Mind Games – Part One

MIND GAMESPART ONE

 

We love to conquer. Nowhere is off limits to our kind. Your mind is no exception to that mentality. The repeated application of mind games and the impact this had are both consequence which live long in the memory of those who have experienced them as a consequence of being entangled with us. I repeatedly state that the games are always being played. I doubt few would disagree with that statement. You ought to be aware however that the deployment of mind games, whilst always a factor in the narcissistic relationship, is not as deliberate as you may first imagine. In the case of the Lesser Narcissist, the mind games are collateral. They are a consequence of his instinctive behaviours, his reactions and pre-determined methodologies. He lacks the cognitive function to engage in the purposeful mental torment, but instead what arises as mind games is side-effect of the way that he behaves. As for the Mid-Range, well the application of mind games will sometimes manifest as deliberate but for the most part, he is similar to the Lesser and that these mind games occur as a consequence of the way he is engineered to think and to behave. It is with the Greater where the true twisted behaviour manifests as not only are the mind games a consequence of what we do, we also purposefully engage in them because we know how effective they are at achieving what we want and also because we are excellent at deploying them.

The imposition of bewilderment on a shattered and exhausted mind possesses a deftness of touch which is far superior to the brutish application of a fist to a cheek. The conjuring of confusion from the use of words alone is a highlight of the Greater’s manipulative repertoire. Accordingly, the mind games which arise from entanglement with a Lesser or a Mid-Range arise because of the various defence mechanisms those types of narcissist deploy. The Greater regards the playing of mind games as an essential part of the narcissistic relationship, one which is considered noble, important and a hallmark of his sophisticated abuse.

These mind games are varied and effective. Anybody who has been on the receiving end of them will testify as to the horrible impact that they have in creating doubt, fear, worry, anxiety, submission and a sense of helplessness. What are some of these mind games?

  1. Second Guessing. The act of making you forget about your own needs because you are conditioned to think about our needs first in order to avoid some dreadful repercussion if you do not so. You apply your mind over and over to assessing the situation and trying to gauge how you should respond, what you should do next, what you should organise, how you should look, how you should behave in order to avoid some other abuse.
  2. Pre-occupation. By making ourselves so central to your existence and the only thing which matters you find that you are always wondering about us. What are we doing right now? Who are we with? What are we doing? This does not necessarily occur just in the devaluation. As the seeds of addiction are sown during the seduction, you find your mind is focused on us more and more. This is the laying of the groundwork to have you forget about your own needs and indeed who you are as the focus of your attention becomes all about us.
  3. Mirroring. We convince you that you are falling in love with the most wonderful and fantastic person you have ever met. This is achieved by mirroring what you want in the object of your affection. By meeting this need on so many different fronts, you become helpless to falling in love with what you believe us to be.
  4. Obsessing. By engaging in the vague, the vapid and the amorphous we have you start obsessing over us. Once again the focus moves on to us as you ask yourself what did he mean by that comment? Why is he late? Why did he just do that? You look for clues which are non-existent and seek answers which are not there, reading too much into what are often innocuous scenarios.
  5. Gas Lighting. The infamous act of causing you to doubt your own reality and is invariably the cumulative effect of many different types of mind game. You end up doubting yourself and accepting our false reality as the true reality instead.
  6. Jettison. The act of having you think that you are about to be discarded. Comments will be made which suggest that we are dissatisfied with you, that we are tired of you and that we have interests elsewhere. Nothing is said outright, there is nothing concrete, but the signs are there that you are going to be discarded. Aren’t they?
  7. Jealousy. “But she is just a friend.” “How can I be having an affair when we only meet during daylight.” “You are reading too much into it.” The appearance of somebody who we talk about a lot, spend time with and appear to admire is designed to bring about jealousy in you and undermine your self-confidence.
  8. Mea Culpa. The complexity and absurdity of our behaviour means that you are unable to fathom out what is actually going on. This results in you needing to find some kind of answer in order to give you piece of mind and therefore since you have no ground to question us, you decide you must be at fault and being to blame yourself. After all, nobody gets furious for no obvious reason do they? You must have done something wrong to provoke us. It is your fault.
  9. Projection. The intentional movement of our faults and unpleasant behaviours from us to you. The accusation that you engage in the very behaviour which we undertake ourself.
  10. Character Assassination. The unmerited and savage attack on you, criticising you for any number of things; how you walk, how you talk, your hair colour, who your friends are; how you made the coffee this morning. Anything and everything about you will be attacked even though you cannot see the basis of doing so.
  11. Blame-Shifting. The defensive step of ensuring that we are never to blame or held accountable. Anything that goes wrong, any incorrect behaviour, any mishap is all down to you. You caused it, you brought it about, you made it happen. Even though you cannot see any factual basis for the accusation that has been flung your way, this will not stop it happening.
  12. Authoritative Denial. We do not just deny, we deny with such conviction, determination and authority that surely only someone who does this is someone who has to be right, yes?
  13. Gaseous Smear Campaigns. You are being spoken about, whispered about and slurs cast against your name, at least you think that is the case. You seem to be receiving strange glances and hear snickering when you walk by certain people, but you never hear anything concrete or certain. You might be mis-hearing, you might be mis-reading, it may just be paranoia. Trying to work out if you are being smeared is like trying to catch a gas with your bare hands.
  14. Silent Treatments. The staple of the narcissistic arsenal. Why is he silent? Why has he vanished? What have you done wrong? When will he speak to me again?
  15. Double Standards. We are so pleasant and wonderful to everybody else. People speak so highly of us, yet when the front door is closed we turn into a monster with you. Is it real? Perhaps you are taking it out of context and exaggerating or maybe you are doing something which causes this to happen and nobody else does?
  16. Amnesia. We deny having ever done something or said something even though you are positive, well fairly certain, okay, at least reasonably sure, we did say it. It works both ways as we accuse you of having a faulty memory as we tell you we told you last week we would be going out tonight, why can you not remember these things? Are you doing it in order to annoy us? Of course you are.
  17. Losing Your Mind. We label you as crazy, unhinged, a maniac who is need of help. Good Lord, everybody thinks it of you and we are a saint for putting up with this behaviour for so long. We tell you often, arrange for you to get help, see a doctor or a therapist and accompany you to explain to them how you are losing your marbles. Are we making all of this up in order to disturb you further, or then again, might you just be losing your mind after enduring all of this?
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9 thoughts on “Mind Games – Part One”

