The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 5

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53 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 5”

  1. Dear all,
    I’m not sure where to post this, but I’m kind of in an urgent need of some common sense and logic.
    My ex hoovered me 2 months after I broke up with him. The end of the FR was pretty ugly, I discovered his lies, cheating, he was extremely arrogant, denying everything , calling me names, etc. Eventually he moved out and I went NC.
    Now he started writing me how much he misses me, that he can’t move on, he’s dreaming of me all the time, seeing me everywhere, how I broke his heart, bla bla…
    I know it’s just words, however my ET is killing me, it feels like I completely forgot everything I already know about him, everything I read here during the past months…
    I was so so low and devastated and when I finally started to feel a bit better and think less and less of him, he stabbed me again.
    I’m afraid that if he is more persistent and continues “being nice”, I might fall for his bulshit again..
    It’s so crazy how the ET can trick us into something we know it’s a manipulation, but we want to believe the words…

    1. Ema, it’s difficult at best for us empathic people to accept there are those out there who’s hearts are frozen almost solid. It’s a game of back and forth. I can’t tell you how many times I went back believing everything would suddenly change for the better only to have each time I went back become worse.
      Know you deserve better. Hell, even HG deserves better than what he’s also dealing with. I suppose it’s all relative to where we are on the scale of our own personal hells were walking through. And it’s so not any kind of weakness. It takes great courage to go through any of this, whether Empath, or Narcissist.

      1. Dear Tammy,
        Thank you for your kind words.
        I keep telling myself the same, but the truth is I’ve never loved anyone like I loved this man. Nevermind the trauma bond, Stockholm syndrome, addiction, whatever… For me it was real.
        I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone else like that. I just wanted to die in his arms and he broke my heart in pieces and now keeps coming back for more, telling the right words … I promised myself I will not respond, but I’m getting obsessed and I have been reading his messages each half an hour.
        This is like a drug, horrible, horrible.
        Will it ever end ? It feels like I’ll be thinking about him for the rest of my life

      2. Ema, yes, it’s so painful.
        I had a session with HG that was very helpful and insightful. I highly recommend a consult with HG.
        As Empaths we only tent to see the good in other’s and even convinced we can help them. I still have that too. But it’s also that we want closure that we’ll never get due to the nature of the beast.
        We can only work to find our self worth for ourselves. I have a great trauma therapist that does EMDR. It’s very effective. I urge you to look it up.
        Ema, please do something good for yourself. Weather it’s a bubble bath ( I like putting honey in mine.) Or something that you want to do just for you. I’m learning every time I do something good for myself, I win and gain a piece of my lost self back. The healing road is a painful one. We owe it to ourselves to be kind and loving to ourselves. Because the reality is blasted painful.

      3. Tammy, its beautiful to see your healing journey unfold on the blog. You are a true inspiration. Keep on keeping on. You’ve got this babe.

        Doesn’t honey in the bath make you sticky?

      4. Lol, the honey makes your skin soft. You can even add a little whole milk and mint. It’s a great way to detox and you’ll feel better. Or add your favorite essential oils.

      5. Tammy,
        I am having EMDR with my therapist. I had 5 sessions already and the first 3 were horrible, I couldn’t stop crying during the sessions, I had horrible nightmares after, anxiety, you name it… The last one – nothing. I felt nothing. My therapist said either I have reprocessed the trauma (highly unlikely I think) or I have very high defenses and because it’s too painful, I have totally suppressed and blocked it.
        How many sessions have you had already and when did you start to feel better?
        At the beginning the therapist was mainly making me visualize my ex, because I can’t. When I close my eyes, I see his silhouette, his hair, but the face is blurry. It still can’t see his face, it’s weird, even for the T, she said she’s never seen something like this.
        I can say that as a whole, I feel much better compared to 1 month ago, but I don’t know if it’s because of the therapy or my own defense mechanisms. After I ended the relationship, I was suicidal, I couldn’t speak with people, couldn’t eat, listen to music – a walking zombie. I had never felt so dead and miserable in my life.
        Now when I imagine to go back to him, I feel the anxiety crippling. No way I will ever go through this again and I remind myself this when I feel like responding to his beautiful lies.

