Why Is The Narcissist Always On My Mind?

WHY IS THENARCISSISTALWAYSON MY MIND?

“He is always in my mind.”

“Try as I might I just cannot get him out of my head.”

“I can’t stop thinking about him.”

I am sure such comments or similar have been made by you at some point about the narcissist in your life. We have this formidable capability to get into your head and remain there for a long time which evokes bittersweet reactions from you at best and utter miserable frustration at worst. I have written about ever presence previously, namely that ability we have to ensure that you keep thinking about us, even when you have been pushed to one side or if you have sought to go no contact. This insidious form of manipulation is pervasive and very difficult to deal with, but how is it so effective?

Like much of our effectiveness it actually comes down to you. As an empathic individual you are much more susceptible to our method of remaining in your mind which is achieved by encoding. Since you care about others and take an interest in the thoughts, actions and well-being of other people, you have been wired to take on board stimuli from other people in a far more effective manner than others. Take my kind for example. We are so focussed on ourselves and what we need that we are not wired to be especially encoded by what others do. Our minds are nearly impervious to the actions of others. It is as if they are so full of what we do and what we want that there is no room for anything or anyone else. You on the other hand are like a sponge and you soak up the words and actions of others. Combine your susceptibility with our determined application of suggestion through what we say to you and what we do for you then the outcome is a devastating form of encoding which creates powerful and near indelible memories in your mind.

Through our visual encoding of your mind, you create a vivid mental picture and this will be recalled in pin-sharp crikey vision time after time. Every detail of a particular scene will be recalled by you and it is ingrained in your mind deeply through this encoding. The more you recall it, the more it becomes ingrained as if you are wearing a groove in a piece of wood. We make particular use of music (think how often your narcissist used certain tunes to woo you and/or create  special moment) to achieve acoustic encoding. Our voice is used in this way as well by the careful selection of key phrases which will resonate with you. You always remember the things that we say because we have encoded them into your mind. Similar encoding occurs in respect of taste and scents as well as tactile encoding. Accordingly this quintet of senses is assailed by all the things that we say and do in order to achieve this encoding. We create powerful memories so that you have no option other than to recall them and with that comes the emotional attachment. You will remember so much of what you have done with us compared to say what you have done with family, friends and colleagues. You will recall more memories, in greater detail and more often when they involved us because of this deliberate encoding.

You might think this was enough in terms of the efficacy of this method of affecting you, but it does not end there. Most narcissists are male and thus it follows that the majority of victims are female. In general terms, women remember events better than men (men have better spatial memories) and therefore you are genetically pre-disposed to remember all those occasions and dates you spent with us in such detail. Females remember pleasant memories in better detail than men, thus this is a further reinforcement of why you can summon up such powerful memories of the golden period and why it hurts you so much. Conversely, in general terms, men remember unpleasant events better than women who tend to recall them in a ‘blurred’ manner. This is why despite the abuse you have suffered the golden period memories tend to triumph. It is not the case with everyone, admittedly, but generally this holds good. Add to this the fact that women’s memories retain more of their potency through the advancement of age than men and you will see why your memories of us are so difficult to shake. Not only do we specifically encode your minds, which are primed to accept this more than other people, your gender also makes you more susceptible to retaining these detailed and vivid memories of the when everything felt wonderful.

These memories are deeply ingrained and very hard to dismiss and remove, even with professional help. Combine this efficacy with the fact we leave you exhausted and broken, it is little wonder you cannot shift us from your minds. Everyone knows how difficult it is to think straight when you are tired. Little wonder then that we always loom large in your mind when you have been exhausted and shattered by our behaviour.

These memories of the golden period are massively powerful and all of the above means that for someone like you, you will often think of them and suffer the emotion that is linked to them .It is a devastating weapon in our armour. Pretty memorable eh?

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100 thoughts on “Why Is The Narcissist Always On My Mind?”

  1. “Little girls this seems to say, never stop along your way, never trust a stranger friend,
    no one knows how it will end.
    As you’re pretty so be wise, wolves may lurk in every guise;
    Now as then ’tis simple truth – sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.”

    (‘The Company of Wolves’)

    Lest we forget the warning in the story of the frog and the scorpion also.-
    Quote:
    …”The frog should have been aware of the scorpion’s nature, and so we should always be aware of the true nature of those who surround us”

    Other things can inhabit our minds.
    Warnings and personal strategiies for survival are more important.

    Keep walking.
    No way back.

    1. DebbieWolf

      True. The warnings have been in front of us all along. Parents have been reading them to children for centuries without heeding the warnings themselves.

      1. NarcAngel

        Yes.. there is so much of the “do as I say not as I do” brigade in life.
        Tiresome.

        I find it even more tiresome that I personally have paid attention to all of the information and the warnings throughout my life and..always did from the ‘instruction brigade’. i e. when you break up with people there are people telling you never to go back and giving you a bunch of advice in general life while they’re sit cosy at home with their husbands and whatever..

