You v Her



I have grown weary of the incumbent primary supply. The fuel that ought to be provided at a premium level has become diminished in quantity and quality. Whilst it still flows as part of the devaluation that continues, the time has come to audition for your replacement. I am courting you following my usual preparatory work once you have been targeted and I have now commenced your seduction. You are not alone. I am seducing someone else as well. It makes sense to have an insurance policy after all. You won’t know about this competitor (at least not yet) but believe me that when you are in the early stages of being seduced by our kind, it is highly likely that I was seducing someone else. In order to identify the best source of fuel so we choose the most effective primary source, we will set a number of tests. These tests are not so arduous that they will risk the seduction failing, but are designed to ascertain which of the two, or more, competing prospects provides the best fuel. This current performance amounts to a strong indicator of future performance. Here are ten of the tests that are commonly utilised.

  1. Sending the same text message to both prospects to see who responds the fastest.
  2. Sending the same text message to both prospects without concerns as to the speed of reply but as to which provides the best fuel-laden response.
  3. Arranging a date with both prospects and then cancelling (with a view to re-arranging of course) to determine who is the most disappointed and which of the prospects tries to keep the date alive by making adjustments and alternative suggestions.
  4. Calling both prospects in the middle of the night to see who answers.
  5. Sending the same gift at the same time to see who thanks us the fastest and in the most appreciative manner.
  6. If sexual coupling has occurred at this early juncture, then sleeping with you both in the space of 24 hours (or less) in order to determine who is the more fuel accomplished lover.
  7. Feigning a minor emergency and seeing who responds the fastest and with the greatest concern and compassion.
  8. Suggesting a date when I know that the prospects have something else on to see who will break their existing engagement in order to see me.
  9. Having a lieutenant try to arrange a date with you to see if you rebuff him and make mention of me.
  10. Holding a social media challenge to see how many likes, re-tweets, comments each prospect applies to my postings in a three-day period to see who posts the most and provides the most fuel.


Not only does this contest between the two prospects provide us with plenty of fuel coming from two fuel lines, it enables us to determine who we should focus our greater efforts on to ensure they are seduced and become our intimate partner and primary source. If the contest is too close to call after the ten tests above, then additional tests will be applied and the ten above will be re-run also. The winner becomes our intimate partner but the loser does not go home empty handed, not at all. They are likely to be awarded the status of inner or outer circle friend and they will be kept within our sphere of influence as a supplier of fuel. They also a future role to play in a prospective triangulation and there may even be a promotion in the offing at some point….

16 thoughts on “You v Her

  1. Kelly B says:

    One narcissist ex boyfriend I slept with. The next day he has some chick that likes him. She takes him to the airport. He gets on the plane 2 days later. And he marrys someone else. Narcs love some triangulation.

    1. freedgypsysoul says:

      how are you doing with all that Kelly B?

  2. mommypino says:

    Empaths should use these tests to weed out narcissists during the early phase of dating. Just make sure you lose at all of these tests. If the guy is still interested, he’s not a narc.
    Also, I wouldn’t stick around as someone’s friend after they tried to seduce me and then decided to have someone else as his official girlfriend. For me it’s either you’re all in or you’re all out. If I’m not your girlfriend then you’re all out. Goodbye!

  3. Twilight says:

    Calling in the middle of the night…..ya I keep my ringer off, if I am asleep not hearing it.
    That actually did happen once a person called me I really like, I was distraught when I saw I missed a call. Keeping appearances kept me from revealing how distraught I was to this person.

    I didn’t think about what it could have been until now……thank you HG, as always you peel the layers back revealing many things.

  4. Mercy says:

    Sleeping with both in the space of 24 hours (or less)? Haha that’s just wrong on so many levels.

  5. Joanne says:

    Well, I guess I was pretty shit at being a fuel source seeing as I probably failed or scored poorly on each of these when stacked against another supply… I probably deserve my spot on the shelf… assuming I even still have that.

    1. Caroline says:


      Do you deserve more than this?

      Sweetheart, you do… never were you meant to be on a “shelf ” — at all.

      How can I help you?

      I’ve had my own experience with a narcissist, and I’m here for you.

