Poll : How Were You Introduced To My Work?
You had the misfortune to be entangled with our kind, but then you had the fortune to access my work and either achieve freedom or set yourself on the path to the same. It is a source of considerable pride to me as I read the hundreds of e-mails I receive thanking me for the outcomes achieved from my work – be it the articles, YouTube videos and/or through consultations. Nobody will deliver you such accuracy, insight and most of all such deliverance from the pain and constraint of entanglement with our kind than me. The many, many plaudits and messages of thanks bear testament to the impact my work has had on hundreds of thousands of people. Yet there is so much more to do. So much more for me to convey to you, so much more I can and will provide to assist you and so many other people to reach.
You, as a loyal reader have an integral role to play in the dissemination of my work. I know many of you refer others to my work, share it on social media platforms, recommend it to professionals, contact media outlets and more – all of this is appreciated and required.
In order to help me better understand where my readership has come from and thus target my endeavours with greater precision to reach others, I seek your help in understanding how you came across my work. Where did you first find me? Did someone point you in my direction or did you go down the rabbit hole about narcissism or relationships and whilst on that journey have the fortune to find my work? I look forward to learning more.
Thank you for participating.
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I knew something was off with this guy that I have known for over a decade when one night after a tragic incident in which I tried to help him as much as I could, he suddenly confessed to me that he had a crush on me, that he felt a connection, that it was irresistible, that he loved me after seeing my level of compassion, and that no matter what happened we would always be entangled. Now, I’ll admit English is not my first language, but to tell your love prospect that you will always be “entangled” sounds suspiciously like Kaa trying to hypnotize Mowgli in The Jungle Book. That, and the dick pics. What can I say about those pics… I started receiving an entire album of dick pics scarcely days after his “love” confession. I could open a private gallery around the theme of his dick. All very anonymous, not a simple mention, a personal dedication… I would have tolerated personal dedicated dicks, at least!
Nope, he most likely made several copies, like a cheap series of commissioned photographs, and sent them all at once and there would be no confusion because they were pretty universal: to you all. I felt dirty and disgusting. I also found out he used the same technique with the comments he left on my pictures on Facebook, which he repeated under some other women’s pictures. Like his dick, all of his promises were copy and paste. That definitely alerted me that this situation was not normal. So, armed with the discording elements that intrigued me the most, I initiated some web search entering the following items: “entangled” and “dick pictures.” And voilà! I have read other sources after finding out what I was dealing with, but your website is beyond compare, and your books are the only source of information that portrays my narc in such detail that at times I expected to read his name on your pages. Even though I take your advice very seriously, I find your entries and your books very enjoyable and humorous most times. I am forever grateful for your initiative to share your knowledge with us; of course, I would have been even more grateful had I never needed it, but it’s a little bit late for that, isn’t it? In all honesty, thanks so much, HG!
You are welcome SP.
You came to me in a vision?
Hahahahaha
Hahaha, that’s really funny!
Dear Mr Tudor,
I was researching military PTSD amongst our veterans and it mentioned “narcissism” in their character and behaviour
I then looked up narcissists (I had no idea apart from loving yourself too much) and accidentally came across your blog site
Heartfelt thanks for your service Mr Tudor… you deserve all the rewards and recognition for all your hard work and empowering people with the knowledge to help themselves and others
An excellent poll
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
You are welcome.
Bubbles
What an interesting way to have come across this site. Were you researching the military angle because of someone you know who was displaying particular behaviours or just as a general interest? I love how thorough you were in not glossing over the narcissism link to it because of your previous notion of what narcissism was and looking into it further. The beauty of actually reading and understanding rather than just skimmimg over words. I admire that.
Dearest NarcAngel,
Sorry gorgeous one … just saw your comment, thank you
It was the “weasel” I just couldn’t figure him out
His behaviour didn’t suggest a veteran PTSD sufferer
I believed he used PTSD just for the sympathy vote and to get everyone hooked in
It was all the other “narcissistic” traits and manipulation that confused me and his “military talk”
He was very good at making me believe if I “gave up on him” as a friend, he’d most likely commit suicide, as everyone else had let him down and I was the only one left …. Mr Bubbles knew we had a delicate situation on hand …. we tried to discreetly distance ourselves 6 times from him but he kept coming back being nicer than before
Took me a long 4 years to finally figure it out …..he had us all fooled and was very clever
Hope that helped explain a little
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Ps … I looked at Sam Vaknin (boring as hell) and various others but Mr Tudor rules supreme 🤴
Bubbles
I can see the difficulty in extracting yourselves from that situation so as not to appear turning your back on him to others. No one wants to be seen as talking badly or abandoning a veteran now do they? Clever bunny (but shame on him) for using that cover (although I’m sure he believes it), but he chose the wrong people to mess with in the dynamic duo of HG weapoized Mr & Mrs Bubble Fox.
Bubbles
I have been thinking about PTS (the new trend is to drop the D), I think many narcissists use it to get fuel and as an excuse (blame shift) to drink and beat the fuck out of their wives and children and get away with it. Then people think: Oh, that poor man, he almost killed his wife/children because he has PTS, let’s feel sorry for him.
I know some people in the health care profession who feel that some people use PTS as an excuse for their bad behaviour.
My lesser dad and uncles didn’t have PTS after serving in WWII, PTS was for pussies.
Hi K,
(I did not get to read the full string of discussion yet, just your comment and thought I would pop in. Forgive me if I am repeating something already said above). Interesting perspective. I have never heard this view while being in the field. I do not doubt some think this(that it is used as a cop out), though it saddens me deeply.
I do believe PTSD is a real experience, though I do not think it excuses anyone of their own bad behavior or victimizing others.
I also think that many personality disorders (particularly cluster B) are truly developmental trauma responses that presents differently than when trauma is experienced in adulthood, due to the plasticity and developing brain. The interaction of stress hormones and genetics and trauma can vary from person to person due to genetics. Some do not develop this, some do. Like how we all respond differently to seeing death or being commanded to kill others in war or in life-death situations. Or being abused.
I do like the idea of taking the “disorder” off as it is a normal response to an abnormal situation (abuse, war, life being threatened, etc). Though, I also do not wish it to be so normalized that they are not treated. This is where we end up with ppl killing themselves or others, substance abuse, etc. The additional issue is having access to this treatment at an affordable cost or free. I believe this is vital.
Hi Indy! So nice to see your comments here again! You have such valuable input especially on PTSD.
I’m so glad you were able to avoid and disregard the recent phone call attempts from your ex-Narc. Have the calls dropped off now?
Hi Clarece,
Thank you, it is so nice to see/read you too 🙂 The phone calls have ended, as he is blocked now. How are you doing as of late?
To K Continued,
Yes, I do agree with you about some narcissists perhaps using anything they can get their hands on to get pity, particularly victim midrangers. The past ex of mine used a combo of alcoholism and possible symptoms of PTSD (was in Navy) as well. His father told me (another military man of high ranking) that he felt the stories were just stories and not real. I did nto know why or how he knew this..but I listened and tucked it away in my pocket for later. I did feel for him initially and tried to get him back to the VA, though he resisted. Looking back, it is possible that he used those both to draw on my empathy. It is also hard to tease apart his narcissism (which I do think may have been due to genetics and developmental trauma of some sort combo) and his addiction and possible retraumatization by military. Very hard to distinguish. Though, HG did help me tease apart the addiction and the narcissism rather well. He was actually more of a narc when sober…hahaha
Hello Indy
I have been speaking with a few nurses and a medical doctor about NPD and a nurse mentioned that she thinks some people use PTS as an excuse for spouse/child abuse and drinking/drug use, so I mentioned that those individuals may have NPD, because it is an excellent way to get pity or attention and blame shift your bad behaviour.
Most people recognize PTS as a legitimate mental health issue, however, since learning about NPD, I often wonder if narcissists use it for manipulation. My MMRN’s sister went to therapy for years and yapped on ad nauseam about her PTS diagnosis and her meds. Trust me, she did NOT have PTS. She just wanted attention. Also, some narcissists claim that PTS is “all in your mind” or “made up” and poke fun at those who have it.
I like the trend too, and I noticed another trend, instead of using NPD or ASPD, I have noticed ASP and NP.
I agree; we need better and more affordable access to good quality mental health care.
Hi K,
What you wrote about people using PTSD as an excuse for their abusive behaviour is true. I have heard a diagnosed BPDs say: “Well, I told you I am a Borderline” meaning’ I can’t help it so deal with it’. No apologies, no regrets.
IMO, people suffering from PTSD will not want to go out and tell everyone who will listen that they have a mental health problem. Nightmares, visual flashbacks, not being able to watch programmes on TV and hearing the shouting or smelling something is such a horrible experience that it makes me think they do not know what they are talking about. They can only be Victim MRNs. Also, not all those who were in combat or in a traumatic situation developed a PTSD.