        And knowing full well that they wouldn’t follow their own advice..you see it, as things later on, changed for them and how they didnt do what they told me to do… Though I often think ‘well they meant well’.
        … And at least I’m free to start new things because I had the courage of my convictions, even if they didn’t.

        Still convictions arn’t warm and cosy on a cold winter’s night, but nor are they cold, harsh, cruel or abusive.

        I’ve believed in giving somebody a second chance in the past and felt I was being fair.
        Now I realise I was naive, because if somebody is going to be horrible to you then that is who they are, there are just no second chances and that’s the end of it.
        See them for what they are always and never forget.
        Once you see, you cannot unsee, nor should you wish to.
        Never wish to unsee it, because you just waste your life.

        I’m not interested in horrible treatment or horrible people.
        It isn’t judgemental to recognise horrible people and horrible treatment and to leave them on the scrap heap.

        They live by the sword let them die by it.

        I guess what I have learnt here is – screw it up with me and you are history. Full stop.

        I never did take bs for long but what I’ve learnt here is to not take it AT ALL.

        And I mean it NarcAngel.

        There are times in life when I found I could say these things and talk the talk….to myself.

        Man… When actually believing it inside, it is different, it is a real walk the walk instead of just saying it.

        Took some time, it hasn’t been easy, but when you have clawed your way to a better vantage position …you don’t give it up.
        When you earn your stripes you don’t give them back.

        And I’m glad I’ve reached that point.

        When I say no way back I really mean it.

        I know I would feel utter contempt for somebody who attempts to abuse me straight away now, it will be a complete and utter contempt and a complete and a relatively immediate cessation from me.

        And I like how I use the word “attempt”. ..because as I say words aren’t just words to me now… They are actions.
        Because it’s not like I’m saying “go on I dare you”, but inside I feel my usual round open eyes eyes on the outside to be figuratively narrowed and surveying from the inside.

        Aye ..I think of the word “attempt” quite often.. and I often think of the action I will take if and when situations arise. However I know my outer agreeableness is not quite as inviting as it used to be.

        It isn’t unpleasant, far from it, but I have a different air about me now.
        And I harbour a complete disinterest and absolute boredom regarding narcissistic shenanigans.

        I don’t feel attracted to certain types of men like I did before.
        I don’t find the marauding cavalier to be remotely attractive the overly confident the overly winning smile, the too much charm I just don’t like it.

        I can feel a huge change and I know if certain behaviour presents in front of me that the resulting deadpan expression of “you what?!” On my face will launch a thousand ships in my wake.

        Pretty dramatic… Yes I guess I am really, but to be honest, I can’t describe it any other way. I just feel so strongly about turning my back on it now.

        There is always onwards of course…Something I always used to say at the end of my posts… Yes there is always onwards, and it is good to move on.

        But there is also standing still – perfectly comfortably content in that stillness.

        No need to be ever-searching no need to be always looking.
        I said once before we have onboard tools, we have everything we need in the power of now.

        🐾

  2. Thank you Mercy. It’s so true. I know the anger sneaking up sometimes as well. I think it’s both harder and easier in different ways for our situations. With my matrinarc, she was abusing me in my formative years so I think that it has the most impact on me and has probably altered me forever. With my MRE sister, it has slightly affected my confidence in interacting with Americans since she was the real first female American friend that I had before I went to work here in the US and part of the reason that I didn’t detect her abusiveness was because I dismissed it in my mind as “cultural difference”. Now that I am aware of what really happened I am excited to meet more friends. I tend to attract people who wants to be my friend but I never follow through because I kept thinking of my dynamics with my sister. I would say that I am changed by the narcs in my life but inside me I still feel excited about what lies ahead and grateful for what I have now.

    Another positive side for you Mercy is that you have two beautiful daughters who loves you while the narc doesn’t have anything that stable or permanent in his life. It is a blessing to be able to love and to be loved. And you did a great job protecting your daughters while they were growing up. 💕

    1. Mommypino, I actually have 3 beautiful girls and thank you for bringing them up. They are a blessing and they protected me as well. I was so young when I had them and they became my world. It was easy to walk away from their narc father because protecting them was far more important than any man.

      I do live with a little guilt now. While I have been struggling these last few years to trying to heal from BS’s abuse I have been neglecting the time I could be spending with them and my grandbabies. I’ve become a recluse lately. I’d rather spend time alone working on my projects. I keep saying I’m going to go back to the gym regularly, I’m going to spend more time with friends, I’m going to date, I’m going to have the girls over every weekend but I’d rather just be home. I know I have to make myself do these things. I know they will make me happy, I just have to do it.

      I’m sorry that you had to overcome your sisters abuse especially during a time that was probably already a confusing. A new job, new country and culture. Those things would be hard enough to take on. It’s good to be cautious of new friends but you have great insight and a kind personality. You will have no problems finding genuine friends.

