Poll : How Will You Be Spending Christmas In Relation To The Narcissist?
It is Christmas Eve and for some of you the presents will be opened this evening and for others they will be opened tomorrow, on Christmas Day.
Carols will be sung, turkey will be carved, champagne corks will pop and someone will invariably say “Took hours to wrap and all over in minutes.”
However, arguments will ensue, flirtations will occur, awkward silences will abound, tears will flow and presents smashed. Scenes will occur, dramas will unfold, trysts will be engaged in and stages will be taken to because, after all, our kind will take hold of Christmas and make it ours for the sake of fuel and control. Whether it will be taking centre stage and exhibiting largesse with gift-buying, criticising the standard of the food or not even bothering to turn up to an invited party, the narcissist will be making Christmas glorious or miserable all around the globe.
Thus, how will you be spending Christmas this year. Putting up wth the showing-off and flirtation with your sister, enduring the repeated put-downs from mother or locking the gates, maintaining the blocks and rejecting the inevitable hoovers? Perhaps you will be missing the narcissist, still experience the pain of recent disengagement and thinking back to wonderful Christmases past or alternatively you may now be relishing enjoying a Christmas for once without treading on those infamous eggshells.
Whichever it is, do vote below and add your comments as always to expand on your thoughts and experiences.
Merry Christmas.
HG
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Narcissits are not invited this year. Thanks to you and your work, I don’t feel guilty of GOSO anymore. I hope that you will have the merriest and fuel-filled Christmas. Thank you for helping me improve my life through your work.
Last christmas was about 2 months after the discard and it was devastating. I wanted him to hoover me, I missed him. Today I am in total no contact that lasts 10 months, I don’t miss him, I don’t want him to hoover me, I am mentally free. There is only 1 thing that is the same. I dont want him to be happy. But I am not consumed by this dream anymore.
Tex
Its good to read that you have moved on and are in a better place. It helps others to see that it is possible. Your dream is complete btw because they are not able to be happy. He will never be happy. Merry Christmas.
The best part of spending Christmas without the narcissist is there is no anticipation of what will happen. No worry that he’ll all of a sudden go NC the day before, no worry that he’ll “forget” your present, no worry about the perfect gift to give him, no worry that he’ll hardly acknowledge that perfect gift, no worry he’ll triangulate you with every female at the party, no worry that your kids won’t want him around, no worry that you’ll have to make excuses for him. No worry he’ll show up late and leave early. Why the hell did I ever want him around
This site has been a tremendous blessing to me. I worked for 6 years in a psychopathic narc nest but finally escaped a couple of weeks ago thanks to the knowledge gained here. Thank you, HG, for your wisdom and insight.
No narcs for me tonight. Just Barolo and Pecto Calmine.
Merry Christmas HG.
I’m awake. The best Christmas Gift I ever received was narcsite. Second best actually. The best was my narc. Before we met my scope was incomplete, my range of emotion too tight. I’m in what you call Supernova at the moment. It is empowering but I don’t want to get used to this. Rather, I want to hold my children. For nearly two years my narc was the child I tried to hold, I saw him “with his mothers eyes” – he was perfection in all his sharp edges, the toolkit he was given as an untouchable golden child. I thought I had the strength to handle the devaluation and discard but I stopped functioning as a mom, a friend, daughter, colleague and boss. I failed. I hope he finds an abundance of positive fuel this Christmas.
Merry Happy Holidays Sir H.G.
I will be spending my Christmas marveling at just how wise you are and how all my Christmas fears have come true with the greatest gift of all a Complete set of Holiday Midrange Somantic Victim Hoover’s. Gift wrap especially in tainted paper full of blame for someone else and how they would love to explain just how it wasn’t their fault but would love to see me in person just to make sure I know they are the victim here.
HG you are the best. May your holiday be full of all the Blessing’s and joy that you deserve. Thanks for always being spot on. I love reading this novel that is written here and then watch it play out right before my eyes. I’ll be drinking a glass of Elijah Craig bourbon and toasting you, the Wise Man across the pond. Cheers from Kentucky!! Home to the Best Bourbon, the Fastest Horses, Beautiful woman and me.
Michael
I am no contact with my ex. Christmas will be quiet this year. I am free and it feels great.
brokenrainbow,
After narc hell, quiet and peaceful Christmas seasons are the best – hope yours is good!
