As you know, should you escape or be disengaged from, you should impose a full and robust no contact regime. Naturally, your emotional thinking does not want you to do that. It wants you to embrace the Five Fingers of Engagement so you continue to feed the addiction to the narcissist and thus your emotional thinking drives you to maintain some form of contact – from just thinking about the narcissist through to approaching the narcissist and spending time with him or her. You may have spent time monitoring the narcissist’s social media profile looking for clues about who he is with or what she is doing. You may have sent messages to the narcissist or sat outside the narcissist’s home to see who is there, whose car is parked on the drive or who comes and who goes. You may have asked your family or friends to spy on the narcissist and find out information for you or you may have gone so far as to hire a private detective to do some digging and sifting on your behalf.
These interactions are the ones which have taken place POST escape or POST disengagement or whilst you were on the shelf – not whilst you remained in an active and ongoing relationship with the narcissist. Which of the options below (and you may choose as many as are applicable) apply to you? Do also expand in the comments section why you were doing it – what were you wanting to find out or learn? Did you meet with success? Did it cause problems?
Thank you for participating.