They also say that narcissists rarely seek therapy. This may be true in some countries and cultures but not everywhere. Most family members and acquaintances from the country where I come from who went to a therapist are MMRNs. They did/do it to keep their façade – the good citizens who want to become a better person. Not only did they not improve but they got worse. Their manipulations became more subtle and refined. My GC MMRNsis went to psychotherapy for years. Apart from working with pre-school children, she has a degree in the psychology field. GC sis has always had the perfect façade. She is addicted to fuel and I almost sure she told her therapists that I am the full-blown NPD in her family.
E. B.
Yup, I know two females who I think are midrange narcissists but claim they are BPD and use this to excuse away their poor behaviour.
I don’t think true suffers of PTS talk about it openly to get attention. My MMRN’s narc sister has been in and out of therapy for years and spoke incessantly about it. She blamed her PTS on her childhood abuse and, of course, her MatriNarc gaslighted it away by denying the abuse.
I know several Midrangers who went to therapy and I am sure they spoke about how they were cruelly victimized and everyone else is the abuser. They do not know they are narcissists and most therapists don’t realize they are being played. What a fiasco.
Lessers only go to therapy if they are court ordered and then they stop going after the first or second time.
K,
You are right when you say there are MRN who claim they are (undiagnosed) BPD to get fuel.
Also C-PTSD is often misdiagnosed as BPD. I cannot understand why psychologists and psychiatrists cannot tell the difference between them. This is detrimental to their clients. Being diagnosed with BPD is like a life-sentence. C-PTSD can be healed.
“I know several Midrangers who went to therapy and I am sure they spoke about how they were cruelly victimized and everyone else is the abuser. They do not know they are narcissists and most therapists don’t realize they are being played.”
You have just described my GC MMRNsis and her last therapist. I went NC with her several years ago so I am not sure if she is still going to therapy. Her therapist had a high opinion of her. He used to lecture at the same university she went to.
I am glad I have found this blog. Ever since I started reading, I have learnt more than I had previously learnt from dozens of other authors. As Kathy said, HG is light years ahead of the field.
E. B.
I don’t have much faith in the mental health field at all and I am not surprised that they are misdiagnosing patients.
My MMRN’s sister had multiple issues, took lots of meds and loved all the attention. Many therapists can’t recognize narcissists because the individuals that they are treating manipulate so well. I think my MMRN’s sister was a cerebral because she knew a lot about psychology.
I am happy I found the blog, too. Kathy is correct; HG is light years ahead of everyone else. No one can compare to him. It is astonishing when you consider it.
I’ve been meaning to comment on here about the Gypsy Blanchard story. Would you say that those that suffer from Munchausen by proxy are, in fact, victim narcissists? They abuse their children in the pursuit of fuel for themselves?
Highly likely, one would need to assess other factors but MBP is a very significant indicator
It screamed narcissism to me. (Only because of my learning here.)
To watch your child suffer because you are lying to the doctors about their “condition” while taking handouts from good hearted people helping those less fortunate. (Free house & car!) Making your child use a wheelchair when she can walk. Shaving her head and telling her she has cancer. Making her use a feeding tube. Zero empathy, guilt, or remorse. It’s a fascinating case. May that woman rot in hell for what she did to that poor girl. She’s way happier in jail than she ever was in that prison of torture her mother kept her in.
Hi MB,
I share your view. The psychiatric community held onto false beliefs for a long time and IMO, they still do in some cases. There were mental disorders and conditions which no longer exist like hysteria, neurasthenia, the vapors, lunacy and so on. There is still a lot to learn.
The vapors – that still entertains me.
I had to look that up. I will definitely fall victim to the vapors if I ever meet you in person HG. No lie. I think it is a real thing! If we ever have that convention, please carry smelling salts in your jacket pocket.
Ha ha – Perhaps it was not as bad as having a Wondering Womb or a Bicycle Face.
EB
I had to look up bicycle face and I’ve been laughing off and on for about 15 minutes. Keeps coming back to me. I’m definitely using that so thank you.
NarcAngel,
I don’t give up hope. According to doctor Sarah Hackett Stevenson, “The painfully anxious facial expression is seen only among beginners, and is due to the uncertainty of amateurs. As soon as a rider becomes proficient, can gauge her muscular strength, and acquires perfect confidence in her ability to balance herself and in her power of locomotion, this look passes away.”
E.B. And NA, Wikipedia also said in the bicycle face entry, “Even an appearance of exhilaration was considered suspicious because it suggested masturbation.”
EB
Haha. The old phrase “careful or your face will freeze like that” used to be scary. I think we’d all agree that if it happened during sex we’d all be screwed.
Yes E.B. I was surprised to learn that MBP is punishable. As in, not a recognized disorder. They are mentally competent and know what they are doing.
Hi Indy,
Nice to see you are back. How have you been lately?
“It is also hard to tease apart his narcissism… and his addiction and possible retraumatization by military. Very hard to distinguish.”
So true. Their behaviour when they are sober will tell us if they are abusive due to their alcohol/drug addiction or to something else ( a Cluster B PD).
Dearest NarcAngel and K (and Indy)
Thank you ladies, extremely valid awarenesses you all bring to light
The weasel (mid ranger) played everyone for a fool and continues to do so
For someone who supposedly suffers PTSD he eats drinks and breathes military 24/7 (his house was full of memorabilia, his daughter couldn’t stand it )
I suggested to him all this “military” must be detrimental to his health if youre a PTSD sufferer ….,”naaaah, I’m fine” he says ( he was not on medication)
He bragged he went to see his psych every 3 months, to keep getting his “extra” pension I said to him “yeah, I bet you psych the psych”. …. he smirked
He bragged he once stayed in a mental clinic (more sympathy) and if I left him, he’d end up back there
Other old RSL members are on low medication act decently and very respectful (they all know he’s an obnoxious showoff knitwit, but no one would suspect him being a narc …. “awe, it’s his PTSD”) they all luv him
His essential game play is to get a “queens medal” and he’s been rubbing shoulders with the elite military in order to get one …..he’s deliberately retired from his voluntary duties which increases his chances enormously
Yes, he lies so much, he believes it (most of what he says, there’s a contradictory story told by others …. throw in some truth to make it all believable)!
He “hit” on all his ex partners girlfriends
He talked about his exes contantly
His voluntary work in schools kept him in constant fresh supply (he told me all the mum’s hit on him…. PTSD sympathy vote again)
Mr Bubbles and the weasel got on well because they were both in the same war zone country
Yes, people are increasingly using “mental health” as an excuse for bad behaviour and unfortunately they are getting away with it
Sadly, the weasel’s narcissism “outshone” his honourable service to his country ….. all his truths became questionable and I have suffered PTS (without the D 🤣 from knowing him)
We have surgically removed the “nar cyst” from our lives and making sure there is no regrowth
Luv the Bubble foxes🦊 🦊Xx
Bubbles
Ha! Just as I suspected, narcs will use PTS for fuel and residual benefits, if they get a check/extra pension for disability.
“if I left him, he’d end up back there”
He is playing on your empath trait of guilt and blame shifting at the same time.
1. His military service (big part of his facade, used to acquire the PA*)
2. His claims of those school mum’s hitting on him (fuel, lies, grandiosity)
3. Hitting on ex partners girlfriends (fuel, entitlement, lack of boundaries & accountability)
4. Talked about his exes constantly (fuel, triangulation)
5. Voluntary work at school (Dirty Angel, facade and fuel)
6. The Weasel & Mr. B got along (NISS, painted white and in seduction, fury is capped, fuel isn’t stale, facade & fuel, of course)
Since you have surgically removed the “nar cyst” make sure you get regular checkups on narcsite so you remain “nar cyst” free.
Thank you, Bubbles!
Love K xoxo
*Prime Aims
HG,
Something happened to my first comment. Sorry if it came through as a partial message.
Thankfully, a friend introduced me to HG’s work.
HG’s insight is unmatched. I tested my Narc a couple of times. Sure enough, the results were as expected.
I look forward to a consult with HG.
Thank you HG, from my heart to yours. Your time and work make a difference in the world.
You are welcome.
Don’t do that suicide thing , MB . …?
And ….I-am in and out of nursing homes everyday for work …. they are not that bad as you described . All the wonderful sweet friendly caregivers all over the place …I even buy wine for some of my friends in assisted living . There is even a place near where I live that has Nuns and is wonderful . Very efficient and clean. I m just saying …..maybe , meeting some more female empaths or fun souls are needed in your life !
I know I sure could use some fun . You have too much knowledge to share with grandchildren …
don’t leave this world …stay for them.
I think I was looking at some female u -tube videos . I know I ordered a book about angry men also and it helped how to talk with an angry man if he won’t change….I read and underlined. I also started watching as much as I thought was relevant on utube and the videos where always coming from the victim stand point … some were funny. I could not get a good grip on why this perspective ( or way of thinking ) was in some men and not others …..and I finally looked in my kindle app on my phone for other books….and there I found your books.