No contact is my healthy choice, I promise you!
Never again, no more. A narc can snuff out your flame.
Why would I want my flame dimly lit
Di
Blaze on.
Merry Christmas HG!!! Hope u r doing well.
And Merry Christmas to everyone! ( Windstorm, NA, and Twillight). Miss you guys!
It has been 2 1/2 years now since no contact and I am thankful that I didn’t make the mistake of deciding to spend the rest of my life with my ex.
But I do still miss her. That hasn’t gone away. The thoughts of her have diminished and my triggers are down to just a few times a year.
The world is still very different to me. It makes me sad.
Merry Christmas, Snow White! So good to hear from you and know that you are well! ❤️🎄
So glad that you are still around and doing well too Windstorm. I miss all your stories and encouragement.
Your words have meant a lot to me. ❤️
Merry Christmas Snow White!
Miss you to, glad to see you popping in.
Thanks Twilight!!
Hope you are enjoying your day and 2109 will be a good one for you.
Thank you Snow White.
Yes my day has been great, soon I will be heading home (looking forward to this)
I am looking forward to what adventures happen in 2019.
I hope the New Year brings joy, peace and happiness!
Snow White
Always nice to see you and hear that you are still no contact and doing well. Wishing you all the best over the holidays and always.
NA
I am Narc freeeeee this Christmas! I returned the gifts I bought for him and got myself a cute New years outfit. Merry Christmas HG and thanks for being awesome!
I never spent Christmas with MRN but the dorkiest most fake picture I ever saw of him was a Christmas pic, so there is that.
I won’t be enduring his antics..he can sit and sulk and be a victim on his own..I’m off out to family without him. By this time next year he will be a mere rotten distant memory, a memory not worth recalling. Have a good one HG .
I am in a much better place than last christmas. It’s all thanks to hg tudor!
Merry christmas HG and to all my friends here and to the readers who I don’t know also!
Very Merry Christmas, Jenna! ❤️🎄
Sometimes I want the hoover.
Sometimes I do not want the hoover.
Sometimes I am indifferent.
When I miss him, I try to remind myself that it isn’t him I really miss, but the sense of safety and acceptance that he gave me. I have to learn to get these things for myself so that no one can take advantage of me. Narc Friend helped me see potential in myself that I don’t think I realized before, and I think that is what I really miss.
You didn’t include an option for those who enjoy their Narc’s huge Christmas Eve party. My family doesn’t do trashy, if anything cruel is said, it’s in private. We have an image to maintain in front of our guests. Lucky for me I’m completely numb to anything any of my family members say.
Kia Ora HG, Meri Kirihimeti from Aotearoa NZ.
I’ll be enjoying a peaceful narcfree Xmas day. Last year narc stayed with his daughter and her family overseas – I couldn’t go because (insert bs story) but the family all FaceTimed me on the day and posted on Facebook etc.
Discovered later narchole was there with his gf, family was helping him keep us both fooled.
I’m going to have a drama free Xmas, first in 13 years. Grateful thanks to you HG, best wishes for the coming year.
I will be driving an hour out of my way, to pick up my daughter from from the narcissist. Every holiday since she has been born, is like this. He wont hand her over on my court appointed holidays, unless the police are involved. I worry about the day that my ex eventually wont hand her over, or someone gets hurt. The courts have not helped this issue, as of yet.
ANM
It’s so unfair and I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
NarcAngel. Thank you. This was the year that the narc didnt return my child. Its so frustrating
I’m sorry Anm. Praying it will be better for you.
I’m in between choices. I’m no contact and while most of me doesn’t want a hoover, a small part does just to see and confirm that this is all true. I know it is but there’s always that little piece of you that wants more proof
Know that feeling x x
Lori
Your advice to someone else here on the blog that no amount of proof is ever enough seems apt here. Hold tough Lori. You don’t really want it all to start up again. Are you feeling bored and restless or is it something else do you think?
I’m sure it’s a little of both. I do suffer with boredom. I have immersed myself in fitness as a distraction, but what I have come to know is that the time frame in which the feeling of indifference comes Is tied to the amount of time you were with the narc and the level of trauma experienced. I was years plural recovering from my last bout with Narc 1 and I no sooner felt like I had gotten over it and along cake narc 2. I know logically that I’m better off NC but there is always that little piece of you that wants that validation from him which I’m sure is the codependency talking.
