Understanding the Fuel Matrix
*** EXPANDED AND UPDATED INFORMATION ***
All narcissists have fuel matrices and you need to understand where you fit into that fuel matrix and how that particular matrix functions as part of protecting yourself.
This Logic Bulletin takes you through :-
1. The Fuel Matrices of all sub schools of narcissist. This includes updated and expanded information about the Upper Lesser Type A and Upper Lesser Type B Narcissists, plus the Middle Mid Range Type A and Type B Narcissists.
2. What the Fuel Matrices look like, their size, the nature of the matrices and who sits in them.
3. How the relevant narcissist of each sub school relies on the individuals in the Fuel Matrix
4. What the Virtual Fuel Matrix is and how it operates.
5. How a Long Distance Appliance fits into it the narcissist fuel matrix and how that functions.
6. Detailed descriptions of each sub-school of narcissist, their behaviours and actions to increase your understanding of the different types of narcissist. This is a comprehensive expansion which will help you understand a lot more about the way different sub schools of narcissist operate.
A fascinating and educational exploration of the fuel matrix and the interaction between you and the narcissist, this is essential to know how the narcissist behaves so you can ensure your No Contact Regime is as effective as possible. It is also advanced reading for those who feel they are well-acquainted with the narcissistic dynamic from their existing reading and consultations.
This extensive Logic Bulletin is available at just US $ 10 and is a bulletin you will read several times and refer to often and can be obtained here
100 thoughts on “Understanding the Fuel Matrix”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Nika
Just to be clear, I am being puckish. I really enjoyed your version of The Rules BTW.
K,
Thank you 🙂 I do not always receive all of my comments through WordPress for some reason and this has been a long-standing issue. So, sometimes I actually need to scan comments, and make sure I am not ignoring anyone who has replied or commented to me.
I nearly missed this comment, here. So, I am not sure if I mistakenly missed a previous comment from you, but I do not recall seeing one.
I am unsure of the word “puckish”, but it sounds funny, and made me giggle. Anyway, I am pleased that you liked my version of The Rules.
I think this was a comment to me, as it says Nika. Maybe there is another Nika, or you meant someone else?
Well, thank you 😊
You are welcome Nika
That comment was meant for you and Puck is a mischievous character in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
K,
There was not a reply button on your other comment, so I am replying to you, here.
Thank you for explaining to me about “Puck”. 🙂
Though I knew Narc Friend in person first, I am convinced that I am closer to understanding why his electronic relationships with women were not necessarily sexual. I think that because he already spent so much time and money visiting his primary source, he couldn’t waste valuable time and money visiting his secondary sources also. It seems like rather than be a perpetual disappointment to them, he just made it sound like he was just hesitant to begin a relationship, so that they were perpetually chasing him. Sleeping with a woman who expected more and the not delivering would almost certainly result in a loss of that source — a girl in that situation may well just move on and not remain ensnared. Future faking was his method of choice, always suggesting that he might want a relationship in the future, might come and visit us, might want to get married, etc. . . . leaving us to try to persuade him.
Michelle…thank you for your thoughts..in a different way, I came to the same points. For me, the narc I was dating had probably a great fear of trying to have a real sexual relation with those who he really liked. He probably could not bear the idea of being not successful with them. So even with his primary sources, he mediated his biggest fear: failing with someone younger. Plus, inviting them all, and paying the dinner and so on, was something not really in his chords. Once is fine..to show he could. Still, the virtual is freightening ..those narcs will be even more ‘not-human’ and ego-projected beings.
I had not seen this post before.
It is all so sadly annoying.
Now I do know, thank you once again.
You are welcome.
HG, I thought you’d be out having drinks with your frenemy by now!
HG, I hope that you have a good time and not end up in a fight with your frenemy! Merry Christmas!!
Thank you.
Excellent. 🔥
These empaths or normals ….or other narcs on the internet are making money and being paid if they spend hours online masterbating …..this is a job to them. Cam girls, and non cam girls receive money or favors to spend that amount of time online . Men pay them with PayPal . If not ….by one guy but many guys. If one isn’t paying her at first ….he soon will be.