You turned up on my YouTube account I was already in a bad place and didn’t know how to cope I have read your emails or watched your videos on YouTube every day since and I have to admit my life has got easier with the knowledge you have empowered me with I really don’t mind that you are a narcissist what you do with it really does help thanks HG 🙏
Came across your work on Quora while I was pregnant with my child from the Narcissist. I was in a deep state of confusion. I did not understand what was happening, or what devaluation was. I have used a lot of your advice for high conflict court proceedings, during the malign hoovers, and anytime that i needed validation that I am not alone in this kind of situation. Your work is in it’s own catagory for Narcissist abuse recovery. I appreciate that you take the time for your readers, and that your material and consultations have been very reasonably priced. Heaven has a special place for Sociopaths like you who help people.
I found your site upon google research and some quora entries. I was lucky enough to have a sensible relationship counsellor who was able to cut to the quick of the matter and urged me to get more information about narcissistic abuse and manipulation and to enquire not only about my relationship with the MRN but also about painful experiences from my past and parental relationship. This is why and when I came to the blog.
HG
I was looking up crazy making unacceptable behaviour everywhere I could read.
I found this work.
I stopped searching everywhere else.
I had no need of anyone else.
I was completely validated and fulfilled answered accepted and understood.
I was listened to.
You listened.
And you spoke sensitively to me.
You supported me.
You gave me a place to let it all out so that I could let it all go.
And I did it.
Thank you HG.
Thank you forever. xxx
You are welcome
HG
👍x
I was looking for information on NPD on YouTube and came across your Out of the Box interview. I listened and thought “this guy is interesting. I am going to read his stuff”. So I bought three of your books, read them, loved them and then visited your blog.
You are the best (I know you already know that 😉)
I was obsessively searching certain behaviours after the savage discard… day after day …trying to understand what happened. I needed the answers and although the flames scared me at first once I started reading your work I realized that my search for the truth came to an end.
Btw , I finally found one thing you are not very good at Mr Tudor. Taking selfies that is.
Ha ha it’s a selfie actually but I’ve cropped it!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Hard to Believe…. a recent survey indicates that the smartphone is now the No 1 hand held device
The penis has slipped to 2nd place
🤣
How about a selfie of “your eyes only” as your profile piccie … open of course
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Ha ha.
Bubbles
You are delightfully naughty.
Interesting. Yesterday, the hand was wax.
While researching narcissism in general I found Sam Vaknin’s work, bless his heart, he does his best… but when I found Your work Sir everything became clear. Since then… ‘You came to me in a vision’ would be my daily answer. Ily.
I had just finished dinner with PC. During dinner, he was bashing Trump. After 30 minutes of listening to him to talk bad about Trump, I simply said: “What do you expect? He is a narcissist.” PC looked at me in a threatening manner and asked me:” Are you saying that I am a narcissist?” Surprised by that, I jumped back and said: “No. Not you. Trump.”
During the entire dinner, even before that comment, he was devaluing me. I didn’t understand what was going or why. Why is he doing that as if he is mad at me? Why do I feel like he hates me? I sat there grey stoning him without knowing what I was doing. I just did not show one emotion. Nothing. I was emotionally paralyzed by his coldness, malice. I also felt he fed off my emotional pain, I just did not understand why. I was not sure.
Dinner ended. His whole reaction was of someone who had being found out about, but yet I had no clue what I was dealing with. I got home and sitting in my bed I decided to do some research.
Why did he ask me if I had called him a narcissist? Why? That is so strange. No, he is not a narcissist. But… what is a narcissist FOR REAL? I am sick and tired of reading the medical definition. I want to know what they do, how they behave, what is it that makes them a narcissist. What is a narcissist? Am I a narcissist?
Internet itself was very restrictive in terms of providing information that I needed. In fact, I didn’t even know what to look for sure. I read article after article and nothing. I came across Vaknin, nah… didn’t like his style. Too technical, too textbook, too academic , too dense, even though he is not academic but I didn’t feel it. This isn’t it. I can’t read this guy. Moving on. How about youtube? Let’s see what people say about narcissists… OMG! I was stupefied by the amount of videos talking about narcissists… mostly from victims. Are they accurate? Is this it? Why am I not feeling it??? Nah, this is good but this isn’t it for me. I am not feeling it. Why am I not feeling it? I want someone real that I can relate too. I want intimacy of knowledge. These people are not giving me that. I want to talk to a narcissist! I want to feel it. I want to feel him. I want to sense him. Where can I find a narcissist that will talk to me????? As I scrolled down through the videos, I saw “An Interview with a Master Narcissist: HG Tudor. (Out of the Box).” Master narcissist. Those two words got me right in my stomach, like a punch. I felt my stomach crunching. I stared at HG’s name. My heart began beating faster. I am feeling it. Definitely. I am feeling him. I felt a sense of relief but I was also scared. I listened to the video. Carefully. Then I listened to the second video. Carefully. Then I came to the web site. I didn’t know what to read first. I spent four days immersed in this web site. When I was not reading it, I was listening to him on youtube. Day and night. I slept listening to his voice. I woke up listening to his voice, I ate my breakfast with my phone on his web site. I shopped listening to him. I worked out listening to him instead of music. I took shower listening to him. I was/am breathing HG day and night. ALL that I needed to know about PC is there in the web site and in the youtube videos. All of it. Then reading further on his testimonies, someone mentioned that their mother would lock them in the basement while she was cleaning the house. My grandmother! As I learned about the different types of narcissists, I learned what my grandmother was. I spent my entire life wondering what was wrong with her. Why was she always so negative? Jealous and envious of others? Why does she want to make me an extension of her? Why is she so sadistic? Why… why… why… millions of whys. Why is my mother crazy? Manipulative? Why does she use of emotional blackmail and shows no real emotion? Why is she so melodramatic? Why does she drink? Why…why…why… millions of whys. And my father. And my ex-husband….
Why have I dated/married narcissists my entire life? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so much? Why do I attract narcissistic people? Why… why… why… It never ends.
That is how I found you, HG. By searching relentlessly. It was the answer to a prayer, after some horrible premonition in the form of nightmares that I had prior of him disengaging. I needed to know the truth. I still need to know more. It was you who kept me sane when I was losing my mind. You filled up the emptiness in my life when he was gone. You kept him away from me by existing and speaking up. You keep him away from me by the knowledge that you give me and the respect that I have for your work and for you. You keep many others away because the gift that you have given all of us must be honored. You must be honored by the work that you do, even though it started against your will. And the only way to honor such precious gift is to make a good use of the knowledge you have shared with us by keeping no contact as you have taught us. By keeping our emotional thinking away from the equation, by coming here and trusting that we can speak our minds, by spreading the word to others who are suffering… and by allowing only one narcissist in our lives : YOU. No one else.
Life does work in mysterious ways. For all the crazy stuff that you have done to others, for those who you have hurt, there are many that you are helping. Rest assured that here or on the other side, you will always have my help. You alone unraveled my life.
Thank you for saving my sanity and possibly my life.
You are welcome
Hi KM
I did much the same as you. Like a grad immersion course by Professor Tudor. Day and night, everything I could read and it was so much different than all the other stuff I found online. All of a sudden things were making sense. I too, finally had a name for my crazy mother. Any yeah, I’m maintaining NC with narcex and will allow no other narc in my life. I’d rather be alone.
Hi wissh,
I had to do that. I needed to learn. There is a wealth of material here, no fluffy stuff, no useless technical jargon. This is as real as it gets, accurate as it gets, truth as it gets. This is really it. I felt as if HG had spend the last 06 years with me and PC. … and my whole life with my mom and grandma. It was shocking to see the similarities, the descriptions and explanations. if I had doubts that PC was a narcissist, after reading this blog, that was it. Then finding out what my grandmother was… I always said: I never met anyone like her. Never. That was like finding a golden mine because I spent my whole life trying to figure out what was so wrong with her. The things that she did, her reactions were completely out of the normal. But what is it? It was a mystery…. until I got here.
I don’t know. I just think that there is something really “wrong” with the system when all these doctors can’t just spit out the truth. Why do they have to embellish it? Why not say it? Why not explain how they will treat you, how do they act and react? And why? What does it mean narcissistic injury? Not the bs crap explanations. I want it raw, real. Not the baby talk…That is what makes me mad. Everyone knows what a schizophrenic does. Everyone can pinpoint a bipolar disorder. No one understands the type 2 personality disorders and I blame it in the medical community for not being educative to the public. I am a nurse. My unit is a neuro/psych unit. We are called the suicide unit in the hospital because all the psych patients come to us…. and the suicidals.