      I think I remember you saying that your mother lives in another country. Did your sister grow up with your mother? Do you think she learned her behavior or was born with it?

      1. Thank you Mercy,

        My sister has a different mom whom I believe was a Mid-Range Cerebral. Our dad was married to their mom when he had an affair with my mom who is a Lower Lesser. He told me that he was attracted to strong women because both his mom and grandma were really strong women, but he didn’t realize that he was attracted to narcs. From what I have learned from everybody’s stories to me, my dad’s wife decided to stop having sex with him since they finally had a boy. She wanted to have a boy because her dad told her that he wished that she was a boy. She was his only child. She wanted to be a doctor and was really smart but he did not approve and made her take home economics classes in Stanford instead to learn how to cook, make quilts, and fine needle works because she was a woman. Her dad was a pioneer professor in the business school in Stanford; he wrote a lot of business text books. I bet he was a narcissist too. When our brother was born, she told our dad that she will raise the two older girls and he can raise our brother. She raised my two half sisters using Dr. Spock’s philosophy, but also ignored them a lot because she would usually lock herself up in her craft room and make quilts all day. She had also hurt their feelings in some instances that all of them seem to cannot forget. My MR sister told me that when she was going to the prom, her mom didn’t have time to get a dress for her so she used her savings to buy one and when her mom saw the dress her mom told her that she wasted money on a beautiful dress when she’s not even pretty enough to wear it. My brother said that their mom gave away his comic books collection to his nephew without asking him only for his nephew to donate it to Goodwill. I have never met my oldest half sister but it sounds like she is a Lesser Narc as well. An Upper Lesser because she married this ruthless British banker. They have a big house in the North of Lake Tahoe right beside the house of the owner of Johnson & Johnson’s. My brother told me that I should be thankful to have never met her because she is a total bitch. He doesn’t have any communications with her anymore. My brother is not a narcissist, although he’s very uptight with his emotions. He’s been married to the same woman since the mid 80s and they are still very happy. They didn’t want kids but they always have a dog. I believe that’s his wife is an empath; just a really sweet person and she helps him with his inability to be emotionally expressive. They are both extremely smart but you wouldn’t think that they are because they walk around all the time wearing their ugly LL Bean fleece jackets with the most unflattering colors. But they are both happy.

        It was hard for me to come over here and meet my dad and siblings for the first time. I have always corresponded with my dad through letters ever since I could write and thought that I knew this person so well and so deeply. When I saw him for the first time, I realized that I didn’t really know him at all. My MR sister was sweet to me when they met me at the airport but I can tell that it was all fake so it made me even more nervous. My brother wasn’t there because he is a professor in a different state and couldn’t leave easily but his wife was there and she was really the one that made it easier for me because of the energy or vibes that she was giving. My dad obviously genuinely loved me but I didn’t know how to act and feel with him, especially when he hugged me, it was so weird, I felt that there was a huge gap between the person that I have always wrote letters to and the real person hugging me that I didn’t know. At the back of my mind, I also knew that my oldest sister already hates me and refused to meet me and has also disowned our dad. I was also wondering if my brother really didn’t want to see me. But my sister in law immediately clarified that to me when we ended up alone even though I didn’t bring it up, that my brother wanted to see me but coukdn’t make it and I will meet him around Christmas and that he is emotionally uptight and not a warm person but that is just who he is and it’s not because of me. It was so hard to be in a different country with no friends or family who knew me and then meet all of these new people who are also trying to evaluate me and some of them may even hate me. But I survived it, thankfully. I’m also happy that I stood up for myself in several occasions and that I gave a good fight, although I wish now that I know better that I didn’t waste that much time on it.

        I don’t think that you should feel guilty Mercy. You are recovering and it is a hard process. It is all normal and not selfish to take care of yourself. And taking care of yourself comes in different ways, and sometimes the best self care that you really need at a certain moment or phase of recovery is shutting down the rest of the world and finding your inner core again by being a recluse. I went to a Benedictine school in college and St. Benedict talked about the importance of mediation and alone time. You can listen to yourself better when everything else is silent. You have been listening to other people for so long, now it’s time to listen to yourself. This is also the best time to declutter your house and lifestyle. Simple and minimal living. Less stuff at home and less social clutter as well. And then reconnect again with the very few people that really matters when you are ready. You are on the right track. 💕💕

      2. Hi Mercy,

        I just started thinking about what I said about my brother and I think that I misspoke. It’s not that he is unable to express himself emotionally, he is actually an amazingly articulate and intelligent person. He just is not emotional and not very expressive. He says that it’s because he’s an engineer. I think that he’s an amazingly level-headed person and he also strictly adheres to his own moral code. Also, I was picking on their fleece jackets in an endearing way. I actually think that they are both so adorable.