What if, for a possible middle range n., his only physical intimate life relies just on gettining excited with photos of girls from his social media? and porn sites? I wouldn’t say he is cerebral, as theorethical stuff almost annoyed him. Yet, as IPPS, who realized that he had just this way of conceiving self- physical approach, after watching mute pictures, it was a shock. As all the latent sexual tension that he manifested when other female people, once even a pretty old one, were complimenting him. But the virtual is just terrorizing…it’s like people of your kind have another potential tool for being colder and colder.
So, do you do any of these, Mr. Tudor?
My titty is waiting to be milked!
I read Narc Tales today! And left a raving review on Amazon. Occurs to me HG that you’re the Pied Piper fluting empaths away from narcissists. Of course I love Goldinarcs. I really enjoyed The Three Bloody Greedy Narcissists. Thought Witless Dick and his cat had a sad last line about hope – to me, doing is essential but having no hope is an abyss. Loved in Empath That Cried Narc, the line you’re a bad man doing a good job. Love your humor, your morals to the stories, and your writing.
Many thanks and pleased you enjoyed them.
New and improved Theory of The 5 Rules:
1. HG cannot tell the reader if s(he) is a narcissist.
2. He cannot manipulate the reader.
3. He must be candid.
4. He cannot violate the trust of those that engage with him privately via e-mail, consults or Skype.
5. He cannot paint us black, devalue us or use fury.
Great news MB! The 5 Rules do NOT prevent HG from choosing a blogger to be his IPPS.
https://narcsite.com/2017/01/03/i-want-2/#comment-60759
Control/Command (mac) F. Keyword: five rules
Which would automatically cancel all the previous rules…
Sweetest Perfection
Ha ha ha…I have feeling HG’s rules are set in stone, however, I have fun trying to guess what those rules are.
It would never happen. We are taught all to well.
Sweetest Perfection,
Quoting:”….as fascinating as it is for a mouse used to feed a snake in a lab… “
Sharp,blunt,rough parallel you have drawn here but at the same time a very realistic, down-to-earth,wise,pragmatic and prudent remark. Helpful in many inconceivable ,extraordinary ways.
For real though Sweetest. Meeting the Master in real life would mean you have crossed the Event Horizon. Still in MB?
I ain’t skeered Jules! 😂
Ha, “event horizon”, nice!
K, that is an interesting thread! Thank you for sharing it. But why would you think of me? Ha ha. It looked like Love was throwing her hat in to be the sacrificial lamb on that thread.
HG is correct. (As ever) If the goal of his relationships continues to be The Prime Aims, an IPPS that knows what he is would not have the confusion and bewilderment at his actions that he would require.
If, however, the goal is to explore a new relationship dynamic, then it would be quite the fascinating experiment. An existence for him based on something genuine rather than manipulated. For science!
My pleasure MB
When I read the comment, your name popped into my head immediately and I knew I had to rewrite them. When you have a chance go to The 10 Obligations of the empath and scroll down towards the end and read jenna’s response to NA.
I agree; I don’t think the fuel provision would be as good if his IPPS knew that he was a narcissist.
I don’t know about genuine but for experimental purposes it would be interesting to see how it plays out.
K, I meant genuine from the empath’s perspective. Genuinely knowing who he is and loving him (warts and all) not being manipulated into thinking he is something he’s not. I know HE is unable to genuinely love 🙁
Oops! Gotcha MB!
Yes it would be fascinating for the other person; as fascinating as it is for a mouse used to feed a snake in a lab… Call me when you get the results! Lol. No offense, HG, but…
SP, I can’t compare HG to a snake. He has more control over instinct than that!
It would be an interesting experiment. You can read all about the results in our book! (jk SP!)
HG would tear the likes of me to shreds if he wanted to. I’d want to leave when it was no longer fun and I would be made to pay. He’s not easy to leave. But I must admit, it would be fun while it lasted.
MB, I want you to know that I’m rooting for you. 😍😍😍😍
I’m not rooting for her. I would slap the stupid out of her if she entertained the idea in real life, for the exact reason she mentioned – that she would be made to pay eventually.
