The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5
The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-
- It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
- We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
- We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
- It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
- We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.
Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.
Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.
Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.
Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.
Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.
Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.
None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.
You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.
Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.
There has to be a purpose.
Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.
During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.
You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.
This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.
Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.
When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?
66 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5”
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I always thing sending links to songs is juvenile. Was a big turn off and red flag for my latest encounter. It was dumb. HG—please tell me you’ve grown out of this behavior. Redeem yourself.
Naturally, I am Victor Mature these days.
Love it!! When are they ever going to make a raspberry emoji?!
Actually, who does make those irritating things?
That made me spit my tea out….
Hahaha!
Although, I have to agree with kathy0720 – that it wouldn’t have worked initially for me either; just to send links to songs during the seduction. He would have to have previous knowledge yes, to determine what I like in music. But even that would not have worked. But the use of music is consistent; my narc used music that I didn’t even like. My narc told me the band that he likes (not one that I even remotely like) and about a particular song that had always stuck with him. And that I reminded him of the woman that the song was about and that he had finally found ‘her’.
Nice HG. Don’t send women songs. I was repulsed by the last one that did that. I’m 45 years old. Justin Timberlake doesn’t quite do it for me. Not just a narcissist but a common moron with a dumb job.
🤣😂😄🤗
Oh it was, “Not a bad thing” by JT. I was instantly like omg. He followed it up with Bocelli and Katharine McPhee. It got comical and then the other red flags culminated into a lower mid range presentation..
Charming
Kathy0720, juvenile?!? I’m a sucker for a well thought out mix tape myself. Of course, I do love glitter too. I need to dig out that sticker album I had in 7th grade, thanks for reminding me! Wonder if I kept the Trapper Keeper? Ha!
Omg I had a trapper keeper! Nope, can’t do songs. Haha. Glitter drives me nuts because of the messes my girls have made over the years with it!
If ShieldMaiden were to ever google narcissism and find your site, she would recognize your voice on YouTube and the pictures she’s in on Instagram. I believe you’ve decided she is the one already, or you wouldn’t have risked it. My narc boss has very sweet pictures on FB with his wife, she adores him, and so do his daughters, and their photos are warm and wholesome. Of course I know there’s another side to him and what he was doing while at work when those photos were taken. As a greater, I do believe you can make it work.
Hello Kel,
1. That’s an if and not a when of course.
2. If she did, shoe would not recognise my voice as when we interact with one another I always suck on a helium cannister I keep in my inside left breast pocket.
You’re always one step ahead, Lol.
Thank you. Though I think you mean two steps, because as you know, one is never enough for our kind!
I’m pleased to see the fuel levels have been topped off! I enjoy seeing you “happy” er powerful, HG.
It is nice to see the mushy side of HG for a change MB. 😉
Mushy?! I have just put Peppa Pig through the bacon slicer to remedy that observation!
Oh HG, I was just teasing! Don’t get your knickers all twisted! Lol. Poor sweet Peppa!! 😝
I know, but alack alas, Peppa is quite literally bacon and cannot be saved.
That is sad HG!😪 . But I actually like bacon , so oh well!! Breakfast anyone! 🥓 🤪
FM1T, yes it pleases me to see HG well fueled. He is a lot of fun.
Little story: my great niece (2 years old) starting speaking in a British accent out of the blue. It’s very cute mixed with a southern drawl but we were befuddled. Turns out…Peppa Pig was the culprit! The poor child will be devastated to hear of Peppa’s murder.
MB
Yes, Peppa Pig, the love of two year old girls everywhere. My granddaughters love her and I bought us all Peppa Pig advent calendars. As with Mark Twain, the rumor of her death has been greatly exaggerated.
She sure tasted good in that sandwich, oh yes!
WS, ha ha. Do they speak with the British accent? So she’s not bacon? I’ll choose to believe that!
MB
No, they don’t speak with a British accent! But my little granddaughters sometimes listen to the episodes in French or some other language. They are still young enough that the pictures are more important than the words.
Don’t worry about Peppa. She is immortal. I’ll change my profile pic to my Christmas diorama. I’m even in it. Pretzel and I are grandma and Grandpa pig on the far left in the back. My daughter n SIL on the far right and all my Kansas grandpigs are all represented.
I’m sure I’ll still love Peppa long after my granddaughters have lost interest! 😄
WS, I thought you were really in the picture! I really liked it anyway though. Back at Christmas, I heard that the authentic ceramic trees are really valuable now. Peppa is immortal?!? Endless bacon! (None for you of course!)
HG! You hit 13! I apologize kind sir! It came around so fast I missed it! 🤪 Congratulations 🎉! Here’s to 13 more! 🍻cheers! Btw. Love the music your playing while driving in the snow storm!!
Thank you. It is Clannad.
Thought it was Enya?! Clannad was my second choice. Congratulations again! 🎉🎉🍻
Ha, ha, HG! Blew my mind for a minute there when I googled Clannad and the entire first page of entries was about the Japanese animé movie!
I approve.
HG,
Is Clannad a musical preference of yours or of the Shieldmaiden’s?
Both.
Nice.
WC, of course they both like Clannad WC. He’s laying down some pretty haunting ever presence tracks with that one. That part didn’t change did it HG?
Who is to say The Shieldmaiden didn’t like Clannad already. Actually, I suggested Clannad based on some of her existing music choices such as Einsturzende Neubauten, Hammerstein, Slipknot, Acid Drinkers and Overkill!
Music is used for ever presence and that part of the dynamic surely won’t change was my point. Is she familiar with “your” Slipknot song?
