The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)


I do so enjoy being kind. I want to shower you with acts of generosity, concern and kindness when I first meet you. You are so special and only I can really see that that is the case. Other people have tried to crush the warmth and love inside you, trampling on your like some rare and delicate flower. Not me. I want to pick you and place you inside a jar, shielded from the toxicity of the world. I can nourish you, water you and let you enjoy the warmth from the light than shines from me. I can sense that you have been let down and hurt before. You do not deserve that. Someone as wonderful as you, someone as delicate and giving as you deserves far better. You can rest now though. The search is over. You have found me. I will take care of you now. Nothing will ever trouble you again. I will do so much for you and why not? I am blessed to have found you, but do you know what?  We deserve one another. I have been looking for someone like you all my life, someone who I can dedicate myself to. A person I can protect, love and make happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I know I am surrounded by these trappings of success, that I am in demand from many people who want to be involved with me and share my radiance. It is flattering and humbling at the same time. I am not interested in any of that however. I just want to share my life with someone who I can cherish and worship. Now I can.

(The Mid Range Narcissist thinks he cares and has sufficient cognitive empathy to use the words and gestures to convey what appears to be a caring, protective mindset. Note the repeated returns to self (glimpses of grandiosity) as the MRN appears as some kind of white knight, a saviour, a shielding angel, but then that is waved away by supposed humility, although this is false humility. The MRN instinctively recognises that the victim has most likely suffered before (thus this target is easier to seduce) and can select the right words to appear compassionate, caring and decent. There is no reference to partnership, to equality – the MRN truly thinks he is the saviour and is a decent individual. He believes he cares (although he does not) and he sees an opportunity to continue his ‘good works’ but the victim is just a project in the grand scheme of the MRN, an object which is being brought under control through words and supposed compassion. The MRN is infatuated with the victim because he believes he has found someone he can invest in and that his needs (although he does not know what they truly are) will now be met. He has high hopes indeed for this person.

I know you have walked a hard and winding road. Those scuffed boots you wear, with holes and the sole hanging off bear testament to that. Not once have you complained of course. That is not your way. You need not take another step though because I will carry you. I will lift you up and with one firm foot planted in front of the other I will carry you away and onwards towards our joint destination. It is a wonderful place. I will whisper in your ear as I carry you and tell you all about how I have made this beautiful paradise. I have created it just for you and I. It is our sanctuary where nobody can find us and nobody can harm us. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it?

(The MRN continues his extension of gallant knight. He instinctively recognises the dedicated nature of this victim, someone who puts other before themselves and instinctively this appeals to his need to take, take, take – however he does not recognise this and believes that he is being a good, kind person by offering to take the burden away from the victim. This however is control. The victim is being denied the choice to struggle on, to make their own decisions. Though the gesture appears noble, it is actually placing the victim in chains. Further, the whispers of a promised land a sanctuary again reaffirms in the MRN’s mind that he is doing a good deed when actually he is spinning the illusion to ensnare the victim and it shows how the victim is about to be isolated from support networks and indeed their own self-reliance ‘You don’t need anybody but me, I have a sanctuary just for us.’ It sounds special but it is actually a prison.)

I want to soothe your fevered brow, I want to hold your hand when you are frightened and I want to see you smile because of me. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you fall asleep. I want to love you, care for you, hold you and protect you. I will fetch and carry for you, I will crawl over broken glass just to hand you a cup of water to quench your thirst.

(More poetic gallantry designed to overwhelm the victim who can finally give up the last vestiges of control conned by this supposed saviour. Note the repeated use of want – this shows the MRN’s absolute slavish dedication to having his needs met, but it is obscured behind a sheen of apparent care and compassion. Once again this shows the absolute need and desire (unconsciously) for control and isolation of the victim. The narcissist wants to do everything for the victim (easy to say now, but won’t be maintained through actions beyond the golden period) which is actually about making the victim reliant on the narcissist and isolated from any potential external interferences that will eradicate the control the narcissist needs.)


I want you to feel bombarded by my innate kindness, swamped by my good nature and overwhelmed by my fair intentions. I want to deliver to you every minute of every day my warmth and kindness so that it becomes all you know.

(Further apparent beautiful intentions but this is actually demonstrating how the narcissist wishes to absorb, conquer and overwhelm the victim. The victim becomes paralysed by apparent kindness only to surrender any notion of free will. From this point onwards there would be nothing more said by the MRN in this seductive speech which represents his or her overall mindset. The words that follow are what the narcissist is unconsciously thinking and if said out loud would likely generate concern as they are red flags, of course, emotional thinking would likely be so high the red flags would be ignored.)

