When we seduce you, we want to absorb you. We want to make you part of us. This is because we see you as an extension of ourselves but it is also because we want to ensure that you are isolated and cut-off from any potential threats to our grand design for you. It is also because we want you exposed to those who will only increase and magnify our charm, our magnetism and our attraction. This means we need to expose you to and integrate you within our own networks. Accordingly, where we are the type of narcissist that has a significant social circle and family connections, you will be thrust into their midst very quickly when the seduction has begun. It is akin to taking hold of you, hanging you over a vat of liquid which represents all of our supporters, admirers and adorers and dunking you straight into it ensuring you are wholly covered, utterly subsumed and completely covered. You will be paraded around these various sources of ours in order to extract fuel from their admiration at our latest conquest. Our smearing of your predecessor will mean that that person is rarely mentioned and if they are it will be in terms which are disparaging about them and complimentary about us. That is how our coterie and lieutenants have been conditioned to respond for the purposes of maintaining our glorious appearance. We will draw fuel from all of their complimentary remarks and furthermore we will be able to gather fuel from your delighted reaction at being presented as such a wonderful and perfect person. It amounts to a fuel fest for us. This integration with those who worship us and promote our agenda is a crucial part of how we embed you into our world. You are made to feel special and wanted, liked and involved as you find yourself invited to a family dinner, a christening, a wedding, nights out with our friends, drinks with other friends, an afternoon coffee and so on. So many ways to plug you into our world by using the all obliging members of our façade. This absorption convinces you that we are the real deal. Who in in their right mind would stand against such conviction from so many people? Nobody of course and that is how our magic is woven. You feel so fortunate. Not only have you met the partner of your dreams but our family are so welcoming and friendly, and our friends are delightful. Nobody has a bad word to say about us. Little do you realise that this is almost like a television programme with actors playing the parts of family and friends and the wonderful places and events that we take to you are just scenery that has been created to give the appearance of reality. If you were able to look behind the scenes then you would see one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, masking tape and spray paint. You will not notice though. We do not allow you sufficient time to take everything in. You are whisked from one thing to another, festooned with compliments, spun around, whirled about and not given any opportunity to consider, reflect or scrutinise. Everything is moving, shining and sparkling in order to distract you. Oh those klaxons are blaring but you cannot hear them for the honey being poured in your mouth. The red flags are flying but there is so much glitter being thrown about by us, so much fairy dust hanging in the air that you are unable to see those scarlet warnings.

We want to draw you into us through ensuring that you are utterly immersed in our supportive and obliging networks. This also means that if you happen to have some kind of concern, perhaps a slight inkling that something is not quite right and you ask one of the many people you have been introduced to, you will receive the party line in response in order to assuage your concern. This absorbing into our world, our band of merry supporters provides you with no chance to resist. Whereas in your past you may have found the mother-in-law to be distant or a brother unwelcoming, friends jealous that their friend now has a new distraction and so forth, all of those potential problems do not exist with us. This is because the few that might know what we are, the handful which may identify that there is something wrong with us even though they may not know exactly what we are, will have been side-lined. They are not allowed to point out that the beautiful world that we have created is one of smoke and mirrors. Their dissenting voices have been silenced, their pointing fingers cut off and they have been bundled away. If you ever ask about them we will either ignore your question or advance an entirely plausible reason why we no longer have anything to do with our brother. As you will recognise by now, it will all be his fault.

You are to be subsumed not only into our identity as we swallow you up to form part of us, a functioning and reliable appliance pumping fuel our way, but you are also woven into the tapestry that is our illusion. Each introduction, each party, each greeting, each pleasant afternoon getting to know members of our coterie is but a further needle stroke as we pass the thread over you and enmesh you into our illusion. Tighter and tighter the thread becomes until you are a complete part of it. Of course, should you eventually realise that you have been woven into a fabrication, the thread will be so tight about you, so complete and so covering that escape is nigh on impossible without the assistance of someone else who is able to cut you free.











  1. Leanne 🌼 says:

    Are we “fuel” because you can’t live without us? Is that basic primal knowledge .. the driving force behind the narcissistic rage : loss of control?
    If you can’t live without us (our empathic, caring personalities) to model- imitate – steal…. then you fail to exist.. to #matter , ymmv

    And therefore ..
    (We fall back on what we know best)


    -just wondering

  2. Lori says:

    Yep “enmeshment” that was the term the therapist used with me regarding narc 1. She said there is total enmeshent between the two of you.

