A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 87



If you had not been so dark, I may never have sought the light

If you had not caused me so much unrest, I may never have valued my peace

If you had not made me feel dread, I may never have appreciated the calm

If you had not been a compulsive liar, I may never have known the real importance of the truth

If you had not exposed me to the highs and the lows, I may never have reflected on the safety of an even keel

If you had not disrespected me, I may never have cherished morals

If you had not coached me on worthlessness, I may never have recognised my own worth

If you had not been so irresponsible, I may never have taken my own responsibilities so seriously

If you had not taught me pain, I may never have felt the immense relief

If you had not directed so much hatred, I may never have worked so hard to spread love

If you had not shown me vitriol, I may never have merited benevolence

If you had not shown me violence, I may never have prized gentleness

If you had not been so incensed, I may never have appreciated harmony

If you had not kept walking away, I may never have stood my own ground

If you had not been so weak, I may never have attained such strength

If you had not been such a coward, I may never have been so brave

If you had not educated me on compartmentalisation, I would never have been able to escape you

If you had not kept me caged, I would never have truly treasured my freedom

If you had not made me feel like I was dying, I would never have realised what it means to live

If you had not orchestrated my demise, I would never have learned how to survive

If you had not found me, I would never have found myself, or HG Tudor


Thank you…….I finally found the “good” in goodbye…….R.I.P……..Diva



25 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 87

  1. Asp EMp says:

    Wow. This is very well done. I enjoyed reading it. It made sense too.

    The image is really effective to be attached to this letter to the narcissist.

    I thought to myself, I only wrote one to Muvver. She ‘caused’ me to have an addiction to narcissism. It started with her. I also thought that the other narcissists in my past do NOT deserve a ‘highlighted’ spot on HG’s blog, ie ‘A Letter To The Narcissist’. No, fk that. They do not even deserve a space in my mind either, fk that. Some may say that is ‘emotional thinking’, in my view it is not. It is my way of saying. They do not even deserve to be compartmentalised either. LOL.

  2. NarcAngel says:

    Hi Diva
    I “like” all the letters but I dont comment much on them. I think they’re all great in their own individual way. I haven’t seen you commenting but wanted to say hello if you’re still reading, and to thank you for your letter. I admire that you have been able to filter the good resulting from an awful experience and use that to propel you forward. Hope you are well. It sounds like you are.

  3. Mercy says:

    Diva, thank you for this letter. I’ve been struggling to find something positive in my experience so I can let the past go and move forward. This letter has given me a place to start.

  4. nikitalondon says:

    This is great! This one and the dear Narcy Friends .. are my favorite!

  5. Caroline says:

    This is so thoughtful and well composed, thank you.
    Your strength of character, and forthright personality, shines through in the words you’ve chosen. The heartache is palpable as you appraise the shades of grey in your experiences.
    At the final line, you stand, undefeated, and we are so proud of you.

  6. HG Tudors #1 fan says:

    We all learn from our mistakes even through meeting these narcissist. If it wasn’t for the lesser, i would have never grew as an adult. if it wasn’t for HG Tudor, i would have never moved on.

    Beautiful letter Diva.

  7. blackunicorn123 says:

    Love this! 💕

  8. Tappi Tikarrass says:

    The best I’ve read so far.
    It merits printing out and displaying.
    Thank you for such a considered and poetic letter Diva.

    1. Caroline says:

      Hi Tappi T,
      maybe we can read it out aloud at the beginning of every Narcoholics Anonymous meeting we hold, what do you think?
      Shortly after that, we hand around the tissues, the chocolate and the drinks trays with the martinis on them. We’ll celebrate our survival.

      1. Tappi Tikarrass says:

        Hi Caroline
        Count me in!
        May I suggest we also include music and dancing in our sessions?

        Side note: started rewatching Vikings. The look on Lagerthas face as she kills Knut after he tries to rape her…… the stuff my fantasies are made of

      2. Caroline says:

        Music, tick
        Dancing, tick.
        Binge watching Vikings afterwards with more nice things to eat? Tick.
        Best rehab ever!

  9. Renarde says:

    Incredibly well written and very powerful.

    Thank you for sharing.

  10. KittieKelly says:

    This is one of the most profound messages I have ever read. I have shared it with my fellow narc-survivors. Thanks for writing, Diva, and thank you for posting, HG.

  11. WhoCares says:

    No words – except – I love this letter. It made me very emotional as I read to the end.

  12. Lisa says:

    Great letter! I can relate to it well. Thanks Diva.

  13. Kelly says:

    Hee hee, you’re funny!-Finally found the good in goodbye. If you had not found me, I would never have found myself, or HG Tudor – that one strikes close to home!

    1. Kelly says:

      Wow, it’s interesting how one letter resonates with some of us and not with all of us, while I’ll relate to a different letter and not know how others couldn’t. Sorry for my light hearted spin on this one.

  14. Just Me says:

    Diva… thank you. Your letter found me tonight as I am packing to leave my home of 20 years. I struggle with all I have lost or given up on. I found truth and a moment of peace reading your beautiful letter.

    1. Caroline says:

      Just Me, you are taking a courageous step into the unknown, and doing what’s right for you now. You will be grieving the losses for some time. That’s all normal. We are all cheering you on, and wishing you much happiness and love for your future.

    2. Kathy Mor says:

      Give about a week and the stupor will begin to fade away. You will gradually feel better. Just keep walking forward.

    3. Siberian says:

      Just me, I hear your struggle, because I too have recently packed and left my home of 12 years and my partner for 34 years). Keep strong, breathe; it will get better though it hurts now like hell.

      And thank you Diva for your letter and determination.

  15. Veronique Jones says:

    I get that can not comprehend the concept of unconditional love especially considering your mother and aunt or maybe subconsciously you are trying to protect your inner child by this impenetrable wall you surround yourself with. The one thing I don’t understand is non of what you do is needed for someone to love you and give you all the fuel you need with no fear of rejection but the way you explain what you do the end of the relationship with anyone is inevitable, either you will break them and dispose of them for not remaining the person you were at first infatuated with because you have bled them dry or they will gain strength and leave you the feeling we allow ourselves to have can easily be converted into self care, love and compassion and at that point you can not win because me and my kind were never in competition with yours in the first place . Coming from a narcissistic family as an empath I understand that it becomes instinctual to put a guard up when around people who can hurt you good thing , bad thing who knows right but there has to be more to it the human psyche is very complex the most brilliant minds cant figure it out NPD is a personality disorder brought on by trauma dis- order;( out of order ) maybe the compartmentalised parts of your life are not freeing you but more likely restricting you from having a full life not every woman is your mother or your sister I assume that they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum you really need to get your ducks in a row but my understanding is you have to want that and as much as you say this works for you so why change, you really don’t know what you are missing out on you don’t remember anything else how can you possibly know. L True success comes at the cost of learning from failure yes life can be painful but it can be great too without the emotional highs and lows

  16. Laurel says:

    This is beautiful. I love the contrasts and the way it reveals how the appreciation of good things is always found on the other side of painful experiences.

  17. Jess says:

    All of this. Stay grateful.

  18. brokenrainbow says:

    This brought me to tears. What a beautiful letter.

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