, in a month of Sundays. The Gs however present far more of a problem.

        The fact you have stepped away is good. Well done you x

    4. A number of factors can keep someone from leaving a narc.

      Seeing the mask slip over and over helped me leave and acknowledging the way he treated other women.

      But keeping me glued, included things like

      1) Him saying he was being mean as a result of his alcoholism (he didn’t mean what he said, he was sorry). Somehow throwing some sprinkles on a s#!÷ sundae doesn’t make it palatable. Classic abuser. I am all for forgiving people, but repeated and continued abuse is never ok.

      2) Rationalizing on my part. Thinking him being abusive was ok because he was going through something.

      3) Thinking he must have meant “somethings he said” during the golden period. Or why would he have bothered? Now I know…fuel. Thank you HG.

      4) Thinking I can help him. The abuse is not ok, but I can make him see that.

      5) Letting him distract me from expressing my feelings by creating drama.

  4. Three years, seven months, four days, five hours and twelve minutes…but who’s counting. If I had not left with the baby that Monday night in August..I still would have…feet first

  5. This reminds me of my own marriage. The night before the wedding, I went with one of my bridesmaid to the hotel. he stayed in our house with his best man. Whilst BM and partner were downstairs, he was contacting a porn star in the states with a view to photographing her if she ever came over.

    I found out this priceless ‘nugget’ two years after the ceremony. I felt cheated. IF I had known what he had been up to, no matter what the cost, I would not have married him.

    Back then, I was years away from what I know today.

    Ex is now aware that I have become weaponised. As he is a Greater, he probably isn’t worrying too much.

    He should be. He really should be.

  6. Kind of crazy minearc actually was married but she told him we either get married or you need to move on he didn’t pick out a ring he gave her the money let her go get her own ring its tarnished paid for half of it she took him on a cruise he got really sic. he had to go to New York with her and her mom or his mom her mom gave him a bunch of Valium to keep him calm on the plane cuz he won’t fly scared to death he slept for 4 days and pissed her off I’m sure it was like I didn’t nightmare from the beginning I Can Only Imagine I told me he cried and pleaded with her not to divorce him and leave him but was probably Beyond tired of his baby bullshit he’s a a child with almost on floor kicking having temper tantrums punching holes in walls you name it he’s ridiculous that way so she probably just had enough and moved on about her day he did try to get back with her when we first met and were dating at the time I just looked at him and said that’s fine go ahead she was your ex to go for it what you want me to do about that was the first time you really tried to pull me in with triangulation but I I didn know about triangulation she had called to let him know the dog had passed away so he thought he’d be able to get back in while they had sex I’m guessing that’s lovely for them she got him to do a bunch of stuff for him handyman stuff and then she dumped his ass but it was hilarious now stop me until I broke down and dated him cuz I didn’t want anything to do with him it felt awkward to me cuz I knew his aunt she did my nails long story but he kept saying things like we should get married in and actually marry your cooking I so and I was ironing clothes and for my job and he just was watching me and telling it freaked me out cleaning up dog you out of the bag out of the back yard without being an ass as this is guy is too good to be true and when he wanted to date me a fat Jesus Christ what’s wrong with this guy something’s wrong I thought wow what a trip what an idiot I am but I still can’t believe he got married but now that I know he didn’t even have to propose I can see why he did he was forced into it basically and this a friend of his that I knew he dated to Scana should way older than him and it pissed off as Mom he terrible jealous fit stickers she was sleeping around she’s not that pretty the woman is really nice I know her myself I’m friends with her now but she tells me she didn’t believe at all that a handsome young man wanted to be with her. But now I understand knowing the narcissist thing but him doing the weird stocking and coming over cuz the I met him to come see the rumored to be my roommate and calling me on the phone and telling me that all these things or whatever he wanted to sleep with me at that what the hell is wrong with this guy is stalking me is freaking me out and he finally broke me down I finally agreed to date with him New Year’s Eve but I blew his mindt I don’t think he thought I knew what I knew how to do moving on LOL he would show up at the house in the morning on his way to work cuz it was on his way to work for something to eat for breakfast and kiss me goodbye and give me hugs and it kind of freaked me out of my something’s wrong with this picture as my lights keep coming on but I wasn’t sure what was going on cuz I was so heavy for so long and he met me when I was Heavy in the next time you came I lost 210 lb for my 445 so he was like oh my God yeah what a mistake that was but then we decided to be friends so I felt more comfortable about him not trying to ask me to marry him anymore it freaked me out that right there was a wait a minute what the hell is wrong with you something is wrong with the whole picture. I’m pretty sure I figured out why I wasn’t the one to be held onto because I was Heavy to him he has nothing but ugly things to say about my weight at this point which mostly the skin that needs to be removed I can’t afford to do so or I be thinner than the girl he’s dating right now no kidding but whatever he can’t see through that and that’s fine cuz I don’t want him too. although it would be one hell of a freaking pay back to get work done and then tell him to go f himself cuz I can care less just because it would feel so good after every other thing he’s been saying to me just in the last 7 months the funnier part is every sleeps with women he videotaped it in his on his phone cuz he left his phone on my bed I didn’t see it I had sat on it I kept hearing this noise like what is that and it was his phone and it was every girls that I knew on video tape doing his Chota so most of them if not all of them were ugly old beyond belief beat up looking and fat so what is that all about HG I need to know. that just has me very curious all the way around and I think he’s got a weird fascination with his aunt big boobs heavyset I think he’s got a creepy fascination with his aunt. I’ve honestly never seen him with anybody that was actually flat fucking gorgeous and I’m not gorgeous but I’m not ugly I’m just a little heavy but like I said if I had to work then I’d be shit baby chow chow. So there is Pat myself on the back on that when I have to LOL anyways I’m curious what’s that all about the video taping of blowjobs and all of them fat and ugly and he swears he’s prejudiced as all hell but yet he’s got everybody’s blowing on that kind of funny oh he’s even messed up and left his phone or his girlfriend can see it says she’s now seeing people that have been leaving him text messages about that particular or sexual act he’s very stupid sometimes that’s why I know he’s not anywhere near high-level narc. hope to hear from you on that when I’m very curious about the hates fat people but that’s all we ever fucks explain explain explain and the chick he’s got now I like her and all but she looks like white trash junkie horror but she thinks he thinks she’s all that and a bag of chips good for him but she’s nice don’t get me wrong she just looks a little rode hard put away wet she looks older thanshe looks older than me too. I’ve also seen all the other girls he slept with cuz they were all friends of his aunt’s and since they all get their nails done same place I do I was very leery of ever going anywhere near him and some of would beg me not to mention that they’re in town and now I understand why thanks to you thanks HG