  1. It amazes me how they can use such sophisticated psychological tactics without even knowing. How a brain is wired to torture &control the mind and actions of others, without the victims knowing as well! It just baffles me completely.. a disorder that naturally knows how to manipulate. I can not grasp either, how they ‘know’ how to maintain a facade /mask in front of some but not others.. that makes one think they do know what they are doing.. they know how to act! to be charming and peaceful to people but not appliances.. it’s also weird they follow the same behaviours.. I did see the comment on a previous article where HG said it’s not that all narcs do the same behaviours but the fact of their behaviours make them a narcissist.. but it’s still so weird and they are clever at it. I suppose the fact they do all act similarly and can be predictable to those in the know, is a blessing to be able to identify them, see them coming and not go there. Trouble is to be in the know one has to have experienced it really . Education isn’t sought after in this area unless one is seeking it to explain what could wrecking ones life… That could change now with HG’s revolutionary work., who knows that in the future generations more understanding will be available and lives saved. I had never heard of NPD until this past 8 months or so. I knew the Greek mythology story..I didn’t know a narcissistic personality was an actual proper disorder!

  2. Can you clarify where this one falls in terms of mind games?

    “I know how important your birthday party is to you and because of that I know I should be there for you, however, I also do not think it is a good idea for me to be there in the same room as your best friend”. (he is paranoid that she is going to tell his wife about us and use my party as the opportunity to “ruin” him).

    Yeah okay. My best friend is going to raise a glass and toast to HIM at MY party and will use MY party as a chance to destroy him.

    And she has never even MET his wife.

    On what twisted planet does THAT make sense?

    How can someone so musically talented and intelligent be so paranoid and ridiculous?

    So where does that fall under mind games? Is paranoid pity-playing a mind game?

    1. It is triangulation. It is nothing to do with talent and intelligence as I have explained many times before, it is as a consequence of the different narcissist perspective.

      1. I already told him he sounds ridiculous and that my friend is not going to use my party as a means to destroy him. He keeps going back and forth saying yes he will be there but then saying “maybe”…. because he is “nervous”. All for show of course. Your kind hates birthdays anyway. Which makes me think he won’t show up. But leave it to him act like a child about it. Oh your friend is going to destroy me….wah wah wah.

    2. Fuel on a shelf,
      His reasoning for not going to your party has nothing to do with your friend, or any other excuse he uses. Men do what they want. Narcissistic men do what they want even if it hurts other people. If he wanted to be there, he would go. It sounds like you are trying to hold him accountable by MAKING him go to your party. If he DID do accountability, he wouldn’t repeatedly hurt everyone. I know everyone has already expressed that you should forget this guy. I get that you a firm with your stance of wanting him to go. By speaking repeatedly about your party to a narcissist, it isn’t helping your cause. If I have to ask my daughter’s father a favor, I have a better chance of him agreeing if I only ask him once. If I feel anxiety or emotional about the request, I take a nap, or do something to shift my mind and energy away. The power of disengaging really works for you, and will give you a better chance of getting what you want from a narcissist. By all means, don’t text and drive while the narcissist is playing games with your mind. Don’t drink to ease anxiety.
      You already asked him. Disengage completely. If you want to ask him again, wait untill the day of your party, and have someone else ask him

  3. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    I’ve read the 17 mind games and I’ve been through them all, you haven’t left any.
    Thank God, I have not lost my mind, nor my sense of humor.
    And you tell me that all these mental games is done by a middle-ranking narcissist unconsciously. So what do you leave for when you are conscious? jajjajajajaj. Luckily these games do it gradually and slowly, because if it is not clearly seen that we are being deceived. Today there is a Mental Game, two months later.
    I remember the game of defamation, when I met him, I invented defamations about me that spoke a group of acquaintances.
    Effect: To separate myself and isolate myself from this group of people and to trust them fully. Like my knight in shining armor. Naive of me, he was entangling me in his web as “old Shelob’s”. In the Lord of the Rings. That’s how I felt, he inoculated me with his poison and extracted all my fuel from me.
    I prey incauuta, the hungry predator.

      1. I had the same face as Frodo for years… ajajjajaajj.
        What? When? Where? How? Why?
        I’ve been the main course of my Shelob – narcissist and I haven’t heard… That if the mummy costume felt fantastic … n jjajajajaj

  4. Pingback: Mind Games – Part One ⋆ NarcTopia | NarcTopia

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