I made it through Christmas NC but I feel even more challenged right now as I’m under some work related stress (yes my boss a total narc) any kind of stress that’s out of the norm seems to have me craving contact as it would seem soothing but in reality is anything but. I feel very challenged right now but so far I’ve managed to stay the course. It’s literally one day at a time and sometimes one hour at time, but so far so good and I have not seen or heard anything that could be considered a Hoover. This is the longest no contact I’ve been and I made it through all the birthdays and holidays and passive Hoovers so I’m sure he’s figuring out that I’m done.
The next hurdle 3 months. I have found from the previous narc and many other posts 3 months seems to be a critical amount of time where they start figuring out that you’re gone and start getting the itch to reel you back in as they begin to sense that they might be losing control of you and you are moving on.
All I can say is it’s a bit rough, but I’m getting thru it and all I can say is I will not contact him today. Tomorrow is another day where I start again with I won’t contact him today.
All I can do is keep trying because trying is better than not trying. Eventually trying leads to success but I will never be successful if I don’t try
Lori
You’ve been very honest about your own behaviours and needs and taking it one day at a time seems to be working for you so far. You said recently that things have been becoming increasingly clearer, so I hope that that formula, the passage of time, and your participation here will continue to bring you some peace.
This is addiction which is not at all uncommon with codependents but the first step to kicking it is acknowledging it and getting honest about it and stop making excuses. Excuses prolong the agony. If you screw up then you screw up and you start again.
It’s really not surprising that I’m in this situation when I look back over my life, I have been exposed to many many narcissists I just didn’t know what it was. Not at all surprising, I have a narc boss and that’s not just my assessment people openly refer to him as such. I am the only one that is able to work with him and people often ask me how I do it. Well, I know how I do it. Codependency has allowed me do it but I’ve pretty much decided I’m going to do something about it. It’s time to clean house. I am learning that once there is one narcissist in your life it seems to be a portal for others to come. Interesting enough narc 2 kept telling me I needed to get away from my boss. Lol Narcs don’t like sharing
I hate when this site is down for a week cause then I have to white knuckle it on my own lol
, but I get through. I find great comfort here even though I’m quite opinionated. Thank you for the support. I will not contact him today.
Dearest Wonderful HG,
My wish is that you will be under many many Christmas trees (books) this year, and that you will be receiving tanker truck loads of sparkling powerful fuel!!!
I will be having a nice quiet Narc Free Christmas.
You are the Best Narc Ever!!! ( To me, anyway. LOL)
Perse
Hey Perse
Haven’t seen you around much lately but your comments always make me smile and are appreciated. Thank you. Enjoy a wonderful peaceful holiday.
Merry Christmas from New Zealand HG, thanks so much for all your brilliant articles and videos. You’ve inspired me to keep on the right side of your type. xo
Pretty much alone, except for my mother (also an empath).
It is No Contact with all the rest of rotten ex-family.
Oh and of course heavily sedated because of how crippled I am with depression over all they have done.
I hope you and your Mum have a healing day x x
Thanks
Eva
It must be hard for you, and for your empath mother to witness you feeling that way. I hope that you can share some quiet moments together over the holidays recalling happier times/experiences.
Thank you
Thank you!
And have fun with your mother.
I am occupied otherwise, but have also imagined for a short moment, how my mother and sisters now can play their narc games with each other, black sheep missing …. ;D
I would never want to spend a minute of my time (at any event) with any of the narcissists that I know. I have zero emotions for them.
After all, in the presence of his majesty, Mr. Tudor. Who would think about other narcs?! I consider it as a disloyalty for what I have learnt from Tudor.
My ex narc got a girlfriend this christmas… what a great gift. Takes some heat off me… i look at my HG inspired attempts of F.R.E.E and NoFuc-er as a big success as he was finally forced after 3 years to get another source of fuel.