    1. Lori says:

      When the narc returned to my life about 10 years ago after a number of years no contact, he immediately started weaving me into his world. He lived about 5 hours from me but was still able to do this by speaking on the phone for long periods all day and especially when friends were around often putting them on the phone with me and telling them all about his past with me. He also startes weaving me into his professional life. He is quite a successful business man and would often tell me what he was going to put me in charge of. I voiced concern that his current employees would not like that and his response was we are getting back together and you are a part of me and if they don’t like it or accept it, they’re fired. You are going to be my family and extension of me. You are more than qualified. They can accept it or hit the road

  3. NarcAngel says:

    So accurate HG. Even though I know how it works, it amazes me still to read and have you hit every point square on the head as you do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  4. DoForLuv says:

    My first relationship/marriage from beginning until the end. It took me years to see this and so difficult to get out off it he blame from and his family friends was so heavy . They still do this because we share children I can’t go NC

    Have you ever been Married HG ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have, DFL.

  5. Somebody says:

    This was my life. Totally enmeshed with him. Yes only those that see him help me to escape. Just as I thought he was my true love he was my jailer. He kept me ensnared in his tapestry. His web. It is only my family that he has exploited for his gain that help me to escape and GOSO.

  6. freedgypsysoul says:

    sounds like my summer. I was introduced to his ‘close friends’…..a mere 2 days after he discarded the one before me. One later confessed to me the quickness of that change and how much shock they were in when he showed up with me ‘out of the blue’ so soon. That was followed by a week out coming with everyone where it went between him saying ‘isn’t she great, isn’t she wonderful, doesn’t she great me so well, compared to….’ and him saying ‘my friends love you, they think you’re awesome, they are happy that I’ve finally find sometime who treats me so well’. Argh I hated being on display AND I truly did think it felt really weird (my football stadium was starting to fill up with red flags). Hindsight is always 20/20 they say. And with HG in our corner, I’d like to think future sighting is likely to be way better than 20/20 now!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are correct.

  7. Em says:

    This is an amazing article!

  8. Em says:

    Omg this is exactly how my ex narc has entwined his latest IPPS. He chose her from outside the area. We all knew a bit about his reputation so I always knew I could only ever have a just for sex relationship. She didn’t know. He’s ensnared her. Ensconced with his family. Taken on amazing holidays. Introduced to his persona. I’ve known him nearly 20 yrs. for her It’s now 7-8 yrs and 4 as an IPPS. She must be beginning to work it out by now. He’s entangled in her business too. She’s got rid of quite a few IPSS threats too so he’s showing her she’s important. There are still plenty behind the scenes. She left me clues that she knew.
    I can see it all. Poor girl.

  9. ava101 says:

    Has anyone watched the lifetime movie “My Wife”?
    Sooo accurate!

    1. Caroline R says:

      Hi ava101
      Merry Christmas!
      I haven’t seen ‘My Wife’s. What happens?

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you Caroline R! To you, too!

        Ah, I read afterwards that it is the well known story of Mary Winkler.
        I couldn’t find the movie on the internet under that title, only on YouTube, maybe it was called something else on TV.

        A preacher’s wife, who shot him after 13 yrs of abuse. She was still abused heavily after she had wanted a divorce and he denied her that … imagine that situation. :/
        I can’t know the real facts, but I liked very much how the movie showed how that all could have happened.

        And the first very seconds of her husband as a preacher showed him clearly as that preacher type narc we’ve been talking about.

        The movie also showed in a well made way how other people react, and how they don’t know or want to know anything … And how the poor woman got dissociated states, and so on. How she didn’t believe her own perceptions anymore, together with her church’s brainwashing.

        My father was a pastor, and my family very holy to the outside world, but he verbally abused and neglected us DAILY.
        Anyways, together with the experience with the ex-narc, I can kind of imagine how one snaps one day, esp. when someone chokes your baby after having abused yourself physically and everything else when you didn’t even want to be there / with him anymore, like … at all. But she was raised as subservient and had no own money, etc. In the movie she said at some point that she just wanted it to stop. Yes, I know that thought.

        It is sad how some people on the internet think that that had been a premeditated, cold blooded murder … No, someone planning to murder anyone wouldn’t do it that way and not talk that way afterwards. To me, it is comforting, that the real life person “only” had to stay in a mental facility for 5 years as punishment. In the movie, a psychiatrist said that she suffered from C-PTSD. Yes, of course she did. People don’t understand how 13 years of daily abuse affects you through and through. I can only begin to understand, I myself hadn’t been living with such a person who added violent physical abuse to the verbal and emotional abuse for such a long time. For me, it was enough without physical abuse and being married …. OMG.

        I couldn’t find any video clips of her talking about abuse at a later time, though. 🙁

        Anyways, my point was simply that I liked how they depicted the situation of an abused woman plus that church hypocrisy pretty accurately. To me, it seems that someone had had their hands in the script for the movie who had been very careful in putting it together.

      2. Caroline R says:

        thank you for that detailed description. It sounds interesting. I’ll google it.

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