The Narcissist’s Pledge To You


I do sincerely and solemnly declare, by almighty God, this pledge to you. I have reduced  it to writing so that this shall bear testament to the sincerity by which I have made these promises and so that a record may exist for time eternal to the dedication and commitment contained therein.

I will love and cherish you and be faithful to you. I shall not let thoughts of congress with others trespass upon my mind for it remains pure and devoted to you. I will only ever give you my heart and ask that you have a care for it, for I only have the one and it now belongs to you.

I shall strive each and every day to bring you happiness and joy. Through dedicated application to securing your contentment. I will not rest until delight permeates everything around you. I have one purpose and that is to love you with the most perfect love, in every facet of my life.

I will bring you security and solidity, banishing fear and darkness through my unwavering loyalty to you. I shall be that foundation on which we shall build our glorious and everlasting love. I will toil ceaselessly in my endeavours to bring about our togetherness and union.

I will be your angel that spreads his almighty wingspan that shall shield you from harm. No injurious intent or scathing tongue shall ever penetrate the wall that I shall form behind which you will always be assured of shelter.

I promise to make you laugh so that your heart is lifted skywards and no troubles will ever burden you. I will always be there when the forces of darkness seek to hurt you. With my fiery sword I shall smite them into oblivion. Wherever you may tread I will be by your side, ready at a moment’s instance to catch you and hold you should the road crumble beneath your feet.

I will never be found wanting when fate conspires against you. You will always be able to look to me and in my eyes find reassurance, hope and optimism. No task shall be too great if at its conclusion your happiness is assured.

I promise that though the winds may howl about us, that although lightning strikes at us and iced rain is driven at us, I will wrap my arms about you and steer you to shelter. I promise that you will always find sanctuary and protection with me.

I will honour your name and join battle with those that besmirch it. I shall only allow truth to pass my lips in all my dealings with you. I shall treat you with respect, reverence and dutiful worship, in recognition of your inner and outer beauty for which I give daily thanks.

I will craft the finest gifts to lay at your feet, toil so that no fruit is forbidden to you, no luxury shall be denied to you and every wish you make I shall deliver.

I shall treat you with deference, patience and compassion. Only the most noble of intentions shall I ever exhibit unto you. My every thought, word and deed will be forged in the furnace of truth and honesty.

I shall keep as watchwords to my burgeoning heart, the lessons of fidelity, humility and grace. I give thanks now and shall each day for the bounty that comes our way. I shall not let petty distractions deter me from my sworn duty to love and honour you.

I swear that I shall listen with an open mind, speak with a true heart and only have eyes for you. I shall fill each of my days with the wonder of you and dedicate myself to the furtherance of our dreams. Each day I shall give thanks for the fact that we have been brought together and I shall treat our love as the most perfect and sacred. Nothing that I shall think, say or do shall ever desecrate what we have.

I shall nurse you through sickness, hold you through sadness and carry you through adversity. My stride will be purposeful and direct as I strive to bring you joy.

I shall only ever lay my hands in sensual delight on you and with my lips kiss no other the way that I shall kiss you. My passion burns for you and you alone. I shall desire you as greatly in the years that come to pass as I do in this moment. Time and age shall not wither or diminish the love that I have for you. With every day that passes I shall find something new to love you for. We may travel over the same route many times but each time I shall make it seem as if it is the first time.

I promise to imbue our lives with magic and wonder. I shall show you the fantastic and the marvellous. I will take pleasure in sharing the simplest delights with you alongside the most extravagant.

I am yours and that is the only ever state I shall maintain. Though temptation may beckon and seduction seeks to lead me astray, I shall, by the grace of God and the fortitude with which I have been blessed, walk only to you.

When the sun sets on our scintillating journey together, as we look back on all that we have created together, all we have achieved together and all we have loved in one another, it is your name that I shall say with my dying breath.

This is my pledge to you. All I ask is that you sign this written pledge and in so doing acknowledge your acceptance of all that is herein contained.