I am just worried bc i feel like i am watching my life unfold when i met him 14 years ago as im witnessing their courtship. If it goes like mine did, and i think it will…. he will soon wrangle her money and resources against evil, crazy me. Bc im sure she’s buying into his smear campaign against me as i did with his 1st wife. It will be interesting as this girlfriend dynamic is new for me. I can only pray. That always works. In a twisted way i can’t wait to see her life and person and bank account be completely devastated. If nothing else just to once again prove to me and everyone else, ….its just how he is. It’s not me, ….its him. I wish i could tell her what’s in store for her but we all know i can’t. She unfortunately has to experience the soul sucking, agonizing demise of her life on her own. She won’t listen to me, after all, ….im …..the crazy one, the messed up alcoholic loser. 🙂 so ill just sit and watch her existence and life as she knew it to completely be obliterated. We all know that is exactly where she is headed. Sad sad sad
If she only knew that knight in shining armor, that prince upon the white horse who appears to be her rescuer , that seemingly great and attentive christian guy who professes to know and love Christ is NOT who she thinks he is. Her is an illusion. A mirror of herself. A vapor, a hologram that isn’t real. Poof! That illusion will disappear soon enough and when it does. I will pray God gives her the strength to pick herself up from her flattened, puddle of nothingness off the floor as she tries to rebuild her life with nothing. Bc he took it all .
Merry christmas oblivious prey. U have been ensnared.
Findinglife11
*sigh*
I have sooo many things to discuss with you about Christian Ns. For now however, I’ve opened this bottle of sparkling Pinot Noir Chardonnay, here’s your glass, and…just remembered how it’s written that ‘one day you’ll say to Me “Lord, Lord, we did XYZ and Z in your name”, and I will say “get lost, I never knew you”.’
Jesus knows how to do the perfect fuel-free N-burn. He sees through all their BS.
It’s even better than HG’s classic line “you’re only someone I used to know”.
Wishing you peace and real love, and the security of no devaluation ever, for Christmas. I’m so pleased for you that you found narcsite too.
HG is honestly God’s Gift to Women.
Merry Christmas, HG! You are the only narc I’m talking to during the holidays (and hopefully, ever). Merry Christmas, everyone!
Merry Christmas to you. I am the only one worth speaking to.
Absolutely.
Truth!
So far no Christmas Hoover. I have not contacted him in over 2 months now which is a milestone for me. Does the Christmas hoover have to happen at Christmas? Does a fake profile friend request 10 days ago count as a Christmas hoover ?
Merry Christmas, Sweetest Perfection!
Merry Christmas, K!
Although I do miss my narc, and have broken no contact with responding to texts, I have been evasive and dodging hook up hoover attempts feigning “sleeping” or “shopping” or “sorry , out of text range, I just got your message” and being always cordial and polite . But understanding now that these are Hoovers, nothing more will ever come of it. So relieved to have this knowledge (and he works on the holidays!) So spending a peaceful restful holiday with family and friends, drama-free! Thank you HG! For all you have given me. I am eternally grateful for you! I am at peace with the knowledge and insight. Have a very merry Christmas HG!
You also.
My first Christmas away from my ex narc sociopath. Just me and my 3 children tonight & most if Christmas Day 😊 silly hoover attempts last week like ringing me (not the kids) to see what the children want for Christmas instead of emailing when we are supposed to only communicate through email unless emergency. Then Unblocking my sister on WhatsApp so she tells me about his profile picture in bed kissing his new supply LOL 🙄- Recently gone gray rock so I’m hoping the games will stop soon..! Merry Christmas 🎄
I will be spending Christmas remaining free from the narcissist(s) and in a much better place than last Christmas …..
Absolutely
Hoovers already begun but I’m slowly disengaging from him .
And MatriNarc will be present but I can brush it off lately lol.
Merry Christmas HG!!
Merry Christmas to Everyone!
I only have room for one narcissist this Christmas, HG.
Merry Christmas to you, Twilight. There is only one narcissist worth making room for.
True HG.
Merry Christmas, Twilight!
Merry Christmas K!
Merry Christmas Twilight!
Merry Christmas WhoCares!
Merry Christmas Twilight!
