20 DEFLECTIONS OF A LESSER NARCISSIST

twenty-deflections

The lesser of our kind is a creature of instinctive reactions and knee-jerk responses. In common with all our kind, he or she must always avoid blame and swerve accountability. Denial is often used by the Lesser Narcissist to achieve this with a blunt rejection of the comment that you have levelled against him or her and if you persist you will invariably find yourself on the receiving end of some heated fury in order to beat you down from asking your questions and apportioning blame. The Lesser Narcissist will offer denial with little or no supporting evidence. It is not a topic for discussion any longer. The lesser will also engage in the art of deflection. He or she does not think carefully being launching these phrases and comments in a bid to deflect the nature of your questions and accusations but rather they are an immediate response. Indeed, they will often appear to be raised out of context, appear to be non sequiturs and even almost nonsensical. They are not to the lesser. In his world these are instinctive responses which he or she has to come out with on order to deflect your questioning of them. Your questioning creates unease and discomfort and the lesser will issue these phrases from a stockpile he or she keeps. They lack the higher function to think of a high-calibre response which brings about deflection but instead utilise these phrases below in a “one size fits all” approach. They will be hurled back at you, often with venom attached, a standard response to what you are saying to the Lesser Narcissist. Expect to hear them may times in the course of your dance with the lesser. He is not capable enough of conjuring up new ones and relies on these “old faithfuls” to deflect the force of what you are trying to achieve. The deflection at this level works usually by causing disbelief and confusion on your part. You like everything to make sense. You like things to follow an order and be logical and therefore these stock responses will make you stop in your tracks as you try and figure out either what is actually meant by them or if you understand the thrust of the comment how on earth they are applicable to what the discussion is about. This is the beauty of these deflecting comments for the Lesser Narcissist. He cannot think up clever or articulate responses but he does not need to because there are just as effective in halting you in your tracks. They may not always result in your behaviour being questioned (as is more the hall mark of the deflecting comments of the Mid-Ranger of the Greater Narcissist) which then takes the conversation of discussion in a different direction. These comments however fulfil the aim of stopping the discussion going in the direction it was and indeed cause it to veer off at an improbable tangent into the reams of confusion and bewilderment. That does not matter to the lesser, as long as the attack, the criticism and/or the questioning stops goes elsewhere and his accountability remains unaffected. So long as your response provides him or her with a fuel, the comment need not be magnificent or well-constructed. Here are twenty stock deflecting comments used by Lesser Narcissists.

  1. You’re nothing special yourself you know.
  2. Why do you have to use dictionary words with me? 
  3. I’m not stupid you know. Why do you have to make me out to be stupid?
  4. I don’t care what other people do, they are idiots for thinking that way.
  5. You’ve been reading too many books.
  6. You think you are so clever don’t you?
  7. Why isn’t my dinner ready?
  8. Been listening to her again have we? I can always tell when you to two have been talking.
  9. Can a man not get some peace in his own home?
  10. You sound like your mother.
  11. I’m going out.
  12. Why aren’t you ready?
  13. You should know your place.
  14. You talk too much.
  15. You never listen to me properly.
  16. Never mind me, what have you been up to eh?
  17. I know what you’ve done.
  18. You can’t judge me.
  19. Fancy words don’t make you right you know?
  20. Since when did this house become a court room?

45 thoughts on “20 DEFLECTIONS OF A LESSER NARCISSIST

  1. DF says:

    Dear HG
    One of the things about narcissists I don’t understand is this: Why does a Lesser become a Lesser, a Midranger a Midranger and a Greater a Greater Narcissist? Does it depend on some construct like “intelligence”? Or does it depend on childhood experiences like being beaten up repeatedly? Or does it depend on the role model?
    Does a person have to be impeded in his/her learning abilities in order to be a lesser? Can a person who is capable of learning and thinking through complex issues be anything else but a Greater?
    Did I maybe miss a post of yours where you explain this? Thank you.
    DF

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have not explained it. It is linked to many factors such as intelligence, upbringing, background etc.

  2. Starscape says:

    Is it only the lesser who is violent?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, all narcissists have the potential for violence, however Lessers are more likely to use physical violence and more often.

      1. Starscape says:

        Hmmm well i am highly inclined to believe he is a greater then, with certain lesser qualities.

  3. Stacy says:

    How does one learn to be a narcissist? Are their behaviors learned behaviors? I have a hard time understanding how narcissistic behavior is used by all narcissists. Are they aware of what they are doing or is it just a normal way of life for them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. It is instinctive in the majority of narcissists. A Greater may observe the exercise of power and manipulation, at a formative stage, and duplicate it.
      2. Read the articles about whether the Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists know what they are doing.

  4. Caroline R says:

    22. Lesser N-Mother to her daughter “Where does it say in the Bible that parents are accountable to their children?”
    I just wanted validation of my feelings. And an apology from her for hurting them.

    Another conversation involving Lesser N-Mother, referencing her Lesser N-Dad’s behaviour
    ” He never apologised for ANYTHING, EVER!”.
    I observed that this made her deeply sad, but she was oblivious to the fact that I wanted the very same thing that SHE did.

    Zero insight.

    1. Windstorm says:

      Caroline R
      Colossians 3:21 – Parents, do not anger your children, lest they lose heart.

      1. Caroline R says:

        Windstorm
        Yes, thank you.
        Normal social mores encompass the part where one person in the relationship says “you’ve hurt my feelings with xy&z”, and the other person says “I’m sorry”, and doesn’t do it again because they value the relationship.
        It applies equally to parent/child relationships.
        It seems that children of Ns don’t have basic human rights, at times. It’s still a bit iffy when you’re an ACON too.

      2. Caroline R says:

        Windstorm
        Merry Christmas!