      1. I’m trying sweetheart but he’s doing some so ugly things to me like saying something about my dead sister that was ugly but basically told me she should have shot me first and then blew her head off that’s ugly I don’t care what kind of response you trying to get if you want to die at a young age you better keep it up and my family I have no family whatsoever very them all and he knows that he was my best friend for 7 years we took care of each other well more like a one-way Street and I pretty much did it all. Lol he actually did break into my house today cuz I told him he couldn’t have his toolbox until he gave me back the things he was taking every time he came over to the house and stupid petty shit to it was just it’s retarded but it’s things that I need but it’s stupid most I just want my car key and my house keys and and then straight to help for him and you was mad because I wouldn’t come home and let him in the house to get the tools of think I’m not your wife I’m not your girlfriend I’m not even your friend according to you fuck yourself use my language so he broke into my house if I was at work and I knew he was going to I totally felt it I know him so well and it’s not hard to figure it out he’s pretty stupid sometimes but I don’t like that I really would love to sit down and talk to you I think I could use the counseling I feel his new piece of ass but that’s another story don’t care and I thank you again and for replying you’re awesome I’m trying to breathe I promise I am really trying he’s making it very difficult for me not to go have my free meals and a cut at the CCDC here in Vegas. Sadly I am going to the constable and I’ll probably have him arrested for B & E I think he thinks I’m all talk he don’t know me well at all I’m tired of him threatening me with the police but you moved out 5 months ago you don’t live here anymore you don’t get to come and go as you please just because you won’t return the keys and I had the house rekey that’s what pisses me off more so that’s be any whether he likes it or not and he left the house open so he get back in when I wasn’t here have closed everything back up he thinks I’m stupid but again thank you for replying I really would love to see you and talk to you sometime have a good night

      1. Renarde
        Haha. If theres any such thing as a spare, I think someone else could use it, but thank you for the offer.