I will be spending Christmad Day with my parents, including my narc mother, and my siblings, one narc brother and one codependent brother. My partner is working on an opposite coast and I fly there on Boxer’s Day. He is a narcissistic good guy. He will be glad to see me but probably have no gift for me, at most a calendar. Nothing personal. He does seems incabable of assessing the feelings of others, not just with me, but everyone. It has affected his career. He also seems unaware of when people are being mean to him. I recently told him that if he will not go to a therapist (he has childhood sexual abuse issues and was severely anorexic right after we married, and his father was verbally nasty and distant) I (who has been in therapy many times) cannot continue in this relationship. The empathy issue is hard enough. I cannot take his anorexia if he will not get help. If he will not go, that is a passive aggressive sign that he wants out, and of he wants out, I do too. I am not going to hang on this time. But perhaps he will go. I am optimistic. It could get better. He might have high level autism. On Christmas Day, I will be with my parents, including my narc mother, and my siblings – one narc brother and one codependent brother. My narc brother made dinner reservations at 3 pm at a steakhouse. He knows I am vegan for health reasons and that I have to drive eight hours to get there and must work as a musician the night before. So I have to leave by 7 am after having worked the night before to make it on time and if I am late, he will say things behind my back about how unreliable I am. He is very jealous of my success as an academic and musician so does not hesitate to punish me when he can. He is wealthy and flaunts it, (why the jealousy? but I can have no success – only he can) and we have opposite political views. He will be sure to start talking about politics in a loud voice and to make jokes about the fact that I called the restaurant to order a vegetable platter. My father is a codependent who is also an extremely rigid conservative because of fear of hell. This is a wicked combination. My mother is a covert narcissist who revels in the power she gets by playing victim of my father’s conservative views. She had trapped and completely ruined my younger sister as a sort of substitute spouse, used her to triangulate against my father. My sister died five years ago and so now my mother does not ever want to celebrate Christmas – which had been sort of nightmarish while my sister was alive because of the horrible strange relationship between my mother and sister, who was not functioning as an adult because of the gaslighting abuse. My mother has absolutely no capacity for empathy but is always needing someone to be on her side, so although she expesses no caring for me, this year I will be it for her because we do agree politically and I am the only one in the family who pities her. She does not know I pity her.
I will just smile and nod. I will not take any of their bait. But I will not sleep well and will be exhausted the next day.
Sounds like Hell Elise… I would fake a flat tyre in the morning… As I was reading I thought your boyfriend sounded like he has Aspergers … Lots of love for the Holidays … x x
Elise Marie
How thoroughly exhausting for you!
I agree with Original Overthinker’s plan of the flat tyre.
Re: your N-brother —
I’m reminded of Stuart’s reponse in Big Bang Theory when manipulated by Sheldon into performing some task:
“I can’t, and also, and I can’t stress this enough, I don’t want to”.
We’ve been apart for 2yrs. I was DLS who escaped. I never spent a Christmas with him in the 10-15 yrs.
mostly I got some attention about 10 days before then nothing until mid January. Never ever a present. He even denied we had been together that long when I ended it. This time I’m getting flooded with messages and invitations to sample mince pies. I can’t work out what’s going on. Has the latest IPPS failed or has she worked him out?
I told him I didn’t need his attention and to concentrate on his gf. He stopped then.
Getting a silent treatment now. He never intended to spend time with me. Maybe he planned to use me as a bolt hole because things are deteriorating at home. Anyway silent treatment is here. Silent night.
He turned me into one of “them” so now he is getting a taste of his own medicine! Merry Narcfest!!!
My first “Christmas maintaining NC but expecting hoover attempts.” I have received four within the last 2-weeks and one at 12:30am today. My close friend became a flying monkey recently & outed info about me. Merry Christmas Steph, you’re NC now, too.
It’s wearing me down. I desire no contact with him but constantantly disrespecting my boundaries & me as a person is tiring. The ant scurrying across my floor treats me better—at least he crawls away and stays away.
I wish the narc would go back to the hell from whence he came.
HG, you give the gift that keeps on giving….enlightenment. Merry Christmas.
You are welcome and a Merry Christmas to you.
Does anyone else have a problem with full moons? We’re having one this Christmas, which apparently we haven’t had since 1977. As beautiful as they are, I hate them because they always reek havoc on me. I can’t help noticing every time I’m having things go wrong or off skelter, there’s a full moon- and then I realize it and understand why – it’s an oh, gotcha. Munstrual periods and migraines, birth, I ebb and flow like the tide in a full moon. Once I realize it, I steady it like a plane in turbulence. Anyway I’m having Christmas with my empath daughter and family, and I’m sure we’ll FaceTime happily with my narc fam out of state. I already picture them being sour over their gifts, even ones they asked for- if that gives them pleasure, then good, and I won’t be there to notice it.
Surprise Christmas Eve text bright and early from Canada N. I know it shouldn’t, but it made my day! It’s the *little* things you appreciate. (When you expect nothing.)
I actually just read the options and I will be spending Christmas away from both my narcs and in a much, MUCH better place.