      6. My dear Ema, I’m going through much of the same. Stick with it. Know you can do this. You will come out better in the end of therapy. It won’t be easy for a while. But please don’t give up. It sounds like you’re releasing a lot, it feels painful, but it’s your self releasing the trauma locked inside..
        I’m proud of you for being stronger than you think and sticking with it.
        Sending love and huge hugs.
        Know what you’re going through is a normal response to the therapy.

      7. Tammy, thank you!
        There are so many wonderful, kindhearted people here. It hurts me knowing that you’re all have been through so much pain and your hearts were broken.
        I wish you to thrive!
        Many hugs and positive thoughts for you!
        Ema

  2. Twilight,

    Don’t feel bad. I have a tendency to drop a comment and forget where I put it. Hippocampus issue?

    Excellent article which sent me looking for something specific triggered by your posts. I found an article mentioning H G.

    https://acceleratedtherapy resolution.com/mental-health-sexual-assault

    Discovered in other articles that…..

    A. I’m not crazy
    B. I’m not crazy
    C. I. Am. Not. Fucking. Crazy.

    I need lots of therapy though. Maybe I could take part in a study…..

    1. wounded

      The amygdala hijacks ones rational thinking sending them into a flight or fight and now they are running with the thoughts like a running back on crack with blinders on.

      They should put me into a study….first challenge getting me to talk.

    2. Therapy is always good but there are therapists and there are therapists. I have an excellent one. She REGULARLY kicks me up the butt. I need that.
      Also, I would like to be studied.

      1. I wouldn’t trade my therapist for anything. The work isn’t easy, but better than being enmeshed in a bad relationship. It’s time for us all to have much better, even if putting in the work can be hard and scary. But there’s not a lot more frightening than being abused. Give me therapy anytime.

      2. Oh I agree. Therapy should push you, I think. Otherwise it becomes pointless and repetitive.

        How are you doing?

      3. It’s a painful bitch, but hanging in there. Engaging in as much self care as I can, like bubble baths, or buying myself a single rose. Having a candlelight dinner with myself. There has to be good things to help balance it all.

  3. wounded, Tammy and WhoCares

    I just saw your comments as to I don’t get emails or notifications and unless I am actually here and reading I miss many things.

    These are two of the articles I read, they both are very similar.

    https://hackspirit.com/3859-2/

    https://blogs.psychcentral.com/liberation/2017/10/long-term-narcissistic-abuse-can-cause-brain-damage/

    This is the video I was listen to that triggered my thoughts.

    https://youtu.be/h7eYt4ZmkR8

      1. Thank you Clarece

        Do you remember when I went under DFA or Darkness Falls Again?

        I spoke of Solfeggio frequencies and binary frequency that help with healing, add meditation with aromatherapy (essential oils).

        There is one is only one of our sense that is directly connected to our subconscious that is smell. Scent will trigger a memory within milliseconds all others we actually process through our conscience before a memory is triggered.

        Now can one imagine why the use of scents with ever presence is damn near impossible to over come with just conscious therapy.

        If the hippocampus is effected and the amygdala is “controlling” the more negative emotions, add denial (escaping dealing with painful feelings one doesn’t want to admit), compartmentalization ( only focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship), and projection (our good traits). This would be why ever presence is so effective and why an attraction to a narcissist is there for those raised by one.

        IMO that is a more scientific reason for being tenderize by a previous narcissist.

        Both the subconscious and consciousness needs to be heal.

      1. This could be why so many people’s lives are changed forever after narcissistic abuse.
        Especially after a prolonged period of dealing with it.