107 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Pledge To You

  1. Persephone says:

    “When the sun sets on our scintillating journey together, as we look back on all that we have created together, all we have achieved together and all we have loved in one another, it is your name that I shall say with my dying breath.”

    This might have actually been touching, if you hadn’t been trying to strangle me, and insisting I was going with you. : P

  2. NarcAngel says:

    I have a question.

    Back in July you made an introduction to rolling out a new series: Dolus Malus. Was that affected by your new mindset with focus on this new dynamic? You did say previously to MB that you had spent about 6 months to assess or ensure (not sure the exact wording you used) that things were optimal that this would be the right candidate to test this new dynamic and that would just about bring us to the present. I was wondering if your focus shifted away from the negative (Dolus Malus) to something more positive and promising (Project Shield maiden). When given the choice of focus that you chose the positive and that that might be an indicator of sorts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Dolus Malus will appear but you are correct, that the appearance of The Shieldmaiden has resulted in my attention being focused on other matters away from Dolus Malus.

      1. Persephone says:

        So glad I couldn’t possibly be her. The higher you lift them, the further they fall.
        It’s answers like this that remind me that while we benefit so much from your teachings, somebody is going to feel the hurt.

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dearest NarcAngel,
    You’re like a fine wine … you just keep getting better 🍷 😂
    Absolutely luvved it … thank you gorgeous
    Luv bubbles xx 😘

  4. Mona says:

    69Revolver, sometimes I think I am a hermaphrodite now. I feel both sides of the coin. I spent nearly all my life with a female MR and a short time with a – I do not know, what he is – a psychological beast. That shapes and influences.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Blimey, now there’s a revelation Mona!

      1. Mona says:

        Blimey, more confessions. You are already part of my fuel matrix, don´t you know?

  5. kel says:

    Don’t we all have a golden period where we’re on our best behavior in the beginning? The after GP is the best, when you’re comfortable being your real selves with each other, and infatuated/in love even more. At least some people have that.

    Maybe narcissists are just being themselves too after the GP. I really think we hang in there with them for too long in part because we just can’t allow ourselves to be treated that way, and we’re looking for some respect from them before we go.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course people show their best side at the outset, but that is still them, we provide an illusion and also we are manipulating from the get go through the nature of the seduction – non-narcissists do not behave in that way.

      1. kel says:

        Thank you for reminding me of that.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. NarcAngel says:

        Show their best side? I think Kel has a point in that we often do represent to be someone else in the beginning. Wiggling into spanx and teetering on uncomfortabel 5 inch heels to present our best backside and elongate the legs. Push up bras. Applying the false lashes, hair extensions, and make up. Pretending that we like sports more than we do and that we are cool with camping. Ordering salad instead of steak because we want to look elegant, and oh no – no dessert here. “Oh boy! I was soooo hoping you wanted to see Robots from Hell at the cinema – me too!” “I think it’s great that you go out with the guys to a bar a couple of times a week – everyone should have some hang time with their friends.” “Oh I’m just a simple girl, I can’t imagine wanting jewellery that costs that much money”. “Flowers are a waste of money – they just die anyway”. “I don’t need anything for my birthday – just your company”. “Oh I don’t want kids right now”. “I think expelling gas and bathroom time is private”. ‘I looove giving head and having you come on my face”

        6 mths later

        You must be kidding! You got it in my eye last time. And hurry up – I’m sick of you running off to watch football with the guys so we’re having a date night. I got tickets for us to go see 50 Shades: The History of Hair Color at 7 so we’re going to The Nasty Nacho at 6. I can’t wait – I’m getting the extra queso this time and oh! the deep fried cheesecake for dessert. You don’t mind if I go natural right? because makeup takes too long and I might cry anyway. I’ll throw on something comfy because those nachos always make me gassy, speaking of which – I was just in the bathroom and you might want to avoid it for a bit if you value your nose hairs. Cindy got flowers today at work – wonder what THAT feels like! Not to mention the bracelet and trip to Italy for her birthday, while I got a card and 20 laps at the go cart track next to the campground. Oh, and by the way, I’m pregnant.

        But I get what you mean.