      1. Joanne says:

        Hi Caroline, the shelf is where I sit because I am married, only not to the narc… 🙁

        1. Caroline says:

          Hi, Joanne…

          I’m so sorry! So you are feeling unhappy/mistreated in marriage by a “normal” AND also dealing with a narcissist? I really wish I could see this whole comment page, in case you explained your situation more and I missed it. I will keep checking back. I’m having tech issues.

          And MISS GABRIELLE: I wrote a reply to your comment on this thread that was quite the novella – but a tech glitch made it all go “poof” when I tried to add something… Curses, Red Baron!

          1. Joanne Burkhart says:

            Hi Caroline,
            I’m treated quite well in my marriage, but as HG refers to it, my situation is quite beige. My narc brought color to my life that had been missing for a while. It’s far easier to accept the mistreatment of being placed on a shelf when you’ve got your beige comfort to return to…

  6. Korova says:

    This is interesting, it means you narcs go for the “easiest girl” from those who are interested (I dont want to offend anyone, I was one of them if he had chosen me at some point obviously).

    We learn that men like women who challenge them, who are not easy to seduce but when it comes to narcissist it looks like it is the opposite – the more control you give him, the more and sooner “in love” you are, the more you give him – the biggest chance you will become his IPPS.

    1. Clarece says:

      Hi Korova,
      Or do you think it’s a matter of liking the “challenge” when it’s happening during the chase or the golden period? The seduction period is as big of a rush for them while they are infatuated we may be the “one”. What gets stale is when we start getting devalued and “challenge” them on their crappy behavior and try to explain to them how to treat us with decency. It’s the type of challenge that is interesting or repelling.

  7. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    You are reading my mind again? You really are omnipresent aren’t you?

    As I read this “You Vs. Her”….I was reminded of this time when Piano Boy would call his wife right in front of me and talk to her. He said he had to call her because she had texted him 3 times and if he did not call her she would start ringing his phone. So he called her while he was sitting right next to me and I heard her voice on the other end of the phone.

    Him: “Hey there, sorry I missed your texts, how’s your day?”

    Her: “Oh, it was fine. When are you coming home?”

    Him: “Soon, I am leaving work in a few. What’s going on?”

    Her: “I met our new neighbors today. They are missionaries from Alabama”

    Him: (jokingly) “Hail Satan!”

    Blah blah blahddy blah…

    They finished their call with “I love you” and “I love you too”.

    I am sure my face was at least 10 shades of green with envy.

    I guess it was him reminding me of my place. Which is second.

    And the piano plays yet again…

    1. Lori says:

      Oh God FOTS that exchange makes me sick. Please don’t put up with that shit anymore. Ugh

  8. DoForLuv says:

    Everytime this blog goes silent for a few days I think you got a new IPPS like it’s us VS Her haha then I saw you back online with those tannend leggs Avi made my day ! . And i’m still doing it all wrong nothing changed 😭😂. I’m to good at being me .

  9. freedgypsysoul says:


    Ok, ok, ok….No judgement rendered here against me please and thank you in advance.

    Upon a ‘look’ at the ex’s Facebook profile, I can see and have seen the history of this in the making (and still see it).

    He’s done the Relationship Bulletin posting (picture of the ‘new’ girlfriend) along with the status update.

    All summer, I saw this ‘new girlfriend’ posting on his Facebook, all the time, as well as read many messages between them on his ipad so knew that he was pursuing her despite his ‘denying, deflecting and projecting’; his bulletin did not surprise me in the least.

    It’s with regards to other women who I see liking and loving ALL his posts, all the time. There are 2 that come to mind, one that was part of his social circle of friends and when she became someone else’s ex, he pursued her relentlessly based on….message history of course. I suspect she falls under intimate secondary source, even now. She failed the upgrade IPPS but is still trying for his attention. The other I suspect may be a DLS; she is showing as married with atleast one small child who has health issues. I remember him pointing her out and saying…..I don’t know this person but she comments, replies, remarks, lies all my posts (and still does). I bet he DOES know this person, very well, intimately.

    Thanks for the enlightenment and the belly laugh HG. Another marker to look for in future dating.

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