    1. Wow, Twilight, thank you. It’s perfect.
      And no, we’re not fucking crazy.
      And the odd feeling I have about it is neither is the narcissist. I could be very wrong about that. I’m going with my gut though. Nor does it make any kind of abuse right.
      At all.

    2. The second article is better than the first as it cites peer reviewed journals.That is important.

      The damage to the hippocampus is intriguing as a concept. My own short term memory as a 40~ish year old, can be pretty piss poor. My long term memory although stands me in good stead. .I write things down a lot now which I have never done before.

      Personally, I was abused pretty much as soon as I popped out of mummy’s tummy. Even before that actually considering what he wanted to call me if I turned out to be a girl.

      The trouble is when you have two Ns as parents; they feed each other. They tolerate beaviours in the other partner which would not be tolerated in neurotypical parents.

      I personally think, as survivors of N abuse, that we need to exercise extreme caution in how we perceive our own abuse. I do not think it is helpful to bandy about terms such as PTSD because it immediately puts ourselves into the role of ‘victim’ and removes our self from the far stronger position of ‘survivor’. It may very well be true that many of us do suffer from PTSD. I’m not doubting that. I personally, despite everything I have gone through, do not feel I suffer from that condition. I just don’t meet the criteria.

      I certainly do suffer from anxiety which can be utterly extreme under certain circumstances or actually quite mild. It’s a movable feast. But what I CAN do is recognise that yes, I suffer from this condition and I can manage it. I recognise that I have bad days and good days. When I’m in good day mode, I will make hay whilst the sun shines. On a very bad day, I am pretty much incapable of anything.

      Fortunately, there are more good days than bad.

      When I was thirteen, I witnessed Matriarch going through a complete, psychotic collapse. I’ve never been as frightened in my entire life as what I witnessed. She ended up being ‘committed’. I tried to talk to both my parents about this as an adult. What happened? I was gaslight. On many, many occasions. My own reality was denied. No one cared and I was being called a liar. Even MN denied she had ever been sectioned in the first place. I have to be careful here as the denial of psychosis is very common with people who suffer schizophrenia..

      The trauma that caused me was indescribable. In the end, I stopped seeking answers from them because it would just open me up to more abuse.

      Gaslighting is one of THE most insidious forms of mental trauma as it denies your own reality. And for what? To give ‘fuel’ to an N. I say, fuck that. Know your own mind. Know your own reality.

      .

      1. Dear Renarde, I agree whole heartedly.
        Long story short, we survived a type of hell on earth. We can no longer stand up as victims, but stand in our power as victors. And for not only ourselves, but for the sake of other’s who still are trapped in victimhood.
        Thank you for what you wrote.

      2. Dear Tammy. Yes we did survive this hell on earth, Yet we are still here. Good on us, I say.

        We absolutely must stay strong. For us, our children, our families. Fuck our abusers royally up the arse. Most of them think they are doing nothing wrong.

        I know, it’s THAT crazy.

        I don’t know about you but I am in agreement with HG. He is educating people. I want to as well. Education is key. It is the only thing that matters. (Apart from our loved ones.)

        I am being trolled ATM by someone who is known to me. A female, who just cannot stop. A very silly person of limited intellect.

        I’m an SE, so I can push down my own E tendencies and pull up the N ones. Except, a SE doesn’t pull up silly N tendencies, they pull up the very hard kind.

        I don’t want to do it really. But I will. As innocents are involved.

        I’m glad what I write has helped x

      3. I love to educate people too. All though most of the time people don’t get it and accuse me of dumping my shit.
        I think it’s more that people either really don’t get it, or they can’t, or better yet don’t want to see the truth as it is.
        But I keep going.
        I’m glad you’re into educating as well and as far as the other things, I would agree you have to do what you have to do.

  4. Twilight,

    I am very much interested in your comment. I started having mild anxiety attacks, and at one point during an ET moment unblocked the narc. I was in such a state of fear in triggered memories. Would you happen to have the name of the article you read????