Good thing I know you are all kidding!
(Don’t be mad MB – thats just how I’m made and what big sisters do).
MB, not to be a party pooper, but sometimes I wonder, if HG does decide to ensnare someone here, wouldn’t he have all kinds of materials for devaluation?
IMO he wouldn’t just let someone go easily when it’s payback time.
MB, although scratch that first thought. I think that the fact that the IPPS knows who he is and what his tendencies are, that should give her an edge as well. At least she is not blindly entering the dynamics. I agree with you MB! I think that it will be very interesting. I’ll wait for your stories! jk 😊
Haha, MB, you know me so well : D.
I think he’d always have the element of surprise in his favor even if one knew. They are tricky as hell. And ways to hurt people are subtle and sometimes build up over time.
MP (re: “party pooper”, please allow me… and ignore MB! I hate parade raining)-
for someone from his blog I’d imagine it’d be awful. Even as IPSS and such, unless one is able to be truly detached and positive (possible) and avoid devalue. For example, I’d imagine one asking for some attention and being ignored as he does- eventually. Surely for the most part he’d feel fine and pleased potentially for a long time. But eventually something irritating happens. Then you wonder why you are as everyone else or even less. Then you lose your positive feelings toward the blog, which is hurtful because there is value in the blog that is what you know of HG that is not intimate and your interactions with others that are just as important and meaningful, and the parts of HG you might like to retain objectively that get blurred with the other parts that are now less pleasant, that also then get blurred with the other parts you’ve developed attachment to (probably even sanely and normally).
Just saying, things like that can get messy. And you might think one thing and something is altogether different, dare I say disordered? Expectations are a bitch.
I had an online smash-up that never went into the realm of the real, but my biggest issue is disappointment at my own stupidity. Finding out I am capable of sharing intimate details with an emotionally stunted asshole isn’t an enjoyable experience. Knowing that friendship and intimacy was indeed a fact and a really fucked up person can mutate something so simple to most people into useful weapon for self-importance. And lying is completely within bounds, always.
It’s all for fantasy and fun anyway Nunya. I have nothing a man like HG could want. He has no incentive to ride in on his white horse and save me from my mundane life. And it is his teaching that has made me realize I should thankful for that!
“and ignore MB! ”
I absolutely meant that to be shorthand for
“ignore ME MB”
not an instruction for MP to ignore MB,
holy hell that reads bad.
It’s ok Nunya. I know you love me! Ha ha
Those are good and honest thougts Nunya. Expectations can really be a bitch. It’s hard not to be a negative nancy and at the same time give an honest friendly reminder. I always have a hard time balancing that. Then I saw NA’s response with the honest friendly reminder touched with humor and I thought, “that is so well done. Perfect execution.”
MB, I think that ANY guy would be so incredibly lucky to have you as an IPPS whether he’s a narc or not. I wouldn’t be surprised if HG does choose you. But if he doesn’t, I think he’s doing you a favor. I have a great liking for him and feel a huge sense of gratitude for all of the knowledge that he is making available for all of us. (But I still think he can be scary in person.)
Mommypino, I’d actually prefer the role of IPSS. I’ll have a supertanker of fuel saved up for him when he passes through my neck of the woods. We’ll have some fun on the town and in the sheets. Then back on the shelf I’ll go until the next time he’s in town. Eternal golden period. HG spices added to the monotonous life of MB! Win/win, right?
Ha! I’ve said too much ; )
By the way, this is unrelated. But isn’t Sam Vaknin married to someone who knows he is a narc? Are they still together? I actually discovered Sam Vaknin before HG but I totally forgot about him after I discovered HG.
Mommypino, Sam V is married and she knows he’s a narcissist. I saw a video they did together. She didn’t say much.
MP, I saw a little of that someone shared before. I am unfamiliar, but what little I did see, she (his wife) seemed odd to me. But eh, most people seem odd to me.
I believe it can be done, maybe is done a lot. I also kind of imagine N’s have life phases that dictate different choices. So maybe it would have to do with the particular traits of the N with the particular traits of the E.