        1. Mommypino, that’s a lot to work through. It must have been a very hard to meet a new family and try to understand how you would fit in. It sounds like your brother and SIL are great people and I’m glad you had them.

          It’s funny that you talk about decluttering. I’m on a mission to simplify my life and decluttering has been my priority. I’m sure you’ve heard of Marie Kondo. I read her book a few years ago and have tried to apply her methods since then (I don’t talk to my socks but I get her point). I see she has a Netflix series now.

          1. Mercy
            That was a great book. Check out The Minimalists online. If you loved Marie Kondo, you will love these guys, too.

    2. Mercy,

      Yes! I am doing the same thing! I have read her book last year and have gotten rid of so much crap. You accumulate so much garbage when you have little kids. I never say thank you to the stuff that I am throwing away either. But I did look at our house and told myself to feel grateful for it before I started, although I didn’t kneel. I also just glanced at the stuff to see if it sparked joy. I’m so glad that she has a show now so I can actually really see how she folds. I coukdn’t really picture well from the book her techniques of folding. Now I can fit more stuff in my dressers. It is so fun and also I get to appreciate the nice stuff that I have that I have totally forgotten. ☺️

      1. Mommypino, I forgot about her folding techniques. That’s one part of the book I didn’t stick with but I wish I could develope better habits in this area. I’ll admit, there are some weeks that the fluff cycle is used daily on my dryer because the clothes never make it to their drawer. Haha just a small benefit of living alone.

      2. You should try the folding techniques. Even if you only do it for your scarves. It’s so cool how you can see everything when you open the drawer. It’s so pretty. 😊

  3. Is there any part here at all that has any remorse for the damage that you’ve done to people, women have loved you with every ounce of their being and you just try to destroy that I get you want the fuel I will never understand why you want the pain for someone . But even as an in its smallest measurement is there any part of you that wants to change. ??????

    1. I have no remorse, I am without such a function.
      There is no hope for fundamental wholesale change because what I am is ingrained however I do have the option to make modifications to achieve what i require but in a way which does not cause such damage in certain scenarios. I am applying this and we shall see how this unfolds as time progresses.

        1. No, people are expressing their opinions. Some are based on misunderstanding, some are because they do not have all of the information and therefore one understands that and others are because they are empaths so it is to be expected.

        2. MB
          Re: IG comments

          “Love me, hate me, but never ignore me”

          It’s all good and keeps the focus on narcissism and discussion.

          1. NA, you’re right! Hate and negativity is still fuel. It’s so stupid that it hurts MY feelings when people say negative things about HG.

            I know it is also stupid and naive, but the Shieldmaiden situation is weighing heavy on me too. I had so much hope. (That bitch of an emotion!). I want to believe in fairy tales and happy endings. I got the feeling a couple of days ago that it was business as usual. I don’t know why and I can’t put my finger on it, but I realized her fate would not be much different than any of the others. The poisonous snake WILL bite you, no matter how good you are to him. It’s his nature. It’s how he was created. It’s not personal. It must happen and it’s painful to think about even though I don’t even know that woman. I still want to see what happens. Oh how I hope I’m wrong.

          2. MB
            I think it’s natural to feel bad for her, but there may be no need. Who knows – maybe she will take the golden period then walk. He has said she is different and that he is open to altered techniques in fuel collection. Let’s observe.

          3. MB, I can’t personalize HGs victims or in this case relationship. If I did that, I think it would take away from the education he is providing.

          4. Mercy, that is a good point. It must be a sign that I’m too emotionally invested. I need to look at that. My ET must be getting the best of me.

          5. MB, a trick I use is “closing a door” in my mind. I know it sounds dumb and maybe even too simple but when I find I’m becoming emotional about something that doesn’t affect my life directly I close the door. I’ve done this for so long that it’s just natural. If someone speaks negative about me I close the door on them. If I’m emotional about BS, I close the door. My mind is conditioned to move on when the door closes. I won’t say the door always stays closed, if that was the case I would never have searched for this site. It’s just a mind tool that I use and it works for me.

          6. Mercy
            I agree with you, however, I am struggling with it. I don’t want HG to get wounded and I don’t want his girlfriend to get devalued.

          7. K, I don’t either. That’s why I can’t let my mind go there. HG has taught me there is no hope in a relationship with the narcissist. I want him to succeed and I feel he is putting in every effort to do so. I’m keeping my feelings neutral, I’m not hoping for the best or bracing for the worst. He knows what he is and he’s knows the risk of being wounded. As far SM, she’s no different than any of the other victims or any of us, she will survive. She just happens to be the right girl at the right time.

            I’m not so interested in the golden period, we all know that’s great. I’m more interested in how HG will adjust months from now when the relationship becomes comfortable for SM. I think that will be the true test.