I want you to become dependent on my charity, my largesse and my generosity.

(Your dependence makes you easier to control. I own you. You are an object. This is what the MRN unconsciously thinks.)

I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence.

(Your addiction imprisons you.)

I want to see myself in your eyes and nothing else.

(Control and grandiosity through omnipotence)

I want to hear my words spoken by your tongue. I want you to mimic everything that I do so that when I point, you point and when I nod, you nod.

(You are my puppet now.)

I want my campaign of kindness to obliterate every semblance of what you once were. I want to destroy what once existed and replace it with my design and my desires.

(You are mine now. The old you is gone.)

I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.


74 thoughts on “The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)

  1. Marie Prestlien says:

    This eerily describes the courtship that took place with a man 17 years older than myself. Over 31 years later, I made the GOSO a reality.

  2. DEMBunny says:

    But not the LMR right? This sounds exactly like the MMR

  3. ava101 says:

    the current ex-live-in-narc appeared exactly as you describe as a knight in a silver Volvo rescuing me the first time I met him in person.

    But why would he do so on the last day with him, when he wanted himself to end the flat share? AFTER he had said the last evening before I left that I had ruined everything, that that was it? (Until then he said he wanted to come visit as soon as possible.) Why would he even care about his facade then? Why would he still help then?

    Like, the ex-narc helped a lot, too, during seduction, but couldn’t care less after devaluation. What’s wrong with the current one? (Haven’t heard from him since.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      These are matters which need to be placed in a context through the provision of more information and therefore you should organise a consultation.

  4. Kelly B says:

    I was head over heels in love. Was like a knight in shining armour. Had no idea what was to come. It makes me sad I gave my heart.

  5. WiserNow says:

    This mid-range behaviour is explained very well and the malicious intentions are made so clear it makes me shudder. The behaviour is very manipulative and deceptive and has nothing to do with true care and kindness. For those who are unaware about narcissism etc, this fake kindness can be a lifetime trap. It’s a huge mind-fuck.

    I recognise these behaviours the way HG describes them. I see them in various workplaces a lot where “office politics” are going on.

    It also makes me think about my mid-range mother and her manipulations. Her “kindness” and generosity to her children and family members was impossible to see through when I was a child. And it worked very well for her. She had the ultimate control. It put extra weight on the collar of guilt that would mysteriously appear when I did something she didn’t approve of or agree with. Being the receiver of her kindness made me return the favour in order to reciprocate. The thing is, she received genuine and honest care and kindness in return.

    What also happens is that a mid-ranger will sometimes get annoyed and jealous if you show them a kindness or give them a gift and they think your good deeds cast them in a bad light in some way. They need the spotlight and you have threatened to outshine them.

    For many years, I became hurt, confused and even depressed when I did something good or generous for my mother and it resulted in some sort of backlash against me at some point later on. The two events weren’t necessarily connected or did not appear to be related to each other, but it would happen shortly after. It could have been a silent treatment, provoked argument, triangulation with someone else who did something even better etc etc. Back then, I didn’t know why it would happen, but it felt as though she expected you to do something generous for her and then despised you if you eventually did. So confusing! And it does break you down slowly. The happy spirit of giving and care becomes tainted and has strings attached.

    I accepted my mother’s kindness and generosity in a spirit of gratitude and real joy because I thought it was given genuinely. Now I see that my feelings of emotional hurt after doing something kind and not being appreciated or recognised weren’t just in my mind. They arose because on her side, she wasn’t being genuinely kind and loving at all. She was “investing”. She probably thought she was losing control if someone else’s generosity was stealing away her limelight. It is so twisted and very sad when it happens in families that supposedly love and care for each other.

    It’s all about binding, dominance and investment with mid-rangers, as HG describes. They ‘invest’ in order to gaslight, control and get the residual benefits they want, and to create a facade that makes it very easy for them to twist the truth in their favour.

    1. windstorm says:

      “It’s all about binding, dominance and investment with mid-rangers”

      That sums it up really well.

      1. WiserNow says:

        Thank you windstorm.

    2. WhoCares says:


      I just read this and I cannot tell you how much it resonates with me. You could be describing the dynamic with my mother.