(I seem to remember DHQ talking about stuff like that once?)
I think that I have an exceptional problem with projections, they drive me insane. For example someone acting like I want to marry them when I find them tolerable but likable in some areas drives me insane. I do absolute best with people who have few tendencies that direction and men who are overall highly confident, but….”chill” and empathetically protective of me.
In a long term deal like that I’d be really afraid of going full stepford, dead behind the eyes, slowly worn down. I feel like if I don’t make choices that protect my inner child, innocent, vulnerable self with my logical, assertive, confident self then she gets painfully loud. I bet someone else can maintain something of themselves without losing it.
Yeah, NA’s execution better than mine, for sure. She’s good at that. Mine was my experiment in reality check, but it’s only a possible one. I do think most things have multiple sides and something like that is octagonal at the very least! But it doesn’t matter what I say because I know exactly what my weakness are.
Yeah MB, I’ve always thought a sexual relationship with someone is nice, hopefully intense and compassionate in its way. Anything beyond or more complex has to do with mutual goals, compatibility, level of connection and passion for each other..
Some of that is automatic, like you click.
Nothing about you, just rambling about my relationship thoughts.
NunyaBiz, Your execution was perfect too. It was mine that I was comparing to NA’s humorous response. I’m sorry that I wasn’t very clear with the way that I said it.
Thank you NB, I lucked out with my husband. He’s 28 years older than me though. For most people that age gap is a deal breaker. I had no idea that I am attracted to narcissistic traits when I met him. He’s empathic but he’s an alpha male type.
I agree with your observation with Vaknin’s wife. I find her odd too. Something about her affect is weird but I can’t explain it. She does seem nice enough though. They actually both give out weird vibes. I think the cerebrals tend to be like that.
You’re right NB, the N and E needs to have the right traits to make it work.
I hope this reply button lands me in the right spot.
MP, I feel better at seeing people for who they are the more I learn about them. I wouldn’t mind a large age difference at all, but I’m guessing I’m a bit older than you so realistically I tend to be attracted plenty to men into their late fifties pretty easily. Independent of age, I just need that soul-vibrating *zing* feeing, which is often brought on by something in the way they think (most important) combined with any number of traits…chemistry, voice tone, version of masculinity, decisiveness, life experience, moral leanings…and I’d make any exception for that, I’m always so grateful to be impressed by someone. It sounds like you found your match. Empathic alpha male is an amazing thing.
I just remember about Vaknin’s wife she seemed into the concept of being a type of woman who MUST be with a narcissist and had her own definitions of that kind of thing. I found it a little box-y. I’ve been drawn internally to the role before, but I’d like to expand my concept and experience of love to something beyond that certain magnetism. I bet your husband treasures you, it sounds very nice : ).
Oh, btw MP, I totally knew what you meant regarding execution : )
Thank you NunyaBiz! I hope that you have the merriest Christmas! 💕
Merry Christmas, MP : )
K
I thought of MB too! His words “Never say never” A girls gotta have goals right? Or dreams…or fantasies, late at night, all alone….
Mercy
I know, right! How could we not think of MB, especially after her Christmas wish for a Creed scented HG doll in her stocking.
Late at night, all alone on Fantasy Island…ha ha ha, the possibilities are endless.
K
I’m with you on the fantasy island thing as long as that little creeping tattoo guy isn’t there.
Mercy
Ha ha ha…I know, right. The plane! the plane!
That’s so sweet of you guys to think of me! As I told HG once, if I were to ever meet him in real life, I would probably throw up on his shoes! At least he doesn’t wear flip flops. Ever.
I’m replying here because I can’t find another spot to reply. Snakes are one of my favorite animals: sly, smart, sneaky… but still sssssnakes. Some of them fatally venomous, some would eat you alive before you realize. I respect and admire them, but don’t hang around them or bring them home. If you don’t see one coming, it’s not your fault if you are attacked. But if you see one, you run away. I think the comparison is fair.
SP, good metaphor.
That’s why I say, I will be allowed to make and be responsible for my own bad decisions, thank you. Not saying I would make it!
We must remember, His Greatness is the doer, not the done to! If he decided to do, there would be no “decision” on your part Nunya!
