Eyes Wide Shut

eyes-wide-shut

Will you ever recognise me as I walk towards you, rictus grin fixed across my face, eyes ablaze with love, passion and desire? Will you notice the way I keep you in my sights as my charm flows over you, seeping into your every pore and orifice? Will you take heed of the sugar-coated words as they spill from my mouth, telling you so remarkably all the things that you want to hear? Will you take note of the phrases which have been recycled again and again and possess the novelty of a cliché? Will you look deep into my eyes and see past your reflection or will you remain transfixed by what shines in these dulled, dark eyes? Will you question how is it that I know so much about you, where you live, where you work, your hobbies and your hates? Will you feel the chill down your spine as I appear once again without warning at a location you frequent or will you regard it as the tingling sensation of excitement and the thrill of my alluring personality? Will you question the platitudes that I issue, like confetti sprinkled on the breeze or will you smile and nod and savour the warmth that rises within you as I tell you how wonderful you are and that we belong together? Will you frown at my declaration of love within a day and a night and a day of meeting you or will you accept and swallow those carefully crafted words without a moment’s consideration? Will you wonder how my hands and mouth became so skilled or will you submit to their heady application and give breathless thanks that they are laid upon you? Will you query how this golden light continues to shine and wonder why you were chosen above all the others? Will you see through the veneer of scathing hatred for those who have gone before you or will you become co-conspirator and sneer at her or at him, disgusted by their lack of dignity in the way that they behave? Will you not ask yourself whether their words ring with truth and why they look as if their very essence has been sucked from them, leaving naught but a fractured shell? Will you wonder why the gifts keep on coming? Will you question the forbidden fruits that have been laid before you or will you gorge on them, delirious with desire and elated by the ecstasy of our largesse?

Will you recognise me when I turn my face from you when you try to kiss me? Will you know what is happening when you are left in a tearful heap on the floor for the third time in a week or will you flagellate yourself for your shortcomings? Will you notice as the triangles are weaved around you and your best friend becomes your supposed enemy, but by whose say so? Will you fight back against the control that is exerted on the way you look, what you choose to do and who you interact with or will you accept it and allow your sense of self to evaporate? Will you understand what is happening to you as you crawl alone into that ice-cold bed, this once haven of sexual congress that now lies like an empty tomb ? Will you realise what is going on as you blink back tears as the clock shows 3am and you have no idea where I am?  Will you stand up for yourself when you are labelled whore, slattern, idiot and fool or will you bow your head and retreat, thankful that your injuries are only verbal. This time. Will you remember what you once were ? Will you remain bound by the chains of confusion or will you break them across your knee and free yourself from your cruel bondage?

Will you recognise me as my hand grips your throat and my bile-infused words rain down on you, spittle flecked hatred peppering your face? Will you dial my number for the fiftieth time in two hours as you desperately try to hear my voice and ask me, beg me, plead for me to come home? Will you wince as another dinner set falls prey to my savage fury ? Will you kneel and pick up the pieces, fingers shaking as you fumble for the broken shards that lie scattered across the floor? Will you know what is being systematically done to you each and every day or will you obscure the reality by praying for that golden light to come back and dispel the darkness? Will you recognise me for what I truly am or will you make yet another excuse, wondering what will happen when you run dry of the excuses and hastily constructed explanations for my reign of terror?

Will you recognise me as I cast you aside, shoved into the dirt and sneered at? Will you look up from the smouldering ruins of what we once had and see her (or is it you?) looking back at you with disdain writ large across her made-up features? She seems so familiar, do you know her, there is such a fog now and it clouds so much. Will you understand why you have been forgotten about as your numbed fingers compose another searching e-mail, asking for explanations that will not come, expressing tearful anger that will be smiled at, detailing your abject hurt which will only ever receive a dismissive shrug?

Will you recognise me for what I am when I reach out a hand and lift you from your broken existence? Will you know what truly is going to happen as I lead you once more towards the brilliant, burning golden light? Will you feel the prick of caution in your mind or will you gladly race towards the promised land once again, concern and hesitation thrown to one side? Will you notice the rictus grin once again as you race ahead of me? Will you pay attention to the darkened glint in my baleful gaze or will you charge headlong towards the paradise,  addicted to its warmth and glorious sensations? Will you recognise me as I close the door behind us, bolt it and turn the heavy iron key in the lock as the thick drapes are pulled across the dirt-smeared windows? Will you notice the sharpened dagger that I have produced and hold behind my back?

Will you stop and glance in the shattered mirror that dominates this place and if you do, will you recognise yourself?

Listen to Eyes Wide Shut

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8 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut”

  1. On point!!!!!

    I will recognise you anywhere now!!

    *on a side note, I loved this film and Nicole Kidman is HOT as hell in this! Especially the masked ball circle scene which I found highly erotic!

  2. This is the raw truth… this is how it is in real life.. the real deal.. no theory here. … If I allow myself to think back.. it every single word written here

  3. As for the recycled lines, one that will always stick in my mind is ‘I can’t believe how good you look naked’ – whispered seductively in my ear of course. Even at the time it felt rehearsed.

    Later, as he wanted me to, I’d wondered, why ever not?

  4. Yes, yes I will see you next time. See through to the darkness at the heart and you’ll know I saw it, excuse yourself and slink away to sniff out easier meat.

    The goal of course is to exude such inner strength and radiance, such blinding light they never want to fuck with you on any level.

    The unfuckwithable target.

  5. Do you recognise how apprehensive I was before I met you? Do you recognise how I was attracted to you before we had even met? Do you recognise how the energy flowed between us when we touched. Do you recognise how scared I was that I couldn’t even ask permission to kiss you? Do you recognise how I felt I had found my twin? Do you recognise the fact that you look more like my own brother than my own brother does? Do you recognise how much I watched you that day? Do you recognise how I saw how you behaved with others? Do you recognise that I know how you treated your wives? Do you recognise that the woman you met on that field of battle is not the woman I am now?

    Do I recognise what you are to me? Do I recognise how to behave around you? Do I recognise how dark and deviant a mind lies under your charming and handsome facade? Do I recognise what you are and who you are? Do I recognise how I was watched, targeted and ensnared? Do I recognise how many people have been involved in this? Do I recognise that your tendrils lurk deep and dark into many, many people? Do I recognise you have brought the innocents involved? Do I recognise that you have thrown minion and minion against me? Do I recognise that the Lieutenants are there in legion?

    Do we recognise that I walked into a library and found books that imparted wisdom? Do we recognise that I am now in my armour? Do we recognise that I still clasp the roses you gave me to my breastplate? Do we recognise that I am in my castle, heavily defended and fully stocked for siege? Do we recognise that I still weep for you? Do we recognise that THIS is truly until death us do part? Do we recognise that the battle-lines have been drawn for some good time now? Do we recognise that I love you still?

    What do we understand?

    My husband. My love.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    With very great thanks to HG for his writing prompt, his words and allowing this to be published.

    1. The last paragraph! Yes, I still weep for him.Yes, I put on this heavy, detested armor to protect myself from him. I can’t take it off..ever. Yes, I still love him. No one compares to him. I will never love as I loved him. The armor protects, but it also deflects.

      1. The crying has significantly reduced but every now and again it does happen. I could have absolutely written your post.

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