Two weeks ago, they had this one guy they couldn’t manage. Oh he is rude and extremely demanding. Oh he will scream and we had to call security 6 times because he got violent. Oh he wants to be the first one, if he calls, you better be there. He’s an ass hole.
Omg. Look at the symptoms. They were saying he was bipolar.
I went to the room to introduce myself. He didn’t say hello. He simply looked at my face and said: if you understand that I am your most important patient, that I come first always, we will have no problems.
BINGO!!!!!!!
I didn’t have one incident until he got discharged. One. He was dressed like crap but kept telling me he was a professional athlete with a clothing line.
Great! Whatever you say. Is there anything I can do for you? And I had the biggest smile and I was polite and calm. He loved it!
Narcissist in crises. Big time. Once I gave him what he needed ATTENTION and validation, the delusions stopped and he stopped demanding my presence by the second. He called Ms. K. The doctors were like… wow! How did you fix that?
I told the psychiatrist: you need to go to narcsite.com BIG time. You need to learn about narcissism (aka yourself) so you can handle these patients. Because as it is right now, you are lost. Your orders are not appropriate for the patient. I am not giving him any antipsychotics. He is not exactly psychotic. He is a narcissist.
Oh! Oh! You think so?
No idiot. I am sure so. Look at him waving at me all happy and nice.
Anyways, it makes me mad that we are in the stone ages of understanding narcissism, for our sake and the narcissist ‘s sake. Not that they special treatment. They need appropriate treatment. Because when they get sick, it is a whole different ball game…
Someone said HG is beginning a change… I do hope so and whatever depends on me, I will be sending people here. They need to understand what they are dealing with.
When I found out my ex husband was a narcissist, I thought I understood that to mean he thought very highly of himself which he exhibited. I didn’t think there was more to research. The next relationship is where I realized I was wrong. Although I thought he was an amazing man, something was off of which I could not understand. I decided to research and found “Machiavelli” personality (he is not that). In my research on that personality, I found that narcissism is part of a dark triad. Of what my understanding of what “narcissism” was it didn’t match how that could be, so I decided to research it just to see why the “experts” classified it that way. I watched a lot of YouTube videos by different people. One day an HG video popped up for recommendation. I clicked on it expecting similar to what I already heard and, instead, my understanding and life has changed.
I was searching on youtube about the topic in my native language when youtube suggested your videos. What a great idea, I’ve been your faithful reader since then… 🙂
Well…. it was like this you see…. I was looking up: “complete and utter bastards” and there you popped up! Hahaha!
No seriously, I was looking up about “silent treatments and ghosting”, and I didn’t realise it was a narc thing…and then watched some YouTube videos and then yours came up as a suggestion underneath. But you seem to have a lot of competition out there. Many are discussing the subject of narcissism. Yours was not first YouTube video I came across discussing it. But I will say that yours was the first that made complete sense and hit the nail on the head so to speak. And your voice intrigued me too as you sound remarkably similar to the narc friend I was trying to find out about.
I was also searching for the behaviours, I couldn’t explain.
I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn’t understand. I searched for certain behaviours of the ex-narc.
Maybe also how I felt, not sure anymore.
But I certainly searched through symptoms, behaviours, relationship patterns, ….
I had no idea what narcissism was before that, or had the common wrong idea.
I think I searched a lot about “abuse”, about abusive words, psychological violence, violence through words, emotional violence.
Read about personalites, personality disorders, mental illnesses, and so on.
Then found something on “malign narcissism”.
So, eventually I found “malign narc” 😉 and so here I am.
As you know already, absolutely no other source of information hit the nail on the head (or however you say in English), … Vaknin was very close to what I had experienced, but nobody else said how it really was.
And no other place understood ever how I felt and feel.
False friends, or simply non-understanding people have tried to tell me, I had projected everything on the ex-narc, … I had read about narcissism and then thought that everybody else must be like it, when I had problems. No, it was the other way round, I had the behaviours of the ex-narc first, I had recognized his patterns, his verbal violence and emotional cruelness, my own PTSD, …. Narcissism was the explanation for everything I had been through, not the other way round.
I just felt here on this blog, that this is the first time, that there was an explanation for everything. The roller coaster ride, the ice cold cruelness, the no-empathy, the going in circles, the put-downs, the being thrown away into the mud, etc. etc. etc. combined with the charme and everything else.
I was researching cults actually to try to figure out if I was in one. I came across your site via that research. Which isn’t really a far stretch as I am sure you would agree HG that most cult leaders are narcissists (some better than others.)
I agree too with the other person who said that I doubted some of what you said until it all kept coming true sadly.
Your work has been the one thing that keeps me fighting to get free. Otherwise I would honestly probably go right back to thinking he is a good person.
I found you from reading Sam’s site and then his YouTube lead me to you. I had been googling behaviors and started finding out about narcissism. I do like Sam and appreciate his load of info, but your YouTube’s kept me watching well into the night as they rolled one after the other. I really appreciate that you are present and allow us to talk and ask you questions. Yours is therapy.
Came across your site when searching for answers about serial cheaters and married men who cheat. Eyes wide shut before but after reading all your articles, definitely wide open now. So grateful to have found narcsite.
I was introduced to your ‘work’ a long time ago. Way way back when creation was trying to be born and you came along and fucked it all up and continue to do so. It is lovely that now you have your ‘voice’ and we can locate you, you smarty pants unloving essence propelled by denial and will always be propelled by denial. I like your ‘honesty’/self aggrandizement, it so cute, This incarnation of word slurry and ‘confidence’ Your entitlement is adorable. I like your Super Hero cloak of ‘politeness’. I can see what is under it. Good for you for letting people see your sort of ‘true self’ Thank you for this forum to communicate.
I thought the man I was involved with had some personality defect and at first researched personality disorders and autism. Further research led me to narcissism and he hit every bullet point. Tripping the light fantastic through the myriads of sites on narcissism, I found yours, HG and I never needed to look any further. Prior to this, I had consulted a therapist to assist me through my obsessiveness and crying episodes, but she was very little help. Once I latched on to your site, ALL the articles made sense. Every video or email consultation with you gave me more pieces to a very disturbing puzzle.Even when I doubted your synopsis of events, time proved you right every time. I was gobsmacked at how accurate you were. Suffice to say you saved a very troubled woman from suicidal thoughts. I thought I was going mad as I waded through the cesspool my MLV narc constructed for me. I, for one, owe you a great debt. I share your site liberally with others. I don’t comment very much anymore, but I do read and digest as I try to loosen the tendrils and achieve total No Contact. You deserve an award and recognition for the work you do and the insights you provide for escape. Thank you, HG.
You are welcome.
I was searching behaviors, I had been around this man for 40 years, I couldn’t seem to get rid of him, and he wouldn’t leave me, he wouldn’t leave me alone. At one point I was SURE he was a psychopath, but then psychopaths don’t “love” you to death, do they? There was always some excuse, explanation, or someone else to blame.
Then when he died, so much more of his acts and behaviors were exposed. AND his other victims started to harass ME! I was so cruel to him, I made him sick, I killed him, just like he told them I was trying to do. What a shock, to be described in this way, accused of so many things I would NEVER do.
And then there were the children. Mr ‘any man who would be unfaithful is a low down scumbag’ and ‘I hate children, and never wanted any’ is the biggest scumbag, dropping “bastards” anywhere he can plant them.
His poor daughter, thinking she is contacting her dads way long gone former partner, and thinking I knew of her and would welcome her with open loving arms gets quite a shock herself. When I asked how she knew him, who she was, I was quite surprised to find myself panicking, and terrorized at her answer, HE WAS ALREADY DEAD!
I was searching BOTH of our behaviors when I found you, HG.
“You came to me in a vision” I wish!!! Haha, I probably wouldn’t have been able to believe that vision anyway, I had been so well trained to discount my own thoughts, opinions, and actions.
I wish you were around when I escaped the last time. I would have never been convinced that he was just sick, and I was just cruel to leave him when he was sick and needed me the most! (－‸ლ)
BTW, is that your hand in the new gravatar? I noticed there’s even blonde hair on the arm which would match your coloring.
Finding the Great H.G. Tudor. What a fateful day that turned out to be, since it was your very first day on 8/31/15. No YouTube videos, no interviews, no Twitter, no Instagram, no consults, no referrals yet.
I was going into year 3 with JN and in July 2015 he had pulled his most hurtful stunt that left me broken and almost despondent. Leading up to that in May 2015 I had read an article in Psychology Today on 12 Signs to Spot a Misogynist and I recognized 11 of the 12 items I dealt with in scenarios with him. That started to alert me that JN’s behaviors were way more intentionally manipulative but I was definitely seeped in a fog with high addiction to the relationship and total relief when I would hear from him following a silent treatment so I didn’t know how to even begin to connect those dots. I was running on total emotion with extreme highs and extreme lows.
