Twisted

 

TWISTED-2

How could you be so twisted? I gave you absolutely everything. I opened my heart to you and gave you a perfect love which is beyond compare. I let you in to my world and shared everything with you. Nothing was kept from you. I knew that you were the one, the one person who amidst all the treachery and deceit in this cruel, harsh world who would take care of me. I recognised that you would shield me and protect me from the perfidious foes that lurked seeking to destroy me. I gave you everything that I had. I poured my love into our relationship, investing in it because I knew that this time it was my soul mate who stood before me. You made me so happy because you knew what I needed. You gave me what I wanted and also what I needed and you lifted me heavenwards with that beautiful brand of love that only you can possess. Our relationship was built on the firmest of foundations and promised a glittering and marvellous future. We had so much in common. You liked what I liked and I liked what you liked. So many times I would remark to my friends that it was such serendipity that we had found one another. There is so much hurt in the world, so much darkness beyond the front door and we found one another, two shining lights that when combined we burned brightly and brilliantly.

Nobody made me feel the way you did. At times, eloquent and articulate as I am, I struggled to find the words to convey what you did for me. Your selflessness and devotion were breath-taking and naturally I reciprocated. I put you first. From the moment I rose until the moment I let slumber take me, I had you and only you in my thoughts. As our mighty empire grew around us, I planned for us both. I looked forward and constructed a happy, fulfilling and most of all loving future for us both. We had no need to look back at the past. We had both been hurt by those who acted to their own agendas. I suppose that is why we found such a need in one another and one that we could both address. It was as if we had been cut from the same cloth. Two pieces of a fabulous and stunning garment that just needed to be stitched together and once combined cloaked us in magnificence. Our brilliance was never ostentatious. Most definitely other people would look upon us and comment as to our satisfaction, but not smugness. People would remark about how happy we looked and they were genuinely delighted for us, there was no envy in their words or expressions. We had it all. We had found one another and I believed in you, I believed in us. I gave every ounce of my being to you in order to ensure that what we had did not crumble to dust. I strained every sinew, fired every synapse and poured my very essence into us. I could not have given more of myself to you. From the material to the ethereal I ensured it was all directed onto you in order to ensure you knew how deep and perfect my love for you was and is. I melded with you, combined, conjoined and became one because I knew. I knew with a certainty that I had never met before that this time, this time I had found my angel, my muse, my protector and my soul mate. Such was the treasured nature of this find that I knew I had to do everything in my power to maintain that you and I remained as one. There was no hope for anything else. I could never do anything to hurt or harm you and thus spoil this most precious union. Every waking moment was dedicated to preserving our special relationship. Each word, each act and each thought revolved around the concept of us and I wanted more than any desire that I have ever known to keep us together.

Yet you destroyed that. How could you? How could you render into the dirt and ashes what we had? How could you betray me so viciously? How could you twist what we had built together so that it was no longer recognisable? A warped and corrupted image of what had been so magnificent, so perfect and what I thought was so impregnable. You perverted our creation, the poison which flowed so readily and alarmed me with the speed by which you were able to summon it. The toxicity which clouded my vision, stinging my eyes, filling my nose and mouth as I choked on the malevolent fumes. Where did this come from? I had never seen this about you. In all the time we spent together, and we spent a lot of time together, not once did I see anything that would indicate that beneath your beauty and your tenderness lay this vast repository of hatred and malice. How could you be so twisted as to unleash all of this against me after everything that I had done for you, after everything I had done for us? It makes no sense. There is no logic in what you did, no rationale for taking what we had and then rending it apart, pouring acid upon it so it melted into awful shapes, searing it with flame so that it bubbled, cracked and split becoming something terrible and fearsome. So many times I have asked myself why did you do this? We had the world beneath us and then for some incomprehensible reason you wrapped your hands around it and began to dismantle and destroy it. No sane individual would do this would they? Only someone sick would act this way. Someone who has something very wrong with them would let me down in this way, after giving and promising so much, to then cast it all asunder. A twisted and hateful game is what you made the concept of us become and your warped actions have exacted a severe cost to my well-being. You have tried to break and destroy me. Why did you do this after all that I have given you, after everything I have done, after all the love, affection and dedication that I have shown to you? Only someone twisted could behave this way.

Do I speak these words or am I hearing them? Perhaps I speak them as they are spoken to me as I look into the mirror? Are these my words, your words or do they belong to both of us?