MB, “His Greatness is the doer, not the done to! If he decided to do there would be no decision on your part.”
This sounds like the blame shifting that us empaths do. Remember what HG said, we are the other half of the equation. I remember there was an excellent comment that I came accross in one of HG’s posts. She said that honesty is also what will save us. If only we will stop tellibg lies to ourselves. That was so wise. I think that after everything that HG has taught us, if we still get entangled with another narc, no matter how amazing the narc is, even if it’s HG’s calibre, we cannot be called victims anymore. Just my two cents. 💕
“This sounds like the blame shifting that us empaths do. Remember what HG said, we are the other half of the equation.”
And actually this in particular is something I realized about myself that makes me um….”narc-friendly” so to speak. I consider myself sexually a sub so I expect men to be more assertive. I think there is an issue that the more sexually assertive a man is, it increases the chances he is N. I wouldn’t have considered my role in that before. I have met highly assertive E types, they are just less common?
Nunya biz, I don’t feel comfortable diving too deep into this subject but I relate to what you say. In my case I am a control freak in every aspect of my life. I left home when I was 16. I came from a very religious family. It was either their way or no way. I chose no way and got out. I found ways to take care of myself. I had 3 children at a young age, left their father and raised them by myself while attending college. I got things done, made things happen and I’m doing well. I can even say that I call the shots when it comes to sex. I’m not promiscuous but I’m not a prude either. I believe that a woman can make her own decisions when it comes to sex regardless of the stereotypes that are put on us. As long as she’s doing it in a healthy way and not for the wrong reasons I wouldn’t judge. All of that being said I prefer to be dominated in the bedroom. It’s the one place I allow myself to just be. To enjoy what I like without thought or guilt. Does that make me a sub? Haha I don’t know.
Mercy
All of that makes you a woman who knows what she wants, regardless the titles that may have been applied along the way.
NarcAngel, I think I’m just going to start making up my own titles. Instead of appliance I want to be a Vivacious Ninja Blender.
No chance Mercy, I hand out the titles around here!
Haha ok boss. Can I keep vivacious or ninja? Just one of them?…Ok nevermind.
MB, I agree with you totally. If you’re going to be romantically entangled with a narc, IPSS is the way to go!
That’s pretty cool that Vaknin and his wife are working it out. I looked it up too, I didn’t see a lot of new articles about it but it looks like they are still together.
Nunya Biz and Mercy, I am the same in the bedroom. I prefer to be dominated. My husband is an empath but he is older so he is born from a generation where men are more manly and domineering. I love being controlled by my husband, it makes me feel like a woman. But I also don’t like to be micromanaged in some areas. It can irritate me. I have a soft spot for kindly empathic men for friends but I will not be sexually attracted to them. I’m a Negotiator personality type so I am more compatible with the Director personality type.
Mercy, I love what you say about leaving, raising your children alone, college, etc…
I never felt able to do those things.
It’s funny I have my areas I must be in control of, like you say, but it’s more resistance to authority bullshit, having my own mind, hating to be mindlessly bossed (which happens to me if I fail to be clear about it), stereotype stuff like you say, etc…
The rest, the life stuff, I’ve always felt more “out of control”.
But I’m a very instinctive parent. I’ve said elsewhere on here, I find some therapies have been helpful in sorting my energy. That to me seems kind of almost a re-parenting of my brain. It only goes so far, but I don’t really want to change into someone else anyway, I think I’ve got a lot of great, unique things.
I really really respect what you’ve done.
Maybe it does make you a sub? I don’t practice any particular sub interactions or anything.
I think I’ve read HG mention that N’s don’t like to be sexually dominated. Renarde also talked about two N’s trying to dominate each other.
It makes sense to me. Oh, did you ever see the movie “Spanglish”? There’s a very funny sex scene in there with the narcissistic mother (I just love her acting). I think it is on youtube.
But yeah like you say, still calling the shots as far as being autonomous.