      I’m just in tears because you captured it so well…the binding and how it’s done.

      Thank-you for articulating your experience with your mother. <3

      This is one I have to reread and save for sure.

      1. WiserNow says:

        Thank you WhoCares, and you’re very welcome. I’m glad it resonates with you, but at the same time I’m very sorry you had to experience that too.

        I think it’s painful and difficult when you experience it from anyone, but when it’s your own mother, there’s something very hurtful and deeply sad about it. To me it feels like there’s a huge gap between us and it just can’t be crossed over. I think I understand how you feel and how heart-breaking and lonely it can be.

        1. WhoCares says:

          Thank-you WiserNow.

          I’m only beginning to understand the ramifications of my relationship with my mother. Clearly you have given it much thought with regards to yours and I appreciate your astute words.

    3. Mona says:

      perfectly described!
      Even the punishment a short time later I know it so well. Nowadays I know her better and I am able to see when she is not amused and I wait for her backlash. It will come, but I never know when and in which manner. When I know it will happen, I hide things, that I like very much, because she stumbles innocently and it is broken. It happened so many times in so many years, that it cannot be an accident. It is done intentionally.

      1. WiserNow says:

        Thank you Mona. I think it’s intentional too and I know how you have to hide things. You need to protect yourself and your things and think ahead because you know how she is. They must need that feeling of control and power so much that in their minds, even a good deed and someone caring for them is a threat to their control. If they acknowledge their needs, to them it is like showing weakness. There is no way to convince them. They need to win and have their way against it.

        Now that my mother is elderly and unwell, I have compassion for her and I want to help both my parents. If someone was looking in from the outside, I think they’d find it a kind of comedy. I go there and take food or groceries etc, and then I have to adopt this “tough” attitude like I’m wearing armour where I assert my boundaries, go gray rock, and make sure I don’t take any of her crap. At the same time, she has this defiant attitude and tells me she doesn’t want this and doesn’t need that and she doesn’t have enough space in the fridge etc etc. Only after this argumentative and “hard” exchange, she will sometimes say thank you.

        The thing that’s sad is that I do it with love and real care, and I know that deep down she wants and appreciates it, but the ‘reality’ that’s played out in the moment looks like we hate each other and can’t relate in any other way but in conflict. Unfortunately, that’s just how it is.

    4. nunya biz says:

      WN, I totally relate.
      I also had this dynamic with my mother and sister (who I was triangulated with). It was awful. I had no idea what they were doing and I subconsciously believed I was doing something wrong for decades because that is what was told to me. One of the final straws was my sister’s failed communication for me not to bring gifts to Christmas, that we were not going to exchange them. I didn’t get the message, but found out after I arrived with gifts that I wasn’t supposed to have brought them (too late now!). Meanwhile she had gifts for everyone as a surprise. I don’t think she knew how controlling and rude that was. The two of them would also constantly set up dynamics where my sister would contribute more than me or any time I didn’t do something were counted against me. Even though I was constantly arriving with gifts and food at the holidays. I frequently gave the same amount and it was compared as inferior. So ironic that their anger at me was often directed at things I did not do and then things I did do often were completely discounted.
      I have been no contact with them for some years. Within a month of no contact with them I met a woman who ended up doing these exact things in this article, moved into a friendship role and taking over some generosity role and trying to smother me with it and re-framing everything as help even if I didn’t want it. It wasn’t quite so uneven as with my family but anything offered me was definitely used as a control and had nothing to do with me. The last thing that happened I was genuinely trying to be nice to her and she spun it around to doing something for me somehow. That situation I consulted with HG on, and yep, MMR. What really amazes me is that I seem to have a pathway for the dynamic and it takes GREAT CONCENTRATION for me to resist it honestly. Funny that often the situation actually involves in me being the more generous and patient person simultaneously. I will never comprehend.

  6. Tori says:

    Thank you so much for writing this! Please keep writing about midrangers. I would love to know how they feel when they are low on fuel and then get some fuel. I know they have no concept fair fuel but they must know they feel better when they upset others.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome, there will be a book on the Mid Range Narcissist which will be something of a Holy Grail for many people.

      1. SuperNova says:

        Ya lo estoy esperando 😉

      2. SMH says:

        Ooh, yay. Definitely for me.

      3. W says:


  7. Danielle says:

    Thank you for this well written and enlightening post. Sadly I know from personal experience that this post is 100 percent accurate. Another tell for a MR is a guy telling you he’s a nice guy over and over and over again.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and you are welcome.