      2. You’re welcome NA. It’s probably a good thing, I only have three left and one never knows when you’re going to need them

        Honestly, it’s easier to buy crack then getting a GP to prescribe diazapam. It’s probably a good thing but STILL!

      3. I have tons if anyone is looking. I can spare a few since the person I would normally have given those spares to suddenly died of a heart attack (not kidding)!

      4. I dont need drugs. I have that lovely cocktail you created in my honour. What was it again? Oh yes…koolaid and bitters.

      5. Bwah ha ha! 🙂

        I’m from the UK. I hear this ‘koolaid’ thing all the time but have yet to sample this marvelous beverage.

        Does it istinctly defend against Ns? Like a liquid kryptonite?

        I believe narcsite needs to be made aware. The stocks in who manufactures koolaid will go sky high, I’ll wager.

      6. I needed a nap after that one NB. You are quite an energetic and passionate person. I suggest you have a consultation with HG. His calm energy and logical advice may be just what you need.

    1. Urm… that was a little difficult to understand lovely. I’m going to see if I can break this down so I can understand you correctly.

      You’ve become entangled with a N who is triangulating you between another woman. There is something about weddings or proposals but I’m not sure if he proposed to you, married her, or she proposed to him (please not let the dog be tangentially involved). It’s a tangle.

      I agree, He sounds very stupid indeed.So probably a lesser then, do you think?

      Videotaping and sex acts caught on his phone? Private titillation. or possibly with a view to blackmail the victim.

      Obsession with people who are overweight? Usually because they have very low self-esteem and he’s grabbing the ‘low hanging fruit’ whilst then devaluing them to you.

      Going NC with him? What do you think?