Thanks for this poll and your work, HG – I hope Father Christmas is good to you this year.
He will be, I have been very very very good this year.
I saw your stocking hung on IG. Santa will fill it with fuel. Enjoy!
There’s that modesty again !!!!!!
Oh no 🤦🏽♀️😆
Merry Christmas ! HG
Thank you for the informative gifts ! . Enjoyed reading it all once again .
🌟
You are being very, very, very bad by saying you have been very, very, very good.
Well , he just died laughing.
Well, on Christmas morning, the narcissist and I will be taking a sleigh ride mid-morning through an enchanted snowy forest, decorated with lovely Christmas scenes and actual reindeer throughout, with beautiful orchestral music playing (hot cocoa and warm blankets included)… then back to his lake house, to fully prep for a larger-than-life Christmas party at 3 p.m. with a large gathering of his/our friends. Later that evening, his family will arrive for dinner, and then we’ll gather ’round and open presents. Later that night, when everyone goes home, I’ll be cozied up to him by the fireplace, rubbing his feet… the next day, he’s whisking me away to Norway, where we’ll visit my second cousins~and we’ll all ring in 2019 together.
I’m kidding! Of course I am — the “rubbing of his feet” was over-the-top.
WITHOUT HIM. I’ll be spending the holidays without him. If I wasn’t, I surely wouldn’t post here. 🙂
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy New Year~
Caroline
I knew it was hogwash but enjoyed the ride thru the woods with you. LOL
Caroline, it sounded like a wonderful Christmas Golden Period!
Hi, MB. 🙂 That’s actually pretty darn close to what Christmas would be like with him, lol
Pretty dreamy, not gonna lie…except for the whole masked-man thing. I’ll pass.
But I’ll miss the reindeer!
It does sound dreamy Caroline is Fine.
Yeah, well, he’s the Upper Echelon, so you know what showy overdoers they can be. The main thing is that those outside trappings don’t match the inner important stuff, so that’s the sad part. And as fun as some of that is, a little of that goes a long way with me…I’m very content with the more simple, quiet things.
Christmas will be real… giving/sharing/loving/caring…what matters.
So dreamy, yes.
Glad I made you laugh, Kim e. Fun as it may sound, there would be too high of a price tag for me with that fun-filled Christmas extravaganza. 😉
As it is, I’m still being his friend that’s edging him into therapy. I was wondering how he’d be as Christmas approached, because we have history attached to this season… he’s still in charming mode, but now playing (weirdly funny) games to get my attention. He’s also on edge. I’m feeling sorry for whomever he’s going to haul off on, because he definitely will.
I hope your pain of entanglement is easing, Kim. It really takes time (& a whole lot of self-restraint). Hang in there. I’ve been thinking of you.
Thanks Caroline. My resolve sucks and after I was hoovered by the parking ticket I have been a wreck. I did block but ……..he is off this week and would not hear from him anyway.
This is truly like withdrawal. Moments of panic lots of tears.
I have even thought about having a cigarette which I have not had in 10 years.
But it will be what it is. It took me numerous tries to quit smoking too. Just gotta get back on if I fall off.
It does me good to know that there are people, you & NA & MB & HG, that will pick me up brush me off and send me on my next try if need be
Have a very Merry Christmas 🎁
Okay, the good news first, Kim…
This angst-ridden, stressful, miserable narc addiction of yours (truly, I’m getting to the good news, hang in, lol)… well, it’s making you quite creative! Look at this little pun you just pulled off: “… After I was hoovered by the parking ticket, I was a wreck.”
You know, parking ticket — automobile use — wreck. Get it? (Ok, maybe that’s lame “good news”)…
But the bad news really *could* be bad… please don’t allow his narcy nonsense to turn you toward smoking again. Please do not allow him that power. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to quit smoking, as that’s a great accomplishment that’s good for you. I really want you to keep that, for yourself. It’s important, so distract yourself in other ways, as needs be and come in here to chat with all of us who support you. There are so many wonderful, kind empaths here for you, any time…
Oh, and HG too! (Lol)
But seriously, all you said is so true, Kim; it’s an addiction that has withdrawals, and there will be a myriad of emotions with it (normal and necessary) & ups and downs with your resolve, much like quitting smoking – but you DID that. So don’t be discouraged.