    2. SMH says:

      Agreed, Danielle. Mine would say ‘I really am a sweet guy.’

  8. mommypino says:

    Also to add, I have always hated the term “kill someone with kindness.”

    Kindness should be given with no alterior motive except to benefit that person that kindness is given to.

    When I confide to a friend about someone who isn’t nice to me, I sometimes hear them say, “Just kill him/her with kindness.” To me it’s so antithetical to what kindness should be. Basically killing someone with kindness is shaming the person with your kindness and showing that person that you are a better person. It’s hypocritical and passive aggressive. It’s not genuine kindness. This is why it’s so hard to trust now and just take the kindness given to us for what it is. Because it’s hard to tell where that kindness is coming from.

    1. WiserNow says:


      I totally agree with you about the term “kill someone with kindness”. I have always hated that saying. To me it just sounds wrong to use the words kill and kindness in the same sentence, and it says a lot about the person who wants to do that.

      I also think how self-serving and grandiose that idea is. To want to ‘kill’ someone, or smear them or shame them, but do it in a way where you end up looking like some kind of martyr or saint.

      1. mommypino says:


        Totally! Thank you!

        1. WiserNow says:

          You’re welcome mommypino 🙂

  9. MommyPino says:

    This is so accurate again based on how I know my MR sister. At first I was very happy and grateful of everything that she has been teaching me and the little gifts that she gave me. But it was starting to feel like she was my mother and I am her little project and I would even catch her answering for me or making decisions for me in little ways. Everything that she did for me was thrown back at me when I tell her about something that she did that offended me or when I thought that she crossed the line. She said stuff like, “I hate that you seem to think that I don’t like you, if I really didn’t then why would I give you those gifts?” Her largesse was meant to lay down the predicate that she has been nothing but good to me and so I had no reason to feel bad about her treatment of me, it was all me being insensitive and ungrateful.

    I count my experience with her as a blessing that will enable me to spot people like her in my life. There are people who are genuinely trying ti be nice, some have poor social skills, some have poor boundaries. But because of dealing with my sister I think I can tell the difference when someone is trying to manipulate me with good deeds.

  10. EmP says:


    The worst part is that people actually believe the MR is a nice person, a “lovely guy” (I did too, quite a few times).

    MRs of the lower echelons are the clingiest and most pathetic creatures I’ve ever seen. Some are true stalkers, actually.

    The Upper ones are more charming, especially the Elite ones. BUT the pathetic side is still there.

    I hate their concern for the facade. Wanting to look nice at all costs. Absolutely hate it. Especially considering what they say behind people’s back…They are anything but nice.

    Plus, they can’t handle confrontation. My last MR would tell me stories about his ‘mini-explosions’ at work because of all the ‘broken promises and lack of respect’. BS.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  11. Michael says:

    So begins the spinning of the spider’s web, at first it’s is attached just for stability. The next thread for security and comfort. On and on until the final thread spun binds you to the control of the Black Widow and you are left as just a shell of what you once were. If you are fortunate enough to wake up and escape all threads must be detached or you will be lured back in again over and over again. G.O.S.O

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well put.

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Michael,
      I actually said that to our weasel friend when we first met. He was saying something at the time and I said it sounded like …..”come in …. said the spider to the fly” …I was joking at the time …… little did I know
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. SMH says:

        Michael and Bubbles, Back in my more naive period, I told my MRN that I felt like a fly caught up in his spider’s web and he said ‘I know.’ Thanks a lot!

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear SMH,
        You’re MRN sounded cocky ..that should’ve been a red flag, same with me .. I too was naive SMH
        They all weave us into their tangled web … some worse than others 🕸🕷🕸
        I hate spiders … 😂
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. SMH says:

          Dear Bubbles, Absolutely cocky but way too late for the red flags – we were ‘breaking up’ at that point. But he also had totally weird blind spots – like around the fact that other people exist apart from him. Love, SMH

  12. Joanne says:

    Very, very close to my narc. I wish I had saved all of the early messages that aligned with this so that I could compare. Thank you for the italicized “behind the mask” commentary.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. You do not need those early messages, they must be purged as part of the Exorcism.

  13. Sun says:

    Dear HG,

    I really like and value your edits and adding new information to old articles. What I like the most is adding a satisfying end for victims at the end of some of your edited articles. I have read one of your post which is considered a bit triggering but at the end, you added something that is reliving for victims which is very good.

