The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist
It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.
“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”
“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”
“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”
“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”
If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.
“I did warn you.”
“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”
“I told you so.”
“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”
“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”
Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.
With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.
- I am a bad person really.
- I will only hurt you.
- You should stay away from me.
- I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
- I will make you wish you had never met me.
- It will go wrong, it always does.
- You will end up hating me.
- You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
- You shouldn’t do this.
- You should leave while you can.
- This is going to turn out badly.
- I have to hurt people.
- I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
- I just want to fit in.
- I’m not what you think I am.
16 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”
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Narc Friend: “The only advantage men have over women is that men can pee anywhere.” This was said perhaps a couple weeks into our friendship and gave me a sinking feeling. I realized when he said this that he had a chip on his shoulder about women rejecting him — namely, the fact that females are human beings entitled to preferences of their own really seemed to grate him. In fact, he would not request anything of another person, only suggesting that they might do things and acting indifferent to the outcome. I wondered at the time if he used this mentality to justify manipulating women to, in his mind, level the playing field . . . and I was dead on. Narc Friend seems to staunchly deny the fact that women can rightfully reject him. Anyone who does he paints black and smears them as malicious and entitled.
do u think he was a lesser? glad u got out.
See what you think of these:
“You think it’s all about you, it’s not. It’s all about ME!” (Wow, right? I tried to reschedule a visit because a friend needed a favor)
“I treat my friends and loved ones worse than totally strangers.” (Yep! Sure does..!)
“I always knew *name of girl* liked me better ..”
(…No, actually, she said that she couldn’t understand why any girl would want to date you except to have you buy her things. But hey, nwrc on with your bad self….)
very narc behavior. are u free now?
On our first date the guy I think is a Greater, said: “I will BREAK YOUR HEART…” But I felt he accidentally blurred it out. Could this mean he is not a greater since it seemed it was accidental? My reaction was: ‘Why?” I did not sate, “aw you will not….<3 " I always think that if someone tells you something about them, BELIEVE THEM. so I got pretty scared when he said that. He then explained why, and looked so sad at me. Like "I pity you."
I remember after the date searching online for: "WTF does it mean if someone says they will break your heart" I thought it was something super arrogant to do. I mean, how the fuck do you know you will be able to break my heart??? I did not find much info online. I think HG's writing is one of the first and best to capture what this behavior means.
The greater narc recently sent me a poem, that says something like: "I thought I was a magician because I could appear my own tears. I later saw that i could not make my tears stop. So i realized that I was just an apprentice"
I dpn;t know if maybe the guy is realizing that He can;t break every girl's heart.
I still think he is a greater. he has great self control in a number of things. Manipulates his entire government office to do whatever he wants. Has a top job in the government.
I think I dodged a bullet with him. I really think HG’s books were very helpful for handling the danger. Understanding WTF is going on.
Maybe he did say that he was going to break my heart to see my reaction and later be able to blame me also. he seemed surprised when I said: :”why?” Like he did not expect that.
My soon-to-be-ex husband told me about a year into our relationship (this was 18 years ago) that if he ever “changed and went crazy ” I should leave and never look back. He only said it once, but I have never forgotten it. I left him 3 1/2 months ago and went no contact. He was controlling from the beginning and he finally took the mask off completely about 2 years ago, because he knew I would or could not do anything about it.
I always thought abuse was physical violence, but he has done everything but that: emotional, isolating, humiliation, financial and more.
Reading your posts, H.G.,is mesmerizing, because I see so much of him here and a lot of what he has done to me.
He’s in jail right now, but I’m pretty sure that he will be out in a treatment program soon. He has no intention of changing, but no one in authority believes me. I have a restraining order,but he has a law degree and knows how to get around it.
Thank you for this blog. It is a constant reminder that what we had wasn’t real (19 years!) and that I will always need to be on guard. I feel sorry for him and am terrified of him at the same time. Not good, but I am working on it and have suppor support.
You are welcome Mary.
I was never lucky enough to get one of these remarks it was always promises of sunshine laughter love and roses for eternity
MB, I don’t know you -I don’t know anyone here- but I love you already. This one is dedicated to you. ❤️ BTW, I just realized I don’t miss my narcissist after going NC; I miss Facebook.
I can’t speak for all empaths but sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to your kind mostly I do know and I just don’t want to believe it having such an extensive exposure to narcissists mostly midrange or greater narcissists I always pick up on the things that they say Like you are so pure in your heart promise me you won’t trust people like me I don’t want to see you get hurt not so subtle really it’s not that I don’t see it it’s more that I don’t want to believe it not again I’m not even sure if it’s an insult or a compliment but these people keep finding me probably a bit of both in a twisted way
I am incredibly emotional person highly passionate with everything your kind feed off of that I am just as addicted to the roller coaster ride as your kind are , keeping me in a state of high anxiety as a method of control one I need to stop allowing because in a way it is a deception to your kind I am not actually being controlled by anything but myself
HG you are so right I make the decision to invest in your kind every time knowing what you are
i think its great u have identified u are addicted. Now u can plan to stop. It’s not worth it , right? u deserve more
Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn ya…
I also noticed more obvious warnings and definitely offered during moments of loss of control in my mid-range i.e. he told me once his wife if 28 years had to go to hospital because she needed an xray due to a possible mass in her abdomen. He and I were to meet around that time and I asked if he was going to go with her as I thot we’d have to reschedule. He blurted out “why would I?” as if that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. (serious lack of empathy) I dismissed it of course. He misunderstood my question I told myself.
My favorite was when he told me I was perfect and ‘please don’t change’ but it felt more like a warning. Which of course it was. Near the end he told me I was ‘not what I was supposed to be’. I had changed. Nope, he did and was looking for fuel elsewhere because I had stopped feeding the ‘monster’.
Excellent article HG!
Thank you.