    1. I’m sorry, I don’t know the name of the article wounded but I empathise with anxiety.

      It’s horrid. Some ADs will work. Using diazepam but very sparingly does as well.

  5. Triangulation, with unlimited resources. Not much effort required for a quick ego boost. Social media h***. At one time I would have taken this to heart, but with HG’s help I can see it for what it is…not about me, but all about my ex narc. Gaining perspective is brilliant and life affirming. I’m not remotely perfect (too much pressure to be perfect) but being made to feel unworthy was soul destroying. I was never vain but meeting ex narc led to self loathing, no confidence and fear that others saw me through his eyes. How does the narc manage to so insidiously climb into our psyche and we lose sight of ourselves. GOSO is best advice ever. Thanks HG.

  6. Good day HG

    I remember awhile back you stated you do not dream or ever recall dreaming. I was listening to a video this morning and from the explanation of dreams being formed from the limbic system, being the amygdala is the center of emotional processing like love and fear to which you do not feel so IMO this could be a reason why you do not dream. I would like to read the scientific research they have done on this.

    1. I wanted to add that this could also be why we have nightmares due to the exposure some of our greatest fears for a extended timeframe.
      I read awhile back that when a person is kept in a state of flight or fight it changes the way the amygdala works changing the way it processes things, short term memory, always being fearful etc once out of this environment it can go back closer to how it was processing things before this state. I believe thou duration of exposure can influence this thou.

      I also wonder if the amygdala developed differently that this is why a person with NPD can not feel the full spectrum of emotions.

      1. Twilight, thank you, this is good information to know. From what I understand about dreams is we can only do it in REM state? I know narcissists don’t need a lot of sleep. Maybe it’s because they never get to REM.? But I wonder about lucid dreaming?
        Good response to HG. I think I’m going to do some investigating on this. I also wonder if EMDR would work on narcissists? It’s a type of REM therapy used to aliviate the effects of trauma. It can also be done by a tactile machine. I do better with that one. Many times I don’t dream, or if I do and don’t remember what I dreamt, I’ll only remember them as good or bad.

      2. Hi Tammy,

        I’ve always understood that we dream during REM sleep as well. But I’m not certain the lack of dreams means we have a REM sleep deficit. I’ve heard that we may still dream during that part of the sleep cycle but we might not remember them. I’m curious because I used to dream but have rarely recalled a dream in the past decade or so.

      3. Hello Twilight,

        This is a topic I’m also very interested in. Would you care to share the video (if HG approves)? Or even the research if you locate it?

      4. WhoCares

        As far as actual research on this subject or anything similar I have not read, yet. When I do I will share it. To date I have read articles which was almost 4 years ago, I have shared two of them. Now that this has caught my attention again I am focusing on it more in my spare time, I am going in a very different direction from when I originally wanted to understand the effects of narcissistic abuse on the brain and if any damage was the end effect.
        I am looking more at how genetics play a role with the fetus as the brain develops, is a hormone that triggers the brain to develop differently for those with a genetic disposition for sociopathic/psychopathic traits. Cortisol affects our brains specifically the hippocampus, why I am wondering if it is a specific hormone triggered or not triggered at a specific time durning development.

      5. I know exactly how you feel. I share a room with another lady and she says I talk, yell, and scream in my sleep. Sometimes I still pee the bed. I sleep holding a teddy bear.
        Having gone through it, yes, it changed my life, the way I see people. Part of me feels emotionally dead.
        I’m really hoping the therapy I’m getting will help because I don’t want to keep living like this. Healing is not easy.
        I’m glad you guys are here and I’m not alone.

      6. Tammy

        Hope you are well.

        I have been thinking about your comment, I think they do experience REM sleep they just don’t dream and it is a short cycle.
        Have you ever experienced lucid dreaming?