        1. MB says:

          That was awesome NA! Are you trying to prove you are more funny than HG? Ha ha just kidding. I love your humor.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            No. I wasn’t.

      3. Mary says:


        You are KILLING me! All of it hysterical, but my favorite line was “50 Shades: The History of Hair Color.” Am so dying over here trying not to be heard cackling at work!

      4. MB says:

        HG, You spent six months creating the illusion of the man that would love The Shieldmaiden? As you’ve previously shared, even with the new dynamic, this could not be left to chance/fate. Why can’t you just be yourself like you are here? I hope these questions aren’t too intrusive.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Who said I spent six months creating an illusion?

          1. MB says:

            You did not say that. You said you spent six months preparing for the seduction. In your work, you have said that the preparation time is spent creating the man that will love you. I wondered if that dynamic applied in your current situation. The question stemmed from you saying earlier today that only narcissists show an illusion in the beginning and it made me curious if you were being an illusion or being yourself. And, if it’s yourself, what took six months?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for expanding and I understand why you wrote what you did. The time was spent ensuring that The Shieldmaiden would the correct person based on my needs and my increased awareness and less about creating an illusion.

          3. MB says:

            Thank you for answering HG. I realize when you talk about narcissists, you are in a whole different school and many times cannot be assumed to be included as participating in certain behaviors. I feel bad prying.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            That is okay. When I explain it is usually by reference to Mid Range and Lesser behaviours because they are the vast majority of narcissists and what most people will encounter. I have to caveat those observations with regard to Greaters because there are differences.

      5. StrongerWendy says:

        Do you see shield maiden as an appliance?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. StrongerWendy says:

            So, you no longer think of fuel sources as appliances? Wow.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I do but I am endeavouring to adjust that with regard to The Shieldmaiden as a consequence of my involvement with the good doctors. I still regard others in my fuel matrix as appliances.

          3. StrongerWendy says:

            Do you now enjoy hugging too?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Enjoy is putting it rather high.

          5. Lou says:

            I suppose she likes hugs and hugging you but she doesn’t know yet you don’t. Whenever you tell her about what you are, and if she accepts to continue with the relationship, what “solution” would you propose to this “she likes/you don’t like” physical closeness and cuddling?

          6. Lou says:

            HG, would you propose a middle point solution where The Shieldmaiden tries to be less cuddly towards you and you more “tolerant” towards her gestures of physical affection?

          7. StrongerWendy says:

            HG, I’m glad if this means that less women will be hurt by you but, honestly, I have the unfortunately familiar feeling of being duped. I bought into everything. From everyone is an appliance, I detest hugging, there is no cure, its not better for the next partner, why would I ever change-this works well for me, all operate within the same cycles (with their own personal proclivities thrown in), etc. That knowledge really helped me to heal from my last narc relationship.

            Now it’s, but that doesn’t apply to me (triggering, for me, a defeating “then it’s not out of the realm of possibility that it doesn’t apply to my former narc”) Just your garden variety narcs. Do as I say, not as I do.

            It’s disorienting but I guess another lesson in the narc dynamic.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            No. I have made it extremely clear that there is no guarantee at all in this dynamic, we shall have to see what happens, but the situation is unique and exceptional.

            I still detest hugging, but as I have explained before that during seduction narcissists endure it to secure our aim. There is no cure – I maintain that, there MAY be some modification (again in an unique and exceptional circumstance). People are still appliances, the use of that appliance MAY alter. Everything I have explained remains relevant – get out, stay out.

            I am considering writing nothing more regarding this dynamic owing to the risk that is clearly manifesting that people are failing to see the unique circumstances that have arisen (and they are not actually privy to the full interaction) so it is engendering the formation of hope that somehow their narcissist might achieve the same. They will not. They are not me, they do not do what I do, they do not know I know and once again, there is no guarantee, it is a work in progress.

          9. StrongerWendy says:

            Ok, thanks for the reply.

          10. MB says:

            I thought this would happen. I totally understand too. It was fun while it lasted. I did muse this morning HG and wondered if you would answer. How long did the GP last with Kim? We know the entire relationship lasted 3 ish years.