After the incident in July, I started researching more on misogyny which lead to narcissism. First, I discovered Melanie Tonia Evans and that was very helpful although completely focused on the experience of the victim and her healing process for them from that perspective. It was there I actually learned how deep the addiction with these relationships gets retained into the actual cellular level of our bodies and are completely energy driven. On the other hand, I already knew how crappy I was feeling, so I was still restless to learn more. I started spending a little of my work day each day doing general research on narcissism to learn about it and how it connects to misogyny. Looking back, I honestly have no clue how my Google search that day lead me to WordPress and reading your first blog. I never even knew WordPress existed. I never followed any other bloggers or even know any other bloggers in my real life. I just remember this alien creature called Malignant Narcissist, pitching a book called “Evil” and having such an arrogant yet totally satisfied with himself demeanor…the oozing smugness alone had my instant attention and forced me to clear my head and listen to the other “world view” presented to me. I just knew I wanted to hear everything he had to say for however long this gig may last. I remember distinctly thinking that. Like how long is someone touting how evil and manipulative he is really going to be around? haha
It took me a while to get the courage to actually start writing in questions to HG on the blog. Maybe about a month in? I was very leery about staying anonymous and he had no real identity except this alien creature known as “Malignant Narcissist”. I really have to chalk up my finding HG to fate. No other search I have ever done has ever taken me to WordPress. It’s always had me feeling a definite gravitational pull to staying here and wanting to see what lies in store for HG with his therapy. Where all of this will take him. (And most importantly, how long can this gig really last? – just kidding. Obviously, he very much has staying power). There are so many avenues in which to find him now, so I was pretty lucky how he just landed on my computer screen randomly one day. I still feel lucky to have found him and know him.
Hi Clarence,
“the oozing smugness…”
Ha ha!
It’s true. That was palpable from the moment I walked through the flaming portal.
I want to mention that once I was getting the truth and intellectual satisfaction from HG’s articles, the added dimension of narcsite was you and the other contributers sharing their lives and experience, and so I felt “at last, here are my people. Here are people who understand me.”
I felt I could breathe.
The community and support here has been priceless. Furthermore I felt I could offer some few words of support to others even though my heart was shattered, and that was,….I don’t have words to describe it. They would be good words if I had them.
Caroline
Walked through the flaming portal made me laugh. I’m glad you chose to interact even if you were unsure what to say. Everyone has something to offer and I know that there are those on the periphery who wonder what to offer. Start with hello. We’d love to meet you.
You have had a very compassionate, sweet and funny presence on here for everyone. Thank you for your kind words.
Hi, Clarece… I enjoyed your recount of the early days. So cool that you connected from the get-go! I can imagine how you felt. Literally, I can. 😄
I too believe in fate… so glad that you are here!
And ditto to what Caroline R. stated. I “feel” what she expressed. When I think back to my first discovery, I can still feel my pounding heart whenever I realized that I landed somewhere to truly learn… to be heard and understood.
Much gratitude to for this site… 😚 ❤
* I was trying to say “Much gratitude TO HG AND for this site.”
Still, you got it. We’re all thankful. ❤
Hi BKK! Thank you for your comments on my walk down memory lane finding HG. We all had that lightning bolt moment whatever was each of our first articles reading HG and getting struck by something so different making so much sense to our situations. Finally. It does create a nice haven for us here to share with each other and with HG.
Hi HG,
Not sure if my comment went through or not. If this is a duplicate, just delete one.
I found out about you through my counseling supervisor while I was in training as a DBT therapist. I went to her about my now ex and said that I think he is a narcissist, though very confused as he had self deprecating humor, which threw me off. The gaslighting was making me crazy and I was so anxious. She said she was reading this book called Evil and suggested I read it too given my experiences with the ex and to increase my knowledge on NPD and ASPD as a therapist.
Definitely a great referral. You have taught me so much, HG, and continue to do so.
Thank you Indy, good to see you popping back in, look forward to hearing that laugh in the future some time!
**laughs**
I was researching about behaviours, found an article about “sexual narcissism” at Psychology Magazine, and I think it was through Quora via Youtube that I ended up here. And, to be honest, I didn’t know where to start reading as it’s all very overwhelming. This research started in March, and I can’t believe I still need to come back here every now and then to remind myself of what I was dealing with. Like an addict that needs to keep going to NA meetings. There are still moments when I miss hearing from the narcissist, even though I have all the information, and even though I’ve literally read the same experiences I had in the comments and in your books. (meaning it wasn’t special at all)
So, although this is not my happy place, it is a good place.
In the effort to find relief from suffering and painful sadness while in a relationship, I was “surfing” YouTube. Up popped your video Unhappy Birthday. As I listened to your deep, calming voice HG I was mesmerized, and the message of the video portrayed exactly what I was going through! I started watching one right after the other. I began to feel validated and profoundly relieved! Even my therapist could not understand or help me the way you did. Thank you, HG, from my heart. I think YouTube videos by you are the best for healing and insight.
Thank you JA.
I thought I had seen everything but it was all too generic so I wasn’t convinced MMRN was a narc.
Then, during the only silent treatment I ever got (almost exactly 8 months ago), which was post escape when we were trying to be ‘friends,’ I searched ‘why won’t he answer my messages?’ and landed on – lo and behold – ‘why won’t he answer my text messages – Part 2.’ Ha. Mind blown.
HG, you are a miracle worker.
Thank you.
(scene: Caroline googling.
Sound of fingers on keyboard. Deep ox blood colour nail polish on said fingers.
Fresh pot of tea sits on table at right, to soothe her trampled feelings)
Hmm, what if I try “why doesn’t my boyfriend give me eye contact?”…….ok… let’s try ….”Why won’t he kiss me or look at me?”… “WTF!… “Witholding affection”…That’s an actual thing?!… that’s abusive? …WTF.!…….That’s deliberate?… it’s called ‘ Silent Treatment’……… It’s nasty and damaging? ….. that’s true…..hmm..’.Making scoffing noises while I’m trying to talk to him is the number one predictor of divorce’?….’I can’t make any difference because it’s deeply disrespectful’?…. it’s emotional abuse?!. …. it’s domestic violence?!……no wonder it’s made me feel sad and confused and crushed…I should just leave?….Really?….I don’t feel loved or listened to or safe…. what’s this?…”is it a silent treatment or a discard?…narcsite, ………”knowing the Narcissist”…hmmmm,…who IS this guy?…why are there flames?….scary……hmm….. so it’s deliberate…. it’s all done to control me?!…he knows it hurts me?!….he doesn’t care?!……..WTF!….but that’s what my sister does too!….hmm, “a Narcissist”, ……..ok, makes sense…….. that’s well written actually………. let’s see what else there is…………..WTF! “It’s too late!”…”it’s all fake!”……(sound of penny dropping loudly)
Thank you HG.
(I hope you enjoyed my recreation of my first day at HGU).
Indeed, I found it interesting.
Surely some of your exes would have found their way here too HG? Googling and trying to read through tear-filled eyes? Apropos of ‘Promiscuous Boy’.
Maybe. If they have, they have never commented.
You sound like me…. what does it mean when he disappears, doesn’t talk to me or answer messages…. silent treatment. Silent treatment???? Wtf? And it is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse!?? Wow.
Kathy Mor
Thanks. I feel the dismay from your writing too.
When I first read the term ‘Intimate Partner Violence’, I felt stunned.
Those three words don’t belong together.
It seems that it should be an oxymoron. Impossible.
I also felt stunned that it had been happening to me. For a long time.
I was google searching narcissists and yours was the first site listed and the only I have ever visited. When you find the best on the first try, no need to keep searching.
Fucking A, PH!
HG, first if I may ask, is the man holding the phone in your gravatar actually YOU? Is that your hand? Just had to ask.
As for this poll, I was researching Narcissism online and came across this site. It happened at a time when I was trying to understand my online narc’s twisted behaviors and comments. HG’s writing and readers’ comments helped solidify the decision to end that relationship and helped me understand the feelings of addiction and attachment I was experiencing and to know that it would eventually subside with No Contact. Thank you!
You are welcome and yes, that is me.
Thank you for confirming. So very nice to see you, HG!
Internet search for deeper understanding and self defense against a situation and a life no one could understand. HG is now my instructor of the Dark Arts
There is an energy shift. A buzzing excitement in the ethers. Something big is on the horizon. Can y’all feel it too?
Yes, I felt something different is coming from his Instagram videos last week although my initial hunch was off, but definitely with the visual gravatar now… for sure!
Instagram videos? What’s this? Am I missing anything Clarece?
Do you follow HG on Insta? There were 4 new videos last week for the first time since March of this year. One showing a globe with a focus on Australia; the next showing a control board with a mission control theme; a promo for Narc Tales and the last one is a Latin quote that translates along the lines of “If I cannot bend the heavens, then I shall move the powers of hell.”