      3. DF says:

        Windstorm and Caroline R and mommypino
        Thank you.
        I wanted to “like” your comments by clicking on the blue star but the system doesn’t accept it. Does anybody know why? What can I do?

        1. windstorm says:

          DF
          That happens to me, too. Sometimes I can’t like any comments. I assume it’s gremlins in the wordpress system and do my best to ignore them so they’ll go harass someone else.

          Sometimes going out of the thread and then going right back in and it will work.

      4. mommypino says:

        DF, It can be a hit or miss with me. Most days it works but a lot of times it doesn’t either. Sometimes I liked some comments only to see that it was unliked again as I scroll down but then my likes come back after I refresh the page.

        Also these past week I haven’t been getting notifications with replies to my comments even though I checked the notification box.

    2. mommypino says:

      Caroline R, that sounds like my Lesser mom. My mom even told me that parents are my second God. I should obey everything that she tells me because she’s my second God after God.

      1. mommypino says:

        Have a blessed and merriest Christmas Caroline R and Windstorm. 💕

        1. Windstorm says:

          You have a blessed Christmas and holiday, MommyPino! ❤️

          I’ve been thinking about your comment about being the worst daughter ever for a narcissist. At first, I was going to jokingly challenge you, that really I had you beat out on being the worst daughter. But then I got to thinking, the worst daughter for a narcissist would cut the narc off totally and walk away for ever. We neither one of us did that. We separated ourselves for our own sanity, but continued to be a support for them. We did (or are doing in your case) the best we could. And doing your best never makes you the worst.

      2. Caroline R says:

        Mommypino
        Merry Christmas to you too!

      3. mommypino says:

        Thank you Windstorm. ❤️

      4. Caroline R says:

        mommypino
        That must have been a crushing weight of constant judgement and a standard of perfection you could never live up to.

      5. mommypino says:

        Caroline, yes. I’m not even that completely compliant to the real God, and He’s not judging me for it. My mom who thinks she should be my second God wants unconditional complete compliance with her.

    3. Caroline R says:

      HG
      Windstorm
      mommypino
      I’d like your opinion:

      I’m reflecting on my choice of descriptor for my Mum’s mood: “sad”.
      In trying to make sense of it, I attributed to her an emotion that I would have felt. This is reasonable for an empathetic child.
      Only now can I see she wasn’t sad, per se. It was something else. She always had an underlying restlessness and anger, and need to control. It was either dialled up, or dialled down.

      Her parents were always trying to manipulate her and would act in a rejecting manner if she didn’t allow them to control her. She’d be upset after her Lesser N-Dad’s abusive behaviour on the phone. It was rough to observe.
      She’d never cry.
      She had the range of N-emotions that HG describes.
      What was the upset expression that I observed?
      Anger?
      Loss of power?
      Loss of recognition?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It was part of her manipulative behaviour designed to control and gain fuel. It was done in order to assert and maintain control and was not representative of what she felt, but rather what was required in order to get what she needed. She of course, unaware of what she was, would ascribe her apparent ‘sadness’ to anything remotely plausible – her cat had died, the weather, the fact you had not called for six weeks etc

      2. nunya biz says:

        Caroline, can you point me to range of N emotions you are referring to?

      3. windstorm says:

        Caroline R
        HG has already answered your question and it was a good answer. Too often we waste our time and drive ourselves crazy trying to understand a narcs feelings when what they’re really doing is just trying to manipulate us by pretending to feel.

        Your comment triggered a memory though. When you said you thought that your mother was sad because you would have felt sad. When I would feel sad or worried, my narcs would always think I was angry. This used to make no sense to me, but now I wonder if they were thinking I was angry because that’s what they would have felt?

      4. Caroline R says:

        HG
        Thank you so much for answering this for me. I wouldn’t get such accurate nsight from anyone else on this planet.
        You are wonderful.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

      5. Caroline R says:

        Windstorm
        Thank you for your thoughts.
        I’m reviewing so many things lately, and assimilating all of this new life wisdom. It’s the formerly hidden truth that has reframed all that has gone before.

        It’s interesting to remember what your Ns thought about your sadness; it was interpreted as anger. I’m going to think more about this.

        I feel like this is Narcissist/Empath culture shock in some ways. This process of interpreting and reassigning meaning to words and behaviours.

        We have different operating systems installed in our brains. They’re similar but with crucial differences. I knew this was the case with Asperger’s and normals. It’s true for Ns and Es too.

  5. Lori says:

    21. Are YOU accusing me ?

  6. SMH says:

    This is totally my Lesser ex.

  7. Dora says:

    Hello HG,

    If a colleague is lesser narc (as described above) and is close to confidential information which might make her dangerous, what do you suggest to “treat” her? Is there any technique apart from getting rid of her? Unfortunately she can do serious harm… :/

    Thanks,

    Dora

  8. blackunicorn123 says:

    It makes me shudder just reading these. Ew.

  9. Tina says:

    Hi, did not know where to post this question so I’ll just post it here. Have you ever recorded a conversation that you had with any of your victims, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Many times.

      1. MB says:

        What are some of the reasons you would record a conversation?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Evidence.

          1. MB says:

            Evidence that they are crazy?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            All manner of reasons.

          3. MB says:

            Merry Christmas HG! I’m glad to have made your acquaintance this year.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Marry Christmas to you also.

          5. MB says:

            Ha ha HG!

          6. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. I noted that “typo” also.

          7. MB says:

            #2019goals #youreallinvited #helovesmetoo

      2. mommypino says:

        MB, I will seriously fly to England for that! #dontforgetme #fairytalesdohappen 💕

  10. mommypino says:

    This is totally my Lesser mom.

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