          11. Contagion says:


            I would like to voice my thoughts on this new dynamic.

            First off this is the first relationship AFTER THERAPY has begun. What happens no one knows, it is in all ways an experiment.
            I am not keeping up with it most due to the emotional kick back I am getting from everyone here. Your making my life hell.
            I have stated before I believe if HG finds a reason to modify his behaviors he will. He will come to a point where he will have to decide if it is worth making a sacrifice for, until he gets to that point he doesn’t even know.

            I hope the best yet am also aware of the worst. Either way it will not change how I see him. I will always be in his corner cheering him on with what ever path his walks, even if that means this time someone goes into devaluation.

            Time to bail HG…..

          12. NarcAngel says:

            I understand your concern with engendering false hope in some, but with respect, I don’t think you’re giving your total readership enough credit. There will always be a few that will look for any avenue back to their narcissist, and yes, they may point to this as proof, but that would be a very small percentage as opposed to a larger percentage who are able to use intelligence over addiction to see that Greaters are rare, Greaters with your awareness and dealing with the good doctors even rarer. They will watch to see how it unfolds. It is a very new concept here so of course there is much discussion and questioning. Most really do wish you well but that doesn’t mean they think it can work in their situation. The expressions of some of skepticism and/or doubt is testament to your excellent teachings. It shows that we have been paying attention and are applying what we have been taught. That is not to say that it means we are hoping for failure (or even success for that matter). Just that we are learning. Yes, you will likely have to repeat yourself many times about it being a unique situation that does not apply to most, but is that really any different than having to answer for the hundredth time to “Do you get fuel from the blog” or “Will he hoover”? I would encourage you to continue with revealing what you feel is appropriate to our learning. As always, you can choose to answer questions regarding the new dynamic or direct that we wait for a future article or book. Business as usual but with new and growing anticipation of another facet. I don’t think the information should be denied to the many because of a perceived risk to the few who refuse to accept the reality that this is new and uncharted territory with no guarantee either way.

            My two cents,

          13. HG Tudor says:

            Fair observation. In percentage terms the comments that allude to this false hope are a small percentage, but there are also many thousands of readers of this blog who do not comment and therefore there is a risk that a percentage (again likely to be small) adopt a similar false hope. I want to share the information with regard to this latest dynamic and I know people like to ask me all about it, both in terms of the ‘knowledge’ side of it (will it work? am I infatuated? do I see SM as an appliance) through to the ‘details’ side of it (what does SM do? Who chose the music etc?) and yes, I daresay I will have to repeat myself many times with regard to certain comments (where their own ET is getting the better of their logic) .

          14. Lou says:

            HG, do you think that a positive outcome with SM could change your Grand design plan?

          15. HG Tudor says:

            That’s an interesting question Lou. I suppose I have somebody else to help me dispose of the bodies.
            Joking aside, before I answer I am interested in how you think it might have an impact. I appreciate you do not know much about it but I am interested in your take.

          16. Lou says:

            Why, thank you HG for your interest in my perspective.
            As you said, it is very difficult to answer having little information about your Grand Design plan and trying to assess things from an empathic perspective.
            As I was typing my question to you last night, I was sure that your answer would be no, there would not be any changes of plans. However, your question made me think about this and here are some of my thoughts.
            The fact that you are willing to try a new dynamic with The Shieldmaiden means, as you have already said, that you have a greater understanding and control over your “dark side”. As far as I know, part of your GD plan is based on feelings of revenge and hatred. Therefore, I think that making your relationship with SM work by not letting said “dark side” take over you may eventually result in a weakening of the negative feelings that drive part of your GD plan.
            Also, by making this new dynamic work, you may be acquiring even more control over the creature in you (I think you already have control over it) which, in my opinion, is genuinely empowering. I think that this sense of personal empowerment may potentially make you look for other goals, which may have an impact on your original GD goals.
            Mind you, I am not saying these are desirable outcomes. I am just saying that yes, potentially, there may be changes in your emotional patterns which may have an impact in your plans.
            Maybe I am totally wrong though. As I say, I have an empath’s perspective.

