The False Exaggeration of the Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you see hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

17 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration of the Victim

  1. Caroline says:

    I heard all of these except #14 from N-Mother.
    When I tried to support my argument with research findings, she’d hiss at me “don’t give me that psycho-crap!”.

  2. RG says:

    The endless list!

    1/ you are hurting yourself
    2/ you like to write your own narrative
    3/ did you study drama
    4/ enjoy living make believe
    5/ you think you know my heart?
    6/ how much time do you have to make up such stories?
    And this list goes on…..

    Narc thinks it’s completely acceptable to not give me his real name …

    No contact take 4!!! I will one day find the strength to free myself of this trauma bonding Lucifer!

  3. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Other lines I’ve been thrown are …..
    “Where’s your sense of humour” or “you don’t have a sense of humour”
    “You take things too seriously”

    My answer to them is ….
    “No, I don’t have a sense of humour” and “yes, I take things seriously”

    You should see the look on their faces, they don’t know what to say 😂

    Our greater friend’s wife mentioned how texting with him was difficult and he replied … “normal texting is boring, I like to make it interesting” (what a wanker)

    Excellent red flags Mr Tudor….. you’re doing a bloody brilliant job here …. may I just say

    Luv Bubbles xx

    1. trocadero says:

      Oh yes, the sense of humor that only applies if he is making fun of you, then it’s hilarious..but as soon as you do the same level of ”humor” on his account, it wasn’t really funny. And of course, no way to win by using the argument “why are u upset, if you can make fun on my account, why can’t I make it on yours” – then I was getting “it’s childish to get back on me like that” 🙂 really no way of winning…

      1. Caroline says:

        True Trocadero,
        they can dish it out but can’t take it.

  4. nunya biz says:

    LOL, His literal last words after I felt I solved it and some huge pieces of my life came together in my mind:

    “And this is an example of how a person creates a maze of rationalisations to cover anything they can’t actually comprehend.”

    I feel pretty confident that I am fully on the shelf at this point and would like to eternally remain there, thank you.

    1. Renarde says:

      “And this is an example of how a person creates a maze of rationalisations to cover anything they can’t actually comprehend.”

      Arrggghhh! I loathe this argument! It is a logical fallacy. In fact, it is what is known as an ‘Ad hominem’ attack. Attack the person and not the core of the argument itself. Very typical of a lower based knuckle dragger who might spew out words (as HG says) such as ‘ Why are you using all these dictionary words against me?’

      This one is a little smarter than than that but not by much. But it is very high ranking on those that cannot argue the point in an intellectual manner so seek to twist the argument to their own agenda. i.e FUEL.

      You see it all the time on the interwebs.

      Also, it is an transference against you. THEY cannot comprehend so they point and stand j’accuse at you to make you feel you are in the wrong.

      Stay strong. Get off the damn shelf and make yourself out of reach. Only way.

      1. nunya biz says:

        Exceptionally frustrating for me because I can’t even begin to describe the level of digging and pain I went through to get to where I was going. Like many mini life eruptions and then I lost ahold of everything at once before gaining enough awareness to put the pieces together and then search to here. Having someone say and do those things during made the process twice as hard. And if I’d come here too soon (hell I probably did), it would have gone right over my head.

  5. Supernova DE says:

    Lost count of the times I heard these from narc!!! He used these ALL THE TIME to make me feel like I was trying to make the “relationship”
    more serious than it was supposed to be.

    I still wonder why he cultivated my sense of detachment. Wouldn’t it serve his narcissism to want me uber attached? Why spend so much time and effort making me feel like I better back off? Gaslighting, I suppose. Though, I feel it backfired on him many times – refusing him sex, trying to find a different affair partner, ignoring him etc. Perhaps a Greater would have manipulated the situation more properly than my mid-ranger.

    1. nunya biz says:

      Totally relate, he exaggerated how attached I was in order to foster that though I think. My guess is it was fear that I wasn’t, but it oddly worked in keeping me frustrated.
      The truth is I WAS attached. AND able to handle that just fine, barring extreme manipulation.
      A normal person would just be happy if you were attached and encourage that while helping it be in it’s healthiest form. I reacted the same way though by pursuing other partners freely and pulling back hard, so I never understood where the initial logic was coming from and how it would benefit.
      More confusing than average. I think it is to make himself feel excessively pursued at my expense, which I obviously resent being toyed with in that way since my desire and ability to love and be loved is not to be used exclusively by him to my detriment.
      Any idea on this kind of thing HG?

  6. violetcoloured says:

    I used to get ‘there you go again. You’re always imagining the worst’ (never mind the fact I’m dealing with complex PTSD, a major symptom of which is catastrophising). I am literally fighting with my own brain not to imagine the worst, every day. Using my deepest scars to attack me there, classy.

    Also: ‘You think you know things, but you don’t’. Also: ‘did you take your crazy pills today?’

    When I backed down (sarcastically) and said ”yes, I’m crazy, and everything’s always my fault’ he said, deadpan: ‘97%’.

    1. Renarde says:

      Good God. The hypocrisy is staggering isn’t it?

  7. wounded says:

    Renarde I love that video. Those guys are great. They did another one called Old Greg that you probably have seen.

    “Do you love me?” 😂

    No, we don’t.

    Just to add to this:

    I was just joking.
    You take me too seriously sometimes.


    1. Renarde says:

      I think I may have seen one with him in. I’d really love to binge watch the lot but it would be tricksy for me to do so.

  8. Renarde says:

    Oh God. I had my ex-H call me a ‘Professional Victim’. He then repeated this to another N who then spewed it back at me, numerous times in arguments. Pair of twats. Though happy to see how he manipulated the lesser. That was fun!

    I then told dear ex-H the effect it had had and he then feigned shock. Or as close to shock as he could get without cracking the mask.

    I think that the more we distance ourselves from the abusers, the more we heal and the funnier it all gets. One friend told me that laughter really is the best medicine. He then suggested I watch a certain comedy series from a few years back. I said, I can’t! Because the damn GEN who won’t leave me alone taught the fucker on one of the lead comedians’ Masters course. I’ll just re-stir the mix, shall I?

    Honestly; I can’t win!

    But, I now, do present this.

  9. Windstorm says:

    Ha, ha! I had one of these from my exhusband just the other day. “If you can keep your neuroses under control.”

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