You’re trying to help yourself. That’s your gift – to you – this ongoing process of freeing yourself. No, it’s not like a beautifully wrapped gift with a bow, because it’s an “inside job,” so to speak… but you’re doing it. It’s tough – but you’re tougher than what you have to do. I promise you.
Merry Christmas to you, too, with a hug.
Caroline Thank you so much for the lol’s and the pep talk. I need your encouragement as much as I need NarcAngels toughness.
Merry Christmas hugs
Always happy to be here for you, Kim (am sure NA feels the same!) XO
Caroline. Might be my next tattoo
There are really only two ways to approach life…..as victim or as gallant fighter…..and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don’t decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you. ~~~ Merle Shain
“Caroline” might be your next tattoo?? I’m so flattered! Can it be written in a cursive flourish? With a tiny dolphin flipping in the ocean at the end? Or just the ocean, moon and stars? Or perhaps a little yellow rose instead?
Oh, wait… you mean the QUOTE might be your next tattoo. Oh… right…that’s good too. LOL
(The quote rocks – I love it!)
Caroline….LOL. Yes Caroline could be my next tat with a dolphin and angels. But I believe the next will be a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.
Yes the first Christmas if freedom for me and partial freedom for my son. Goal and present for the narc is fuel deprivation and then eventual crisis. It’s going to be a wonderful year.🎉
♥️♥️♥️
With narc family members. Christmas eve with husbands narc mother and brother and sister in law. Christmas day with my narc brother and my empath sister who I have just been informed has become engaged to the mid range narc that I had hoped would be eaten by a bear on one of his wilderness jaunts this summer. I would tie it all up by dancing on Stepnarcs grave but I literally do not know where he is or care enough to find out. I will give only 2 hours to each event and ignore them unless they provoke in which case they will be wounded with a comment (but no emotion) immediately prior to my departure because, well, …it’s Christmas and it’s just in me to give.
NA….you are a true angel. Always thinking of others.
Merry Christmas.
Kim e
Haha. I sense sarcasm. I love sarcasm.
🐻 🐻 🐻
I have recently come to respect you, NA, for many reasons.
NA, yeesh fun festivities for you. Hopefully you find some non-narc time to enjoy
Merry Christmas HG have a lovely time, thank you for all your help all year round on this blog and your books.
Behave yourself at this time of year !!
You are welcome and Merry Christmas.
Empath supernova here. Last year I provoked a split with him by telling him I was lovesick for him as he was with the new wife and neglecting me and that he’d really gotten himself in a bind with this crazy woman yikes. That stressed and angered him. He responded by saying we should stop ‘correspondence’. So formal! He ruined a few Christmases for me. I was the long term secondary supply (one of many as well as other dirty little secrets while he usually had a primary gf). I was married. One Christmas Eve he even floated the question casually if I thought we could be just friends..😳He knew that one was extra extra wounding. But he was with his primary so feeling really good at that moment. Anyway, he marrried (Slovak Mail order bride) a year ago and now she is SUFFERING and he is dissatisfied. Reached out to me for sex recently. I acted like he was blocked. I imagine a hurtful, annoyed Christmas for both. My stomach is not in knots for the first time in several years. But, I spy on him on fb and her on Pinterest – whew she’s miserable. I do this because it proves the cycle NEVER changes for him. Maybe I’ll stop looking.. New Years resolution. I enjoy your YouTube sessions – love your accent. Thank you for all the detailed, blunt honesty. It’s freed me.
Thank you. By the way, the empathic supernova is an event, not a person.
To all, please listen to the “Dirty John” podgast series on iTiunes. Episode #7 TERRA is an example of an empathic supernova. HG, I would love your analysis of the “Dirty John” series. It is on my wish list for Santa!
E&L
The Dirty John podcast was great! I think everyone should listen to it and practice their narc lessons.
E&L, Dirty John was a good podcast. I enjoyed it very much as well.
I know 🙂. I loved that YouTube you did. I was using shorthand to orient you to who I am because I knew I was about to write too many words as it was.
Merry Christmas, HG. I hope your holiday is lovely!
Thank you. Oh it already is.
Your Primary thinks so, too.
Speculation. You do not know.
True, Mr. Tudor. It was just a wild guess. Of course, I do not know. When it comes to you, I know zilch. I do not even know what size shoe you wear, or where you put it most often.