          17. Lou says:

            HG, I just want to add that the question also depends on what exactly your Grand Design plan is about. Is your plan pure “evil” (which I doubt), or is it a “good” thing fighting a “bad” one with a revengeful cherry on top of the cake and personal benefits for you? This is an important variable of the equation to assess if your new dynamic may have an impact on your GD.

          18. HG Tudor says:

            Interesting observations. So far, the dynamic with regard to The Shieldmaiden has not impacted on the desired outcome for the Grand Design because that is driven by necessity and the righteous administration of retribution against fully-deserving protagonists.

          19. Lou says:

            I understand. That’s what I thought your position would be. I am actually glad to know we will read one day about your retribution against fully-deserving individuals. Thanks for your reply.

          20. windstorm says:

            I agree.

          21. StrongerWendy says:

            NA, i’m not liooking for any avenue back to my narcissist and i do use intelligence over addiction.

          22. HG Tudor says:

            HG approves.

          23. StrongerWendy says:


          24. NarcAngel says:

            I was not referring to your comment at all and disappointed that you would think so. I absolutely understand and have voiced some concerns in that vein as well. I was talking about those who are still in the grip and come seeking information with the goal to getting hoovered or finding any way to justfy staying, not healing. That is who I envisioned ignoring the warning about it not applying to everyone that HG has provided. I had some of the same thoughts as the points you raised, but after sorting through them, I decided I was willing to be open to observe. As always I decide in the end what to take away from anything I’m offered. I’m sorry you felt that was directed to you. It was not.

          25. No worries, thanks NA

          26. StrongerWendy says:

            Sorry to be so brief yesterday. Busy, busy, busy at work. My reaction was more about the mere possibility of my piece of shit loathsome ex narc being happy. That brought about ET. Worked through it (that seems to be my super power). I go from being very active on the site to not very active depending on the time I have to devote to it. For some reason i’m suddenly being asked on lots of dates so hang around more to keep my weapons sharp. 😉

          27. NarcAngel says:


            I’m glad that’s sorted and thank you for letting me know. I wanted to say the disappointment was in myself for making my comment in a way that led you to believe I was implying that about you.

            Glad to hear that you are entertaining (multiple – you go!) offers to get back out there again and ride (ahem…so to speak…). Your original comment shows you still question and assess what is necessary to protect yourself. Here’s to much fun (and hopefully excellent dinners with equally excellent wine).

          28. StrongerWendy says:

            Thank you! I plan to enjoy myself 😉 – while utilizing my awareness of narcs of course!

          29. HG Tudor says:

            Build and deploy those Logic Defences and the reward will come.

          30. windstorm says:

            I personally hope that you do not chose to stop writing about this new relationship. I understand what you are saying about people misunderstanding, but many of us are sincerely interested in watching you evolve as you learn more about yourself. I hope that you find are able to find a way to continue sharing while making it clear that this is an experiment with no guarantees and requires a change in your attitude that YOU made – not something we could engineer in our narcs. But regardless of what you decide, I hope that you continue learning and moving forward.

          31. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you WS. I reflected overnight as I marinaded a fresh soul and I shall continue to write about the new relationship for the further interest and education of my readers.

          32. MB says:

            Thank you HG! *curtsy* Everything you share is a gift. Sometimes I feel intrusive on your personal life. Ultimately, I need to realize that what you share is up to you and anything that feels that way to me is a matter for me.

            Speaking of writing, with the extra delicious fuel, are you finding that you’re getting a lot of it done at present? Like maybe finishing some long awaited books perhaps? *crosses fingers*

          33. HG Tudor says:

            The writing is paused at the moment owing to a very high demand for consultations but I will be picking up my quill again presently.

          34. MB says:

            I’m glad to hear that HG! Hopefully you are at least writing/journaling what you are experiencing during this unprecedented Golden Period.

          35. windstorm says:

            That’s good, HG. I’m glad you have decided to keep describing this new journey you are attempting and hopefully keep posting those great pics! You have an eye for capturing the beauty around you – besides just that of your fuel. Lol! I very much enjoy these glimpses into your world.