          8. Mercy
            It looks like you compartmentalize your feelings; I am trying to do that, too, but all the “talk” about the GP is making it a little difficult. Like you, I am trying to remain as neutral as possible, hoping for the best but bracing for the worst. Only time will tell.

          9. Hi K, would you mind expanding on what you see as compartmentalize. Im interested because I never thought of it this way.

          10. Hello Mercy
            Sure, I can expand. Before I sent my first email to HG, I had to “set aside” what he was and how his behaviour impacted his targets so I could remain neutral and get his help. That is a form of compartmentalization. You wrote that you don’t let your mind go there and that is a defence mechanism that allows you to keep things separate in order to avoid conflicting or unpleasant feelings.

            It is very normal and it helps you function better so you can learn.

          11. Thank you K, I like this way of thinking. I can see how it would be helpful in other areas of our lives too. In a highly stressful situation, if our minds have the natural ability to compartmentalize our emotions, this would give us the ability to make rational decisions.

            Another question if you don’t mind. When a person suppresses uncomfortable emotions such as abuse, is this compartmentalization?

          12. You are welcome Mercy
            Compartmentalization is very helpful if you have to triage patients in an emergency.

            I don’t mind helping at all. You are correct, when a person suppresses uncomfortable emotions such as abuse that is compartmentalization a.k.a. dissociation.

      1. I hope you do manage yourself appropriately, maybe try giving a little bit more trust in this relationship , I know that’s been impossible for you in the past but it’s one of the biggest steps in making a relationship work I genuinely wish you all the best but I worry for your partner.
        Does she know what you are ??????

        1. Thank you.

          I have not stated as such, however, The Shieldmaiden is neither naïve or stupid and I have no doubt she knows certain things.

      2. Dear Mr Tudor,
        I took a peek at your Instagram to keep up with the dialogue here
        I was surprised to see you mentioned lady L has uttered “I love you”, have you reciprocated by saying the same
        You’ve only known each other for 6 months … is that correct?
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. HG, did The Shieldmaiden move from NISS to IPSS to candidate IPSS during the 18 months prior to being crowned?

          2. HG, this is a typical path in a relationship with a narcissist. Did Kim follow the same path in her entanglement with you, or was it different?

      3. HG, that is wonderful to know that you have known each other for that long and that you have reciprocated. When you first met her, did you take notice right away that she has a striking resemblance with your unrequited first love Amanda?

      4. Dear Mr Tudor,
        Thank you for your reply
        Was it I read, you’ve only be “dating” for 6 months?
        You appear as a “very happy normal couple”
        Lady L sounds amazing
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      5. MB,

        You’re not being stupid or naive, you’re being empathic. I feel the same way when I see rude comments. It doesn’t matter who it is directed to.

      6. Shield maiden was an IPSS? HG, was she aware that she was an IPSS or did she think that you were single? If she was aware, would she still be considered as a DEMB even though you were not married to your former IPPS? Does DEMB include braking all kinds of romantic relationships?

      7. Thank you K for clarifying that to me.

        I feel that I need to make a clarification that I am not judging Dirty Empaths. My dad was one and I still think that he was an amazingly good person. A mistake doesn’t define a person. 💕

        1. You are welcome mommypino
          I don’t think you are judging at all; you are very understanding which is the hallmark of an empath. This strand is based on the narcissistic trait of selfishness.

    2. veronicajones1969
      It is very difficult to comprehend. I found these paragraphs very helpful in understanding what it is like to be a narcissist.

      As ever this is because you are looking at the world from your perspective. From ours it is vastly different. We do not choose to make life difficult, we have to.- Why the Narcissist Makes it All so Difficult

      If there was a different way of getting that fuel then I would use that method. If that alternative method did not leave you upset then I would take it, but there is no other way, not when I grow tired of you. I need the fuel and that means you have to suffer as you supply that to me. – Point Askew

  4. Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    If you are absolutely right. He’s in my mind. And now that I read this post I have it even clearer.
    You know I study with mnemonic. And one of the techniques to remember what you study is to create a Surprising fact. This makes you remember with photographic accuracy concepts, texts and events.
    The fact of the golden age is a Surprising fact, the attentions we are given far surpass those of anyone else this is surprising. Surprising Compliments and Surprising Experiences.
    You don’t like a flat life, because this doesn’t make you stand out, surprisingly.
    Equally Surprising and Shocking is devaluation. This as well as the techniques of Mnemotecnia makes that it is serious to fire in our mind.
    This reinforced with omnipresence makes an explosive combination, in our mind.
    Although unconsciously, the narcissist uses these techniques to be remembered and not forgotten, his great fear. On the other hand they cannot be like the rest of the people, they are different. Life with them is like living on an extreme Russian mountain and you will surely remember all the ups and downs of this experience for the rest of your life.

    Fucking Mnemonic.
    You will surely forget these Ten Words in this very Order quickly.