🎶 🎼 🎵 2 my 👂 👂
None of us REALLY know. Sometimes all we have is the ability to guess & speculate in order to quench our curiosities.
Mr. Tudor,
Thank you for having put my reply through in answer to your comment. I am overtaken with appreciation. Truly.
Nice Christmas present, HG! We always like polls.
I picked enduring Christmas with narc family. May not be Christmas Day, however. Our family gettogether is at the end of the week.
My preference is to spend Christmas Day alone at home, but it’s a safe bet my Pretzel will at least call or even run up here if I try that. I was supposed to meet him for lunch today, but slick roads scared me off. Since his office is closed, and his friends with their families, he has to get fuel from somewhere!
He’ll probably want me to go to the movies with him (and I’ll get that nice meal after all!). So, good money would bet I’ll be in a theatre watching either Aquaman or Spider-Man with at least one narc family member on Christmas Day. Lol!
Wherever I am, I will be happy and enjoy the day! I hope the same for all the rest of you! Merry Christmas to all!
Merry Christmas Windstorm.
I am glad you will enjoy the day.
Thank you for the advice given and your story shared
x x
Windstorm, I saw Spiderman with my grandson yesterday. It’s was great!
Thanks, Mercy. Hopefully that or Aquaman will be the choice. He’s making noises that he wants to see the Clint Eastwood movie. Afraid that will be very downbeat – painful for contagions. Good time for me to put my foot down! I had to watch enough of those kind of movies when we were married!
You have a wonderful Christmas! ❤️🎄
Windstorm, thank you and Merry Christmas to you too! If you see Aquaman let me know how it is. I told my little man that that’ll be our next movie date.
Windstorm
Ha ha I just got back from watching Aquaman with my grandson, a Depeche Mode song was played and thought of HG.
Spending Christmas going through the motions.
Bewildered, thinking WTF has happened.
Know isolating myself, family are noticing.
Always go to the Christingle service, lovely with excited children, nice Carols, low lights. Can’t face it or fake it this year.
Merry Christmas to you, HG!!
Merry Christmas.
Remaining free and in a much better place!
Good for you K! Hope you a very Merry Christmas!!
*have a very Merry Christmas even…lol! Honestly, I haven’t been into the eggnog…yet
WhoCares
Ha ha ha…I autocorrected your comment and didn’t catch the missing “have”. Enjoy the eggnog and grog.
Damn straight WhoCares and Merry Christmas to you, too!
Very glad you are in this place and space! I have benefitted immensely from your input! Seasons greetings K!!
Thank you for your kind words. Seasons Greetings to you, too, E&L! I am very happy you are here with us on narcsite.
This is the first Christmas I am enlightened about your kind. Thank you HG! I am actually looking forward to some “research” and putting my learning into action at the family gatherings. (Or non-action as the case may be!) A whole different dynamic than last year.
MB,
Good luck with your field research 🙂 And have a Merry Christmas!
It’s full no contact for me; and I already have measures in place in the event of hoover attempts…
WC, thank you. I’m looking forward to meeting someone in the family for the first time. Either, he’s been projected upon and smeared by my possible narc niece OR he is a narcissistic abuser. I have a bet with myself as I am the only one aware of the project. I’ve also got lots of hugs and snuggles for the empathy deprived tots!
Spending it alone after four months of “dating.” He has not even mentioned Christmas. Guess I am the Dirty Little Secret after all.
Quite possible.
You really do work all the time, HG! Thank you for moderating all of our Merry Christmas wishes. You’re The. Best. Host. Ever.
True.
It is your modesty that I love HG.
So does the entire world.
Modesty. And there it is lol.
😊
Don’t you just wanna hug and kiss him MB?
The gratitude was sufficient.
Ha haha
All the time 2SF! All the time!
I’m staying close by to see what picture he puts up for his Christmas gift to us!
I never wish to meet him, kiss him, or hug him. Nor do I ever wish for him to meet me, kiss me, or hug me.
I know, but I also know that you’ll still like to hear it. xx
I do not listen to HG’s YouTube videos, ever. I cannot do so because it will reawaken my obsessive addiction (against my will). So, I do not even go there.
I can never listen to his voice. I wish I was strong enough to do so. But, I am not. It is off limits to me, forevermore.
MB,
He is the best host! And it’s a great, *timely* poll; plus a nice way to make sure we will thinking about our *favourite* narcissist over the holidays 😉