I thought maybe the Grand Design was about to erupt but it’s not that. lol
Clarece, no I don’t have Instagram anymore. I shut down all my social media once I “met” HG. This is the only place I interact online.
I have been looking everyday for new YT videos though. 🤞
Looks like you’re going to have to make an “MB” account for Instagram…lol
YouTube is the only platform I never go to for narcsite material.
Clarece, you don’t listen to the videos on YT?!?
Never
I’m floored Clarece! How do you live without hearing the voice?
The videos are my favorite HG engagement (other than Skype consultation of course)
But I have heard the voice, during my consults for my situation, MB. No need to hear what the masses are hearing on the YouTube platform. It’s just personal preference.
I rarely listen to him either, MB, mostly because I prefer to read things at my own pace. I don’t watch video news stories and the like either.
I can’t relate to depression or to suicidal thoughts so I don’t really know what to say, but glad you and Windstorm are here!!
I guess I am lucky to be only a touch hypomanic. I have euphoric spells and can be pretty irritable/obnoxious when I am a tad manic (not as manic as a bipolar person) but otherwise just some anxiety. Of course MRN had this uncanny way of making it all much worse. He didn’t know it but I was constantly pill popping because of him. I think we must all end up on some kind of meds!!
Clarece
Why no YouTube videos? Even I do that on occasion, although it burns up a lot of my internet on my phone.
Hi WS! Just my personal preference on reading HG’s articles vs. YouTube videos. I like reading and absorbing the material at my pace.
Clarece
I always read the articles first. I’m very visual and can’t really absorb anything I just hear. But sometimes it’s nice to hear him read them, too. Although I personally prefer his regular speaking voice to his narrator voice. It has more timber and life in it. So my favorites to listen to are one on one interviews he does with someone.
Timber! Are you saying I am wooden WS!!
(I know you mean timbre)
I’m blaming autocorrect! It has a real bias against seldom used words.
HG
Maybe not wooden but at least a little knotty.
I think exactly like you on this one, WS.
I never knew there was an Instagram page. Pretty cool!!
HG
The only thing I see on Follow me on: is Twitter.
Why are the other media sites not posted? Shouldn’t there be all of the links? Or is it elsewhere that I am not seeing?
FB does not need to be added as the articles appear there as they do on the blog and the blog is where comments are addressed. I will add Instagram and YouTube as there is a difference with regard to content on Instagram and YouTube a difference with regard to delivery.
NA, the only way I found it is through the instagram search bar but you have to search HG Tudor. It did not come up when I searched narcsite. Maybe HG has been holding out on us! Lol.
And I want to know who the woman is that says ‘HG Tudor books are the only books to read’ 😉
Pale Horse
Change your name to Hunglikea Horse and see how fast you get her attention.
NA, I thought that was a given! Lol
Hungl… er Pale Horse
You’re a good sport.
I try to be NA. These days it is a little easier to be somewhat humorous.
If it looks like a horse and it walks like a horse…it’s hung like a horse! Be careful though, the librarian said it can be dangerous to engage in sexual relations with equine.
MB
Umm….your avatar looks like a horse….
You are correct NA. She is a voluptuous unicorn. The dirty empath of the equine family, taking even the tamest of horses on a magical journey to the land of fantasy.
NarcAngel
Ha ha ha…if we ever had the opportunity to work in an office together, I would want my desk to be near yours.
MB
better to be the penetrator than the penetratee.
Haha.
And illegal!
Well, there is that. The guy that tried it was killed though so justice was served. That was an interesting thread. I was alluding to that. Ha ha. I don’t condone sexual relations with animals.
I know you don’t. Lol
Me too W.S.
I have to ration my YouTube video-watching. I could have them on autoplay 24/7. There’s an endless amount of great content. I have fallen asleep on a couple of nights listening to interesting things, HG’s reading was one of those.
“Something big is on the horizon. Can y’all feel it too?”
Nope. But I would love to . In my mouth to start with.
ABW, 😳 I guess I did leave the door open on that comment. You must be ovulating ha ha
My virgin ears!!
Haha. Naughty bird!
You are, on a deep level, giving us “hope” in this article of some golden nugget of truth or further information that will help all of this make sense. In reality it doesn’t make sense. “Letting go” control of that is important for your readers to understand. That’s the key to healing.
I can feel you need to make change in the world and I’m all for it. I have no problem giving you the credit for making the masses aware. I do my best to make people understand but it’s like going to war everyday.
I was reading about narcissism in Quora and a commenter recommended your blog. I’m thankful for finding it. Your work has helped me understand so much about my family and myself. There’s no other place where I can find the answers that gave me closure about my mom and other people’s behavior. Thank you for helping me.
You are welcome.
I came here by way of Quora as well.
I clicked on a relationship meme on FB to read the comments. Narcissism was being talked about and one of your readers said to come to this site. I wish I knew who it was because it’s the best thing I did for myself.
Thank you.
I got a little giddy seeing the hand.
Mercy, “I got a little giddy seeing the hand.” I’m glad I’m not the only one! I feel a crescendo building.
MB
Ramp it down girl. He doesn’t do dick picks lol.
NA, “dick picks” EWWWWW. No thanks! Complete turn off. (As if I’ve ever gotten one. Ha ha)
Now, I did accidentally get one not meant for me. Note to self: Family sharing on iTunes isn’t a good thing when you have teenage boys! I never wished for the power of unseeing so much!
NA, I’ll admit I zoomed in with a flash of hope.
I know, Mercy & MB! There is much mystery here, that I always did say that if I could just see a hand… I would be able to tell so much about someone.
Let me try.
Based on the adequate size of this hand, I’m guessing 6 ft… but there’s a range I have in mind… probably not much taller than 6′ 2 but stands at least 5′ 10″ (roughly 178 cm to 188 cm for those utilizing a more modern measuring system. ☺)
While I see a desirable amount of ruggedness/manliness, this is definitely the hand of a professional… ahhh, but one who is not afraid to get his hands dirty.
This hand represents cleanliness and likes to stay well-groomed… might even partake in a professional manicure from time-to-time. If it’s weekly, it’s only to obtain fuel from the manicurist.
This particular hand has some finesse. While I know that he is not, this hand could belong to a surgeon. So I sense a definite skill-oriented hand… one that can easily catch a ball as well as work on items with intricate details, such as construct a model airplane, play an instrument or even partake in something more artistic.
I do have concerns, however, observing the knuckles on the 2nd and 3rd digits.. that arthritis could be a problem, either now or in the future. But at our age, a touch of osteoarthritis is to be expected. (I’ll pray that no rheumatoid or such is a factor. And for the record, the larger knuckles look good. 👌)
Having said that, circulation appears adequate, but I would love to know if this hand is cold to the touch? Nah… something tells me it feels warm. 🔥
Fortunately, this hand is aging well and appears to be strong with a grip that is capable of tasks I’d rather not explore. (Shhhh…. at least not out loud.)
In conclusion, this is a nice hand. Based on the limited glance of the neck, I’d say that this hand belongs to an owner with an athletic build, well-fit to say the least. The masculine neck and clean-shaven jaw, along with the dark pullover, hint at a classic sense in fashion/style.
Also, that hand screams, “I am capable of multi-tasking.” I give it a solid 8 1/2 … maybe 9.
(Still need to see the thumb.)
Re: play an instrument or even partake in something more artistic.
He did mention playing the willy banjo with this hand.
Abrokenwing
Haha. I bet he was a real maestro.
That was funny NA… even though we all know that he likely does. 🍆
BKK
Ha ha!
When I saw that hand I thought “that’s a man who has the means to outsource where he can, and will wear gloves for the rest”. Ha ha!
I didn’t know, Abrokenwing… the banjo? Why he’d fit right in my neck of the woods! Oh… the WILLY bango. 😮Hmmm.
He’d still fit right in with the folks around here, although I’m sure that he has plenty of help handling his willy.
I definitely don’t think those hands have played the washboard though, so I agree with you, Caroline R! He probably keeps white museum gloves tucked everywhere… a pair in the glove compartment, briefcase, under the mattress… maybe even in the knife drawer.
Still, I get a feeling he’s not afraid to get his paws dirty… though he obviously takes good care of them.
I couldn’t ascertain if the shirt was a buttoned down dress shirt or a polo? But when others were talking about the blonde arm hair, I thought… he probably snapped that selfie in his slippers… with about four little cotton-tops crawling beneath his feet as his wife of 30 years prepared dinner… all the while cropping out his smirky smile because he has fooled all of us on his true demeanor.
Nah… it was probably just a leftover pic for an IPSS.
Slippers? To the step with you!
Ah, come on HG. I feel like I just got off the naughty stool. 🙈
Please don’t send me back. Allow me to make it up to you.
I can make you feel good.
I’ll rub some Aspercreme on your knuckles.
