Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

Unbelievable

Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

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19 thoughts on “Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

  1. Kathleen says:

    HG… I think the Democratic Party of the United States needs your help in how to deal with Donald J Trump. Like an amazing narcissist he escapes accountability for everything and he’s in an interesting position. An election is quickly approaching however I’m not sure the Democrats understand how to beat him. One thing that is unbelievable about him is when people post unflattering physical pictures of him he cannot resist striking back. It’s so unbelievably childish For the President of the United States to behave like he does. But it seems like people just continue to feed his attention. IM hoping you maybe that’s why you came to the US ! It’s really wasting an incredible amount of everyone’s time having this buffoon in office… Every day he does two or three incredulous things. Sending everyone into the usual hands up in the air… What the fuck is going on and what is wrong with the GOP supporting him. Can you help save America HG?? I’m only halfway joking. His actions entirely point to the fact that he wants to become a dictator… And he’s already achieved about 75% of that. All he needs to do is blow the whistle and get his crazy followers to start beating people up in the streets. The GOP would probably stand behind him.

  2. Starscape says:

    “Read, read, read”…Got it ..and its working! 🙂 Thank you

  3. G. says:

    THIS POST IS VERY KIND OF YOU , TOTALLY TRUE AND TOTALLY HELPFUL . A +++

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. Kim e says:

    HG. I received this from a new follower on Instagram. I got cold chills and froze. What do you think? This is the first time I have ever spoken to this man. Seems like a GIANT red flag to me. What say you my teacher?

    I have been a single father for 9yrs now and I have one Daughter (Emily) she’s 20yrs old, she stays in England with my mom They are the most precious family I have now. Should we have a relationship and you ever have the opportunity to meet them they will steal your heart away before I can.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree. There are several red flags flying there.

      1. Kim e says:

        Thanks HG. I know I am a stubborn student but I do listen. Your lessons are sinking in.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Jolly good.

  5. WiserNow says:

    An article I came across recently which I found interesting was by Craig Malkin and it described a trait called “echoism”, which Malkin first started to describe in 2015 in his book, “Rethinking Narcissism”. It gives an explanation for the addictive nature of the golden period with a narcissist.

    HG, I hope you will allow my comment about this on your blog, even though it’s a concept coined by another expert on the subject.

    I think “echoism” is an interesting concept. The name derives from the myth of “Echo and Narcissus” where Echo was a nymph who was cursed by the gods to never have a voice of her own. She was only able to echo the last few words said by anyone else that she heard. Narcissus was a beautiful hunter who was cursed to fall in love with his own reflection. Echo saw Narcissus and fell in love with him but he rejected her. Echo became heartbroken and loved him from a distance, until only an echo remained of her.

    The way Malkin describes “echoism” is that people with this trait struggle to have a voice of their own, or feel that it’s difficult or unsafe to express their own needs, wants, preferences, likes and dislikes etc. They have come to learn during their childhoods/lifetimes to ‘echo’ the needs and feelings of the narcissistic people around them. They are highly attuned to the needs and emotions of others but not so well attuned to their own inner wants and needs.

    Malkin says this trait of echoism is the necessary flipside to narcissism. The narcissist has a need to feel special and to take up space because they need to be seen as superior. He says those with echoism have a fear of being special, needy or entitled. They will back away from and be nervous about being in the limelight or being seen as ‘special’. In many cases, echoism develops, he says, as a result of having a narcissistic parent. The child learns to minimise their own needs and focus on the needs of the parent and others as a way to emotionally bond and stay safe as best they can. The child’s underlying biological temperament along with the way they’re treated will largely be responsible for whether they become narcissistic or ‘echoistic’.

    The interesting thing, I think, is that everyone (as Malkin explains), no matter who they are, has an inner need to be seen as ‘special’ or important. It is a human need and although echoists fear it, they secretly long to be loved, respected, and seen as someone worthy. Being treated with respect and dignity keeps us all mentally resilient and motivated to handle what life throws at us.

    When a person with the trait of echoism has a taste of feeling special during the golden period with a narcissist, it feels like their prayers are answered. Finally, someone sees them as special and they’re needs are met. Someone has heard their ‘voice’. This feeling of being important is addictive and answers a deeply held need.

    But then, the narcissist takes that feeling of being special away through salami slicing, gaslighting, devaluation etc. Still, the echoist longs to have it back so they follow their well-worn path in trying to please the narcissist and hoping that if they cater to his/her needs and not take up too much space, they will be rewarded. They fall back into their learned patterns of fearing their own voice but still long to have the ‘golden period’ back when they felt special and worthy.

    I think it’s an interesting concept. Considering the dynamic in this way makes me think that a person’s own inner voice (especially for empathic people) is important and not something to fear or close off.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The echoism is the inherent addiction that the empath has to the narcissist. That addiction arises from

      1. The fact that narcissists (perversely) enable empaths to ‘exercise’ their various empathic traits to their fullest and thus resonates with the empath and makes them feel special, useful and wanted; and (but this is not always applicable)
      2. Imprinting of the empath by a narcissist in their formative years.

      1. Contagion says:

        HG

        What do you mean
        “The fact that narcissists (perversely) enable empaths to ‘exercise’ their various empathic traits to their fullest and thus resonates with the empath and makes them feel special, useful and wanted; and (but this is not always applicable)”
        The but this is not always applicable?

        I have never “exercise” my empathic traits to the fullest with anyone.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You may do so without realising it.

          1. Contagion says:

            Possibly….

      2. WiserNow says:

        Thanks for your comment HG. When thinking about the dynamic but focusing on the traits of the echoist only, their trait of silencing their own inner and outer voice was interesting to me. When this is done consistently for a long time, the echoistic person can become only a shell of their true self.

    2. MB says:

      WN, thank you for sharing that. I had not heard of echoism. I can relate to much of this. I just said on another comment to Windstorm that if I could choose a super power, it would be to be invisible.

      1. WiserNow says:

        You’re welcome MB. I hadn’t heard of it either, and it gave me a slightly different way of seeing the whole empath-narcissist dynamic. The echoist is the necessary flipside to the narcissist if the dynamic is going to continue.

        It makes me more conscious of my own inner voice. Thinking about it this way makes me more aware and careful not to shut my own self off in order to please or accommodate narcissistic people that I meet in everyday life.

        Your choice of wanting to be invisible sounds very much like that. Being invisible means you’re not seen, not given attention and don’t take up any space or become involved in a concrete sense. That’s very interesting. Have you done some inner self-searching to try and discover exactly why you feel that way?

        1. MB says:

          WN, thank you for your reply! Yes, I have been discussing some of my theories about myself with Windstorm on the ‘Stolen Love’ thread. I haven’t done much therapy. Have a look if you get time. I’d love to know your thoughts as well if you’re inclined to share. It takes a village after all!

  6. lisk says:

    I do love to read all of your stuff, HG, but sometimes it’s really nice to have the information laid out so well, in an easy-to-follow manner.

    Having the explanation and respective advice in such a clearcut format is especially helpful when No Contact gets difficult. (I almost want to make a poster out of this!)

    Thank you, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

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