Ninya biz, thank you for your kind words. I like what you say about not wanting to change. I like who I am. I think we get so wrapped up in analysing our actions and how we respond that we forget to just be ourselves. I think it’s important to be aware of our vulnerabilities so we can protect ourselves but we need to be careful that we don’t fight against our nature. That will just lead to disappointment.
MP, that is really awesome about your husband.
Great guesses on the 5 rules! The first 3 for sure. The fourth I could see him choosing to do simply because of immpeccable manners. But 5… confession; though yes, I guess that might be necessary for the blog, I’ve always thought that to be able to give HG negative fuel would be so, well… intimate. 🔥
#fangirl #shameless
Thank you Jules!
I made a little change so manipulation can fall under Rule # 5.
HG is very professional so it is safe to trust him here on the blog/email and I don’t think HG minds a little negative fuel from a tertiary source so don’t be shy, get down and dirty.
Addendum:
Scratch out “cannot manipulate the reader” and replace it with
2. Cannot provide legal advice.
P.S. There is a chance that he may paint us black (instinctively) but he can’t devalue us if he does.
Good addendums! I do sometimes notice the careful wording.
Ha, I am vicariously in love with HG via MB (lol, my crush is actually on her : ) ).
nunya biz
Ha ha ha…me too! We are living vicariously through MB.
Nunya Biz, I’m happy to oblige your vicarious crush on HG! That was cute 🙂
K and MB, “vicariously” is plenty exciting for me since I’m not getting any. I will eventually have to remedy this, but it may be awhile.
I just happened to notice she mentioned I could read about the experiment in their next book lol! I missed that. What would the title be, MB? eMBeded? Ha ha!
Good title SP! I wouldn’t have a vote. The Boss would have to decide of course! I envision the experiment Big Brother style. The readers can log on to view the various cameras throughout the flat and listen in to see how we are doing. We will each have a video diary to let everybody know what we are thinking and feeling. The book will come later after we have a chance to review all the footage.
nunya biz
One can never be too careful around a Greater.
I’m just glad to not have to be worried about being painted on here!
Phew.
nunya biz
No worries, HG has a high control threshold along with the benefit of moderation.
Yeah, K, it’s good because I seem to have some stress and anxiety around that.
I could be wrong, but I do not think these are the rules… well, maybe with some, and not others.
I think his rules might be:
1). Remain invisible so that it increases his mystery, and thus our inclination to keep coming back;
2). Do not show favoritism;
3). Be candid, but only to a certain point (so as to lessen the true reality of evil);
4). Add hints of vulnerabilities;
5). I cannot say as I still respect H.G…
Nika, your “rules” are probably more realistic than anyone on here realizes.
Cheers to Transparency. 🥂
Thank you, 69Revolver. This is sweet of you to say. Hugs ♥️
Are you saying his work has not helped you? Because it must have. Then how can you not respect him?
Jules,
Did I say his work has not helped me? Duhhhh.
I just said as plain as day that I DO respect him… Duhhhh.
—-> Jules = 😜 😜 😜
K…you just delivered MB a Christmas Miracle. 😁
Clarece
Ha ha ha…when I read that comment on I Want, I jut knew I had to deliver the good news to MB.
“Great news MB! The 5 Rules do NOT prevent HG from choosing a blogger to be his IPPS.”
I would hope not anyway, if there’s anything I dislike, it’s overly paternalistic rules. I have a 0% history of trying to undo my chosen errors via post-situational finger pointing, WHY? Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up my own right to a good time. Priorities, please.
I am pretty sure I am HG’s IPPS. Am I not?
K
Thank for that. I have had something nagging me and I believe the answer was in that thread.
My pleasure Twilight
Narcsite is like a scavenger hunt; the old threads are full of answers.
HG, I can not wait for your referenced article, ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath.’
I was such for 5-years; however, I fled within 5-mos after moving in with him. Oh the irony.
I hope it’ll be out soon.
69R
Same, 69R. That will be an article that interests many readers.
69R,
I was also in a long distance relationship with a Narcissist. He was in England. He wanted to come here and marry me, but kept triangulating me with his Enabler, who was his mother’s age. Though I was deeply in-love with him, I simply could not digest the idea of marrying the both of them.