    By the way, I got an idea;

    What do you think – if possible- about adding a rating for the consultation section, so new visitors who doesn’t know you well can view the ratings?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. My work evolves and therefore it is useful to revisit older works and revise and update also. Thanks for the suggestion, I shall look into that.

      1. Renarde says:

        I’m more than happy to leave a review. In fact, bit ashamed I havn’t yet done so.

        I could write it in the style of Trip Advisor? [Helpful??]

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

  14. Whitney says:

    Hi HG
    Is it possible for an UMR elite to shelve you because you have too many other narcissists competing for you?

    I am my mother’s IPPS, was another victim Narcs IPPS (a guy I was helping who wanted to “kill himself”), was on disengagement from a LMR somatic, another Narc in our social group was trying to ensnare me and called the UMR elite a c***, and we also ran into my ex who is psychopathic.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Potentially yes.

  15. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    ((CONTINUED from prior post)))

    “This however is control. The victim is being denied the choice to struggle on, to make their own decisions. Though the gesture appears noble, it is actually placing the victim in chains.”

    Gives a whole new meaning to the repeated phrase of “I am not abandoning you”. I have lost count of the number of times that one was thrown in my face. Most recently he tells me he is scared that his wife is “losing faith in him” and that he cannot bear for me to be upset with him as well.

    “I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence.”

    Yeah, pretty much this too.

  16. “(The Mid Range Narcissist thinks he cares and has sufficient cognitive empathy to use the words and gestures to convey what appears to be a caring, protective mindset. Note the repeated returns to self (glimpses of grandiosity) as the MRN appears as some kind of white knight, a saviour, a shielding angel, but then that is waved away by supposed humility, although this is false humility. The MRN instinctively recognises that the victim has most likely suffered before (thus this target is easier to seduce) and can select the right words to appear compassionate, caring and decent. There is no reference to partnership, to equality – the MRN truly thinks he is the saviour and is a decent individual. He believes he cares (although he does not) and he sees an opportunity to continue his ‘good works’ but the victim is just a project in the grand scheme of the MRN, an object which is being brought under control through words and supposed compassion. The MRN is infatuated with the victim because he believes he has found someone he can invest in and that his needs (although he does not know what they truly are) will now be met. He has high hopes indeed for this person”

    I have never read a more accurate description of Saint Piano Boy in all of my life. Maybe I ought to change “Saint” to Saviour Piano Boy instead. Every word is so accurate that it is like a million safety pins stabbing me from head to toe. He ACTUALLY believes that he loves me and cares yet he is still WITH HIS WIFE.

    False humility. Nailed it.

    An object brought under control. Nailed it again.

    Meh. 🙁

  17. Blondie says:

    Hg question please thanks.. why did my ex mid ranger always want me to contact him..he would meet if i asked his catch phrases were cant wait to see you and miss you so muvh. I felt I was doing all the work I was a ipss.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      His sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, his unconscious need for power being played out by making you keep contacting him so he knew he had you under control and also to gain fuel from your contact. His comments were just designed to make you think he was invested in you, but it is easy to say those things of course he did not back that up through his actions and he did not do so because he instinctively felt no need to – why? Because he had you where he wanted you.

      1. Blondie says:

        So I was a doormat…great thanks HG for answering

    2. BetterwoNarc says:

      Hi Blondie,

      I was an IPSS too. My ex MR would frequently text me first and would ask to meet up. Over the course of our relationship he texted me almost every morning. On occasion he would not text for a few hours, or even the whole day, which of course made me anxious. However, if I did not text him first thing every morning he would get angry and sulk or give me the silent treatment.

  18. Eloise says:

    …just for you and me (not I): compound object of a preposition takes the objective form.

  19. Janet Cross says:

    Wow,this is exactly what happened to me,word for word.Thank You HG for giving insight on his mindset.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome.

  20. Jess says:

    This is the perfect description of the MMRN I was repeatedly ensnared by. It was the most difficult to leave him bc he seems sweet and kind, would do anything for me and always wanted me to be there. I got so close to him that his stranger mode felt like a living nightmare. He was the one who made me doubt myself the most. It was very difficult to pin point his abuse…he could always convince me that i was at fault even after reading HG. It was uncanny.