    Tractor
    Bulb
    Stork
    Button
    Table
    Skier
    Gorilla
    Boat
    Cyclist
    Bottle

    But surely you will remember it for a long time if you live it and imagine it Surprisingly in your mind… The same as life with the narcissist.
    Just imagine this text as vividly as possible.
    We do the test…
    First of all we are going to create an implausible link between “tractor” and “light bulb”:
    Let’s imagine, for example, a tractor that is in a field and makes a furrow with a plow that it has hooked behind it.
    As the tractor progresses, the plough digs out glass bulbs from the ground that light up automatically.
    Try to see this sequence as if you were only a few metres away. If necessary, close your eyes and make it as real in your mind as you can. Come on, visualize it for a few seconds!
    Then we will forget about the previous association, formed by “tractor-bulb”, and we will continue linking the rest of the words in an implausible way.
    The next word is “stork”, and now it’s our turn to associate bulb with stork:
    Imagine a stork hanging from the ceiling and having a light bulb between its long beak. Its long legs hang downwards and, if we pull on them, the bulb turns on and off alternately.

    See this image in your mind in detail. Look at the stylized body and feathers of the stork. When we pull its legs down we hear a “click” and we can see how the room is illuminated with a blinding light due to the illumination provided by the bulb.
    The next two words are “button” and “table”, and now I propose you a triple link with stork, button and table:
    Let’s imagine a stork that, as if it were a riveting machine, is encrusting with its beak large black buttons of shelter on the surface of a wooden table.
    The buttons are vomited from the stomach and mysteriously appear on its beak. He does it so fast that it looks like a repeater. We can also smell the typical smell of wood.
    The next word is “skier”, and now we’ll have to link an unlikely table with a skier:
    Let’s see in our mind a skier sliding down a snowy slope sitting at a lying table with his legs up.

    In order to reinforce the visualizations, it is convenient to have green details in the scene:
    Let’s look at the whiteness of the snow. The skier clings tightly to the front legs of the table. He goes down very quickly, doing all kinds of skiing, and we see the snowy green firs passing by.
    The next word that we have to memorize is “gorilla”, and for that reason we will link now skier and gorilla:
    This time we’ll see a furious gorilla tearing two bars from his cage and pushing himself with them skiing on two huge bananas across an icy lake, after a polar bear that stole a bunch of bananas from him.
    In this association it is evident that seeing so many bananas will help us remember the image of the gorilla.
    Most of you may well be thinking, “What a mental cocoa I already have… Nothing like that! Remember that memory works in subconscious ways and that we memorize automatically, almost without realizing it. Let us now forget all the previous associations, let no one “cheat” by looking back (it’s harmful to do this), and be ready for the next words!
    Now it is the turn to associate “gorilla” with “boat”:
    Let’s imagine that the famous Titanic didn’t really sink as we’ve been shown in the movies:
    What happened was that, after hitting the iceberg and the boat being raised vertically and ready to airse to the bottom, emerged from the sea a huge gorilla, “King-Kong”, who took it and put it back to float. After his feat hit his chest with his fists. The passengers, frightened by the roar, cover their ears with their hands.
    Let us now associate “boat” with “bicycle”:
    Let’s see crossing the Mississippi River one of those old boats that have a Ferris wheel behind them to propel themselves.
    Esanoria turns and drives the boat, because the sweaty passengers, as if they were slaves, are pedaling in the cove of the boat.
    To help them, two men go from the shores towing the boat with ropes tied to their bicycles.
    The last word we have is “bottle”. So let’s associate bicycle and bottle in an unbelievable way:
    Unciclista places his bicycle on top of a giant bottle and, jumping in equilibrium on a single wheel, he introduces the cork by the neck of this one.
    Are you ready now?
    Good. I remind you that the first word was “tractor”. Take as much time as you need and try to remember what was going on with that tractor, what an unlikely scene we were visualizing. The next word will come to mind, and so we will do the same with the whole chain of ten words.

      1. Dearest NarcAngel,
        You wicked wicked girl … haha (I like it) haha
        It would give me the greatest of pleasure, however, my car is not worth damaging for the likes of him for an instant moment of self gratification
        We’d prefer he contract an STD, something permanent would suffice. We know he has bad knees so, so a wheel chair would be acceptable as well …..he’d hate both of those (He can’t walk in the March anymore, has to go by car, he isn’t able to “show” off ” like he used to ….awwweee, how sad …. boo hoo 🤣
        We can only live in hope
        Thanks for your heartfelt caring tip 🤣….. mwah 💋
        Luv Bubbles 😘

  5. The ever presence is torture. Although he was never in my house, and the places we visited are not local to me, the ever presence still exists through other associations. Various sports, professions, dates in time, certain phrases/expressions are linked to him. In fact, depending on my mood, almost anything can trigger a memory of him. I can remember what he wore on each of our dates, I can recall all of our conversations, live and over texts. it just does not make sense that someone with whom I spent such a limited amount of time can be so ingrained in my mind and have this effect on me.