See, I care about you… your hands and your slipper-free feet. 💖👣
It was actually a very specific thing narcex said to me on the phone one evening that lit the lightbulb and sent me searching. I found an interview you did on YouTube after which I googled you, found knowing the narcissist on Facebook and the link to your blog. I have been mesmerized ever since and I’m looking forward to Creature and other works as I still have a question or three. Thanks HG, my disengagement would have been so much more difficult without you.
You are welcome.
A forum member mentioned your name and recommended your books in an online community.
Ok, I couldn’t resist it – I chose “you came to me in a vision.” While that’s not entirely accurate, I do feel I ended up here as an answer to prayer. I had been told my Moron in Munich was a narc by my counselor. This was hard for me to believe since he was so different from the obvious narcs I was used to (I didn’t recognize midrangers as narcs, just thought they were jerks). I prayed for information that would allow me to make a definitive diagnosis.
I was looking online for info about narcs and not having much luck when I saw a reference to you and your blog on Lucky Otter’s site. Once here, your descriptions of midrange narcs were so detailed, I had no trouble identifying him. I also could then identify other quiet people, who were generally thought to be very good and upstanding (by those who didn’t live with them), such as my mother.
WS, there are no coincidences! HGs work fell in my lap. I wasn’t even looking at the time. (I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be on my death bed and still not have the answers to the mystery.) It’s not mysterious at all now! HG lifted my Narc’s shroud of secrecy and mysteriousness forever.
MB
Reading other people’s comments brings home how fortunate I was. I was doing my narc research in October of 2015. Other than that one reference of one blogger telling how she’d happened on this new blog by a narcissist, there was no other mention of HG that I found online.
Now there’s HG stuff everywhere and lots of mentions of his blog, books and videos. That’s really great for everybody, but it does make me realize how lucky I was to find the blog back then so soon after he’d started.
Yes WS, I did suffer. I almost offed myself spring of ‘14. I took plenty of pills with me on a solo business trip. It also concerned me that my husband would have to be troubled with the complications of me dying in another state which would be bad enough even if not grieving. I just couldn’t do that to him.
MB
I understand. I’ve been suicidal since I was 12. I don’t know how many times family concerns have been what held me back. Right now it’s my daughter being pregnant. She miscarried when Pretzel’s heart stopped and he had to have the quintuple bypass a few years ago. No way I’m deliberately risking a granddaughter!
I wouldn’t take the pill route, though. My plan (if necessary) is my .45 revolver. My oldest (a narc) was cracking jokes about would I choose a nursing home or being chained in his sister’s basement when I could no longer take care of myself. When I said, neither, he told me to be sure to let them know first if I went with suicide, so I wouldn’t just lay up here and rot.
I rattled off my detailed plans for suicide, if I feel it’s necessary. Made him give me a double-take! I’ve got it all planned out including prepaid/ prearranged funeral arrangements, but hopefully won’t be needed. My prayers are for a massive coronary while I’m alone, but not till after this next baby!
WS, it breaks my heart to hear that you are always suicidal. I take maintenance medications daily for mine. I take it religiously like my blood pressure medicine. In fact, it’s more important for my survival.
I don’t have the guts to use a gun, plus I don’t want to leave anybody with a grisly scene imprinted in their mind, much less to have to clean up. As ever, I don’t want to be a bother and put anybody out.
MB
I am not always suicidal. It comes in spells. I am allergic and have very bad reactions to many medications my doctor has tried over the years. I just gave up on them.
I don’t want to leave a mess either. I have a well-thought out procedure to contain everything. I agree about the cleanup. I was shocked at the mess and destruction my father’s suicide caused. I’d do it outside on a blanket with my head wrapped in a towel. Can’t spare the emergency people and the coroner, but they’re used to it.
I don’t have the guts to NOT use a gun. My horror would be that it was unsuccessful and people found out and then I was put in a mental ward with no freedom.
That’s my greatest fear – no freedom. I’m 95% positive that when I can no longer care for myself, I’d eventually end up in a nursing home. I’ve seen enough of nursing homes to know that there is no freedom, no choice, no privacy and no sitting outside in nature there. Now that I finally have my freedom and solitude, i can’t bear the thought of surrendering it permanently. But let’s think positive – massive coronary! I’m doing my best to make it so! 😄
I’m with ya WS! Bring on the buffalo wings and blue cheese. (And a lot of good beer to wash it down) Massive coronary here we come!
As long as there are wings and beer, I am all in!
PH, Trivia time! Drums or flats? Favorite beer?
Definitely drums. Any IPA.
We will get along just fine then Doc! I like the flats best and you can drink the hoppy IPA. I like a smooth lager. There’s a brewery near here that makes the BEST!
Of course we will get along well. We always have. What is your favorite lager?
Windstorm
Well if you insist on massive coronary, let it be while you are driving PM&M somewhere and let your last word be: Piano
Too dark?
NarcAngel
I wouldn’t want to take him with me. He values his life way too much. But thanks for the laugh
Ha ha ha….that was awesome! Thanks for the laugh NarcAngel.
I love dark humor BTW.
Put those thoughts to bed Windstorm. Many years you have yet to do those things you are now free to enjoy. Besides-your achilles is that you can’t hurt people and it would hurt us if you left here. So there. Thats settled.
WS, I’m with NA. Narcsite wouldn’t be the same without you. I know we don’t have the same pull as a grand baby, but we love you too! I do get what you mean about not being able to take care of yourself. I don’t want anybody changing my diapers. No thank you! Euthanize me, please!
MB
❤️
WS
Yeah, listen to NarcAngel. I would miss you and your words of wisdom! You are here to help people through their journeys. Because of you, I stopped giving my neighbors the middle finger every morning (my MMRN’s IPPS lives next door).
K
That made me laugh! Not giving your neighbors the finger benefits you in many ways, including confusing them!
WS
After reading your comments, I felt peaceful. I started thinking of them as WS’s Words of Wisdom and your comments really helped me get through my Cranky Phase.
Thank you.
K
That’s very sweet. I’m glad my comments have been beneficial.
To Windstorm and MB,
I am so glad you are here and survived SI. You are not alone. I know this shadow well myself, having had this “companion” in my brain since childhood with major depressive disorder. It becomes a voice that you sometimes ignore and sometimes it is so loud, though you learn to live with it the best you know how. It least for me that is how it has become. There is no shame in needing medication, as it saved my life and I have to be on it. Thinking of my son helped too. The brain does tricks though, so I have to be vigilant. I know my limits and red flags and when I need to return to a doc for treatment. I started learning DBT to be a therapist years ago and oddly enough, it helped me get out of frequent SI. It still pops up now and then, though I can deal with it better now. I describe it as the “weird relative” and sometimes even acknowledge it and what it has to teach me. Odd and corny sounding, I know. The pain is hard though the fear of having those thoughts I found is even worse.
You have come this far for a reason. Strong women. Survivors. Interestingly, the most interesting and beautiful people I have known are those survivors. Sending you warm loving vibes.
Thank you Indy! It feels so good to be in a place where people “get” me. I’ve never had this before. I appreciate the vibes too!
Thank you, Indy ❤️
Windstorm & MB, your comments make me so sad. I wish you both could see how valuable you are. You have impacted my life just through the short conversations on here. I can only imagine how very valuable you are to those that love you.
Windstorm, your granddaughter needs your wisdom. You have so much to offer her. Grandchildren are our 2nd chance to do things the way we wanted with our children.
♥️ To both of you
Thank you, Mercy ❤️
Windstorm, when I first searched narcissism I couldn’t find HG either. I found him from a comment on FB. I went to his site and read all night. A few days later I wanted to read more but couldn’t remember the name of the site. I googled every which way I could think with no luck. I ended up doing back to FB and searched for the comment I originally seen. I want to say it was late 2015 too.
(((Mb)))…im glad you got thru that and are ok
Thank you Chihuahuamum ❤️
MB & WS – two bright, vivacious and kind women… so glad that you both made it through to provide the world with more of what it desperately needs. ❤
BurntKrispyKeen
❤️
Thank you BKK. That is very sweet of you to say. That wasn’t the only time I’ve considered that as an option, but it was the most serious and he WAS NOT worth it! I didn’t want to die really. I just didn’t want it to hurt anymore.
Nice to see you BKK. Hope all is well with you.
Hello, NarcAngel… I missed your humor, so I HAD to return!
I was just taking some time to work on me… realized I need HG’s help in tackling THAT project. So I scheduled a little talk. I popped in here to take a look and right before my eyes, I saw his guiding hand.
He literally pulls ya back in.
There’s no escape.
BKK
I think its good to take breaks and have thought about it myself. I am glad to hear you were guided back when you felt you wanted some reinforcement. Here you get a guiding hand and not a crushing fist. I have missed your humour as well.