 

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18 thoughts on “Twisted”

  1. You only care about winning a game that you’ve played over and over again and have become good at. Nobody else actually wants to play the game that you force on them. Same old routine every day for you, one player’s face runs into the next and the next. You never tire of it, like riding a carousel unceasingly round and round, riders get on and off, you stay on. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome.

    Will it be different with this new player this time? You hope not, that would spoil the fun of winning. Are you winning? Does anyone really care about you or the fancy stuff you bought from the job you stole from someone else, and does it even matter to you? If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t love anyone else. You don’t love yourself. You dodge from truth like it would destroy you. Your creature must be your conscience then.

  2. Hi all

    I wrote earlier that I truly felt the ex narcremoved all feelings of attraction towards men in me.

    I don’t know if this was because I was too busy healing etc but my theory was incorrect.
    I was blown away by my attraction towards someone new lately.
    Not a candidate for a relationship though sigh , but still at least Iknow I’m not permanently damaged.I really started to think that.
    Is this a sign I’m truly getting over the ex narc , maybe I’m over him already.

  3. The narcissist creates the illusion. The empath wants to believe the illusion.

    Who is saying these words? It could be either. Who is at fault or to blame? It could be either or both or neither.

    Maybe it’s the illusion that’s to blame? …wanting something that doesn’t, or can’t, exist.

  4. I think this is what you and your kind would say there is so much projection of blame and guilt in this two things that are used against an empathetic person not by one

  5. If anyone is in the U.K. try to watch documentary on ITV , might be on catch up or demand , The parachute murder plot. I know not all narcs murder but the behaviours of this guy, it could literally be a post from this blog by HG, right down to the texting and texting multiple people at the same time. This wife is still in denial, it’s really quite shocking , her refusal to believe, specially with children involved .

      1. Yes Clarece, and the wife went to court and stuck up for him. All the cheating alone , never mind the trying to kill her 3 times . Talk about denial.

    1. Lisa, I’ve always enjoyed watching these types of documentaries, but now that I understand and can see the signs, they are even more interesting to me than pre-HG. I used to be so baffled by the behavior, but not anymore. It is like when we used to watch film strips in grade school to enhance our learning. It reinforces the fact that HG is the real deal. Accurate information given here daily.

      There is a series on ID here in the US called ‘Evil Lives Here’ that is my favorite. (not sure if you have Investigation Discovery there or not). They are hour long interviews with a close family member of the bad guy.

      1. Hi MB, i’m exactly the same, i’ve always been intrigued by these things and like you, i now just see it all so differently and want to shout at the TV it’s a narcissist can’t anybody see this Ha Ha – despite the fact i myself had no clue what one was until 3 years ago or what a psychopath really was. We get most of the american ones on Sky or Netflix, i’ve just watched a series about Casey Anthony that was a strange one , don’t know what to make of her father being involved or not and her going free , just crazy . i’m always watching different ones !! Problem is i’m now always looking for signs in real life people i meet as well …..

      2. Lisa, Jodi Arias is a great one too. And Peter Tobin. I need to see what I can find in the parachute plot. The Chris Watts case is interesting to me as well. There is a local connection to that one for me. Both of them were from North Carolina. Not too far from where I am.

  6. “Every waking moment was dedicated to preserving our special relationship. Each word, each act and each thought revolved around the concept of us and I wanted more than any desire that I have ever known to keep us together.”…

    Or the truth: Its you.

    …*. Every waking moment …well, err, that’s except for all the waking moments dedicated to the secondary sources.. like when I’m behind the bathroom door, in the shower, on the phone while you’re dressing, while I’m dressing and you’re making my breakfast… When I’m driving to the office in my car..when I get to the office and you aren’t there… Apart from then and other times I can hardly recall at present because while saying this to you I am flirting with the waitress here serving me smoked salmon by giving her my winning smile and particular look… But let’s not split hairs .. why must you spoil everything?. As I say every waking moment is dedicated to us.. I’ve got to ring off now darling… Im getting another call coming through. I’ve been waiting for Ben to get back to me with those proposals.. I will ring you later..byebye..(ha!)
    Er …waitress… now where were we?*

    🙈🙉🙊🤪

    1. DebbieWolf
      This post had me about to bust a rib bone, I was laughing so much……you, obviously, “get them!” Love your humor! 🙂

      1. It Depends

        Haha 😂 Thanks.
        Aye…I do get them now..
        I’m sure it’s when ‘paranoia’ is actually the truth in their cases..lol..
        It’s the only time you can allow yourself to have a skewed view and know it is actually mostly correct!

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