    1. Same here Joanne. Just when I think I’m closer to fully letting go, I take two steps back. Someday we’ll get there. 😀

    2. Dear Joanne,
      That’s why we are all here gorgeous one … the effect they had on us was devastating …. “how could anyone treat another person like that, is beyond belief”
      The weasel’s “ever presence” is everywhere in my neighbourhood …he lives 10 mins away, I could bang into him any time

      Mr Bubbles n I have turned the narcs behaviour into humour … we now, “send em up”
      For me, writing it down also helps… it’s more black n white, less personal and emotional …. sort of puts it into perspective … I have been able to distance myself mentally
      Perhaps it may prove helpful for you too, you never know
      Hugs to you sweetness
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Thank you Bubbles
        The continued reading definitely helps me to believe it’s not personal. I should do some more writing on it so that I can fully see it in black and white. Every day I get closer to the acceptance that his reality/truth/perspective will never align with mine. It seems so illogical but it’s futile to fight against that. Hugs right back at you 🙂

      2. Dearest Joanne,
        What they did or appeared to do was NOT ” personal” for us, it was purely 💯 % in their own best interests …. not yours
        Separate that and you can take a step forward …the leaps n bounds come later ⛷🤸🏼‍♀️🤾🏼‍♀️🤣
        Some of us linger a little longer to absorb what hapenned .. but that’s ok beautiful one
        Time is the essence ….. all good things take time
        Don’t fight it … it’s wasted energy… put that energy into doing good deeds for yourself …. you are number one 🥇
        💋💋Mwah mwah
        Luv Bubbles 😘

  6. There are a lot of things a woman can do.

    1) Remember the bad things intentionally. Write them down. Paint them at your wall, if necessary. Look at them each day.
    2) Remember your values and compare them with his values. There will be no match.
    3) Accept that there are people who are bad. If you cannot believe, that people can be bad, watch a lot of documentaries about Second World War, crimes …. You will acknowledge that people can be rotten.
    5) Accept that you met one of them or two…
    6) Accept that you are not guilty. Not at all. Not one moment. He is driven by his disorder.
    6) Change your belief system on the whole. Show compassion for yourself not for bad boys or bad girls who need some “help.” You are the one who deserves help and support. You are worth it..
    7) Be proud on yourself, that you left him. You are a survivor of a crime.
    8) If you like adventure, do it yourself and do not wait for someone who promises you a world of adventure, glamour and what else..
    9) Find someone else, be happy then and forget him as a lover.
    10) If you do not believe, that this is possible, start again with Nr. 1.

    Never forget that he could come back for a hoover. You still owe him something. He invested in you.

  7. HG, are you using a particular combination of scents during this GP? Would you be willing to share what they are? Too bad IG pics aren’t scratch and sniff! Ha ha

          1. I am glad I am. I was thinking that, with all these scents on you, your love being intoxicating would not be figurative language.

      1. HG
        This just in from Tudors Trinkets Gift Shop:

        Sales from the signature Tudessence line:

        Pedestal
        Purgatory
        Plunge

        Has been surpassed by sales from the line that is:

        Wonderment
        Wtf?!!
        Weaponized

          1. HG
            Well Tudors Endowments is another branch altogether. Perhaps Tudors Treasures then.

            Serious question though: Have you ever had a signature scent formulated for you? Or a lady?

  8. I read each of his post and once again I realize one thing, if people were busy enough working or doing anything useful, this would not happen.
    These machinations could not be used on an occupied mind. The busy minds, the clean souls and the satisfied hearts, never get into anyone’s life.

      1. NA, You make me laugh!! That is another reason you are so needed on this blog. I will give you one more. It is because of you and others like you on here that tonight for the first time in 3 1/2 years I am turning off my phone and getting a good night sleep! Thank you! 😘😘🦜

        1. FM1T
          Glad that you enjoy my humour, but more that you’re turning off that phone and getting some sleep. I’m being very serious when I say good sleep is essential to good health (well at least for non narcissists) and I’m sure it has been difficult for many here. Being able to turn off devices says that we are recognizing our basic needs first, the world will manage to turn without us for a few hours, and we are on our way to balance. Keep laughing and sleep well – it’s the best prescription for just about everything.

    1. Koreander
      Very good points. My job doesn’t quite keep me as busy as it once did. If I were occupied, I would never have entertained his advances (or at the very least, I’d not have had time to let it go as far as it did). If I were busier now, I’d have less space in my brain for him to occupy. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” — or however that saying goes 🙁

    2. Not true at all. The thoughts are ingrained before you realize it’s a bad relationship. Then it takes time. A lot of time to think of them less.