  21. MB says:

    I saw the article and I hoped it was going to be done in National Geographic style voice over. Inside The Mind of The MRN During Seduction.

  22. shesaw says:


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. When do I get my award?

      1. shesaw says:

        Sorry. I only have quality-stamps.

  23. Bekah B says:

    Thank you for posting this, HG.. It helps me to better understand the intentions my mid-range narcissist (a.ka. father of my daughter and now unborn baby) has with the woman he left me for.. In this past week, he has spent over $1000 USD for them to stay in another state.. And I was/am truly baffled because he is soooo stingy when it comes to money.. But now I understand he is trying to kill her with kindness.. I can bet something like this won’t happen again.. He just needs to show her one time only that he is capable of this.. Or does he? Tbh, I can’t wait for their golden period to be over.. Smh..

  24. marinathemermaid3 says:

    This post explains so much!

  25. Michelle B says:

    Is this likely to be MRN or URN?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Could be either.

  26. Alexissmith2016 says:

    Jesus Christ! This is so spot on!

    A MMRN colleague has been coming on to me for the past 18 months, I’ve just found it hilarious because I know exactly what his plan is/was.

    Previously, I would have felt sorry for him and guilty that I did not feel the same way.

    Now I feel nothing, it just amuses me as he continues in his attempts.

    When it fails which it repeatedly does he starts to look puzzled like I’m not really the person he thought I was. I am, I’ve just been educated by HG.

    But some weeks later after each failed attempt, he rejuvenates his energy and gives it another try.

    Wash cycle repeat.

    Great article HG!

    I want more!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  27. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    The last words of your post, bring to mind Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Not only are you not happy with yourselves. That you take characters from your victims. And not content with that. Nor are you happy with your victims, that you change them by killing them little by little, cancelling them out completely. Creating in the victim a new thing, your creation. The victim as Frankenstein, of what one day was. A soulless zombie.
    Really Crazy Scientists, without rules, without principles, without heart and therefore without valué.

    1. Renarde says:

      Funny you should mention the novel Frankenstein as I too have been musing on this recently. Are we not all HG’s ”Little Monsters”. Or is that Lady Gaga? I get confused…

      Maybe HG is Gaga! Have we ever seen them in the same room? I think not! I reckon we’re onto something here!

      I think this video sums it up neatly

      For all our new Promethians x

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Well apparently it was rumoured Gaga had a dick so maybe you are onto something!

        1. Renarde says:

          The plot thickens…

          1. HG Tudor says:

            As does my soup.

          2. Renarde says:

            I’m glad on the soup front. Soups should always be thick. But minds should always be sharp. Or is that cocks? It’s one or the other.

            I’m just a blunt tool these days! [Sob]

  28. kel says:

    This is the description of a woman I work with. She’s very kind, insists on taking me out to lunch, won’t take no for an answer, smothers me, micromanages my every move, very controlling. Every time I see her, she tells me what a good person she is and asks me if I agree. She’s harmless. I’ve disappointed her setting boundaries, drawing a line, which I had to, but she still hangs out with me and calls me her sister. I feel like she’s adopted me.

    Another woman I know is very similar but more sly and malicious. Her whole personality is about being the nicest person. She’s all smiles and hugs and helps everyone, but she, quietly, has to be number one, and oh the eye she tries not to give when she’s envious while still maintaining her smile. She smears, but still gets their adoration face to face. I keep her at arms length, I don’t trust her. She has a kind of informal little clique, but of course that means agreeing to everything she says. She’s always giggling and smiling and hugging, kissing-especially if you’re a guy.

    Both of these women are big huggers. They’re the only ones who just gotta hug you every time they see you, at hello and goodbye. Most people don’t do that on a daily basis. But they are without a doubt friendly, in fact overly so.

    1. wounded says:

      These women remind me of my former boss minus the hugging. He came across as a charming leader everyone liked. Yet he could cut people down covertly (in the case of a malicious “prank” that actually brought the employee to tears) or haughtily. He was quick to do ostentatious employee appreciation get togethers flagrantly using the corp credit card but rarely followed through on smaller actions.

    2. E. B. says:

      Hi Kel,
      The ‘smothering’ work colleague who calls you her sister is not harmless.

      1. kel says:


        Thank you, good point. While I’ve set borders with her, she does slowly close back in. I’ll keep that in mind next time I see her.

  29. W says:

    So incredibly accurate of my MMR.

    (Not so much my LMR ,as far as I can tell(?))

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