          36. Contagion says:


            I am glad you decided to continue….doesn’t mean I will be watching or reading…..this is due to those who are projecting jealousy over it….it annoys me. I believe you provide a rare insight into your very personal life and shows something many have never seen.

      6. mommypino says:

        Wow HG, I’m really happy to hear that! That you focused on finding the right person this time more than creating an illusion. This in itself is groundbreaking and very promising.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you, of course it is still about meeting my needs, do not lose sight of that.

      7. mommypino says:

        NA, you know if my husband could read what you wrote he would say, “Hallelujah! Somebody knows my pain!”

        He first met me as a bank teller and I had no idea that he didn’t know that I was short because he could only see half of my body. He said that he was so shocked when he first see me step out of the teller line and saw that I was wearing stilts I mean heels.
        But he said it didn’t matter.
        Then on our first night he foubd out that I was wearing a padded bra. Another false advertisement.
        He was uncovering lies after lies as he was getting to know me.

      8. TY says:

        Of course it is entirely up to you what you choose to share about your private life, but I find you sharing your experiences with your new relationship and your efforts to alter your concepts and actions with us as helpful, candid and impressive. I hope you will share more. Congrats on you efforts with Shieldmaiden, exceptional indeed. It should not give false hope for others as your awareness and circumstances are vastly different. Best wishes in your new endeavors.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Very well put.

      9. Persephone says:

        “No. I have made it extremely clear that there is no guarantee at all in this dynamic, we shall have to see what happens, but the situation is unique and exceptional. ……………..They are not me, they do not do what I do, they do not know I know and once again, there is no guarantee, it is a work in progress.”

        I wish I could give 10 like stars for this reply.

        It still looks like I need to back up and do a lot of reading, I seemed to have overlooked this very interesting conversation.

        Forgive me if you have already answered this, but what, if anything do you want from this relationship, that is different from other relationships?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Perse.

          To see how I can now prevent it from failing.

          1. Persephone says:

            Well, I would say “Follow your heart” but I don’t think it would apply in this case. How about some advice I heard from a very knowledgeable man.

            Please be logical, and don’t let your emotions get in your way.
            (Wonder where I heard that?)

            I believe you have the cognitive empathy to do it. I hope this relationship will meet your needs and preferences. And that it will be mutually satisfying.


      10. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi HG…your statement about trying to prevent the relationship from failing made me sad bc despite it being about your own needs i know this to be true of narcissists. You want your version of happiness to last.
        Try each day to do one thing for sheildmaiden not for illusion or reciprocation. Like a muscle skills require practice to become stronger. Not trying to sound patronizing im serious try it. You sound like you really want this to be different. I think with your awareness of your npd comes self awareness and the fact youre aware of all of our experiences . You may also at some point open up to her about your npd. That may seem not an option but it is.

    2. Contagion. Definitely could be jealousy. Who wouldn’t want an HG golden period (just the golden period though…). But for me it was mostly about holding on to the learnings that that narcs (my ex narc specifically)will never actually be happy. Not very empathetic of me I’m afraid. 😉

      1. Contagion says:


        Their are people who are jealous and it caught me off guard and I took it out on HG, I was grateful he understood what was happening after speaking to him and explaining what and why it happened.

  6. Veronique Jones says:

    i just had my birthday,it was a big milestone I wanted it to be perfect I organised everything paid for the tickets and expenses for our holiday my husbands mother is very sick so that is were we went I didn’t want her to die and him not get to see her . He also has a daughter who expected us to chase after her and take her kids out for the day I said she can come up to his mothers place, and we could all do something together, I didn’t want to spend all the time running around after everyone, he told me it wasn’t all about me and ended up getting his way
    One night we went out for drinks with old friends I didn’t really see much of him but I didn’t mind he had not seen them for a long while Our friends brought me a cake and told him to take the credit for it but he didn’t want me to think he got it , I did get spoiled by everyone else that turned up. Before we left I told him I wanted us to celebrate privately with the kids on the day of my birthday seperately .
    When we got back my daughters had organised a dinner for everyone which was great I love being around my family I am blessed with amazing children so mostly it was amazing.
    My husband didn’t even get me a card and complained about paying for the meal and when I asked him if he got me a present he got angry because he didn’t want to go out he took my son to get me a beautiful love heart pendant and when he got back pointed out it was from my son . I feel gutted that he didn’t want me to have anything from him, he didn’t seem angry at me before that. Am I over reacting ?? I’m so hurt, the whole time we have been together he has not ever made an effort in those things , I spend months planning his birthdays making them special

