Told You So



“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”

“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”

“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”

“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”

“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”

“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”

“To me you are.”

“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”

“Well I am.”

“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”

“What else?”

“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”

“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”

“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”

“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”

“How? By you?”



“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”

“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”

“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”

“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”

“Yes we have haven’t we?”

“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”

“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”

“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”

“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”

“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”


“No. We have both suffered previously.”

“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”

“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”

“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”

“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”

“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”

“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”

“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”

“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”

“Do you mean that?”


“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”

“That will never happen. You have me forever.”

“I hope so, I really do.”

“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”

“Okay, same again please.”

“Coming right up. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

30 thoughts on “Told You So

  1. Liane says:

    This kind of warning is not unique to narcissists, is it? I have heard someone with a different personality disorder saying the same thing. Looks like disturbed people like to warn others about them.

  2. Kathy Mor says:

    I wonder what would happen if next time I meet a somatic narcissist I say the similar things:

    Look, I know I give you the fuel you need. I know I make you feel good. I know I am a sex goddess, a healer goddess, a slave goddess, YOUR goddess.

    I can worship you like no other. I can worship the floor you step on and kneel for you like no other.

    I can dedicate every second of my life to you, to please you and serve you in all things.

    Tell me what you need, what you want and I immediately go and get it for you.

    In fact, I understand monogamy is very boring and not healthy for you, so I am totally ok with you having sex and spending whatever time you need with other girls. Just come and tell me the kinky details how wonderful they are because humiliation and low self esteem are really my kinks. Beat me and call me your butterfly that I will love you more and more and more.

    A God like you deserves all that and more. It is your birth right to own me and everyone else. The world is your playground and I am your servant, Sir.

    OMG. Look at those sexy and dangerous eyes darkening! You are hot as fuck as a human demon and I can’t help but have an orgasm right now, right here! May I PLEASE!?

    You are so wonderful, so absolutely Almighty that I float at the slightest thought of your collar around my neck.

    I could just die so much I want to serve you in all things.

    I will fight the demons for you. Sage your house and exorcise your dog.

    Don’t you worry about a thing!

    I will do all that, my true and only Master.

    But (and there is always a but), I have to warn you. I really do. Something tells me that this is not going to end well. It never does. I always end up hurt people. I am such a disaster. My former Master simply collapsed and disappeared into himself. I have no clue why.

    What? Yes, I agree. You may be right. Maybe he was a weak man.
    You are strong! Omg yes you are! Look at that gorgeous penis!!!!

    But, Sir, I just had to warn you so you can not accuse me of not saying anything.

    Anyways, please text me a picture of your beautiful face (and penis) so I can worship you until we meet next time.

    Oh yes we most definitely can meet here next Wednesday. I will have the room ready for you.

    I love you too, Master. More than you will ever know.

    05 weeks of robust no contact, a little anonymous message ( the only he will ever receive) is sent to him:

    “I told you so.”

    1. Presque Vu says:

      ‘Beat me and call me your butterfly’

      ‘Anyways, please text me a picture of your beautiful face (and penis) so I can worship you until we meet next time. ‘

      Bloody marvellous! Loved it! It really made me laugh!!

      Thank you Kathy Mor 🙂

  3. amanda SNapchat says:

    On the first date with the greater he said this: “I will break your heart.”
    It seemed so weird at the time. But I get it now.

    The narc does this:
    a) for fuel from the victim expressing they would never do this (it gives the narc fuel to see that the victim buys all their crap.

    b) as a way to later blame the victim. “I told you this would happen early on. You still accepted it! It’s your fault”

    c) to test how much the victim is binned to them (“does the victim state that they cannot imagine it happening??”

    I am becoming a narc expert B-) Good teaching HG!

    Do greaters tend to do this move more?

    I think that when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.


  4. SMH says:

    Meaning that while I do realize there are two people talking in this post, either of us could have been either person at various points.

  5. SMH says:

    Funny but I was not sure which perspective was being represented here. Could have been either of us at different points.

    1. amanda SNapchat says:

      did u think u would break the narcs’ heart?

      1. SMH says:

        Hi Amanda,

        Neither of us is very gushy or romantic so a lot of this would never have been said but I wounded him early on. Of course I did not know he was a narc or really that anything was wrong with him apart from being a control freak.

        I didn’t break his heart (what heart is there to break?) but I left him after a month and I think that blindsided him – I thought I had ‘hurt’ him and later I told him that. I also said at one point that I thought I was using him – he was my transitional object. I also said before my final escape that I thought we were in love with each other, or at least loved things about each other, and that is why we kept finding our way back to each other. I told him the things I loved about him and he told me the things he loved about me. He thought I understood him – that we both had the same twisted moral sense etc. (‘what you and I have is something out of the ordinary’)

        Of course I now know that depth of feeling was not possible for him – that I FELT everything more deeply than he did and I had feelings that he did not have (guilt, remorse, affection, generosity, happiness, exuberance – all of the stuff that HG says narcs do not have). But I am not the one who turned what we had into more than a passing fling. He did. I am the one who always said I would ruin things (‘I will do something to ruin it’).

        I think he was truly lost when we met – that he was in limbo (always in limbo) and looking for ‘sanctuary.’ He had lost IPPS, his family, the facade, after a previous affair. But I was not in an emotional place where I could substitute for all of that and he was not my ‘type’ anyway. It was a very rocky two years, to say the least. In retrospect, I think he just wanted to get back at me for 1) the initial dump; 2) leaving the country for five months and not telling him right up front when we met; 3) telling him that I did not want to be IPPS – that I was happy as IPSS; 4) my final escape.

        Honestly, I did not understand why, when I gave him what he said he wanted on a silver platter, it wasn’t good enough. I do understand now, but I did not during the relationship.