      1. yeah sorry about that I start talking real fast when I’m starting to get stressed out and it Confuses my poor phone to death . Okay when met my narc I weight 445 lb he moved back toq California and then when he came back to Vegas he needed a place to stay and I need a little help with that time my mom had just passed and so on and so forth so my manicurist who was his aunt asked me if I needed a roommate and I thought about it for sale I don’t know if I want to do this but okay yeah give him my number when he came to the door he was stunned because I had lost over 220 lbs. The look on his face I knew it was already in trouble cuz I hadn’t really been with anybody for a while I had a guy for 10 years he had to move back to his home state. so I was getting phone bombed and freaked out by this work I called his aunt I said what in the hell is wrong with your nephew he’s Twisted as hell and I basically told him the same thing he was scaring me kind of I have to say penis Charming as he isn’t being very handsome he broke me down I let him come over on New Year’s Eve about 7 years ago and we did it for about 2 years sort of something like that and he move in but he would stop by in the morning on his way to work cuz it was on his way to work a little early and I would call me and say I’m hungry can you make me breakfast sandwich or whatever whatever he would be asking for her just wanted to stop by and give me a kiss before you went to work or whatever it kind of freaked me out just a little bit is a little too much never had anybody like that but he would watch me if when you come over in the evening iron my clothes for work and just intently watching it was very weird and freaky and then come up behind me while I’m cooking us breakfast or something to eat and put his arms around me to tell you I should marryhe would wa oh my oh my god what the fuck is wrong with this guy something’s wrong with this picture plus he’s outside clean up doggy Duty without even being asked there’s something wrong with this picture I should trusted the old instincts. now the gal he gal he sleeping with now did you tell me she’s got this smoking hot body and Bubba Bubba blah and whatever, because I don’t give a shit who cares I’m not looking at her mit my type so it’s all bullshit cuz she really doesn’t have a smoking hot body she short she’s nice looking she’s pretty but she looks rode hard put away wet she looks older than me and I’m older than her and she’s got a little bit of weight on her no big deal nothing like compared to me my excess skin and he keeps making fun of that even funnier he makes fun of my heart condition in my illness and she’s got the same problem plus diabetes. Basically in worse shape than so you makes fun of my illness is but hers is okay he makes fun of my weight and when we we’re we’re sleeping together he said it didn’t bother him at all makeup your mind now all of a sudden it bothers you so bad you have to say ugly things and we ain’t sleeping together in any way shape or form right now so it kind of pisses me off a little bit keep it to yourself and get to see what you think any way. now I don’t believe he proposed to her but he push real hard to try to live with her try to get a place with her you know how to make enough money to get a place where you can pay me rent asshole but he’s tractor at his mom’s house now which blows me away that she accepted that but he is pretending like he’s in love he’s not even a touchy-feely kind of guy and then when he comes over here with her he’s playing with her hair done all this stuff everything we promised each other we would never do in front of each other if we while we live together with another boyfriend girlfriend we didn’t bring them to the house and he can’t wait to see her in front of me I could care less though I think it’s hilarious why are you playing that girl like that cuz you don’t even like her you’re waiting for her settlement to come in and you’re a dick and I’m pretty sure that’s why you really hates me right now cuz I busted his ass and I shared it with his girlfriend and she’s now stunned and she kind of reading the blogs to but I have to send them to her because he’s reading all the emails and shit if you read my emails and shit ever to kill his ass in my backyard kid you not running to the doggieI’ and ask for marriage he was actually married to this girl that he met through his mom worked at the salon with her and he can go pick out a ring he gave her the money to go get her own damn ring his parents and her parents pitch in and paid for half the wedding and I remember him telling me something about how when she was ready to leave him huge fight Baker Baker Baker and cried in pleated for her not to leave which totally blows me away because he has no feelings. now he is a very very sensitive person and he is he does cry when he’s sick he’s a freakin baby oh my God literally had to hold him in my arms like like a baby and back and forth Rockingham trying to make you feel better when I got the flu get your ass away from me don’t even touch my hair everything hurts I can’t stand it. and he loses all don’t care who sees him naked at this point he sticks his clothes off and gets in bed naked and he wants me to lay there with him and even if we didn’t date that kind of thing doesn’t bother me my grandfather was crippled I use have to help him all the time so seeing a naked body don’t bother me at all. but it wasn’t quite a marriage proposal for me it was just saying I should marry you that was like giving me the full court press and freak me the fuck out big time I never seen anybody act like that the guy I dated for 10 years we had so much fun together but he was too young for me and I didn’t want him to try to get too close to me so when he went back home he actually met a girl and got married and I’m so happy for me so happy and we still keep in touch he’s a precious and he’ll always be in my heart but I’m glad that he found somebody more his age she has a kid he loves that and get to become a teacher and he loves that I’m happy for him very happy for him. but I hope I answered all the questions I feel bad for the wife that he married cuz that’s rude you should have picked it for her but obviously it wasn’t meant to be kind of thing for real because she told him either we get married or you move on. and the girlfriend he has now me and her been talking and we’re kind of friends that’s kind of funny now I don’t think He’s paying attention I hope I cleared that up for you hun

      2. Since I am so generous, feel free to use these as often as you like – . , ! ?

  7. Oh my goodness, my expectations…

    If he was made for me, he would have known to draw me a bath.

    If he was made for me, he would know to buy me flowers and which flowers.

    If he was made for me, he would intrinsically know what I want in bed and vice versa.

    Even with the mirroring, no narc matched me perfectly. I always had an expection unmet.

    Soooo…I chose to make myself happy. Decide my “must haves”, which includes things like being there when something tragic happens to holding my hand.

    I am much happier now that nice and loving gestures are now a surprise, not a expectation. I will always have the expectation, nay the requirement, of respect and a level of treatment that does not involve abuse.

  8. I had such high expectations for anyone I dated. Anyone short of a mind reader would have failed, and even then the outcome would have been grim haha.

    I think the old adage applies here, you have to make yourself happy and not expect someone to make you happy. I shook my head in response to this phrase when I heard it and read it ad nauseum. It sounded good, but does it really work?

    I have a few “must haves” in a mate, but the list is small, still it weeds out a lot of people. Being happy with me and not constantly expecting things from my partner has made me much happier than I could have thought possible.

  9. With all the time and energy keeping up a facade, it’s a wonder how narcissists can live so long?
    I’m surprised they juggle their lives, and others lives so well and live so long. Or it seems that way, I’m sure many levels may not…
    HG, how do you do it without burning out. I know fuel keeps you going, I know most narcissists sleep lightly with a short duration, but do narcissists burn out? And what happens if they do? Is there a type of supernova for your kind, empathy not being something you feel…

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