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No you are not. This is a classic example of how a narcissist can approach someone’s birthday – it shows the lack of support, the rejection of accountability, the sense of entitlement, the lack of empathy, the narcissistic defence when challenged by your response, provocation designed to control and garner fuel. See the article about Birthday Blues and also the section about birthdays in Danger : 50 Things You Should Not o With A Narcissist and you well find validation for your experience.

      1. Veronique Jones says:

        Thanks 🙏 HG

      2. Veronique Jones says:

        I just noticed that you have found someone you are trying to have a good relationship with Shied Maiden I truly hope that works out for you 🥰🥰🥰 I understand that it may be difficult for you but love can fix anything if you let it . Congrats awesome news

    2. Renarde says:

      I really feel for you Veronique. My ex-H used to pull a very similiar stunt which was stunningly effective. Forget the card. Im now minded I need to add this to the titles I need to write about. Thank you.

      Over nearly 20 years together and he almost always ‘forgot’ the Valentines day card. Let alone meal/roses/whatever. God how that hurt. Such a simple thing to do. So cheap, yet I wasn’t even worth that. THAT was the message. You’re not worth my time or energy. Devaluation.

      Stunningly energy efficent. But every time he did it, I retreated further until there was no place left to go. So I left.

      Ns are so predicatable and nor more so than the MRs. Not only did he do this with me, he did it with my predecessor AND my sucessor!. One before me kicked him into touch over this precise issue (and it was a giant factor in me leaving him), the successor accepts this is normal behaviour! Go fugure!

      And a prize for guessing who is really now sitting as the IPPS. Yup. Clue? Its not a E….

    3. mommypino says:

      Veronique Jones,

      You were not overreacting. Anybody would have been hurt by that. You definitely deserved better.

      Belated happy birthday to you! 💕💕

      1. Veronique Jones says:

        Thanks 🙏

  7. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    No contract was so good. This sounds like a scam to me. You promise and promise until you fold it in.
    This is a, neither yes, nor no, if not quite the opposite.
    On the other hand, this is what your victims do.
    It’s the world upside down.

  8. Kate says:

    Hi HG,

    I like it.

    I hope that doesn’t make you laugh!


  9. kel says:

    Oops, correction ShieldMaiden does have nail color- and a nice shade too.

    5. Does she eat all the food on her plate?
    6. Is she infatuated too, or is her personality more unemotional?

    I feel like Agatha Christie, but just trying to figure you narcissists out more than her. She kind of represents us.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      5. Depends on how hungry she is.
      6. She adores me.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        May we enquire into the age of said shieldmaiden
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Younger than me.

    2. mommypino says:

      Where can I find the 1-4?

  10. Samantha says:

    Speaking of the word you. Please please please consider writing a post about the Netflix show you. There’s a lot there especially since the main guy, the old bookstore owner, the girls ex boyfriend and the girls best friend are all narcs and maybe even the main girl herself is one too.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will need to watch it first and I don’t have much time for The Cathode Beast and I have other shows ranking ahead.