The references to the other bands aside from Clannad was a joke!
I realized that. Too late.
Haha!
Well, she’s definitely not a Celine Dion kind of lady. I am sure she is going to be delighted when you tell her you’re a narcissistic psychopath.
Hey Lou, Narcissistic Psychopaths Lives Matter Too!
All lives matter HG, including those of weebles, gay blind whales, homeless unicorns and, why not, Justin Bieber’s too.
Lou, I like you! Justin B May not be a psychopath?, but he’s firmly in the Narc lives club.
I like you too MB.
MB,
Haunting, yes.
I love Clannad – and that is a bit of everpresence for me…my first boyfriend and I used to listen to artists like Clannad, Enya and Loreena McKennitt.
I don’t think he was a narc…?
It was just I wanted a life…and he wanted to live at home. Like forever.
Anyhow, Clannad is a good choice for background music when creating.
I agree.
WC, I don’t know about creating. I create nothing. But if you and HG say so. I’ve never heard of the group/band before this exchange. I’m not a worldly woman…obviously.
MB,
Listen up! Sorry. But you’re about to get another little pep talk.
“I create nothing.”
Stop with negative self-talk. Seriously. I’ll bet you use a lot of creativity at work and elsewhere – you just define it differently.
“I’m not a worldly woman…obviously.”
Because you don’t know Clannad? Hmmm. If I judged myself on the number bands I don’t know – wow – pass me a dunce cap!
I think you fail to recognize that you are a mother (devoted by the sounds of it) and I *know* what kinds of creativity it can take to be a good mother. And, at work – you are a problem solver? Am I right? That takes creativity too.
As for the creative arts – I bet you just never felt supported to indulge that side of you? I could be wrong.
You kinda make me frustrated that you would judge yourself that way. And I was already kind of pissed because I’d *rather* be creating but instead I’m purging and organizing…grrr.
Here’s my angry music of choice while I do it (so definitely not Clannad!):
Bif Naked – Purge
Gretchen – In the Mean Time
Alanis Morissette – Jagged Little Pill
WC, I’m sorry I frustrated you. Organizing and purging? You should’ve called NA and told her to grab a panty liner and help out. That’s her cup of tea. I’ll look up your angry music. Maybe that will make me feel better. I will punish myself at the gym later for penance and cleansing and maybe my attitude adjustment will be complete. I hate being this way!
“Organizing and purging? You should’ve called NA and told her to grab a panty liner and help out. That’s her cup of tea.”
Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh MB – I hope the rest of your day is better!
Sorry MB,
I just shot off a message back to you that I hope does not come across too harsh – It’s just that I deal with a lot of the same kind of negative self-talk. And it can get in my way big time – but I fight to not let it do that.
It’s all good WC. I am in need of a serious attitude adjustment, so thank you. Even my husband brought to my attention last night that I was in a bitchy mood so he was just going to leave me alone (and he very rarely comments on my state good or bad.). He’s my biggest fan and even he’s complaining! I fired off that stupid worldly woman comment because I felt like a fool. (And that comment didn’t help matters as it only made me look more foolish.) I need to take a break for a while and go sit under a palm tree somewhere. 🌴
MB,
It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when people say they are not ‘creative’ and it comes naturally to me to support the creative urges and passions in those around me. You could ask anyone in my life who knows me personally. I just know its been a very healthy part of my life and personality. But I have fought all my life to protect that part of me – it’s like the one thing in me that no one can take away, no one can control. And they can’t thwart it to fit their agenda.
I’m sorry you are in a mood. I am too lately… I wish we were neighbors because I definitely have a cup of creativity to share – if you have some extra stability kicking around that you don’t need? Lol.
WC, wouldn’t be awesome if we were neighbors?!? Being creative isn’t usually encouraged in my line of work. (Accounting) Orange isn’t my color. Ha ha. However, you are correct. I am creative, just not artistic which is what I meant when I said I create nothing. I can carry a tune and I love to sing in the car, but that’s about it for my artistic side! Anyway, thanks for the tough love. I’m already feeling some better.
MB,
“wouldn’t be awesome if we were neighbors?!?”
Yes it would 🙂
Get a room you two!
Hahaha!
Hi HG,
More wisdom from you! I often come here and laugh out loud when a new post appears outlining yet another thing I experienced with him.
Unbelievable. If you were a man with a pistol you’d be hitting bullseyes by the hundreds.
The business about songs being sent was particularly painful when involved with him. Sometimes laughable looking back…
He sent me a link to ‘shape of you’ by Ed Sheeran one night. I said I loved it. No reply. For over two weeks. I laugh now, but I was used to this at the time so was well conditioned to the silent treatment episodes. However, I remember a red flag flying at the time. Too much of a contrast. A song like that vs no contact for 18 days.
If I hear that song, I re live the event, and think of him. Which is a pity as it is a great song. However, I can listen to it and not feel pulled emotionally – I just remember it.
I love your work HG. You have helped me so much. I feel like this site is a safe haven and people are so understanding. Thank you.
Here’s a song for you: ‘Bridge over troubled water’ that’s you.
See you in two weeks… hehe 🙂
Happy weekend!
You are most welcome.
Ah yes….the lure of the love song. Kind of reminds me of the siren call of the mythical mermaid…….that bewitching voice that lures sailors to their watery doom.
The Narcissist does the same thing with love songs. I figured out that one of the love songs that my Narcissist husband used to play to me had also been played to his ex……and probably to the ex before her.
Love the mythical mermaid analogy!
Thank you Lorelle