Lies

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You breathe. I lie. Both come to us naturally. To you, an empathic and caring person who is imbued with the traits of decency, honesty and integrity the act of lying is anathema to you. Even the use of a little white lie as it spills from your lips has you feeling uneasy. You conduct yourself in a way that involves avoiding lying and you would rather stay silent than let an untruth escape your mouth. Not only will you not lie,you detest being lied to. The lie shatters trust. Trust is a fundamental ingredient,in your world, to any relationship, whether it is between spouses, colleagues, parent and child or service provider. Without trust nothing would be achieved and the world would be a darker place. Breaching that trust is a terrible act and where your trust has been broken by the issuing of a lie then you react with horror, anger, upset and dismay. I can think of no better device for drawing an emotional reaction from your kind than the issuing of a lie. Those three letters create a small word but one which has all manner of repercussions. From the lies that accompany infidelity which strikes at the core of the relationship, to the lies told by those in power to remain a demagogue and achieve political expediency, the effect of not telling the truth is substantial and enormous. Lying results in damage. Lie to your friends and you lose their respect, lie in a court and you commit perjury, lie about your circumstances and you commit fraud,lie to your children and you begin to warp their world, lie to your other half and you destroy a part of them. A small word which packs a thermonuclear punch. So easy to say, so simple to use and the effects can be devastating. No wonder my kind and me relish its use. Economical and effective, no other tool comes close to the power of telling lies and this is why we use them repeatedly,often and extensively.

The advantage of their use is by telling you a Long Involved Explanation we lead you up the garden path and around the houses causing you to become confused and bewildered. The advantage to us is that the terrible truth of what we do becomes Lost In Explaining what we have done by use of our convoluted and twisted diatribes. We tell untruths from the moment that we seduce you as we detail to you our Lovely Ideas Embellished with falsehood about how we will achieve a promotion in under six months, climb Mount Everest and interior design our new impressive home. The fact is that we are fantasists who exaggerate our achievements and our plans so that the Lucid Ideas Expand beyond reality. The use of lies assists us in evading the finger of blame. You will try and catch us our but there is never a Lapse In Exposition as we weave an ever more complex web in which we wish to ensnare you, leaving us untarnished. You look on in astonishment as Laughing I’m Escaping accountability yet again. No matter what I have done, no matter how heinous the activity I will allow untruths to spill from my lips with consummate ease so that I remain in control, superior and blame-free. Often it will be a short and bare-faced lie, designed to have you speechless with incredulity as I walk away Laughing Inside Energetically at your shocked face. On other occasions, I will engage in the shaggy dog story, going round and round, adding more and more to the tale so that I Lovingly Insinuate Eventually that you are the one to blame and this makes you react all the more. How can we have the audacity to say such things and turn the blame onto you? Look It’s Easy, we have no sense of remorse or guilt for the things that we say. You are burdened with a conscience and a moral compass that causes you to steer a path so you always stick to the road of truth. We have no such compass. We do not have a conscience and this allows us to weave and twist, taking our explanations into the realms of the fantastic. Whether we are boasting and bragging about what we are or seeking to escape culpability we will lie incessantly. You will plead with me to tell the truth. You will promise that there will be no upshot, no comeback and no consequence you just, for once want to hear us speak the truth. You know the truth but you want me to tell you, so you can hear it for once. Like I’m Ever going to do that. Why should I give you something that you want? Why should I cede control to you ? Most of all, why should I give up the opportunity of gathering fuel from you? This is why we lie extensively, even when the truth might actually serve us better (better when judged from your viewpoint of course – not ours) we will gain fuel. Our twisted lies always cause you to react and provide us with fuel. If a situation is Lacking In Emotion we know that all it takes is for us to tell you a lie, the bolder the better, the more brazen and ridiculous it is the greater your reaction will be because you hate lies and you hate being lied to. As you stand before me frustrated and upset, I am Laughing I’m Escaping yet again any responsibility for my actions. I will smother you in untruths, layer lie upon lie, Literally It’s Engulfing you in falsehood so that you no longer even recognise the truth, such is the level of distortion. We lie to everyone. The man in the corner shop about how many goals we scored at football, lies at work to cover our backs and to plunge knives into the backs of others. Lies to a friend about how much we like him just to keep the Little Idiot Entertained. Repeatedly we will lie to you to ensure you remain Locked In Entanglement with us and cannot escape. We use lies to express our false sorrow, our faux remorse and our promises to change just so you will not Leave In Earnest. We show-off with lies in a crowd to bring the spotlight back on to us as we talk over other people because we Like Interrupting Everyone. The lie is a Limitless Invigorating Example of what we really are. A fraudster, a charlatan, a con-man and a pathological liar. We know no other way and we have no desire to embrace any other way. I will always lie, I am Loving It Everyday because it furthers my schemes, underpins my ambitions, avoids accountability and brings me fuel again and again.

I am always telling lies.

And that’s the only truth.

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14 thoughts on “Lies”

  1. Just a thought:
    “I don’t want the drama”
    “I don’t need this drama”
    “I don’t like drama”
    All statements made by Ns in my life

    “What type of movie is it?” “It’s a drama”
    “What type of play is it?” ” It’s a drama”
    “What type of book is it?” “It’s a drama”
    All statements made by empaths and normals in my life (& by me, obviously).