    2. wounded says:

      Peach definatley is, as is the first boyfriend. Not so sure about the main character. Check out Doctor Foster on Netflix – narcissism doesn’t rear its ugly head til season 2 😉

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear wounded,
        I shall put that on my list to watch … thankyou
        Am currently watching a doco on Netflix about Ted Bundys life
        There’s a newly released film in the US (I haven’t seen it yet) about Ted Bundy starring Zac Effron as Ted. The tweets are controversial because Zac, being such a handsome actor, they don’t want women glorifying him sexually as Ted Bundy was a serial killer ….but then again Ted in real life was attractive and used his charm and good looks to to rape murder and decapitate his prey
        This is going to create a huge interest here Mr Tudor, as well the “You” series is currently
        Better prepare yourself Mr Tudor
        Thank you again, wounded, for the heads up
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    3. mommypino says:

      I just watched the first episode of You. So creepy. It reminded me of the article here “Victim or Volunteer”. I wonder if the writers of You have been reading this blog and then just exaggerated the whole thing for their show.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        The fuckers, they had better give me a cut of the royalties.

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear mommypino,
        I tend to agree (I’ve just read it) …. very similar to “Victim or Volunteer”
        “You” was written by Caroline Kapnes, her next book Hidden Bodies continues the story of Joe from “You”
        Most observant of you lovely one and thank you for encouraging the read again
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  11. kel says:

    1. What is it about Shieldmaiden that captured you?
    2. How did you first notice her?
    3. During the six months between spotting her and going out with her, what did you learn about her (without her knowing about it)?

    I peaked at your instagram since there was so much talk about it. What I noticed is that she’s wearing a suit jacket, no nail color, and has long hair.

    4. Does she realize you’re taking pics?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Many things which I will write about separately.
      2. Through professional connections.
      3. Again I will write about this as it is expansive.
      4. Yes. I tried saying ‘Look! There’s someone more interesting than me!” to distract her so I could take pictures for you all but I realised that was just not a believable statement, so I asked if she minded if I took pictures.

      I suspect you will then ask ‘did she ask why are you taking pictures?’ but she did not, she realised I was wanting to frame part of our engagement (we took other pictures as well but they are not for public circulation (no they are not saucy – it is done to protect identity). Thus my picture taking was consistent as commemorating what we were doing.

  12. Christopher Jackson says:

    Very well said hg I can’t believe all this is going through you all mind..absolute madness but none the less interesting.

  13. Kim e says:

    HG…I feel like causing trouble. My mrcn has never seen me pissed off but there is always a first. Besides throwing a pity party for himself and telling me how she abuses him, what would be his reaction if I told him I know he is married?
    At this point in time I might just go knock on his front door and introduce myself to her!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is emotional thinking. Do not do it. You are engaging and getting sucked back in and such an act would not be in your best interests.

      1. Kim e says:

        HG…I get the sucking back in part and all that but what is he going to do to me? Put me on the shelf? Paint me black? .I just would like to know what his reaction would be.
        Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do not focus on what he is going to do to you but rather what you can do so that he is unable to do anything. You are allowing your emotional thinking to dominate you by thinking it is wise/logical to know what he is going to do and this means you are thinking about him and contemplating confronting his wife which is a further indirect engagement. Your ET is corrupting your sense of justice and your truthseeking traits to force you into engaging to feed your addiction. You do not need to do it. You do not need to know what his reaction will be, why, because you impose no contact so you ensure you never experience any reaction.

  14. Cindy says:

    Where’s the last sentence or paragraph where you deliver the deathblow HG? Where’s the small print disclaimer?

    1. Cindy says:

      Nevermind, I just read ‘Your Pledge to the Narcissist’.

    2. Mary says:

      I think the disclaimer is referencing next post (Your Pledge to the Narcissist) when he says “This is my pledge to you. All I ask is that you sign this written pledge and in so doing acknowledge your acceptance of all that is herein contained.” Is that understanding correct, HG?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It is.

  15. 69Revolver says:

    I don’t get it.

    1. Mona says:

      it is pretty easy. Who has to sign the written pledge? The empath! Not him, he has only written it. It is the empath`s pledge. The empath fulfills the contract. Tricky!

      1. 69Revolver says:

        See? I don’t think like a narc. That crap wouldn’t occur to me. Thanks for helping me out, Mona.

      2. Marion A. Shine says:

        Thanks Mona, I didn’t get it either and I’m pretty witty and catch sarcasm. I was looking for clarification in these comments.

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