      7. Yes I have. I’ve never looked up the proper answer, but I believe lucid dreaming is like day dreaming and the vivid dreams a person has either right before REM and before we wake up. But I know REM is the deepest sleep and can influence lucid dreaming. It’s almost like an out of body experience.

      8. I’m not sure where this will land. Was triggered by something posted and did a supernova. Omg. Hope you guys don’t go away again, or HG turns into a ghost again.
        I want to thank you guy’s for letting me express myself.
        I keep doing the no contact suicide. 4 years ago on this date he asked me to marry him. Said let’s make a pact to get married on Christmas. Then he said he never said that. It took the next 4 years to realize he never planned to to marry me. I don’t know. I feel so fucked up right now. And the truth should be that I’m glad marriage never happened because I’m convinced either I’d be dead, or he would. And I still love him. How sick and messed up is that. I guess I can say at least I’m aware of my feelings. All I can say is I’m so grateful I’m in therapy, and grateful to you, IF, for this blog.

    2. Hi Twilight – I’m not up on any current modalities but after reviewing your links and youtube video; I’m curious if you subscribe to any particular theory on dreams?

      I have not revisited the topic in quite a while but personally I have an interest in comparative dream theory (Freud, Jung & Adler). I have done some of my own investigating in this area – only it was ages ago… (I left a lot of my interests behind during my entanglement.)

      1. Hello WhoCares

        I apologise for not getting back sooner.

        After reading each mans theory on dreams it would be Jung.
        IMO dreams are nothing more then manifestations what information we pick up consciously yet don’t acknowledge in a conscience state.

      2. Hi Twilight – no apologies necessary; sometimes I take so long getting back to people because I don’t get all my notifications or I’m actually still mulling over their words.

        Thanks for your response. I’ve studied Adler and Jung almost equally and have to say that I lean towards Jung’s views more so as well but also like to balance that out with scientific evidence of how the brain works etc…

  7. Yep:-) and i have a lot of really cool friends now as a result because my tactic is to insert myself into these things by chatting with them and ignoring his bullshit. It’s not their fault in he’s a narc and playing games with them.

  8. It’s funny. I blocked the most recent narc on Facebook very early on in our relationship. Random ♥️ from a girl on his page, he liked it, I told myself she was a friend, next day checked his page and he’d deleted it. Instantly blocked him, he never asked about it. Been blissfully unaware of his Facebook activities ever since. Funny how I never questioned that within myself. Asked myself why I was with someone I had to block to avoid seeing any shady shit.

    Of course it’s working to my advantage now. No fucks given.

    I did some cord cutting the other day, found myself actually pulling out black, twisted roots that had engulfed my soul. Starved me of myself.

  9. Yeah my narc would like anyone’s pictures no matter if they were 8000 pounds and covered in warts with no teeth as long as they weren’t my pictures he could never like my pictures so happy to finally be free of him and out dating again real men in the real world who aren’t narcs I never thought this day would come I never thought I could go on an actual date again without being so terrified that I vomited never thought I could be excited about meeting other men and that I would not compare them to him I never thought I’d ever be happy and excited about life again its been three years but I’m finally free at last

    1. Ugotit – mine did that too. It was all about control over me for him. He would like all my profile pics for a time and then stopped. For the triangulation game, he would like or comment or ♥ on the profile pics of mutual female friends, but not mine. Then out of the blue, he would like one of mine again. Thanks to HG, I no longer care if he likes a post or profile pic. I no longer need his validation.

    2. That’s excellent, Ugotit. I am almost there too. I have had an awful year but have turned a corner now. I am rid of narc and meeting new men in the right frame of mind. Everything makes me happy and excited right and maybe that’s what has to come first. No man can save us from another one. We have to save ourselves. The rest follows.

    3. Sweetie, you are an exceptionally beautiful woman. Be very careful of the dating scene as the likelihood will be; you will pick up other Ns..
      Tread carefully and ALWAYS carry a big stick.

      Am here to help. x

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