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27 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club No. 5”
“And like all narcs, what they don’t understand, they ridicule” – I’d suggest that this is quite possibly the “understanding” of the lower echelons and how they “respond” when their brain has less intellectual function to come up with summat smart-ass, some MRNs can’t do it either!! (hahaha).
I think we should be allowed to have some mental health issues after being with Narcissists all our lives. Sometimes going crazy for a little while helps us to survive the real crazies.
My MMRN seems to do a combo of “mental health issues” and “abuser”.
His wife has been labeled both, but mainly she is an “abuser” for withholding sex (this is just laughable for him to accuse her of this, especially if you’ve ever read anything I’ve posted here about him sexually), for spending too much money, for not spending enough time with him, withdrawing emotionally from the marriage etc.
I, on the other hand, as IPSS, am labeled more toward the “mental health issues”, citing my issues with abandonment, anxiety, wanting unreasonable things from him, being needy, losing my shit and attacking him when I get mad etc.
I wonder why he used different techniques on us
I think they go into their toolkits (some more limited than others) and use whatever they think might produce the best result for that particular person. If that doesn’t work they pull something else out of their ass until they find something that does. I don’t mean that you are any of those things he accused you of, but rather he thought it may work better on an IPSS (you) than the IPPS (wife). For example: he could not accuse you of withholding sex, and the money you spend is none of his business, where he could accuse you of wanting more from him given that your time together was limited. Does that make sense?
Yes, I agree entirely and it makes perfect sense. I was accused of a lot of things, most notably self-sabotaging the relationship because I was “scared” of my feelings, and later on accused of having BPD.
Immediately after accusing me of having BPD, he told me –
“Yea, you tempt me. It’s shitty. But there’s nothing behind it, because I’m a narcissist. So I need attention. And I disregard if needed. It gets too hot in the kitchen and I’m out!! And I don’t look back, second guess, or reconsider, I control it, THAT is what you hate. But I need that for me.”
At the time I didn’t really react, just said he had given me a lot to think about and ended our communication. It really chapped his ass that I didn’t get worked up, but he wasn’t telling me anything HG hadn’t already explained more eloquently.
Those words from him still haunt me. I know he’s an MMRN (not a greater) but god damn he scared me with that BS.
He’s clearly smart, has read about psychology, and knows how to use it against me.
This is precisely the accusation being labelled against me ATM. I’m mad, unstable. I could injure small people if they are left with me. I am a professionally qualified educator.
It strikes to the very heart of being a mother. This is from my ex who dragged my own brother out onto the drive before assaulting him. He did whisper in his ear how he’d been waiting years to do this before he smashed his face in.
I did not witness this but I heard both sides. I could not believe he had lost control, in the middle of the day like this. I told him do at the time and it WAS witnessed by my children. I thought he was smarter than that. It was, however, the time where I had thought we where amicably separating.
My son was traumatised. Wouldnt stop talking about it for some time
Well Windstorm, you know now what this was all about.
“what they don’t understand, they ridicule”
(don’t get me started on my Matrinarc who came to visit me this weekend, I’m still ‘recovering’ 🙁 )
my midranger told me on our last call that I had lost my mind.
Do midranger do this too? or is it more a trait that only the greater does? and hence maybe I was wrong about my midranger? He was a greater? ***But kinda loser though…he did not have a good job. haha
A MR narcissist would say such a thing, yes.
Thank you 🙂
I totally am over my mid ranger. Your books helped a lot. Understanding does cure 🙂
I am getting hovered now a year andf a half later. Proxy hoover. His best friend who is a reporter is inviting me to be on a TV show because of all the great things I have done. I prefer and value my freedom more. B-)
Good writing HG.
Thank you and I am pleased that my work has assisted you.
I am buying some of my empath family members your books. They need them! One of my cousins got stuck with an narc and now has 4 babies! :-/
Every narcissist I have dealt with closely – mother, exhusband, two coworkers, and a former rwlationship, has done this to me even while I have won awards and been praised for my steadiness and calmness by non-narcissists. The relationship mental heal4h smear waa the worst – calculated, a “diagnosis” of a “personaluty disorder” that he used as a smear threat to people I had bever met. Pretty sure the ex coworker who got fired also went around saying I was mentally ill. His errir was tgat I had clise friends qho were osychologists who were making the decisions about his position and I had told them I thought he was a narcissist. Of coyrse now he is out in the community smearing me professionally. He was fired but he won.
EM and Amanda Snapchat
“You flipped out”
“You’ve lost your mind”
It’s so cruel, and so demonstrably not true.
Not that facts have ever been allowed to get in the way of their denouncements and diatribes.
I think once u get it, it stops being cruel and it’s like:” meh. Loser”
The best thing to do is to go away. Don;t give them energy or thought.
Great attitude. Glad to see over time that you feel better and are moving on from him.
he didn;’t win. keep doing good. you win. you will beat him. you have the better paying job right? keep winning
Good for you!
Thanks for the encouragement. I’m just beginning my battle on three fronts.
Guess who gave us the depression and insomnia?!
We didn’t have any of these things before we met you.
Right Caroline and I think if one wonders if one perhaps has mental issues, then compare your behaviour when relating to friends (or people in general), with relating to a narc. If these ‘mental issues’ only occur when interacting with a narc, you do not have to worry about your mental health, you only need to get rid of the narc. Then one day you realise you actually feel totally sane and ‘Zen’.
Thank you, yes, what a good reality check that is.
My solicitor told me that I don’t have to explain something that is nothing to do with me. The person making the unsubstantiated claim about you has the burden of proof, and is solely accountable for their words.
I was going to comment something similar… x x
Said the inmate
Wow! This one sure rings true!
Windstorm, I have ‘followed’ you for over a year now and I’ve never thought of you as having ‘mental issues’. I mean, we are all a little crazy in our own way, but the least you’d have to worry about is having ‘mental issues’ (in the way this meme is referring to). xx
Thank you. Yeah, all my life I’ve been considered “mentally off” (my mother’s term). Makes sense really, if you look at it from a midrange narc viewpoint. I was very sensitive in many ways and it was both abnormal (from their viewpoint) and beyond their understanding. And like all narcs, what they don’t understand, they ridicule.