    Very different use of the word ‘drama’.

    1. Nice distinction you point out there, Caroline.

      If I ever again hear someone talk about not wanting drama, I will run for the hills. Either that person is projecting or, more likely, indicating that he or she has experienced plenty of drama in the past, mainly by inviting it or creating it him/herself.

    2. Interesting. The narc in my life also would say he did not want drama. And never seemed to watch or read dramas. But he actually caused a lot of drama with his behavior, seemed to thrive on the energy he got from being the cause of drama.

  2. “I care too much for people and don’t want to hurt them” was his justifying for his lies. When caught, he would say “I was terrified to tell you the truth”, “I thought I’d lose you”, “How could I tell you something like that, you would have left me!” and so on. Caught multiple times, he would rather flee when confronted rather than accept the evidence, deny everything in spite of all proof and retort with aggression or cover the lie with yet another lie.

    1. “I was terrified to tell you the truth”…. ‘I thought you were angry’ …all the same. Which is also absurd..like you presume to know my mood. ….

    2. Vera
      “I care too much for people and don’t want to hurt them”

      This “reason” makes me furious. In my birth family, the narcs and codependents lied like this all the time. It is as if they assume the rest of us are unable to deal with truth. They would even conceal terminal illness from the sick person or her mother (doctors used to go along with this). This particularly horrified me. A person has the right to know what illness they or their children have, no matter what it is.

      And they played puppet master with all types of details and situations that would annoy or upset people if found out. To play god and deliberately lie to others ostensibly because you “care for them too much to tell the truth” is the worst type of hubris in my opinion. Everyone has the right to both know the reality of their personal situation and to deal with it themselves in the way that they see fit!

  3. And “the universe” provides (your post upon opening wordpress)…a timely reminder. Thanks for this truth. It is truly etched into my soul forever more. 🙏🏻

  4. t is such a relief to read this. It makes me feel sane after an 18-month texting relationship with a narcissist. I have 600 pages of correspondence. The whole process – idealization, devaluation, gaslighting, discard, triangulation, many side-sources, and pathological lying, are all there. I am a recovering codependent and he said what I wanted to hear, promised what I wanted to believe, but all along a small voice inside me told me I was wading in dangerous waters. I am not sure what category of narcissist he is, but his behavior was so similar to everything you write. The lying was what made me realize he was a narcissist; it was when I started researching “pathological lying” that I learned what narcissism was and all the pieces of the puzzle made sense. When I called him on his lying and told him I did not believe most of what he had been telling me for the past 18 months, he responded by attacking all the things he knew mattered to me in a way that made it impossible for me to defend myself. No matter what I would have said, he could claim I was “crazy.” And he had the power to spread that rumor about me professionally and knew he wielded that power. He had clearly studied my psyche very carefully, even when I did not believe he was paying attention, as he had a very good idea of how he could hurt me the most. I never responded to this attack of his and have not heard from him again. It has been three months.

    1. Elise Marie
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us
      It’s like reading from my own journal, except my long-distance N relationship was of a shorter duration. Mine was a Greater, and when I couldn’t take anymore BS and ended it, he became so malicious it scared me.
      The hoovers will happen, so stand strong. No contact and time to heal is in your best interests now. Do you feel safe?

      1. No, I cannot say I feel completely safe. I feel like he is waiting in the wings; it is pretty clear to me that he holds his past “interests” in reserve, “just in case,” and that I am one of the few that has figured him out; I think he just fades out of the lives of many of the women he uses, and they don’t really know why or were not that interested in him so don’t care that much. It is also clear to me that while he gets his fix from women who are successful and accomplished, if he senses that they are very secure and protected, with a flawless personal life and a strong and established professional reputation, he just leaves them alone, as if he tries to smear them he will look bad. But if he senses a weakness or vulnerability, I think he is very capable and willing to attack. Since beginning no contact, I am much more aware of why he targeted me and drew me in, why I allowed it, and now I know what he is. I believe mine is also a Greater and he knows how dangerous this is for him. I noticed that his entire family quit posting publicly on Facebook around the time that I outed him. So I am quite sure he said something about me to all of them – that I was stalking him or something. (When I outed his lies, I pointed out that he had lied to me about who his family members were and that this was easy to ascertain via the internet.) Even though this was long distance, because we had common professional interests and acquaintances, it is entirely possible that one day I cross paths with him, even by accident. I must practice these scenarios in my head and prepare: Grey rock. Grey rock. Give him nothing. No threat, no anger, no interest.

  5. “I try not to create drama.” — Narc Friend.

    The interesting thing is that I don’t think Narc Friend lied to me very much until his compartmentalization failed. I suspect he avoided lying to secondary sources generally because keeping track of many stories would have been too difficult, but lied to them on an as-needed basis. Everything he told me checked out for the first few months, with the exception of some mild future faking that just made him seem hot and cold.

    I was actually shocked at how glibly he lied to me at the end; it was obvious to the point of insulting. Honestly if he just would have been forthcoming about his multiple sources, I might have just stuck around and kept chatting with him. But he would have had to admit what he was doing then, and we can’t have that . . .

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