    3. KOREANDER, I’m busy. I never stop moving. I always have something or someone to take care of. If I’m not doing that I work on one of my gazillion projects I have going on. I’m a multi tasking mother fucker and I’m always doing things to challenge my mind. My heart WAS satisfied until I realized I was living in an illusion for the last 7 years. And my soul WAS clean until it was imprisoned by a lie.

      Sometimes bad people do bad things to other people. The ONLY way to prevent it from happening is to experience it, struggle through it and learn how to defend yourself in the future.

    4. I disagree, at least for myself. I am extremely busy, more then I care to admit, which actually requires me to think and be multiple steps ahead of not only my doctor yet the two assistants and one intern I am training, on top of not only sensing yet absorbing others anxiety, pain and fears, and still he enters my mind. If I feel something familiar thoughts of him happen, if I hear a song connected to him in anyway he is right there. And this can and does happen when I am in the middle of things at work. I can not show any emotion nor can I miss a beat.

      Yes I am at times exhausted by time I get home. Running water helps wash all of it away

      1. Contagion, I relate to what you are saying. I call it white noise. It’s a nagging thought that’s always there.

        1. Mercy

          I understand how you would see it as white noise or a nagging thought, I feel him. It is like he has crawled under my skin, or the feeling I would get when he would stand just behind me. If I concentrate I smell him as crazy as that sounds.

          1. Contagion, That doesn’t sound crazy at all. I don’t feel him but when I read that you smell him suddenly I got a whiff of Versace.

            I don’t know if being contagion makes these feeling more real for you but I understand where you’re coming from.

  9. I have always thought that if I am able to attach something positive out of the negative events in my life, I will still come out winning.

    I have an elephant memory when it comes to the people that have been part of my life and the events in my life. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed, I can still see things that happened in my mind like I am watching a movie. And I don’t see it as a liability. I don’t try to erase the memories. But I am able to move forward by trying different perspectives in looking at those stories. I try to attach something positive that I got from those experiences. I also try to see things for what they really are. Sometimes we think that we have found gold only to realize that it was just fool’s gold (pyrite). And it’s ok, it’s part of life and the learning process. And that’s how I move forward despite remembering everything.

    1. mommypino
      I like that idea and try to put it into practice myself. Even in this scenario, I feel like there are some positives I can take away. The struggle at the moment is the amount of time spent in these memories. I don’t necessarily need them to be deleted from my vault but I also don’t need them at the forefront of my mind. I’m sure in time it will lessen, but I am impatient…

      1. Dear dear Joanne,
        Could you try to perhaps objectify your narc rather personalise him
        That cheap slightly cracked heavy old vase was useful, functional, practical and had a purpose at the time. It made my flowers bloom look beautiful and magnificent. However, it has a crack in it and now leaks big time (I tired fixing it to no avail) and it’s now no longer functional
        I really loved that old heavy vase … I found it at a garage sale a long time ago ….oh well, I’m glad I didn’t spend a fortune on it
        I’ll go check what’s in the kitchen cupboard
        Omg ….. I forgot I had this vase, got pushed aside somehow and was hidden at the back ….it’s sooo lovely
        Jeez, I really do miss that old vase…. had it almost forever, oh well, never mind, this ones bigger n better and the price I paid was much less….. hmmmmm, from memory, I think it was a gift.
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    2. Mommypino, I struggle seeing the positive but it’s been something that I’m actively working on. Months ago I remember seeing this advice and I hated it. I didn’t even want to try because I didn’t want to attach anything good to him in my memories. Now I realize it has nothing to do with him. The only positive I can come up with so far is the knowledge I’ve gained. Unfortunately I feel like the cost of that knowledge is too much.

      1. Mercy, that was also the only positive thing that I was able to attach regarding my Mid-range sister. Because of her, I was able to know first hand how Mid-rangers are and also their characteristics get reinforced in my mind through HG’s descriptions. With that knowledge, it will be easier for me to filter out the Mid-rangers that I encounter and distance myself or limit my interactions with them. She did not break my spirit or confidence, even though we lost thousands of dollars from the money she borrowed and never paid back and the many times that she has caused hurt and stress to me. It’s a very expensive lesson but still a valuable lesson.

        It is hard but we get better with it through practice. I remember you adopting a similar attitude in some of your posts that I was able to read like the Rockstar comment before. I think that you’re already doing it Mercy. Also it’s harder for you than for me because BS is still alive while my MRE sister is not anymore. With my matrinarc, I’m just adopting a perspective that she is disordered when I interact with her, that way I don’t take anything personally,

        1. Mommypino, thanks for your reply. I do try to keep a positive attitude. Most of the time I don’t think about it but I know I’m a better person because he’s out of my life. I have days that sneak up on me and it’s in the form of anger. I’ve realized this is when I most vulnerable.

          Another difference in our situations is that the narcs in your life are close family. I have to remember that I am lucky in the sense that I can walk away with no ties unlike you. The positive attitude approach that you have taken is commendable. I think resentment would eat me up in your situation.

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