Thank you, NA. ❤
And so true! Yet, it’s still ironic to me that “here” feels like – not only a place of profound knowledge, but a place of genuine concern and warmth… still cozy even after HG removed the heat from those intense flames.
I noticed though… he still hasn’t taken me up on my suggestion to surround his logo with butterflies. Oh, well. Something tells me that he “feels” butterflies every once in a while, so that’s all that matters. 😊
BKK, narcissists do experience anticipation which I was surprised to learn here. I don’t think it’s manifests as “butterflies” though. HG, have you experienced that feeling in your tummy?
That’s wind
Ha ha. Sounds like fun fuel for all Friday! 🎉
WAS
“Just thought they were jerks”
Ha ha!
They ARE jerks!
Sorry,
I typed WS, not WAS. Autocorrect can be so annoying.
I was researching about relationships and then NPD came up which led me to you. Thank you so much 12 weeks free after a six-year ordeal
Well done and you are welcome.
I ended up on Youtube and found:
1. Kim Wilson (she was funny; romantic dynamic)
2. Scott Bassett (I thought he was good; family dynamic)
3. Sam Vaknin (Greater Cerebral; things are starting to make sense)
4. HG Tudor (Greater Elite; Pay dirt! Narcsite is the Holy Grail/Rosetta Stone of narcissism.
I chose referred by a friend but it was actually someone on a narc support forum that brought your books up. I then looked on utube and came across an interview you did i think with out of the box. I remember being very angry listening to your interview and posting some angry comments. Looking back i realise i was angry bc of seeing so much of what i was experiencing in that interview. It was like i was lashing out at the narcissists in my life. I then went on to come across your articles and the blog and its really opened my eyes up to so much. Thru your works ive gained a certain amount of freedom emotionally and at the same time been able to forgive to some extent thru understanding. Instead of hating my mother and feeling sorry for myself i understand her personality and its origins and am not taking it as personally. Its empowered me. Im no longer wallowing in victim mode and its lifted me out of despair and sadness and made me more a third person in observation mode. Understanding is the key to the lock that binds us in narcissism and your works HG are that key!! Ty isnt a strong enough word!
Chichimum
Always nice to hear from you. I think your journey is typical of many over time (the progression from anger on to understanding etc). I’m glad to hear that you feel some freedom and empowerment now. Your posts have given me much to think about in my time here. You have helped me to understand better some things by being open about your situation and your feelings about it. I want to thank you for that.
NA
NA, I am so glad you posted your comment, as I have found your input very helpful. I even printed off your post about no one being special to a narc. Thank you for your posts.
Geyserempath
Thank you. I appreciate your contributions and our interactions over time as well.
I was given an article to read about abusive relationships. There was a link to Why Does He Blow Hot and Cold. I clicked on it, was mesmerized, could not stop reading, went on to Parts II and III. It was the truth of my relationship. Finally. The truth about what was going on. That was June 2, 2017. Later that day, I discarded my psychopath. This opened the door to educating myself about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. Thank you HG, for I believe you saved my life.
Peaceful.
You are welcome.
I read on FB an article titled “22 stages of a relationship between a narcissist and an empath.” As they say in the spiritual world I had a tower moment on steroids. I googled empath/narcissist and found you HG. I would have wandered in circles forever if not for the logic. I will be forever grateful.
You are welcome.
I was out to dinner with my mother one evening and she told me about a book that she was reading called ‘Ask the Narcissist’. She told about how this creepy guy told about how pictures will be kept if sent to a narcissist to be used against a person.
She found the work disturbing and, in fact, was so sickened by the portion that she had read, she was unable to continue. I don’t think she ever finished it. (The apple doesn’t fall from the tree when it comes to rejection of negativity. Ha ha).
Anyway, I was intrigued as I had recently arrived at the conclusion that someone I knew and was very hurt by was a sociopath. (I read ‘Sociopath Next Door’ and reached that conclusion.)
I said nothing to my mother, but my heart was racing. I had a feeling it was a breakthrough after begging God to tell me what happened. (Turns out I was disengaged from and it literally nearly killed me.) I downloaded the book on Amazon as soon as I got home that night and read it in one sitting. I was fascinated and read and read and read. I was neck deep in HG Tudor for a couple of months. Then I found the YT videos, then Narcsite. I couldn’t get enough HG. (Still can’t). I’ve learned soooo much. I cannot thank you enough HG! You were the answer to the prayers I had said for 4 years!! This truly is life-changing material. I don’t look at anybody the same way anymore. I’m always watching for Red Flags. I’m safer because of you.
You are welcome.
MB
Do you know what caused your mother to be interested in that book? Do you think she had an inkling of what was going on with you and that was her way of raising the subject? Or do you think there was another reason entirely that she would be reading about such specific subject matter?
NA, we are on the same wavelength. When she mentioned the thing about the pictures, my face got hot and then the rest of my entire body. I wondered if she had received an email or something although I thought it a near impossibility. I almost passed out! Thank God it was a dark restaurant! Turns out, she knew nothing. She had inklings that she grew up with some narcissists and that is why she had the curiosity about it. I don’t know how she found HGs work. I need to ask her. Her father was undoubtedly a victim narcissist and she had 2-3 brothers that were some flavor of narc is why she was so sick from it all. She and I can talk about anything and are more like sisters now than mother-daughter and have talked extensively about all of this since then. I think it truly was some kind of divine intervention. Serendipity. Whatever you want to call it. Maybe HG really does have an “in” with God. He deserves a special place in heaven, that’s for sure!
“You came to me in a vision”……lol! I won’t lie – that would be very cool indeed 🙂
But a friend referred me (how very dull)
Matters not, you found me nevertheless Flick, good to ‘hear’ from you. What’s on the Xbox?
Hopefully Just Cause 3 and a GTA…..will have to see what the boys have 🙂
I hope you are well HG? I’m having a massive mid life crisis so I’ve handed in my notice at work – without a job to go to! I am planning on going to uni in Sept and will live off my savings and any freelance work I can get until then. I’m very excited!
Flickatina
Wow. A completely new adventure. I’m excited for you and wish you much happiness and success.
Thanks 😁. I should be worried about not having an income after Jan 31st…but I’m not 😂😂.
I’m planning on Psychology- the module called The Psychology of Deviance sounded especially interesting. HG inspired 😘
Flickatina
Well if you need a little extra fun money, you can always market your alternate alphabet. It might catch on!
Sorry. Had to. You know what it’s like.
But is the world ready for my new, progressive language? I fear not….
😁😁
Flickatina
Good luck to you! Hope all goes well in your life changes!
Flickatina,
Good luck on your new journey! 🙂
Late December in 2016 … There was an article about Toxic Relationships in the Daily Mail … A reader in the comments section recommended your website and your insight. Here I still am battle weary with maybe a bit of PTSD but on the road out… Thank you
Yes, I have seen a few readers recommend in the comments section in the Daily Mail, it is about time the DM organised a column for me, it would rinse on the usual rubbish they print about relationships.
There has been a lot in the DM about Narcissists and Sociopaths over the last few months. They keep referencing Australian ‘experts’ for some reason and although some info resonates there are a lot of generalisations which could apply to any relationship.
I’m actually a publicist by trade and deal with the DM frequently in my work. When I first started putting the pieces together (with the help of this site) and realised that my ex was indeed a narcissist i was so outraged that I considered pitching them with my story.
In my fantasy revenge scenario I thought I would drop in some hints so the flying monkeys would know it was him but there wouldn’t be quite enough info for him to sue me.
I’ve calmed down now and although I’d still love to expose him it would only add fuel to the fire. I do think it would be a good idea for H G to offer his insight and possibly arrange some editorial on what actually happens and the impact it has on victims though. Possibly using some stories from this site which could be done under a pseudonym if anyone was up for it. I’d certainly be happy to help.
P.S. Who clicked ‘saw you in a vision’? I was seriously tempted…
Do e-mail me Sally narcissist1909@gmail.com
So very true… Plus all their other shite they class as journalism … I should give The Guardian ago not the Warrington Guardian… x x
Love this Sally and HG!
Are you British Sally or Australian Daily Mail?
Tracey Cox, (her name does make me snigger and the aptness) I believe is Australian usually gives advice on BJ’s and Rabbits.
Part of me want a to keep HG a secret, those who need to know will start to search and research and find him.
The other part of me thinks Narcissism seems to be more prevalent in society in all guises (lovers, family, colleagues) and therefore information should be out there. A different perspective, Narc men aren’t from Mars they are from Uranus and the black hole beyond.
O.O
Haha. I used to say: men are from mars but still think with their penis, but yours is better.
Original Overthinker
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Thanks for that “different perspective”!
Best referral ever ….I was in a very bad place mentally . .dont know where I would be now without you HG…. you saved me and continue to . I’m very thankful
You are most welcome PBW.
Xoxo