        So no, I do not think I broke his heart but I did say some of the things that HG attributes in this piece to narc. I still occasionally feel guilty about parts of it. I was no angel myself – as tigerchelle says, ‘I am very damaged.’ I did not know he was a narcissist but I was totally honest with him about my feelings, both good and bad. I never said I love you or I hate you, but I spent a lot of time trying to explain to him what feelings are and how we could be happy.

  6. merrymagenta says:

    If a boyfriend ever said to me “I want to become you” I would run a mile!

    I’ve never experienced the ‘warning’ talk from any of the narcissists I’ve been in romantic relationships with.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is only because you do not want him wearing your clothes!

      1. merrymagenta says:

        Ha ha. Too right!

        My last one was literally desperate to get into my knickers, I offered to help him with a tuckie, but he wasn’t overly keen.

  7. Pale Horse says:

    HG, I have received my first bottle of Molton Brown today. They have you to thank for another customer!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, I will be after them for commission.

      1. Hi HG.. Thank you for your honesty. I’ve been introduced to you yesterday and already read one of your books . Another downloaded and ready to read.. As a dispassionate empath dealing with two triangulated narcs I’m in a rather unique position, in that one is female (a gf from 20 yrs ago posing til recently as a friend and “aunt” to my son) and son’s father . The two have up til recently been successful in their “crazy making” though fortunately I am now fully awake and aware.. I wish their inner broken children much healing n love but actually love myself enough now to walk away without fear.. They have lied to high court judges (together, feigning “concerned friendship” used previous breakdown behaviour to social services and psychiatric services (who are finally seeing my calm and non malevolent strength) but sadly they are currently holding our son as a pawn.. The courts have given him residency, though we’re back on Wednesday (26th) and I intend the correct outcome. He’s blackmailed me to sign guardianship over to her ‘on case you break down again” and told the judge he’s not happy for me to coparent unless I medicate myself (something the psychiatrist did not think applicable).. I formerly had abuse and thus no boundaries.. I’ve come a very long way with various healing modalities (happy to share if intested) as well as compassion based psychotherapy a couple of years ago.. I do not wish to exact revenge of any sort, and would have walked away from the farcical court system if it were not for my vulnerable non-verbal child..
        Do you have any suggestions, where children are concerned (his dad already “won” custody years ago and the golden child began to self harm while the scapegoat child scraped through school.. Neither of them have much of a life now, at 20 and 21 and I do not wish this for my son .
        I have already said too much about things to the barrister and intend to be more composed on Wednesday.. My emotions are no longer ruling the show.. I’m a logical empath.. Fully healed yet remain compassionate and loving, as I always saw the beast within. And do not fear it.. As you may or may not fully appreciate.. The power of love.. Unconditional love . Is far far greater than any fear.. I know fear too.. I’ve made friends with my shadow.. My inner dragon is now my friend and will work with me for the greater good if you will!.. I would very much appreciate your insights or suggestions with regard this situation.. I’m patient but if you could endeavour to reply today, you would very much be in my gratitude..
        Kindest regards and thanks.. And continued success in your own awakening journey x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello AD and welcome, thank you for reading my work. With regard to your situation I can assist, but it is one where I need more information and will have a lot of information to convey and thus a consultation (please see the menu bar) is the appropriate forum.

    2. MB says:


    3. shesaw says:

      Mirroring the Boss, Pale Horse?? 😀

      1. Pale Horse says:

        Ha ha. Well, he does have good taste. 😉

        1. MB says:

          Re: HG’s good taste. Ummmmm!

          1. Pale Horse says:

            MB, get your mind out of the gutter😉

          2. MB says:

            HG has a naughty effect on me PH. Plus, I’m a DE -I thirsty for adventure. My mind stays in the fantasyland gutter!

          3. Pale Horse says:

            I cannot imagine a naughty MB!

        2. shesaw says:

          Aha, residual benefits! 😄

          1. Pale Horse says:

            Ha! You’re killing me shesaw😉

  8. Amaya says:

    This almost made me disengage from your blog.

    You deserve to be punished for writing this.

    1. merrymagenta says:

      What did you have in mind, Amaya?

    2. Meg says:

      Engaging a narcissist and believing they ‘need to be punished’ is part of a very unhealthy cycle that some of us have participated in.

      I read his “rules” for the blog. He is a self proclaimed narcissist. It is your own job as an adult to protect yourself.

      Whatever pain he may or may not gleam from our responses, the fact remains that most of us are here reading- because we are addicted. I propose that we would find more relief through direct counseling. I’m not saying do that. I’m not saying don’t read this blog.

      What I am saying is this: we are adults. We are accountable.

      We have our bruises. I am here because I am addicted and I do not have closure. The more I read his articles the more I am aware that although I am empathic, I have narcissistic traits. This is good. I already have something positive from this seemingly horrible encounter- I CAN CHANGE.

      When I read this article it gave me some sense of peace. And yes I thought of all those perfect moments, looking into each other’s eyes. I remembered my love, and whatever it was that he reflected back.

      And I realized it was fuel. I took fuel from this article. I took fuel from the narcissist.

      Do not be so quick to judge another. It is that which we most hate, that we become. I hope you find peace, although I think for your sake it would be less painful not to linger here. Best wishes

  9. tigerchelle78 says:

    I can imagine if I drove to a certain person’s tonight, this type of conversation could definitely take place, but I think I would be the one saying: “I’m very damaged and also married, so you really shouldn’t get involved with me.”

    Instead, I’m saying goodbye, and never contacting him again!

    I’m telling you, you gotta love pain to do this….

  10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Can’t say I didn’t warn ya…

    You knew exactly what you were signing up for…

    or did you?

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