No Contact No Nos
No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.
Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.
1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and
2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.
As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.
No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.
This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.
21 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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This is a most excellent article. The comments are excellent, as well. I have so many excuses…sentimentality is just the beginning. Im gonna have to read this one over and over and over😖
The narcissist gave my husband so many extravagant gifts. It’s her pattern to do this with men and she’s actually shown up at a bar with a car full of items she’d gifted to a man she’d fallen out with, selling them out of her trunk.
All that expensive stuff she gave my husband was dropped off at the Goodwill store immediately. There was no way she was getting any of it back. She went into a narcissistic rage when she used that stuff as an excuse to show up where he was working to ask for it back, LOL. It was extremely satisfying to thwart her hoover attempt and know that she was out thousands of dollars.
Fantastic! Well played.
Writeitout
That’s very satisfying to read.
Well done.
I’m sorry to have to ask, but where are the other 4 most common mistakes listed? Thanks
Use the search facility.
nsymns
There is a search function on the upper right under “Knowing the Narcissist” type: no contact mistakes into the search bar and then you can scroll through them all.
I agree, retention of most anything is a bad idea, especially those momentos or souvenirs or even the boxes of cards he’d written the most lovely words in. After everything was coming out, therapy wise, people in our lives, Facebook which I left almost immediately, all only produced new realities in my mind that those memories of vacations and photos in boxes he wanted nothing to do with. (BUT he demanded prints of the two Golden Retrievers), we had that both died in the same year. I told the judge I wasn’t unpacked, (I wasn’t) where I’d moved to, so she didn’t make me do that. What he did demand that I had to do was divide the ashes of both those dogs equally and provide them to his Atty. My vets office said that was the very first time anyone had ever requested that. I was not surprised. Disgusted but not surprised. By that time nothing surprised me. He purgered himself with each and every question under oath. (Which I knew he thought was a joke).
All those years of what I believed were good memories all became terribly tainted and make me ill to this day. Over 5 years since the divorce. I’ve yet to trust myself enough to date. It seems the world is full of these people now and I want nothing to do with it.
I have the same viewpoint towards dating and have been pretty reclusive for 2 years now.
Gracias H.G. por todos las sabias enseñanzas que nos estas dando, para cuando videos en español realmente lo necesitamos. Llevo 3 meses de no contacto con mi narcisista, esta siendo realmente duro no para de pavonearse con ella por todos sitios mostrandole a todo el mundo lo felices que son y mientras yo aqui destrozada sin saber cual fue realmente el motivo del descarte. Menos mal que tu nos enseñaste un camino. Gracias
You are welcome.
I totally agree with this post. The most favorite thing that my Narcissist gave me was a necklace. I knew I would dispose of it but it was very nice and I often received compliments on it. I had stopped wearing it after the break up, but one day I decided I would put it back on and the next person who complimented me on it I would take it off my neck and give it to them. It took almost 2 months but finally it happened, it was an empowering moment and the person was delighted to accept it.
Yay me.
Eight months later I am still purging crap, but getting there.
Empath, I’m extremely proud of you! That had to feel very empowering! Giving it to someone with no connection to enjoy it was kind to them and a huge purge for yourself. I applaud you!
Thank you nsymns, it turned some little something that was negative into a positive.
I agree, Nsymns…
Empath, that was such a cool and purposeful act of kindness. ☺
I have small kids with my narcissist ex. For their sake I don’t feel right deleting pictures of them with their dad. Thoughts?
You need to balance the need for a total purge and no contact with this empathic trait of guilt. Why not store the pictures somewhere else for 6 months until you have established a total no contact regime and lowered your emotional thinking. You can then re-introduce the pictures then when your ET is far lower and the subsequent increase in ET caused by these pictures will not be as dangerous.
That was excellent advice, HG… not that you don’t already think so. ☺
When I was marinating in my ET, looking at pictures was extremely difficult. I still hold onto my photos, but it is mostly for the opportunity to take a glance for a reminder that I don’t find him as attractive as I once did. I realize that it is still a risk, but once that ET simmers down, our perspective truly does change.
Greetings HG, I read your articles for a long time, I wonder if you have one that lists a list of our characteristics that betray us as an empathic being?
See Sitting Target
I always think of the many many difficulties, the non narc parent has to deal with. I’m so lucky we didn’t have kids. Was a second marriage for us both but of 16 years together until he left. Then nearly back two Hell filled horrific years to divorce him.
I agree with HG Tudor, to put them away for 6 months or longer or give them to a trusted friend or family member to hold onto. If they’re seeing their dad, they should be taking more pics of themselves and with dad, right? Small kids live in the present, thank goodness. Don’t concern yourself with those pictures. A simple “mommy misplaced them” for now if they ask, I would think would be fine.
Good luck and stay strong!